First and foremost before I proceed to this chapter I'm inclined to warn you that this is an attempt to write, it has been a struggle to do so these last few days so please don't hold your breaths for anything special.
Thank you to everyone for your kind words and messages, I read all of them and you're all such amazing human beings.
I'd also like to acknowledge the tragedy that happened in Manchester. As I've said in the past, I hate violence in all degrees and death is already such an inevitable part of life, for someone to take that into their own hands...it's disgusting.
My thoughts are with anyone who was affected, everyone who lost someone, and the ever growing cruelty in this world.
Let's be better than hate,
Love, only.
Sleep stopped becoming easy for Camila. She slept through the first night because the happenings of the day left her with dwindling energy and fighting her closing lids was becoming a losing battle and so she slept.
Camila slept that night because Lauren was still awake and if Lauren was still awake...well then Camila was safe. That's how she felt. That's what Lauren was to her...she was safety personified.
Well...she was that night.
Now...now Camila was terrified of letting Lauren out of her sight. And not because the girl acted as a safety barrier between Camila and the outside world, but because the only way Camila could ensure Lauren's safety was if she was there with her. So things began to get a little strained in their apartment.
It didn't help when the police arrived back to report that there was no evidence found on the box, no fingerprints, strands of her or dead skin cells found on anything.
The stalker was meticulous.
Camila was in a state of panic.
"Camila, I have to go, my class starts in half an hour," Lauren struggled with her girlfriend's hand that was latched tightly onto her arm. "I'm going straight to my car and from there I'll be going directly to class, nothing's gonna happen."
And normally that would soothe the brunette's mind, the certainty in the green-eyed girl's tone...but Lauren was singlehandedly the most important person in Camila's life and she'd just gotten the girl back.
And the thought of Lauren walking through their apartment door drew up memories of Lauren laying in a hospital bed with a tube down her throat to keep her breathing. It conjured up memories of Lauren beaten within an inch of her life or the large gash scars on the girl's porcelain skin and Camila felt her nerves peak.
Anxiety flowed through Camila in waves and her grip on Lauren tightened as her mind sent image after image to her, reminding her of how many times she'd nearly lost Lauren. And they'd been so young back then, so sure that the world could no longer beat them down but the scare two days prior proved otherwise.
The world could beat them down again. Lauren wasn't invincible.
And it was like a tidal wave of nerves suddenly halted any kind of air from reaching Camila's lungs. Breathing became a struggle, her breaths came in gasps and they were small.
Lauren caught onto it quickly, immediately dropping her bag to the floor and taking Camila's face between her hands.
"Camz, hey, hey, look at me," Lauren instructed, having no clue what to do in the situation after never having to deal with her girlfriend suffering from a panic attack. "Hey, I'm right here, I won't go anywhere, Camila, I need you to look at me, princess okay? Hey, calm down, you need to breathe, Camz, breathe for me."
"I-I-I-" Camila squeezed her eyes shut and tried to shake her head but Lauren's hand held it trapped. "C-can't...Laur-r-ren, I can't-I-"
"Fuck, fuck!" The raven-haired girl panicked, her eyes darting around the apartment as if it would provide some kind of solution. "Remember the pond...in the woods? Remember that? Hey, Camz, look at me, do you remember the pond? We went there, remember? We bailed on school that day, your first real act of rebellion. Go there again, mi amor, picture it."
"L-Lauren, I can't, I-"
"Camila, fuck, I'm right here!" The older girl yelled. "I'm not going anywhere, I'll stay. I'll get in under the covers with you and watch lame fucking Netflix shows that you love and we'll eat junk food all fucking day if you just breathe, princess." Lauren leaned in close to her girlfriend, watching the gasps slowly even out. "Just breathe for me, baby, there you go." She planted her forehead against the tanned one and exhaled slowly, her eyes closing as she felt Camila's evened out breath hit her lips. "There you go, princess."
Camila's body sort of slumped against Lauren's but the green-eyed girl didn't hesitate in catching her girl's weight, holding her up and in a tight embrace.
"I've got you, Camz, okay? I'll always fucking catch you, princess." She planted a series of kisses to the crown of the brunette's head.
She did as promised, she skipped class and stayed tucked into bed with her girlfriend until Camila's exhaustion finally got the better of her and she succumbed to sleep, giving Lauren ample amount of time to call Dinah.
The blonde picked up after the fourth ring panting and Lauren knew exactly what she was interrupting.
"Jesus, fuck, don't one of you have work?" She said in greeting.
"Hey Laur, nice to hear from you too, how's the weather over there?"
"Camila had a panic attack two hours ago." Lauren cut through the bullshit quickly and perched herself down on the couch.
"Wait, what?" The older girl took in how quickly Dinah's tone changed. "Is she okay? What the hell happened? Jauregui, she better fucking be okay."
"She is now, I managed to calm her down, look...something's been happening. Camila has a stalker," Lauren sighed and chimed in again quickly before Dinah stepped in with an overdramatic comment. "It started with stupid calls from some anonymous number, then she got this text...and then a couple of days ago the person sent her a cow's eye with some twisted letter."
"And you didn't tell me? Jesus, Lauren, I should be over there! She's my best friend!"
"And do what, huh? Dinah, she struggled to sleep last night out of fear, she couldn't let me walk out of the door this morning. You being here...it won't change that. It'll just make her feel like there's one more person she has to protect."
"So what then? Why'd you call me if all you're going to tell me is that I'm here with no means of helping my best friend?"
"You've seen her more in the last two years than I have...this anxiety thing...have you seen her with it before?"
"Once, when you left for Penn, she was a mess and she had these small little...moments, nothing to be overly worried about though."
"Lauren?" The green-eyed girl's eyes shot to the closed bedroom door and knew her time was dwindling with the blonde on the phone.
"Look, I'll keep you updated, I've got this for now." Lauren sighed, unsure of her own words.
Just as she hung up on the blonde, Camila's petite form slipped through the bedroom door, her eyes immediately in search of her girlfriend and it pained Lauren to see the frenzied look leave her eyes when she finally spotted her on the couch.
"You weren't in bed anymore," Camila spoke softly, well aware of just how small her voice had turned...she was being timid...it was unnerving to both girls.
"Come here," The raven-haired girl opened her arms and that was as much of an invitation Camila would ever need. The younger girl rushed over and plopped herself beside her girlfriend, easily cuddling up to her side and letting the very scent of Lauren calm her racing pulse. "We need to talk about, Camz. Earlier...I don't want that happening to you again."
"I know." Because the rational part of Camila's brain had caught up again and she knew she couldn't keep Lauren in a cocoon in the hopes that it would keep the older girl safe. That was completely unrealistic and Lauren did have school. She had to go to her classes and get work done and she couldn't stay with Camila all hours of the day. "I know." She mumbled again as she buried her face deeper in her girlfriend's chest.
"Nothing's going to happen to me." Lauren tried to remind the younger girl, lifting her chin so their eyes could meet. "You need to believe that."
Camila had believed that once. She'd believed that after the whole Theo business that Lauren was safe, that she had helped in that safety, but then Lauren was shot and on the brink of death and any security Camila felt in Lauren ever being completely safe was diminished. The world had a tendency to kick them when they were down and Camila was terrified of what the next thing could be. Because the last was near death for Lauren, there was only one thing worse than that.
And Lauren could almost perfectly see where Camila's mind had wandered to, knowing damn well that there wasn't much she could say to refute what the brunette's mind was telling her. Lauren could never guarantee her own safety, that was damn near impossible.
"I can't stay in this apartment with you forever, mi princesa," The older girl sighed as she planted a firm kiss to the crown of the other woman's head. "We can't stay locked up here forever, that's what this person wants. They want us scared, they want you to feel like this, Camz, you're giving them exactly what they want."
"It's because of me," Camila's hand found Lauren's and gave it a soft squeeze. "They're trying to get to me and I'm scared you'll get caught in the middle."
"Baby," Lauren scoffed. "I'm already in the middle, I'd rather be in the middle, I can make sure that sick fuck never gets to you."
"But they could get to you, Lauren!" Camila pushed away from the older girl, distraught that she couldn't understand that the last thing Camila wanted was for Lauren to be swept up in it all. "You're doing it again, like to did all the time back then, you're placing the value of my life above yours and it doesn't work like that! I'm not worth more than you in this world, Lauren!"
"Not in this world, Camila, maybe not, but in my fucking world, you definitely are. And if you think for a second I wouldn't put your life before my own, you're sorely mistaken, because that's how this fucking works for me, okay?" Lauren growled. "I love you, I love you enough to always put you first before anything else and the sooner you deal with that, the sooner you can get over this idea that I would want to live in a world without you in it." Camila saw the fire in Lauren's eyes. "There's no me without you, Camila, remember that? We're a fucking package deal, that was always how this was. So you can try as you might to push me away right now because you're scared, but trust me, babe, it's not fucking going to work. I'm staying. I'm here. I'm not fucking going anywhere."
It was like a switch was flipped in Camila's mind. One second she was terrified at the idea of losing her girlfriend to whatever the world had in store for them, the next both her legs were straddling Lauren on the couch and their lips were in a frenzied kiss and her entire body was set alight by Lauren's wandering hands.
The green-eyed girl wasted little time in ridding her girlfriend of her shirt and soon after; her bra. She let her eyes feast for a brief moment on the beauty of Camila's exposed chest, her hands moving up to cup the girl's breasts before she couldn't take it any longer and brought her lips to cover one, eliciting a hearty moan from the brown-eyed girl as she arched her back.
While her mouth was occupied, Lauren's hands trailed further down, pleased to find that Camila was wearing sweatpants as her fingers easily slipped past the waistband, a gasp slipping past the younger girl's lips as she felt the coldness of Lauren's pale fingers trail teasingly up her inner thigh.
"Please, Laur...please." What she was begging for exactly? She had no idea. Her mind was in tatters as Lauren's lips left her moistened nipple and attached itself to her other neglected one.
"I've got you, baby, don't worry." The vibrations of her words against Camila's sensitive flesh leaving the younger girl a flustered mess.
The green-eyed girl almost smirked when her fingers momentarily grazed over her girlfriend's soaked underwear, proud that she had elicited that reaction from the younger girl's body. Camila's breath hitched in her throat at the brief touch and her eyes shot down to meet the devious ones of her girlfriend.
"Fucking touch me, Lauren."
And although the raven-haired girl would have been content in teasing the brunette for a while longer, she was a slave to Camila's wishes. In an almost practiced move, Lauren flipped them so she was hovering above Camila with that devilish smirk that left the younger girl more turned on than before.
Camila watched as Lauren leaned down and began trailing open-mouthed, lingering kisses all the way down the plain between her breasts until she got to the waistband of Camila's sweatpants once more. The younger girl didn't even have to be told, she bucked her hips up to assist Lauren in ridding her of the clothing barrier and seconds later, she found herself completely bare to her hungry-eyed girlfriend.
"Lauren Jauregui, I swear to God, if you don't-" Camila's lips formed a perfect O as she felt the heat of Lauren's tongue split her centre and trail up.
"What was that, princess?" The older girl peered up from her position with a look of innocence crossing her eyes.
Camila shook her head vigorously, attaching one of her hands behind Lauren's head and guiding the older girl's lips back to where she needed them. After that, Camila was completely lost for words. Her attempts came out as gasps or moans and at one point she even thought she might scream.
Lauren couldn't speak even if she tried, too consumed by the taste of her girlfriend on her tongue. She lifted Camila's legs over her shoulder right before she managed to plunge two fingers into her ready girlfriend, completely entranced by the sounds of delight that slipped through the younger girl's lips. For a moment Lauren glanced up, pleased to find Camila's eyes squeezed shut in quiet ecstasy while the younger girl's hands were desperately cupping her own breasts.
Camila was close, Lauren was sure of it, which led to her picking up her pace.
Camila's breaths came out in small pants, tiny whines slipping through between them until Lauren felt the girl's walls clamp hard onto her own fingers, so much so that she feared pulling them out, instead opting for curling them inside the girl and watching as Camila writhed in pleasure on the couch, a loud gasp accompanied by a moan letting the green-eyed girl know that Camila was well and truly sexually sated.
After a few post-orgasm spasms, Lauren was able to retract her fingers and made a show of connecting their eyes before she licked her digits clean.
"You taste amazing." She smirked, recalling Camila's words after their first time.
"I love you," The brunette groaned, cupping her girl's head and pulling her up to connect their lips. "I love you so much and I'm sorry for thinking like an idiot and thinking us apart would be a better idea, it never is and never will be and I just-I'm sorry and I love you." She was still trying to catch her breath.
"I told you, Camz," Lauren tucked a strand of sweat-matted hair behind Camila's ear. "I've got you. I'm not letting us get fucked up again. Me and you, princess, always."
Hey look, smut, lol.