My frown hadn't disappeared for almost 10 minutes as I looked at him.
"You've only just turned 40. I- You had that at 35?" I asked.
"Yeah."
"W-why?! Why would you do that for? You could have wanted a child?"
"Well I don't. Or I didn't. So I did what I thought was best." He answered.
"So.. you.. they just- what did they do?"
"Injection. I just fire blanks now."
I was shocked, truly shocked, I understood he was always determined not to have kids but I thought maybe with the right woman, that it would change his mind.
"But you have all those condoms?"
"Yeah. But I need them to protect me on everything else.."
"Of course." I answered feeling stupid.
"Holly doesn't know." He confirmed.
"Why didn't you tell her? What if she wants kids?"
He scoffed "She wants them for all the wrong reasons Scarlett. All the wrong reasons. I don't trust her, not enough to even consider it. Now it shows the lengths she's is willing to go to, to keep me here, I think I'm glad I got one when I did."
He laughed making me look at him confused.
"What?"
"It makes sense now. Oh damn."
"I- "
"The condoms." He answered interrupting me.
"What about them?"
"They were tampered with. I noticed a hole in the packet one day. Didn't understand it so I binned them all and got new ones. It was around the time I had women after women coming in. I guess the ones we used were already poked. Now it makes sense..."
"Are you out of your fucking mind? I wouldn't do that! I never wanted to have a child like this!" I hissed at him.
"No, not you. You wouldn't do that, but I know someone who would." He growled getting off the ground.
He exited the walk in and stopped half way across his bedroom. I walked to the door of the walk in and watched as he moved over to Avari to look at her.
"I should have seen it, the moment she looked at me with those eyes." He whispered.
"Holly invited Devin because she gave me an ultimatum. Tell him or you, or she would. "
"So if it wasn't for Holly setting you up now, you wouldn't have told me?" He asked.
"Zak please try to understand from my side. I was only looking out for my daughter."
"Our. Daughter. She's ours now." He corrected making me look at the floor.
"Please I will beg here. Please do not take her from me." I whispered getting upset at the idea.
"W-why would I? I haven't got the first idea about children. Scarlett if anything, I need you in my life as much as I need her." He answered stroking a finger across her face. "Gracie knew.. didn't you Grey? You knew there was something inside of her like me. This is why you're attached to her."
Gracie's tail thumped the bed gently at his voice "Yeah, you're a smart dog. I'm a stupid owner. You look after her." He whispered ruffling her fur before standing up.
I looked away as he came over to me, a cry caught in my throat as he lifted my chin up to face him. "And after all this time doing it alone, I can still see the look in your eyes that I've been missing for 5 years. You didn't cry at the show because you missed our friendship, you cried because you could see me and I couldn't see you."
My emotions got the better of me as the cry escaped. My body felt weak as he pulled me into his chest holding me against him. "Oh Lettie... What are we going to do?"
"I'm sorry. I should have said something sooner. I thought it was because of the show that you didn't.. If I knew, if I had the inclination that you didn't know. I would have stayed." I responded pulling back to see his face.
Zak's thumb swiped across my cheeks removing the tears "I have always hated seeing you cry. I know you would have stayed too."
We stood in silence for a few minutes looking at each other, my heart felt frayed and tattered in my chest. Like it had been torn at with a large hook and simply picked over and over. "Unpack that bag.. I'm going to sort this out." He instructed letting me go.
"I- what? What are you going to do?" I asked taking a step to follow him.
"Unpack and keep this door closed. It's soundproofed.." He took a look at Avari who flipped over in bed hugging the pillow.
A gesture I knew all too well...
"She sleeps like me too." He smiled gently. But his smile soon faded and the look of anger came back before he fled the room leaving me with Gracie and Avari.
****
I stepped out into the hallway just as the screaming began between Holly and Zak.
"She is a damn liar!" Holly screeched.
"Really?! You really think she's a liar?! Avari is almost 6! She's mine Holly!" He yelled back with as much intensity.
I saw Devin on the couch looking at his phone, his eyes caught mine and the look of confusion came across his face.
"He was the other guy?" He asked.
I nodded "I know I screwed up Dev. Please don't hate me, I honestly thought you were until..."
"Until we sat down and worked it out in hospital. You had complications though?" He frowned.
"It was nothing too serious, it wasn't the start of a miscarriage like I had thought."
"Avari. It's a beautiful name." He smiled.
"Thank you."
"Holly has filled me in, the exorcism, that couldn't have been easy.. All this time doing things alone, you must be exhausted?"
I shrugged "I am used to it now, the feeling of tiredness in my bones etc."
"Well it's certainly surprised me this evening. I mean.. Zak? How did that happen?" He asked.
"No strings, friends with benefits. But I fell in love with him.."
"I know you held a torch for him, you'd check your phone constantly to see if he had sent you a message. I guess it makes sense. You used me like I used you. What a pair huh?" He smiled.
I took his hand and gave it a squeeze "Nadia is a lucky woman."
The sound of smashing sounded making me look up at the landing as Holly came out the room locking eyes with me.
"You!" She hissed. I watched as she came down the stairs, stomping over to me I waited for some half wit comment, but I was given a right hook straight in the mouth.
Devin flew up between us as I stepped back holding my mouth in surprise.
"YOU SHOULD HAVE ABORTED THE RAT WHILE YOU HAD THE CHANCE!" She screamed at me.
"Shut up Holly! You don't under-"
"She used you to! As well as Zak to get exactly what she wanted! What is it about her that you all love?! Has she a magic fucking vagina?!" She shouted pushing Devin out the way.
I licked my lip tasting the copper in my blood. "I will fucking end you Scarlett Summ-"
My fist connected with her face send her onto her ass. Arms went around my waist pulling me back as I went towards her again.
"That was for Zak and his daughter!" I shouted as Zak restrained me.
"You!" She seethed getting onto her feet with a wobble pushing Devin's hand. "You've just made the biggest mistake of your life! Mark my words!" She spat. "Get your hands off me! Don't you fucking touch me! This isn't over Summers!"
"I'll look forward to it!"
"Get your things and go Holly!" Zak ordered.
"Does that brat know who her father is? A fucking lowlife who runs around in the dark with a camera?! Uncle Zakky!"
"Go." Zak growled at her in my ear.
She smirked "No, I want to see this precious family reunion."
Holly dodged Devin's hands and barrelled towards the bedroom. I pushed off of Zak and went straight for her again.
Falling into the room, I found Gracie stood over Avari growling at Holly.
"Another fucking nuisance. I told you to get rid of that mutt! You never did listen to me! Everything I did was for you!" She shouted at Zak causing Avari to stir.
"Holly get out of the room before I throw you out of it." Zak warned.
"Why? Afraid I'll rock the branch? That she will find out who her daddy is?!"
My heart pounded in my chest as Avari rubbed her eyes with small fists. I could see Zak's body tensing as Holly smirked wickedly.
"Hey brat! Guess what?!" She shouted causing Avari to jolt. Pushing past Zak I got to Avari and covered her ears pulling her into my chest.
"Get her out!" I snapped.
Holly cackled "You know what? I'll wait, because we both know Zak has got the balls for commitment and I'm gonna be there when you're thrown out on your ass with that freak of a child."
I glared at her as she left the room.
"Lettie is sh-"
"Just get Holly away from my baby." I whispered holding her tightly.
Zak looked at Avari before stepping out the room closing the door behind him.
"Mommy?" Avari's small voice spoke causing me to let go of her ears. I licked my lip to remove the blood.
"Yes sweetie?"
"I'm hungry." She responded none the wiser. I smiled softly down at her thinking she's more like her father than they both realise.
***
After plating up some spaghetti for Avari, I sat at the table with her whilst she ate.
"Mommy why are you sad?" She asked.
"M-me? I'm not sad. I'm happy, happy you're okay." I whispered kissing the side of her head.
"Did you fall out with Holly again? She was angry." She frowned thinking back to it before shoving more food into her mouth.
"It's a long story sweetie. Eat up."
My eyes caught Zak stood by the kitchen door looking at her as she spun her fork clumsy. I gestured towards a seat but the scared look in his eye told me we were a long way off yet. Zak mouthed the words 'Sorry' before disappearing leaving us alone.
Avari and I made short conversation mostly about Gracie and how she loves Peanut too. I smiled seeing Gracie to Avari's right and Peanut across Avari's lap waiting to be taken off on another adventure.
It wasn't long before the mouthfuls were slowing down and the conversation was dying down. A yawn surfaced and Avari pushed her plate away gently "I don't want no more."
Not wanting to push her into eating a little more, I nodded and took her plate scraping off the food and sticking it in the dishwasher. I swiped up a tissue and wetted it handing it to Avari who rubbed the sauce away from her face before passing it back and looking at Peanut.
"Peanut is tired." She said as I binned the tissue.
"Is he? Peanut has had a long day."
"Hmm.." She hummed leaving the table to sit on the floor with Gracie petting her fur. When Gracie decided to lay down, Avari followed suit and it wasn't long before they were both falling asleep.
"Okay darling. Let's go." I whispered as I crouched beside her.
"Carry me?"
"I- okay." I sighed as Avari stood up looking at me with her big grey eyes. But as I stood up myself a pair of hands went under her arms lifting her up with ease.
"Hi Zak." Avari smiled looking at him as he held her against him.
"Hey pumpkin." He replied softly.
"You look sad too, is it cause mommy has a poorly lip?" She asked.
Zak smiled slightly "Something like that."
"Mommy said hugs make everything better." She responded. With Peanut wedged between them, she wrapped her arms around Zak's neck and hugged him.
His eyes clamped shut as he placed a hand on her back gently. My heart swelled up in my chest as he pushed his face into the small crook of Avari's neck inhaling her smell.
"It's okay to be sad sometimes." Avari said before adding a yawn making Zak's mouth pull into a smile.
"Let's get you to bed yeah?" He asked.
"Okay." She replied simply still hugging him as they began walking.
I didn't utter a word as Zak walked her into the bathroom and helped her brush her teeth before checking her hair.
"I don't know how to braid." He admitted.
"That's cause you're a boy." Avari smiled with a tooth paste mark around her lips.
Zak chuckled wetting a face cloth and removing it. "Well I'll learn, mommy can't do it with her poorly hand." He replied scooping her up off the side and carrying Avari to bed.
He hopped onto the bed beside her as Gracie jumped up and settled at the bottom.
"Zak.."
"Yes?" He asked playing with the ends of her hair.
"Thank you for taking my monsters away," she responded picking up the chain on his chest to look at it.
Zak looked over at her with a small smile "You're welcome."
She smiled "Night night Zak."
"Goodnight Avari."