Soobin felt the crack from the base of his heart right to the very tip, reaching upwards and suffocating his lungs, neck, and tightening his ribcage until he couldn't breath. All he knows is that— it fucking hurts.
Fuck feelings, indeed.
When Yeonjun slammed the door shut right in front of Soobin's face, he felt like his whole world shattered.
Why does Yeonjun mean the world to him? When in fact, Soobin is nothing but a toy to fuck and forget?
'You're not that special to think Yeonjun would fall for you, dumbass' Soobin thought.
Would it be weird if Soobin thinks Yeonjun speaks the main point? They both agreed to be fuck buddies in the very first place— where feelings, attachments, care, and definitely falling in love, is... non existent? Was it Soobin's fault why he falls in love?
Yeonjun was right, but why does it feel so wrong?
This is the problem with getting attached to someone— when they leave you, you just feel lost.
Soobin is now nothing but a meaningless particles scrambling around in hopes to reunite with a help of love... love from Yeonjun, and Yeonjun only.
After Yeonjun slammed the door shut, Soobin turned around, feeling the emptiness caving into him that he hadn't felt for a long time.
He reached his room and opened the door, he sucked in a sharp breath when he saw Beomgyu with Huening and San in their room.
"Hey, Bin! We're just practicing science, don't mind us." Huening smiled, and Soobin just nodded.
Beomgyu looked at him worriedly, and got up to walk over to him, "Hey? You good?" Beomgyu whispered, ensuring the other two boys didn't hear him.
Soobin turned his head to look at his desk, cleaning it up mindlessly, "I'm f-fine."
"What did he say?"
"Nothing. It is o-over between us." Soobin said, words sour on his tongue.
"What?!" Beomgyu let out, making Huening and San rose their heads.
"What happened?" San asked, and Beomgyu waved his hand at them.
"Nothing! We're discussing this new movie that came out-" Beomgyu stammered, and then turned his head to face Soobin, "What do you mean it's over?"
"It never even started, so I honestly don't care."
"Are you sure?" Beomgyu asked, and Soobin chuckled, giving him a bright smile.
"Of course, Gyu! Come on, let me practice some science with you guys." Soobin said, walking over to Huening and San.
Beomgyu just sighed, because he knew. He knew Soobin wasn't fine. He knew, because Soobin smiled for the rest of the day, laughed and talked more than usual. Way too 'fine'.
He knew, because later Soobin went to sleep, and at 1:30 am, Beomgyu awoke to the sound of soft crying. Beomgyu rose his head, and saw Soobin turned the other way, shoulders quivering as he had his blanket scrunched tightly in his hold.
He was crying, soft gasps of breath leaving his lips. Beomgyu stood up and walked over to his single bed, sitting down beside him, "Soobinie..."
"I-I'm fine." Soobin squeaked out, and Beomgyu placed his hand on Soobin's shoulder.
"I know you're not fine, and that's fine. Just don't lie to yourself." Beomgyu said softly, and Soobin stilled for a few seconds.
Beomgyu let out a big sigh and then climbed onto the bed, lying down beside him and throwing his arm over Soobin's waist, "Let it out, Binnie."
Soobin began sobbing, not being able to control the loud cries that began leaving his lips, his cheeks soaked with tears and eyes blurry. He turned around, crying into Beomgyu's chest.
"You deserve so much better than him, heck— you deserve the best, Binnie." Beomgyu said, and Soobin continued sobbing.
"H-He was with a-a girl, Gyu. He d-doesn't care about me, h-he never did!" Soobin mumbled, and Beomgyu pets his hair in gentle strokes, calming him.
"A-All this time— he looked at m-me so fondly, t-treated me with so m-much care, kissed me all the time, it was fucking nothing! I'm so fucking stupid!" Soobin cried out.
"H-He did all of that to make me sleep with him! It was all bullshit! I'm so fucking stupid to think he would like me back." Soobin let out.
"You're not stupid. Yeonjun is clearly lying to himself and full of self denial, so he's taking the frustration out by being an asshole. It sucks, and I'm really sorry. He's an asshole." Beomgyu said.
"He is." Soobin whispered, hiccups starting to calm down.
There was a bit of silence, and then, "Do you wanna cry a bit more?"
"Yes, please." Soobin squeaked, and Beomgyu chuckled, and then tightened his grip around him, while Soobin lay his head on his chest, drifting into deep sleep.
| week passed |
Worst fucking week ever.
Soobin was sitting with his friends in the cafeteria, an awkward silence hugging their table. Soobin stared at the bowl in front of him.
"So.." Huening started, and Soobin looked up at him, "Is anyone going to mention the elephant in the room?"
"Okay, I know I gained a pound or two, but it's only because football practice is over!"
"What? No— shut up, Wooyoung. I mean... that." Huening said, pointing his eyes to the table beside them. Soobin sighed softly, averting his eyes back down, because he knew what was happening on the table beside them.
Yeonjun was sitting with the other football guys— basically with some girl on his lap, Eliz. They were making out furiously.
"Huh? It's just Yeonjun being Yeonjun." San said, and Beomgyu snickered.
"Not really. That's Yeonjun being 'more' Yeonjun. He had been more of a dick than usual. I told him a week ago that I'll ask a girl out of my Physics class, but then I saw him making out with her." Beomgyu mumbled, and Soobin looked at him with worry.
"Really? I told him I was going to ask Eliza out for a date, and look what they were doing now." Taehyun mumbled, and then rolled his eyes.
Soobin gulped, they weren't wrong. For the past week, Yeonjun gone insane. He had been wild.
Everytime Soobin saw him in the hallways or in a classroom or at lunch or anywhere, he was with a girl. Either making out or making her his maid, slave rather.
"Yeonjun!" A loud voice snapped, and all the boys looked to the side and saw Lucy, looking mad, "Are you fucking serious?!"
"Relax, babe." Yeonjun said, and then went back to kissing Eliz, who pushed Yeonjun off and got off his lap.
"Ew, you're with her? Fuck you!" Eliza mumbled, and then walked away, rolling her eyes.
"You fucking asshole! You slept with me last night and didn't even have the decency to text me back?" Lucy snapped, and the boys on their table started snickering, while Soobin's stomach make a turn, tensed.
"Fight! Fight! Fight!" Huening started chanting, and San smacked his shoulder.
They all watched with widened eyes as Yeonjun grabbed Lucy by her hips and began kissing her hard, she just gave in and began kissing him.
"What the fuck-" Wooyoung mumbled, and Soobin tsked and looked away.
Young freshman tried moving past Yeonjun and Lucy, and accidentally brushed his bag against Yeonjun's arm.
"Look where you're going, queer." Yeonjun growled, and the boy shook visibly and nodded hurriedly, running away, looking petrified.
Soobin snapped his head up, looking at Yeonjun in disbelief. Yeonjun didn't care, just smirked up at Lucy, who laughed awfully loud.
"Ew." Beomgyu said, and then looked at Soobin, "Let's get out of here."
Soobin nodded, 'He's so fucking disgusting.' Soobin thought about Yeonjun.
Yeonjun got up with Lucy, and dragged her out of the cafeteria. Soobin and Beomgyu got up as well and started walking out, but as Soobin did— he bumped into someone, or rather, Yeonjun.
Soobin bumped into Yeonjun.
Yeonjun was in the middle of kissing Lucy, turned his head in anger, and before looking properly— "Watch it, f-" Yeonjun started, but then froze in the midst of his word when he saw Soobin.
Soobin, looking at him with his big eyes, confused and looking a little scared, "What? Continue what you were going to say." Soobin said dangerously, confidence showing.
"It's f-fine." Yeonjun mumbled, and then let Lucy go, seeing Soobin take a step away from him.
Beomgyu grabbed Soobin's arm and pulled him away.
"I thought you two were best friends?" Lucy snickered, and Yeonjun turned his attention back to Lucy.
"Shut up." He growled.
| Chemistry Class |
"Asshole, weasel cock, bitch, dick, homophobic, asia's-biggest-forehead!" Soobin snapped.
"You're not angry. Yeah, obviously." Beomgyu sarcastically said.
"I'm mad! We have Chemistry, I hate Chemistry! Me and him? No chemistry! I mean, I don't fucking care about Chemistry!" Soobin snapped.
Beomgyu chuckled, "Girl, you'd care about it when your parents snapped the shit out of you."
"Dude, ever since I came out, you've been really gay." Soobin said, and Beomgyu laughed.
They entered the Chemistry class and saw a few people scattered here and there, as the bell hadn't rung yet. Soobin saw Eliz sits in the back with her friends.
"-plus, she said something about sleeping with him last night, when in fact, I literally hooked up with him yesterday! Fucking asshole!" Eliza scoffed.
"Nothing's new, a total fuckboy! Avoid him, Eliz." One of Eliza's friends said, and Beomgyu elbowed Soobin.
"Same problem as you, don't they?" Beomgyu laughed, going over to his seat to sit down.
Soobin laughed, but didn't find it too funny. God, he was insignificant. Yeonjun had done this to numerous girls! He'd fucked them and then rushed out before things got tough. He did it with one guy and ran out when things got too 'gay' for him.
Dine and dash.
Soobin sat down in his assigned seat, and then saw books put down beside him.
"You don't look fine."
Soobin heard, and then saw Mingi beside him.
"Oh, h-hi! I guess I do." Soobin mumbled, and Mingi sat down beside him.
"To make you feel better, Seonghwa ate five tacos in two minutes, then burped in my face." Mingi said, and Soobin burst out giggling.
"Don't go on details, I don't even want to know." Soobin chuckled, and Mingi smiled.
"By the way, did you get the Chem homework? Because I didn't get the last question-" Mingi started, and then Soobin gasped, eyes growing big.
"What? Shit! I forgot there was a homewooork~" Soobin squealed, and scratch the back of his head. He immediately grabs his notebook and textbook, pen fumbling in his hand.
"Relax. You can copy mine, I don't mind." Mingi offered with a smile, holding Soobin's hand to stop it from fumbling the pen.
"Really? Thank you!" Soobin smiled, and Mingi grinned, and then showed him his notebook.
Soobin wrote down the first question and the answer to it, and heard Mingi make some comment about how his lips looked cute when it turned into a small pout, and Soobin began giggling.
Then, another pile of books slammed onto the desk Mingi was sitting on. Mingi got startled, looking up in confusion, and Soobin did too.
When he did, he wishes he hadn't.
Yeonjun. He looked annoyed.
"Get up."
"Um-" Mingi started, but Yeonjun clearly didn't give a fuck about his reason.
"This is my fucking seat, newbie. Move." Yeonjun snapped.
Mingi gulped, "I'll just move after the b-bell rings. I was helping Soobin with h-homework-"
"Don't let me count, I'll fucking throw you." Yeonjun growled lowly.
Mingi stood up instantly, grabbing his books in a hurry, and Soobin just groaned. Mingi got up and went to his seat, sitting down quickly.
Soobin looked at his empty notebook with the half done homework, and then looked at Yeonjun, who sat down beside him. Soobin's eyebrows furrowed.
Fuck! He hates Yeonjun so fucking much, he can't explain it. If he could somehow be a virus, he would gladly enter Yeonjun's body. He hates him SO much.
He hates him with every bone in his body, he- "Do you have a pen?" Yeonjun's voice broke his thoughts.
Soobin looked up to see Yeonjun staring at him with an intense gaze, like he was examining Soobin's face.
'Fuck you', Soobin thought.
"Y-Yeah!" Soobin squeaked out stupidly, and then grabbed his pencil case and looked at it. He grabbed a pen and handed it to Yeonjun
"This is a highlighter."
"S-Sorry." Soobin let out softly, grabbing the highlighter from him. When he did, he felt their hands touch, and fuck, Soobin was blushing. Great. Just great.
Soobin puts the highlighter back in his pencil case unconsciously, and then sighed to himself.
Stop. Blushing. For God's sake, Soobin!
You should hate him, not blush when he speaks—
"Pen, Choi?" Yeonjun sakd, and Soobin blushed deeply.
"S-Sorry." Soobin stammered, and then took a pen and gave it to Yeonjun, who looked at Soobin with expressionless face.
"Thanks." Yeonjun mumbled, and Soobin swore he saw a bit of a smile on Yeonjun's face.
Soobin looked at his pencil case, then realized he gave Yeonjun the only pen he had. He bit his lip, and then heard the bell ring— sign that it's the start of classes. Soobin looked around, and saw Mingi rummaging through his pencil case.
"Mingiii~" Soobin called out rather loudly, and saw through his peripheral vision that Yeonjun snapped his head at Soobin, "Can I get a pen?"
"Sure, Binnie." Mingi mimicked with a grin, and Soobin giggled. Mingi tossed a pen at Soobin, who grabbed it and then waved at him cutely.
Soobin saw Yeonjun's hand gripping the pen that he lent him tightly, vein popping in his hands. Soobin looked at Yeonjun, and saw how his eyes expressed anger.
Yeonjun saw Soobin looking at him, so he looked away. He got up from his seat, and left the classroom, throwing the pen in the trash bin with an exert effort, which caused the pen to bounce and be thrown on the floor.
Soobin felt something inside him gleam— a vicious sort of idea. It made him smirk a little.
Jealousy had always been the ugliest emotion.
today's date: 08/14/2020
| author's note: happy birthday to our 4th gen's ace, hueningkai!! 💜💚
also, i just wanna ask (since a lot of you can't get over at how shitty yeonjun was from the previous chapter), what are your personal opinions about the story? and what do you think will happen next? keep safe always!! |