A/N- this actually happened to me once.
Oops
Also I apologize in advance for cheesiness
Oops again
You were getting pitiful glances from the people all around you. Your date had ditched you, you knew, but you didn't want to leave alone. Tapping your fingers against the table, you felt the burning stares of everyone in the restaurant on your slumped figure. Looking down, you studied the table carefully. In your lap rested a card you had made for your date, too, and you turned it over many times before you set it on the table, sighing. Now everyone could see the 'I <3 you!' card that sat sadly on your table. Someone standing at your table suddenly cleared their throat, and you hadn't even realized someone had walked up. With a skip in your heart you flung your head up, only to be disappointed by a waiter.
"Would you like to order, or is your party not fully assembled, madam?"
Wasn't it obvious? Or was the waiter becoming impatient with how long you'd been sitting here? After all, this joint would close soon, and people need to be seated still. Looking down, you sighed.
"I'd like to wait a little longer, if that's okay.." You could feel hope slowly slipping from you. He wasn't going to show up. It had been too long.. But you still had the slightest sliver left. He could've gotten the time wrong, or perhaps is stuck in traffic? Or, of all things, something bad happened to him. Heck, what if he was mugged?! Sadly, you didn't have your phone on you, since you expected your date to have his on him. Doubt crept in like fog into your mind, and you were on the verge of tears.
The waiter grunted and walked away, irritated. The chatter of people around you, happy with their company, resounded pangs of sadness in you. Yet, even with their happiness with their counterparts, you felt all eyes boring into you like lasers. You let a single tear slip.
"Ding!" The bell at the door chimed. You didn't want to even bother to look up, but you did anyways.
Oddly, a man walked through the doorway, a complete stranger, clad in brown pants and a cream vest with a red tie to complete the look, and sat down across from you saying rather loudly, "Sorry, my dove, zhe traffic vas terrible, I'm telling you," and then leaned over the table, whispering, "sorry about your no-show date. Zhe guy must have been a real schweinhund."
(Insert joke about how that was the longest sentence ever and now everyone in the comments is going to poke fun at the author because they thought she was dead and now she brings this shit to the table after such a long disappearance, I MEAN JFC AUTHOR GET A GRIP ON YOUR LIFE YOU LAZY--)
It all happened so fast, you didn't really have time to respond. He had walked in with confidence, and smoothly made his way to your table, not skipping a beat walking. A complete stranger- never had you seen him before in your life- felt the need to save you in your time of need. He was some kind of God-send.
Swiveling your head around, you scanned the restaurant, before looking back to him. The restaurant had ceased any pitiful looks, happy with the charade going on at the moment. You didn't know how to feel. Relieved that this man had saved you from a potentially awkward and embarrassing walk of shame out of this establishment, or feel angry at his attempt to save you? Perhaps even creeped out that he's your 'date'? What's more, what if your real date did show up, just very late? At this point, he was about 2 hours late, so you didn't think he would, but it was a possibility.. A small one, but still a possibility, at that.
You asked the first question on your mind, pulling up a menu between you two so nobody could hear. Leaning in, you breathed, "Why exactly are you doing this..? Not that I'm not grateful.." He pulled back with a chuckle, throwing his head back before gently placing his large hand on the menu, and pushing it down so the restaurant could see you both. Your eyes widened a bit, and he smiled warmly at you.
"If I hadn't, zhen vhat vould you be doing now?" He said in a hushed tone, before winking and turning in his seat. He called over a waiter, and the two of you ordered. The process was painfully awkward for you, however. You were dining with a complete stranger! But it was a sweet gesture, trying to 'save' you, that is.. His smooth German accent was something uncommon in this town, and you enjoyed listening to him. You practically hung on every word he said, wanting to hear him speak more. Was that weird, for someone you just met?
After the waiter left with a soft smile at the two of you, you turned to your 'date'. For the first time, you actually studied his face. His cool gray eyes were round in the dim lighting, with his dark eyebrows reposed above them with a tilt. His carved cheekbones curved down into his sly smile and strong jawline, smoothed over with shaven stubble. His hair was a jet black, with a sheen along a small curl of hair resting on his forehead. Round, silver rimmed glasses with chestnut sides were loosely perched on his nose, sitting crookedly. You had to admit, he was handsome. But why did he feel the need to 'save' you?
He noticed you shifting uncomfortably in your seat. "If you're wondering about zhe bill, I vouldn't really vorry about zhat, I will pay." You were made even more uncomfortable by that. A complete stranger, who is slightly attractive, just happened to walk in at the right time, and is now paying for your meal, in place of your no-show date.
"Totally read my mind." You said, trying to play it cool. He knew something was wrong, however, and pulled out his phone.
"Vould you like to, if it makes you feel any better, call your boyfriend?" He asked politely.
"Boyfriend..? Well, I wouldn't really call him that.. After all, he had just asked me on this date, he never actually proposed that idea.... Plus he abandoned me." you responded without much thought. In truth, the boy whom had asked you out was sweet and all, but you were concerned and a little angry that he didn't show up. What if, to make him jealous, you had a fun night with this man instead? Maybe take a few pictures as well, and put them up on social media? Either that, or 'accidentally' show him. Your inner devil was laughing maniacally. Even the little angel on your shoulder agreed.
"Oh. Sorry, I didn't realize.." the man responded to your statement, slipping away his phone.
"No, you're fine. Actually, I was wondering, if this isn't too odd of a request, if we could leave this place? It keeps reminding me of him.. I know we just ordered, but I'd like to leave." it was partially a lie, but you figured it was the best thing you had to keep things interesting. A dinner date wasn't your ideal date, anyways.
"Of course! Und I'm sure it must hurt, but I assure you, heartbreak ist an easy zhing to cure." His odd sentence made you wonder what he meant, but he had already stood and was holding out his hand to you to help you up. You stood up out of your seat without his help and brushed past his tall pose with a twinkle in your eyes, and he snorted back a laugh.
Once the both of you were outside, in the cold, damp twilight, the two of you halted. The murmur of hushed wind blew cooly through the streets, making trees sway and clouds drift. The sun was setting, and no light reached the ground as it almost completely dipped beyond the horizon.
"At zhis point I should probably take my leave, my vork here ist done." The man said, turning to go. Shadows lapped around his frame like ink on parchment.
Just as he was about to get away, you let your mouth slip, saying, "Wait!"
He paused, and turned his head to face you ever his shoulder, trying to hide the small smile tugging at his lips. "Vhat is it?" The late evening sun barely glowed on his expectant face.
You shifted a bit, wringing your hands, looking up at his form as he turned to face you. His posture was extremely straight and tall, and his silvery eyes looked down at you brightly. You didn't want to seem like you were desperate, but you wanted him to stay.
Just to make my date jealous. Your mind justified your actions.
"Well, I was wondering.. if it's not too weird, if you'd like to accompany me somewhere tonight, to help 'cure' my broken heart?" It was an unspoken form of showing interest, and his eyes flew wide.
"And vhere vould zhat be?" His lips curled into a bright, pearly smile, and it was too cute.
"I'm not sure... what's your idea of a fun evening?"
"Vell, now zhat you mention it, my dove, let me see..."
The man started to list off a few cliché places, counting on his fingers. He went from movie theaters, to fishing, to laser tag, to carnivals, moonlit boat rides, even playing Yahtzee at your place. All the while, you started to shiver, and you clutched your arms across your chest to try and keep warm. All that you were wearing was a nice (date attire of choice), and you didn't want to have those cliché moments where he threw his coat around you or something.
...but something inside you almost did. Either that or weather just hated you.
"....and I zhink zhat's it." He turned to you, to see you shivering, and raised an eyebrow.
"Are you cold?" He asked.
Now's your chance! Your internal voice was screeching at you to say yes.
"What? Pff, nooo..." you denied it best you could. You didn't want to trouble him, but at the same time you wanted him to insist on warming you..
He chuckled.
"I am a man für cliché's, after all. Vell, more of a sucker for zhem.." his white jacket came off, and on you it plopped. He was left in a long sleeve shirt and red tie, with his sleeves left rolled at his elbows. He put his cold hands halfway into his brown pants pockets, thumbs sticking out, and shifted on his feet.
"My lady, vhat vill it be? Somezhing romantic, somezhing cheesy? I'm out of ideas. Do you haff any?"
"Well, how about learning each other's names first?" You suggested with a small grin. He beamed.
"My name ist Fritz." He stood tall and proud.
"(L/n). (F/n) (L/n)." You held out your arm for a handshake and gave him the 'James Bond' look.
"Vell, I didn't need to know your whole name, (Y/n).." He raised an eyebrow, but shook your hand firmly anyway.
"No, no, no, it was a reference to James," You saw the confused look on his face, " ah, nevermind. We were talking about places to go, correct?"
"...Yeah, do you haff any ideas?" The small smile curved at the corner of his mouth returned in a flash.
"Well, you said you like cheesy stuff, right..?" You cocked your head slightly, looking up at him with a cheeky grin.
"Ja...?" Fritz raised an eyebrow, awaiting your idea eagerly.
"Well, let's go to the local bar. Once we're there, I'll enter first and grab a seat at the bar. You enter five minutes later, and pretend to see me and fall in love." He chuckled a bit by this.
"Then, we'll both use extremely weird pick up lines, very loudly, and pretend they worked. After that, we'll go to as many shops down main street that are still open, and turn as many things upside down as we can without them noticing!" You threw up some jazzy hands for effect with a cutesy grin.
"Vell zhat was specific.. I love it! It's ingenious- my dove, you come up with the greatest of ideas! Your schweinhund of a date surely must be seething at himself that he missed the opportunity to be with somevone as wunderbar as you!"
"Why, thank you, good sir!" You jested, putting your hands proudly on your hips and standing tall.
"Vell, vhat are we vaiting for?!" Fritz was excited for what was to come. He couldn't wait to have fun for once! He had a large grin on his face, his eyes lit up, and his fists clenched. He felt like he was in high school again!
With a tilt of your head, you asked, "Do you have any transportation? The bar's kinda far away from here."
He nodded, "Ja, komm hier. It's across zhe street, just over zhere." He walked up to you, and put one arm around your shoulder, using the other to point to guide your eyes. "See it? It's hard to see since its black, but I love zhat little zhing anyvay." He pointed in the direction of a small, sleek, black car, freshly painted with some bullet holes denting the side of it. The windshield had a dove perched behind it, standing out from the inky blackness inside.
"What were you doing uptown, anyways?" You asked, wondering why his car was stopped there. He couldn't have been driving by and just happen to glimpse you alone in the restaurant, so how did he know you were in peril? What was he doing parked there?
"Vell..." He started, rubbing the back of his neck with his arm, removing it from your shoulder.
"I did have a date too, und zhey vere supposed to meet me here. She..." his eyes darkened. "She never showed up." He frowned at the thought.
"Oh, that must be terrible! I mean, of course, I know too.. But who needed them, anyways?" He smiled a bit at your reassurance.
"Ja, I guess you're right... But..." you could see he was getting increasingly upset, and you weren't sure what to do.
"Hey!" You said, jumping up and slinging your arm around his shoulder.
"Don't we have a fun night to have...?" You gave an endearing grin, and he laughed, pushing you off.
"Last vone to zhe car ist sehr alt!" He called, suddenly moving and pushing you aside as he started to run. You stumbled, and caught your balance, rushing to catch up. Luckily, Fritz had to run to the other side of his car to enter in the drivers side, while all you had to do was rush to the passengers seat, which was on the side of the street closest.
You both piled into the car and slammed the large doors at the same time, and the dove peacefully snoozing fluttered up and around in alarm as you two panted in the seats.
"I... I think we should call that a tie."
"Ja."
The car started up with a hum, and the dove fluttered back down on the warm windshield and sat on its feet, staring you down with its beady eyes. Just then you noticed it had blood stains all over its chest feathers, but you brushed it off.
"So, you have a dove?" Your finger reached out to stroke it, and it cooed, trying to rear its head back to wrap its beak around your finger.
"Yes, his name is Archimedes." Fritz didn't take his eyes off the road, and he smiled evilly. "And I'd watch out, he bites." You retracted your finger from the soft dove.
The quietness returned to the vehicle as it hummed on along the road. Every so often an outside streetlight would shine a stripe of light into the car as it rolled alone the pavement, and the sky was darkening still. Soon, however, you and Fritz made it to the bar, where you'd said your plan would take place.
After parking right outside, Fritz turned to you with a question, saying, "So, should Ich komme in after five minuten, or ten?" He was nervous, as evident from the German slipping through his tongue more than English.
"Five should be fine, lots of people are entering this time of night anyway." It was true, older couples were exiting as younger people were entering, and even some bikers and gang members were entering too.
"But, vill you be fine? Vith all zhese people..? I'd hate for you to get hurt by zhem..." Fritz unbuckled and turned to you, with half of your body out of the car. He had his eyebrows reposed, concerned, his lips wavering a bit.
"I'll be fine, just make sure you wait exactly five minutes and then enter. I'll sit at the front bar, near the left corner of the place. In this time, come up with some really cheesy pick up lines!" Fritz grinned at this, and with a reassuring nod, you left to go into the bar.
Fritz sat back and got comfy in his car. Reaching over to grab Archimedes, he sat the dove in his lap and petted the cooing creature.
"Vhat do you mean, throw a keyboard at her und yell 'you're just my type'? Zhat seems a little..." he searched for a word, "brutal?"
Archimedes cooed.
"Ja, but what if I changed out that vord vith.." he whispered into Archimedes' ear.
"Coo!"
"Perfekt!"
• • •
Fritz was at the front door to the bar, and he looked back at Archimedes, who was bobbing his head in reassurance. Fritz managed to wipe all nervousness from his presence, and he proceeded into the establishment.
Looking around, the bar was considerably large. Straight ahead was the bartenders bar complete with rustic stools and beer taps, and behind it sat the old, rugged bartender. Off to the left was tables, a lone jukebox, and most the biker dudes. Off to the right sat more people, mostly younger reckless teenagers, and some bathrooms. The wooden floor creaked as Fritz's boots stepped forward, until he spotted you in the far left corner. But you weren't alone.
He quickened his pace as he saw you surrounded by three large men, wearing thick leather and sporting the most hardcore grotesque tattoos on their bulky triceps. As he drew nearer, he noticed that two were blocking your exit, and one was sitting on a stool next to you, leaning over the counter, flexing for you. He caught wind of the conversation as he came nearer still.
"..work out seven days a week, seven hours a day. I call it the route 77- that's also the name of m'bikin' group. So, w'd you like t' take a ride," he flexed his arms harder so they glistened in the dark light, "with me 'n m'crew?" He flashed a grin full of yellow teeth from smoking, his frizzy California beach blonde beard and piercing sickly green eyes looking you over.
You were shoved in the corner, a red mess, stuttering a storm.
"U-uhm... N-n-no t-thank you, I j-just came here for a-a d-drink.." you were slightly shaking, and you pulled Fritz's jacket tighter around you for comfort.
The man pounded his fist against the solid wood of the counter, standing up. "You're gunt'a bloody come with us, doll. We ain't jokin'!" He reached over and grabbed your wrist, yanking you away from the counter. You were stumbling behind the large man, trying to get away, and that's when Fritz took action. His face turned red as he clenched his hands in large fists.
"Hey! Leave zhe lady alone, she obviously doesn't vant to go vith zhe likes of you, sheiß lutscher!" His yowl caught in the mans ear, and he halted, turning to face Fritz. Fritz was taller than him, however. The man was about 5'9, but Fritz was 6'2. He furrowed his brows, and threw you towards his two goons. Cracking his knuckles, he got up into Fritz's face, snarling.
"You wanta bloody go, Nazi?" Someone in the bar 'ohhh'd at his remark. Fritz squared the man up, looking him up and down for any advantages he had. His neck wasn't very thick, but his beer gut was. Fritz flared his nostrils, and with a grunt, grabbed the mans belt, yanking him forward. Caught by surprise, the biker man lurched forward, and Fritz took his other arm, wrapped it around him so he was caught fast, slammed his large hands on his neck, and pushed until he found a pressure point. The man started breathing heavily, flailing his arms to try and catch Fritz with blind jabs, wheezed, coughed a couple of times, then finally gave in and collapsed in a half conscious heap on the creaky wooden floor. Fritz snarled at him, then darted his slitted eyes towards the other two bikers, moving to stand in a powerful pose- legs parted and rooted to the ground, large hands in a fist, sleeves rolled up, wild hair and slit eyes. With wide eyes, they fled.
Fritz removed his steel round glasses, and wiped them against his shirt. Placing them back on his nose, he looked at your awe struck form. You were at a loss of words.
"Are... jou okay?" He broke the silence, slowly moving towards you. The bar returned to its chit chatter, and the bartender moved to place the bulky biker man off to the side of the bar, and put some frosted ice on his head.
You nodded quickly, and when he was close enough, yanked Fritz into a hug, your arms wrapped tightly around his waist.
"I should have listened to you.. you were right, I'm sorry.." you choked into his shirt. He sighed, and hugged you back with pity.
"Shh, ve kann still have a fun nacht." He then, smiling wildly while pushing away from you, loudly announced, "ARE YOU SILVEVARE, LIEB?! BECAUSE ICH LOVE TO SPOON!!" He grabbed you around your waist and dipped you down, and you stared at his face. The tears forming in your eyes leaked as you started to laugh uncontrollably.
Then, you shouted, "HELP! SOMEONE CALL 911- A MAN IS SEDUCING ME!" Fritz laughed at your horrible crack, but didn't expect this next part.
"AND IT'S WORKING!!!" His eyes widened in surprise, but he just deeply laughed, his chest vibrating against yours, and pulled you up out of the dip with a twirl.
"VHAT DO YOU SAY VE GET OUT OF HIER, MEIN DOVE?" Fritz asked loudly, grabbing your hand.
"I'D SAY THAT'D DANDY DO WITH ME!" The bar started to laugh at your odd display as you both went hand-in-hand, skipping out of the bar.
The two of you managed to hold your laughs in until you finally burst through the exit, and you let go of Fritz, clutched your sides, and fell over. It was too funny! Fritz was half dead as well, tears streaming from his eyes he was laughing so hard, until he collapsed on the ground next to you. A nearby couple looked on, concerned, at the scene going out, where two people collapsed outside the bar. They shrugged and went back to their thing.
Once you and Fritz calmed down, you had made your way back to his car. Entering it, you two sat there for awhile, calming your breathing.
"So... zhat vas fun." Fritz said, raking his hand through his hair, smoothing it down again. You giggled, and hummed your agreement.
"Fritz..?" You started, turning to face him. His heart skipped a beat as you said his name.
"What do you say we actually go to my place instead, tonight. I have plenty of silverware..!" You winked at him with an endearing grin, and he rolled his eyes and grinned.
"Anyzhing for mein one und only love. Forget about others before us, ve obviously make a great pair! We killed zhe bar, we killed zhe date zhing, und now ve haff an unforgettable nacht to alvays remember!" His little speech made you grin, and you looked over to him in his eyes. You leaned closer, and he leaned closer. There was nobody else in the world as you two slowly closed your eyes. The distance between you slowly closed into nothingness, and you melted with him into the kiss, your heart pounding rapidly in your chest, about to burst. It beat so loud you feared Fritz might hear it, but you didn't mind as you kissed him, your lips rubbing against his, his smooth stubble rubbing against your face. It felt so wrong, yet so damn right. The dappled moonlight shone above the scene romantically as you two kissed, and Archimedes looked at you two concerned.
~*Bonus ending!*~
Archimedes P.O.V
I looked at my owner and the pretty lady. They were wheezing for some reason, and baring their teeth at each other.
Wait, why are they moving closer to each other..?
Wait... WHY ARE THEY EATING EACH OTHER'S FACES NOW I DON'T EVEN--