All I wanted to do was go out for a smoke. I didn't want to talk to anyone. Though, as much as I want to be with Adam, I don't want to. Does he think he is the only one who goes through fucking shit? He's not, does he remember my life, and why my mom died? My mom fucking killed herself. For me. How does somebody live through that?
What the hell could he be going through to think that was worse?
Well, maybe he is right. Maybe he does have a lot of shit going on and he needs someone to talk to.
I lifted the cigarette to my mouth and inhaled so much, I thought I might finish the damn thing.
Not long after, I did. I went back inside to find the house empty and Adams door closed. Great, I am left alone with him. I decided to sleep on the couch, since there was no way in hell I would sleep with Adam.
I didn't get much sleep before I heard pounding on the walls.
"What the hell?" I mumbled to myself.
I got up to see what was making all of the fucking noise. I walked over to Adams door, turned the knob, and found him sitting on the floor staring at the wall. He d like he was crying. I couldn't help but to worry.
"Adam, what's wrong?" I stood by the door.
"Why the fuck do you care? You didn't seem to care earlier." don't be a fucking hypocrite Adam.
"Well, I want to know now. Adam, why are you being like this. You can talk to me."
"Ariel, I don't want to tell you." he hasn't looked up once.
"It's okay, it won't hurt for you to tell me. We can both talk about what's going on. But I am more worried about you right now." I don't know what got to me, but I couldn't hide the fact that I DID care about him.
"Ariel, I have an addiction." what? No. What is he addicted to alchohol?
"What do you mean, Adam?"
"I mean, I am doing something wrong, I hung around the wrong people. I fucked up." I felt chills run up my spine. Now he has broken my heart in more ways than one.
"What are you addicted to?"
"I am addicted to OxyContin....it's a pill-a pain killer. But all its done is cause more. I am sorry you have to see me like this." he started to cry. I have never seen him cry before. I went over to him, wrapped my arm around him and tried to calm him down.
"Adam, it's okay, we'll get through this, you'll get through this. How did it happen, whee did you get it?"
"Some guy at a bar. I was fucking drunk." he clenched his fist."I was so mad at myself, I took my anger out on you, that morning. It was the worst mistake of my life. I couldn't stop, all I wanted was you. I needed you back. I tried to replace you with the drug, and I had started to go to bars more for attention from girls. It was always stupid. I am so sorry. I'm so sorry."
To this I didn't know what to say, I just kept an arm around him and rubbed his back.
"Come up here and sit." I couldn't just not let him inside after that. He needs help. I couldn't help but feel responsible for it.
He wanted to stay on the ground. "You're stubborn, ya know that?" I sat down next to him on the floor, and put my arm through his. "You can make it through, I know how you feel Adam. Trust me."
I fell asleep with my head on his shoulder.