Kabanata 8
What happened between us in that island was just a meaningless one night stand, it was purely lust. I'm just a woman craving for some attention and I got it from him.
I really don't know what came to my mind at bumalik ako sa isla, kahit ako ay nalilito. Is it because I want him back or is it because I want to let him go.
One thing is for sure though, I didn't get the answer back there. I got it earlier when I saw him for the first time after six years.
We're done.
I was wrong because I buried this memory for too long, I was wrong because I should've settled this with myself years ago.
He was just a part of my past, just like my father and his family. What I have now doesn't concern them anymore, and I'm definitely not the same girl as before.
Kaya naman hindi ko hahayaan ang sarili ko na lamunin ng nakaraan, kung kinakailangan ko kalimutan silang lahat na para bang isang panaginip ay gagawin ko para sa ikapapayapa ng kalooban at isipan ko.
They owe me that much after all.
I woke up the next morning hearing Phoebe Ryan's Mine. I immediately took a shower and fix myself. Today is the pre-production meeting Arkit was talking about.
“Alam mo, pagkakamalan ka talagang artista kung ganyan ang porma mo...”
I smirked. Wala naman rule na nagsasabi na hindi pwedeng mukhang artista ang Director of Photography, right?
I glanced at the full-length mirror again. Today, I am wearing a black sando paired with a white blazer top and high waist shorts. I then fixed my black laced-up heels one last time, bago ako nakuntento.
“I'm done!” deklara ko.
Nilingon ko na si Arkit.
“Let's go?”
She groaned and nodded.
“Finally! Ang tagal mo pa rin kumilos!”
Ngumisi lang ako at kinuha na ang tumbler ko sa kanya na naglalaman ng kape na tinimpla ko kanina. Tumayo naman na siya sa kama ko at nauna nang lumabas ng condo.
Saglit lang ang naging byahe namin papuntang Q Entertainment. Matunog na ang network na ito bago pa man ako umalis ng Pilipinas noon, but I didn't expect this building to be this huge now.
Ayon pa kay Arkit, ito na raw ang pinakasikat na TV network sa buong Pilipinas ngayon.
"As I was saying earlier, tatlo nga kaming producers..." Nauna siyang pumasok sa elevator. "Iyong isa ay head director, while the other one is a part-owner of this network..."
Tumango ako.
"What's the title of this movie again?"
"Sugal Ng Pag — Ibig..."
Tumango akong muli.
Pagkalabas namin ng elevator ay agad bumungad sa akin ang maraming tinted glass doors. Sinundan ko na lang si Arkit nang pumasok siya sa pintuan sa bandang dulo ng pasilyo.
Marami na ang tao sa loob kaya paniguradong malapit na magsimula. Isang malaking round table ang nasa gitna at nakahilera ang mga upuan sa paligid nito.
I immediately saw my name beside Arkit's kaya sinundan ko na siya papunta sa aming designated seats. Nga lang ay agad may humarang sa akin na babae.
"I'm sorry, Miss. Hindi po diyan ang mga artista, doon po!" Turo niya sa right side ng table.
Naagaw namin ang atensyon ng karamihan dahil sa sinabi niya. Nagkatinginan kami ni Arkit at kitang — kita ko ang effort niya sa pagpipigil ng tawa.
Bumuntong-hininga ako at ngumiti na lang sa babae.
"I'm not a celebrity, Miss. I'm the DP."
Nanlaki ang mata niya sa sinabi ko at agad namula ang pisngi sa kahihiyan.
"Hala! Sorry po!"
Tinapik ko ang balikat niya at ngumiting muli.
"It's okay," ani ko at tuluyan nang naglakad papunta kay Arkit.
“I told you. Pagkakamalan ka na artista sa suot mo!”
Ang laki — laki ng ngisi niya pag — upo ko sa tabi niya. Inirapan ko nga. Who the hell cares, right?
Ibinaba ko muna ang tumbler ko sa gilid ng lamesa, before scanning the papers in front of me which includes the following: the objectives of the film, the script, the storyboard, the final locations, and schedules.
Mas pinagtuunan ko nga lang talaga ng pansin ang storyboard at script.
The script was too cliché for my liking, but it wasn't my job so I couldn't say anything. What's important though was to visualize everything in order to give justice to the locations they picked.
"Tell me something about the director of this film. Is he good?" tanong ko kay Arkit.
Kinuha ko ang tumbler ko to take a sip of my coffee habang patuloy na binabasa ang script.
"Come to think of it! He was actually like the boy version of you!"
Tumaas ang kilay ko sa sinabi niya. Kung ganon, he was a perfectionist too? I just wish that Arkit wasn't joking because mas dadali ang trabaho ko kung ganoon nga siyang klase ng tao. I am tired of fighting directors who always settle for second best.
"He's here!" she declared.
Ibinaba ko na ang script na binabasa at nag — angat na ng tingin.
You know those scenes in movies where the slo-mo effect was used and time appears to be slowed down? It was actually happening to me right now, right before my eyes...
I inhaled sharply as I cursed in my brain.
Nataranta ang mga crew at agad na tumayo dahil sa pagdating niya. Sinundan ko siya ng tingin hanggang sa makarating siya sa designated seat for the head director.
Naramdaman ko ang init na bumalot sa buong mukha ko. Napailing ako. Hindi ako pwedeng magkamali. Siya nga 'yon. Ano ba 'tong pinasok ko?
Umiwas na ako ng tingin at huminga na lang nang malalim paulit — ulit para kalmahin ang sarili.
Kailangan ko kumalma. Kailangan hindi ako mapahiya. I can't fuck this up, lalo na't nandito siya!
Muli akong nag — angat ng tingin. I noticed that everyone looked so scared and intimidated. Napalunok ako at inilipat na lang ang tingin ko sa aking harapan, dahilan para makita ko naman kung sino ang nakasunod sa kanya.
Ate Yona's eyes collided with mine, shock was written all over her face.
At this point, gusto ko na lang tumawa at maghanap ng camera. Feeling ko kasi ay nasa comedy show ako. Tangina. Is this some kind of joke?
Natigil lang ang titigan namin nung may narinig akong nalaglag. I turned my head to where the sound came from at agad nagtama ang mga mata namin ni Landon.
He was looking at me coldly, with a clenched jaw and a hard expression. That was when I noticed that everything about him changed. The way he looks at me, his appeal, his whole aura... And since his muscles are more defined now, mas naging hot lang tuloy siya!
I gritted my teeth, bago tuluyang nag — iwas ng tingin.
Binalingan ko na lang si Arkit na nakakunot ang noo habang nakatingin kay Landon.
I cleared my throat to get her attention. Tumango naman siya at nakuha agad ang ibig ko sabihin.
"We're complete, right? I think we should start now. Settle down, everyone!" she declared with authority in her voice.
Umupo na nga ang lahat.
Ate Yona's chair was directed towards mine, kaya nahagip siyang muli ng tingin ko. Kung kanina ay gulat ang kanyang mukha, ngayon naman ay galit na.
Gusto ko matawa, siya pa ang galit?
Nag simula ang meeting sa pagpapakilala ng mga artista. Nang matapos, ang mga producers naman.
Nauna si Arkit, sumunod si Morgan Ty na part owner ng network, and finally, si Landon...
"Landon Saavedra, the head director and one of the executive producers of this film," aniya na walang bakas ng ngiti.
Naisip ko tuloy, sana pala ay nag-research ako bago ko tinanggap ang trabahong ito. Kung ganon sana ang ginawa ko, hindi siguro ako natataranta ngayon.
"Yona Acquilos, script supervisor..."
Siniko ako ni Arkit kaya tumayo na ako para magpakilala.
"Aisla Zamora, Director of Photography..."
I scanned the crowd and smiled. Since a lot of them are not familiar with me, I'm sure they're starting to question my abilities by now.
"Are you sure that's your name?" I heard Ate Yona asked.
I looked at her. Hindi ko inaasahan na talagang sisimulan niya na agad ako ngayon. Hinintay niya man lang sana na maubos ang mga tao, pero kung sa bagay, ano pa nga ba ang aasahan ko sa kanya?
I smiled but it didn't reach my eyes. I knew how to make the surrounding people uncomfortable just by looking at them, and that was exactly what I did.
This was because I've worked with a lot of great and talented people over the years. No one could faze me anymore.
She faked a smile. I smirked when I saw that she was starting to feel the discomfort. I thought you wanted to start with me?
"Of course, Miss. It's very easy. Why? Are you having a hard time memorizing your own name?" sinabi ko 'yon gamit ang malamig na tono.
Her fake smiled faded.
Natawa ang karamihan sa sinabi ko. Namula naman ang buong mukha ni Ate Yona. Ang hindi ko lang alam ay kung dahil ba 'yon sa kahihiyan o sa galit niya sa'kin.
Nang matapos magpakilala ng lahat, nagsimula na silang i-discuss ang tungkol sa ilang bagay patungkol sa nalalapit shooting.
Nga lang, habang mas tumatagal akong nagbabasa ng script ay mas naa-identify ko na ang mga dapat i-take note. I knew a lot about the technical side of exposure and all I could say was that this whole project was pure hard work.
Whether I like it or not, kailangan ko malaman lahat ng gusto ni Landon para maging isa kami sa set. I needed to understand his vision in order for this to work.
When Landon started discussing his goal, I listened carefully. And the first thing I noticed was that the passion didn't manifest in his eyes anymore.
I was kind of disappointed, actually. Pakiramdam ko kasi, he turned out just like the other directors I've worked with. Walang puso sa ginagawa. Wala na 'yong gigil. Wala na 'yong saya. Wala na 'yong passion na nakaka-inggit.
Huminga ako nang malalim at pinagtuunan na lang muli ang script. Hinahanap ang ilang instances na maaaring maging mahirap ma-achieve in a technical sense. Mas mabuti kasi na ngayon pa lang ay mapag — usapan na para maayos agad.
I started taking notes, ang plano ko ay magsalita pagkatapos ni Landon.
"What can you say about his plan, Miss Zamora?" tanong ni Morgan Ty na nagpahinto sa akin.
Tumango ako at tumayo na. Hindi ko namalayan na natapos na pala si Landon kanina pa.
"I just want to make sure that the technical problems that I found and the solutions that I came across with are familiar to all of you. Kung hindi, ipapaliwanag ko..."
Nagsimula akong magsalita. Inilapag ko lahat ng nakita ko na magpapahirap sa filming at ang solusyon ko sa mga 'yon.
Tahimik lang si Landon, kahit si Ate Yona. Parehas silang mukhang hindi interesado sa sinasabi ko pero hindi ko na lang pinansin.
Nga lang ay hindi porket hindi ko inintindi, hindi ako na-apektuhan. Kaya naman nang matapos ang meeting ay kating — kati na akong umalis.
"Morgan, this is Aisla Zamora. She's the top of my class and my good friend," pakilala sa akin ni Arkit.
Tumango si Morgan at tinanggap ang kamay ko.
"I heard a lot of good things about you, Miss Zamora. Thank you for accepting this project..."
Ngumiti ako.
"Thank you, Miss Ty. I'll do my best."
Magsasalita pa sana siya pero hindi niya natuloy dahil sa bagong dating.
"Arkit, Morgan, I need to talk to the both of you," Landon said.
Nilingon ko siya at nagtama muli ang mga mata namin.
I still see nothing... but indifference.
"Oh! By the way! I haven't introduced our DP yet!" hinila ako ni Arkit.
"Landon, this is Aisla. She's the top of my class back in Canada and my good friend!"
Bumaling si Landon sa akin at pormal na tumango na parang ito ang unang beses namin magkita. Galing, ah? Hindi ko alam pero agad akong nairita.
"Aisla, this is Landon, our head director..."
I shook his hand pero mabilis ko rin 'yon kinalas. Pormal din akong tumango. I tried my best to act normal pero sobrang bilis nang tibok ng traydor kong puso.
Bumaling ako agad kay Arkit.
"I need to go. Just text me when you're done."
Kumunot ang noo ni Arkit sa pagmamadali ko pero wala siyang nagawa kundi ang tumango.
Wala akong choice kaya nagpaalam din ako kay Morgan, and of course, kay Landon.
"Nice meeting you, Miss Zamora," aniya.
I swallowed hard.
"Nice meeting you... too..."
Isang beses ko pa sila tinanguan bago ako tuluyang tumalikod.
I inhaled sharply.
I should be happy, right? The fact that he acted like he didn't remember the time that we shared on that island was a good thing, right?
Besides, that was my plan anyway...
Act like I never met you.
Act like I didn't spend my nights with you.
It turns out well, then.