"No believer should be angry towards his wife. If some of her qualities are displeasing, there will be many other qualities worth appreciation."
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I prayed and put away the prayer rug. I sat down on the bed but I couldn't lay down. My head would start to hurt if I lied down. The sound of birds chirping hit my ears. At least someone's having a great start of the day, I thought. I walked up to my window and opened up the curtains, letting the first few and fresh rays of sunlight hit my room. I opened up the blinds so I could clearly see all that was happening outside. It was a beautiful morning. The tree branches were swinging lightly and the birds were flying around. While everybody else was still asleep in their beds, I was awake, alone, sick and tired. I didn't know if my parents knew I was here but honestly, it was for the better if they didn't. They'll find out eventually when they wake up at their usual time. I sat down on my window sill and observed nature. It was a beautiful thing indeed. I decided to go out and take a walk in my backyard. I put my slippers on and walked out without a hijab on, since I knew no one would be awake at 7 on a Sunday morning. I quietly opened the bedroom door and tiptoed my way downstairs. I opened the sliding backyard door, and slipped through the small gap and shut it behind me. The grass had little droplets of water on it since our sprinkler liked to perform its duty early in the morning. It was on but I still decided to take a stroll. I didn't know what to do with life right now. Give up or keep fighting? I knew I couldn't give up. That was just wrong. My life was a blessing and a gift from my Lord and I couldn't give up on such a blessing that easy. I knew I had to stand alone in this battlefield. But inshAllah, if Allah is with me, I will win alone even if I have to fight a herd of bulls.
I decided to not cry anymore. Not now, not ever. If Zayd was the only reason I ever cried, I didn't need to cry anymore. Why waste my tears on someone who couldn't even love me with my flaws? Does he not understand that not everyone is perfect? Actually, no one is perfect. He, himself isn't perfect either. He knows that... everybody knows that. But he doesn't realize it. I won't live for anyone but me. I will live for me. Life is beautiful if we choose to make it beautiful. No matter what happens, who comes in my life or who goes, I will never let my head low or frown. I will keep smiling and whatever happens, I will stand tall because deep inside, I am Pure At Heart!
I didn't realize I was smiling to myself, until I heard someone call my name from behind me. I turned around and saw my dad standing in the doorway, staring at me like I was someone he had never met or seen. I forced a smile and stared at him as he stood there with the same expressions and in the same position. He stayed that way for almost 10 seconds and I guess when he finally understood what was going on, he spoke.
"Why are you here?" he said, keeping the same distance. I gulped and smiled to myself. "Nice to see you too baba", I said and walked right past him.
"Do you not understand this isn't you home anymore? Go to you house!" he spoke in a firm voice. I turned around and realized he wasn't joking. He was serious. He was serious with the expressions and the gestures. He was serious with the attitude.
"Why Baba?" I began. "Just because im married means I can't spend a night with you guys anymore? Why do you shut me out? What did I ever do to you? What's with the comments, the gestures and avoiding the eye contact? Why? Why do you do this? I know I embarrass you but you have started hating me to the point that you wish I didn't exist? Why? Why Baba, why? I know what I did was wrong but your hatred is way too strong for what I did. No one hates me as much as you do. And honestly, I don't understand how a father can hold a grudge so strong against his own daughter. I tolerated your behavior too much but this is just crossing the lines. If you hate me, say it to my face. Your comments already tell me the truth then why not say it to my face? Who are you afraid of? Say it to me baba, say it to me! Say it! Tell me you hate me! Be a man and say it baba", I finally stopped because I didn't have any power to speak any more words. I kept my voice low because I didn't want to wake the whole neighborhood up but luckily, I didn't even wake my mother or my sister. I wiped the one tear that had fallen on my face and ran upstairs to my room. If my father really had the nerve to say he hates me and was going to say it, I didn't want to hear him say it. The little love, affection and respect that was left in my heart for him, I wanted it to stay that way. I didn't love him the same anymore but still, I was his daughter and his presence did make me comfortable, despite all that he had said.
I walked in my room and closed the door behind me. I let my hair loose and lied down, feeling the cold side of my pillow. I could finally rest my head on something. Turns out, I was sleepy. Because as soon as I turned on my right side, I was falling asleep. The sun rays were brightly shining on my door and all the other stuff that was coming in the way. I fell asleep, resting my hand on the other pillow. Although It was a little cold, I fell asleep without pulling the covers on me. I was too tired to even move my hand, let alone opening up the blanket. I felt weak til my legs but I guess that's when sleep steps in and makes it all better.
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"Why didn't you wake me up Hafsa?" Mami said as she placed the freshly cooked omelettes on the dining table. She had just found out I was at home and immediately believed our false story. Hafsa told her I was just here to spend a week with them because I missed them so much. To my utter surprise, Zayd had told his family the same thing. His mother called my mother and asked her if I was feeling ok. But honestly, she really just called to confirm that the story her son was telling her was true. Both the familes thought that everything was fine and I was just having a sleepover with my parents. Only my sister and husband knew the real story. I felt terrible that I had to hide all this from my parents but it was for their own good. I knew how upset they would be if they found out the truth. I couldn't upset them... it's the least I could do after all they have gone through. Although it has been more than 2 years now, I know that tragic night was enough tragedy for them for the rest of their lives.
"Well, I didn't want to disturb you and besides, Hamna wanted to surprise you guys", Hafsa pretended to be as excited and happy as she usually is. Mami gave us a smile as she sat down beside my dad. I looked at Hafsa but she gestured me to stay calm and enjoy breakfast. I nodded and took a small peice of my mom's famous omelette. To my surprise, I finished the whole piece without feeling the need to throw up. I was happy and relieved. I knew something was wrong but I wasn't sure as to what it really was.
"Why don't we invite Zayd and his family for dinner tonight?" my mom said as she took a sip of her coffee. I stopped chewing and looked at Hafsa, who also didn't know what to say or do.
"Why?" I blurted out. My mother looked at me and laughed. "Because we haven't invited them over ever since you got married. That's wrong", she said thoughtfully. I smiled a nervous one.
"Yeah but isn't it like... a short notice? I mean you should've told them a week or two ago", I stated my opinion.
"A week? Hamna, that's too long. I think today's fine, no? What do you think Hamzah?" She looked at my dad who was busy in reading something on his phone. The conversation he and I had in the morning didn't seem to have any impact on him or his behavior. How could he be so stubborn?
"I think it's a great idea. We can order chinese food and have a little get-together. It will be fun", my dad smiled as well as my mother.
I was losing. Why?
"But, why order when we can cook, right? And we can't cook so much food in one day. Mother, I think we should do it another day", I fought again. She looked at me, probably suspecting something.
"You're right. We should also have some home made dishes", she replied. I smiled.
"We have 10 or maybe 11 hours to cook. Hafsa can cook a dish, I will cook another. And maybe Hamna you can cook something too", she said. My smile suddenly faded away.
"But-
"Hamna, why don't you want them to come over?" my mom finally asked. I gulped. Do I tell her the truth?
No. But why not?
Maybe because I didn't want to distance myself from Zayd. And telling my parents meant that I wanted to get away from him.I knew once they find out about Dylan they will want me to move again. And since Zayd won't move away with me, they will want him to divorce me. I wasn't sure if I was able to handle a second marriage.
Inviting Zayd over meant inviting Dylan too. My parents knew what he looked like and besides, I didn't want Dylan or Maryan to come in my house. I didn't want them to know my street address. Having some kidnappers in my house was something I hadn't even seen in my dreams. How do I tell them? What do I do?
"Hamna, are you hiding something?" Mami asked. I shook my head.
"No. I was just saying all that because I thought it'll be too much work all of a sudden for all of us", I made up an excuse.
Mami smiled. "Well it wont be. We can cook a dish or two and we can order the rest. It doesn't have to be a huge party. We're just having dinner together. Don't panic", she said and picked her phone up to call.
I hope Dylan and Maryan don't come.
Mami hung up after she was done talking to my mother-in-law. "Great! They'll be here at 9 O'clock", she sounded so excited.
"Did she tell you who's not going to come?" I blurted but then realized I was being too obvious. I looked over at Hafsa and she gave me a glare. I tried to control my emotions. Luckily, mami didn't sense my unusual behavior. She was now too busy thinking about what she's going to cook.
"Yeah.. she said some of the guests that are staying won't be coming. I think her daughter and her neices and nephews. I don't know", she said, examining her cook book. I suddenly perked up.
Neices and nephews won't be coming? Dylan and Maryan were her neice and nephew. A little laugh of relief escaped my lips as I got up and cleaned the table. Atleast one worry is out the way. And now, only one remains. Zayd.
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"Don't do or say anything that might suspect Mami or Baba or even Zayd's parents, ok?" Hafsa said, as she braided my hair. I had worn a dark blue shirt up to my knees and white trousers. I side-braided my hair from the front, while letting the rest of it loose over my shoulders. I put light make up on and only because I didn't want to make anything obvious. I was all done and about to head downstairs when I heard the doorbell ring. Three or four seconds later, I heard their voices and laughter. My heart skipped a beat when I heard Zayd's voice. I peaked through my door and saw that Zayd's sister and her husband were also there. Great. I walked back in my room and put my hijab on. I didn't want to go downstairs and face Zayd. I couldn't understand how he could be so calm and relaxed about coming to my house. He was the one who dropped me off here. Maybe he was going through the same situations I was going through. Maybe he didn't want to come but his mother forced him. I took a deep breathe but still couldn't convince myself to walk right in front of him.
"Let's go", Hafsa said as she walked past me. "I'll be right behind you", I said. She nodded and walked down, happily greeting everyone. I sighed then went back in my room. I just couldn't go downstairs. I had no idea what Zayd's expression would be when he will see me. I sat down on my bed. I started feeling dizzy again but I did not run to the bathroom. I kept sitting but it got to the point that sitting wasn't very helpful. I rushed to the bathroom again. I stayed there for more than 5 minutes to wait if I would have to throw up again.
"Hamna?" I heard Hafsa's voice right outside the bathroom.
"In here", I said, washing my face. She walked in and saw me standing like I was about to fall. She helped me walk out the room and helped me sit down on the bed.
"What happened?" She asked. I looked at her and shook my head. "I don't know. I've been throwing up and feeling dizzy for the last 5 days. I have no idea what's going on", I said leaning back on the pillow. Hafsa stared at me for a while with a suspicious look.
"What?" I said when she kept staring for more than 10 seconds. "Nothing. I might be wrong but I think I know what's going on", she sat down beside me. I looked at her.
"You do?" I asked. She nodded. "But for now, let's go downstairs", she said with a smile. I squinted my eyes. "What do you know?" I asked her.
"I can't say anything until it's confirmed. I'll tell you later. Let's go", she said, helping me get up. I shook my head. "I don't think I can walk Hafsa", I made up an excuse so I wouldn't have to go downstairs.
"Fine. I'll just call Zayd up here", She said. I suddenly got up. "Why would you do that?" I asked her in a loud tone.
"Hamna, if you think you're brave, face Zayd. Don't hide. Show him that you're ok without him; that his existence doesn't matter to you. He thinks he has made your life miserable and is punishing you for what you've done. Show him that he's wrong!" she finally finished. I understood all that she was trying to say and nodded excitedly.
"Let's go", I said, opening the door and walking outside.
I walked in the living room and the first person to smile and greet me was Zayd's sister, Zaynah. She was a sweet girl, with shoulder-length hair and a pretty smile which she always wore on her face. I hugged her, followed by her mother. My father-in-law gave me a side hug. I was about to sit down next to my mother when she got my attention by pretending to clear her throat. I looked at her and saw that she was telling me to sit next to Zayd. There just had to be an empty spot next to him. I looked at Hafsa and she nodded as to tell me that it's ok. I hesitated for a moment but then sat beside him, still keeping a little distance. He didn't look at me but I knew he was observing my expressions and moves. I kept facing the other way so I didn't have to even glance at him.
I didn't know why do situations have to be so awkward for me all the time. Zayd was my husband but he literally had kicked me out of his house. If im not wrong, we wouldn't have seen each other for probably the next one month. Or maybe ever. But here he was, sitting with me, even though we still weren't talking. I always had something to hide from my parents, and I hated that. I just wish I didn't have any secrets or regrets. Why couldn't I live a normal life like all other teenage girls do?
"The house feels so empty ever since you came here. We're just here to take you with us today", Zayd's mother said with a smile. I gulped and smiled. I hope she wasn't serious.
Please say you're joking. Please say you're joking.
"Trust me Hamna. She's not kidding", Zaynah added. Oh boy.
Wait, did she just read my mind?
My gaze automatically hovered over to Zayd who also happened to look at the same time. We stared at each for a second but then looked away.
"I'll get the dining table ready", I said as I got up and made my way to the kitchen.
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"All the food is delicious. Hamna, what did you cook?" Zaynah asked as she filled up her plate with rice. I smiled. "I made lasagna", I said. This was the first time ever I had cooked an item for dinner. And im guessing, everybody was enjoying it.
"Well, it's delicious", she said. I smiled proudly.
Win.
"Did Zayd request you to make this dish? You know, since he loves lasagna. I think someone followed their husband's orders", Zaynah added with a wink. I smiled hesitantly and looked down. Why did she hate me? Well, she didn't know so...
After dinner, I was cleaning the table when I heard footsteps behind me. I turned around and saw Zayd smiling. I turned back around to clean the dining table and picked up the empty plates.
"I'll take those", Zayd said getting the plates from hands. I stared at him as he walked to the kitchen with the plates. Was he acting or did he really...? I stood there for a while trying to understand what had just happened. I turned around again and picked up the empty dishes. Zayd came again and tried to get the dishes from my hand but I kept a tight grip around them. We both stood there holding the dishes from both ends.
"Why are you doing this?" I asked him. His face expressions changed as he looked around to make sure no one was listening. His gaze then returned to me.
"The only reason Im doing this is because my family doesn't know anything about that happened between us. I don't want to upset them. Don't be flattered if im helping you", he finished with a cold tone. "You should be grateful I haven't said anything to your parents yet. I could've told them, but I didn't."
I rolled my eyes. "Why didn't you? Why did you hesitate? Face it Zayd, you're a coward. You're just scared", I said. "And if you talk to my parents about anything that's going on between us, i'll tell your family. I don't care if that means we will no longer be in a relationship", I finished with a firm tone. He kept staring at me until I decided to walk away with the dishes. Zayd went and sat down with the others while I cleaned up the kitchen and the remaining dishes. When I was done, I went and sat down with the others as well.
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"Did you see how calm Zayd looked? It's like nothing happened", Hafsa said, sitting down on her bed. Zayd and his family had left and we were finally done cleaning the house. Hafsa and I decided to watch a movie to spend the night since I had no idea what else to do.
"Mhmm", I said, sitting down beside her. There was a funny feeling in my head and I couldn't concentrate on anything. I felt like I was sleepy but I wasn't. It's like my brain was having trouble deciding what to do next.
"I think I hate him", Hafsa turned the TV on and turned the lights off.
"Turn the lights on Hafsa, please", I said. In the darkness I felt like I was going to faint. Either my stomache was upset or I was really stressed out because of Zayd. I had never been this sick in my life.
"Hamna, are you ok?" Hafsa said when she saw me standing there with my head in my hands. The whole room was spinning in front of me again and I felt my eyes closing. The TV screen with the words '20th Century Fox' started fading away. I head Hafsa's voice from a distance and saw her walking towards me, but I had completely lost control over myself. Half a second later, I felt my legs bending, without me having to. In the same time pace, I fell on the ground.
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Heyyyy! I know i took long with this one but now here it is.. CHAPTER 13.. PART 1! Yup, there are two parts of this chapter because i couldn't fit everything into one. Leaving it a little suspenseful. ;)
Vote, comment and add this to your reading list, alright? k.
Also, i have a very important question.. What do you think about Hafsa's personality?
Alright, im outty. I hope you all enjoyed the chapter.. and look out for part 2 VERY SOON!
Before i leave, i want to thank you all for 1O,OOO reads on this story- THANKYOU SO MUCH - I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!
This chapter is dedicated to all my fans for helping me reach this point of success! THANKYOU. :*
K.. now im out!
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Salams, my lovely and beautiful fans!
BritishHolic.<3