"Laurene, I'm sorry." hagulgol niya nang hindi ako nakapagsalita.
And I still couldn't. I stared at her, completely speechless. Lumampas ang tingin ko sa kanya at nakita si Des na nakasunod sa kanya. She looked torn and in pain. She knows about this of course.
Ginawa niya. Two nights ago. Alam ni Des. Two nights ago. And yet they didn't tell me. Even Silas who I thought would tell me everything didn't. Bakit nila itinago? Bakit niya ginawa iyon? Bakit?
"Why?" I asked in a low but dangerous voice.
"Umiinom kami nila Des... Nalasing ako. N-Nakita ko siya malapit sa restroom mag-isa. N-napatid ako.. Sinalo niya ako pagkatapos h-hinalikan ko siya." hikbi siya ng hikbi habang sinasagot ang tanong ko.
Lasing? That's it? That's the explanation she could give me? Walang baril na nakatutok sa kanya nung ginawa niya iyon?
"Bull... shit." I gritted through my teeth. My eyes were warm. Angry tears from my friend's betrayal built in my eyes.
Pia winced at my harsh curse. She closed her eyes. "I'm sorry. Wag kang magalit sa kanya. Ako ang may kasalanan. Hindi niya... It's my fault. Ako ang humalik sa kanya."
"Malandi." I heard Rachel cough from my back.
Napangiwi si Pia, na parang sinampal siya dahil sa salitang iyon. I ignored Rachel's comment, placing all of my attention to Pia.
"You were my friend, Pia." I exclaimed.
"Nalasing lang ako, Laurene. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ko ginawa iyon. I'm sorry, L. Sana mapatawad mo ako. I'm sorry... Hindi ko sinasadyang halikan siya."
"Ang landi." Rachel commented again.
Nilingon ko siya. "Are you not gonna stop?"
"No." Rachel smirked. "Did you also hear that the kiss lasted long? That your Silas kissed him back?"
My heart, for the first time, cracked. It gutted me. Those words were enough to feed my brain with enough imagination to visualize Pia and Silas kissing.
Pia violently gasped, shaking her head. "Hindi totoo yan! Ako lang ang humalik! Nagsisinungaling siya, L!"
"But I'm not lying. Totoo naman. Hinalikan mo si Silas kasi malandi ka na hindi sanay uminom. At hinalikan ka naman ni Silas pabalik. He even held your waist and I saw tongue—"
Hindi ako nakapagpigil. Hinarap ko si Rachel at muling lumipad ang kamay ko sa pisngi niya. Nanlalabo na ang mga mata ko kaya hindi ko agad nakita ang pag-angat ng kamay ni Rachel at nagawa niya akong sampalin.
"Laurene!" Pia and Des called out in worry. How fucking fake that sounded to me.
"What the fuck? Hindi ako yung kaaway mo rito!"
Tinulak ko si Rachel kaya bumagsak siya pababa. Sinama niya ako sa pagbagsak niya. I quickly fixed my stance and swung my hand against her face. I reached for her hair again, pulling her up from the floor.
"Laurene!" chorused voices shouted for my name. Boses ng mga lalaki.
Nanginginig pa rin ako sa galit kaya hindi ko iyon pinansin. All I wanna do right now is hurt this bitch for her lies. I refuse to believe that she's saying the truth. Silas will never do that! He'll never do that to me!
"Anong kaguluhan ito?" another voice followed. An older woman, this time.
Rachel pulled my hair and a whimper escaped me. It was followed with curses from someone. Naramdaman ko na lang ang pagpulupot ng mga braso sa bewang ko at pag-angat ko sa ere. Sunod kong nakita si Orion at Takumi. Hinawakan nila sa magkabilang braso si Rachel para pigilan ito sa pagsugod sa akin.
My view of her brave and vicious face was blocked when Silas positioned himself in front of me. Seeing him in front of him forced unwanted images in my mind. It brought back the fury in me. Pumalag ako sa pagkakahawak sa akin ng taong nasa aking likod na paniguradong si Hadeon.
My twin cursed and tightened his arms around my waist. Si Silas naman ay hinawakan ang magkabilang balikat ko para pigilan ako sa pag-abante. "Baby, please calm down..."
Just a few words from him, just a simple baby from him, and I feel completely disarmed. My chest tightened, like air just got stolen from my chest. I gradually weakened. The adrenaline slowly dropped and my anger faded. Unti-unti ko nang naramdaman ang pagod at hapdi ng mga natamo ko sa away na nangyari. My scalp and cheek stings, my arms were exhausted, a few parts of my body ache.
"Miss Serrano, Miss Torres! In the discipline office. NOW!" Ms. Mendoza's thunderous voice bounced inside the room before she left.
Mariin na ipinikit ko ang mga mata. Fuck. The consequences of what I just did only came into me now. I was too blinded with ire earlier that the aftermath didn't even cross my mind. I didn't think this through. God, Laurene.
"Great!" sarkastikong sabi ni Rachel. Bumukas ang mga mata ko at nakita na sa akin siya nakatingin. "Thanks a lot, Serrano!"
"Shut up, Rachel." I heard Orion hiss.
"Don't bark orders at me. We're not in bed." Rachel retorted. Muli niyang ibinalik ang tingin sa akin at inirapan ako. Matapos 'non ay pumalag siya sa hawak ng dalawa at naglakad palabas ng room. Mukhang susunod kay Ms. Mendoza.
"Laurene." tawag ng maamong boses ni Silas.
Ramdam ko ang init ng mga titig niya sa akin pero hindi ko siya magawang tingnan. Baka kapag tiningnan ko siya ay bumalik lang ang galit at sakit ko sa oras na maisip ang paghalik ni Pia sa kanya.
I removed his hands from my shoulder. I didn't need to do the same to Hadeon, because he released me from his hold. Nilampasan ko siya nang hindi ko tinatapunan ng tingin.
"Laurene..." Pia feebly called when I passed by her.
My steps halted. I stopped from walking. Clenching my jaw, I turned my head to her. She flinched when our eyes met. "You're no one to me. Don't talk to me ever again."
I didn't care about the pain that crossed her face. I ignored Des when she called me. I ignored them all. Mas gugustuhin ko pa mapangaralan at harapin ang galit ni Ms. Mendoza kaysa ang makita silang lahat. I'm too angry to face them. I'm too hurt to pretend that this doesn't affect me.
Pia's betrayal hurts more than anything. She's one of my closest friends. She's practically my bestfriend! Kaya paano niya nagawa iyon?
Drunk people doesn't have control on what they do, but that doesn't mean she didn't want it. Gusto niya iyon. Hindi niya lang napigilan ang sarili niya dahil sa alak. At bakit hindi niya agad sinabi sa akin?
At bakit hindi sinabi ni Silas sa akin? He had the opportunity to tell me that night. I asked him more than once what's bothering him, but he never answered. Kahit nang hinatid niya ako pauwi ay hindi niya sa akin sinabi ang totoo.
And is Rachel telling the truth? Did Silas kiss her back? Fuck. My hand flew to my chest as my heart painfully squeezed.
Nang kausapin kami ni Ms. Mendoza ay hindi ako masyadong nagsalita. Rachel's the one who talked. Sinisi niya ang lahat sa akin. That I started first. She's telling the truth anyway. I'm the one who stormed in their room. I slapped her first.
I didn't bother defending myself. I knew what I did was wrong. Kasalanan ko ang nangyari, kaya para saan pa?
"Wala ka bang sasabihin man lang, Ms. Serrano?" Ms. Mendoza asked.
I casually looked at her and produced a simple shrug. Napahilot siya sa kanyang sentido, na para bang ang laki ng problemang kinakaharap niya.
"I'll have to talk to your parents. Pag-uusapan namin ang magiging sanction niyo. I'm sure you two are aware that fighting inside school grounds is a major offense. You two can get suspended... or worse, expelled."
"Even me, Ms. Mendoza? But I merely acted on self-defense! She's the one who attacked me here!" Rachel shrieked while pointing at me. On a normal day, I would have broke her finger, but I was too emotionally and physically drained.
Hindi kami pinalabas ng office. Hinintay ni Ms. Mendoza ang pagdating nga mga magulang namin. My mother looked pissed when she reached the office. Paniguradong bago pa man siya ipatawag ni Ms. Mendoza ay nasabi na ni Hadeon ang nangyari.
"Hindi naman pala si Rachel ang unang nanakit, then what is my daughter doing here?" Mrs. Torres sternly asked.
"Excuse you, my daughter might have physically started the fight, but she wouldn't have done that if it weren't for the rumors that your daughter started. She emotionally provoked her first!" my mother defended.
"It wouldn't be rumors if it's the truth, Ms. Serrano. And my daughter is not a liar."
"Parents, please. It's not about who started the fight. Both student violated one of the rules. They're both responsible for what happened."
"Ano ang gusto niyong mangyari kung ganoon? Suspend them? It's already their finals. Completion na ng clearance nila. Expel? This academic year's almost over!" Ms. Torres ranted.
And they continued talking. Hindi ko alam kung anong oras na pero pakiramdam ko ay lumipas na ang break time. If I'm gonna calculate it through my hunger, it's possibly almost lunch.
We were told to stay at home for tomorrow. She'll have to report to the principal about our case and wait for their decision. That's the only thing I understood. Ang ibang mga impormasyon ay lumabas na sa kabilang tenga ko.
Rachel and her mother left first. My mom talked to Ms. Mendoza, making sure to remind her of the incident when they wrongly accused me of cheating. Nang matapos sila sa pag-uusap ay nauna na akong tumayo at naglakad patungo sa pinto. I want to get out of here.
I stepped out of the office and immediately found Silas sitting on the bench. He quickly stood up at the sound of the door opening and faced me. His eyes locked on mine. I could see both worry and fear on his face.
"Laurene," rinig ko ang pangamba sa boses niya nang tawagin ako. Nakuha niya pang humakbang palapit sa akin.
I clenched my fists. I hardened my heart. I'm badly melting, but I don't wanna talk to him right now. I just wanna go home.
I weakly shook my head at Silas. I can't handle him now. Silas looked crestfallen when I passed by him. Kahit na nanghihina ay pinilit kong maglakad patungo sa gate ng school. I had to wait for my mother before I could leave the gates.
My mother didn't say anything the whole drive. When we reached our house, I headed straight to my room, hiding myself in the safety of it. I didn't bother changing my school uniform. I didn't cry. I just sat on the center of my bed. I don't know how long I stayed like that. Namamanhid na ang mga binti ko dahil kahit isang beses ay hindi ako gumalaw sa aking pwesto.
A set of soft knocks erupted from my door. My eyes transferred to it. The door slowly opened. My chest constricted when I saw him. He looked so unsure as he carefully stepped inside my room. He's got sad eyes that contrasted his mournful face.
"Laurene..." he sounded broken.
I bit my lower lip until I couldn't hold it anymore. It quivered as my eyes warmed, my sight blurred, and hot tears rolled down my cheeks.
Silas panicked at the sight of my tears. He quickened his strides and sat on the bed without any second thoughts. Hinawakan niya ang magkabilang pisngi ko at hirap na pinanuod ako habang umiiyak. Pinupunasan niya ang bawat patak ng luha sa pisngi ko.
"I didn't kiss her, Laurene. You know I didn't kiss her back, right?" Silas sounded like he's harding a hard time. "N-Nagulat na lang ako nang hinalikan niya ako, pero itinulak ko siya. Naniniwala ka naman sa akin d-diba?"
Hindi ako makasagot. Bakit hindi ako makasagot? Naniniwala naman ako kay Silas diba? He won't do that to me. Bumaba ang mga mata ko sa mga labi niya at kumirot ang puso ko. I can't help but think about it. Suminghap si Silas at marahas na umiling. Inayos niya ang mga kamay na nakahawak sa magkabilang pisngi ko. Inangat niya ang aking mukha para magtama ang mga mata naming dalawa.
His eyes were now glistening and slightly red. It was filled with dread. "I swear I didn't kiss her back. Please believe me... I didn't."
May hikbing tumakas sa akin. Muling napasinghap si Silas dahil doon. Ipinikit ko ang mga mata. Kinagat ko ang labi ko.
"Please don't cry..." he whispered.
"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked. My chest hurts so bad.
It was his turn to close his eyes."Because I knew you'd get hurt. I didn't want you to lose a friend just because of me. A-And most importantly, I was scared that you'd get mad and ignore me."
Silas inhaled sharply. He opened his eyes and stared at me, his eyes were pleading. "Please don't get mad at me. Please don't ignore me. Please don't shut me out... It hurts me a lot when you do. H-Hindi ko kaya."
Muling kumirot ang dibdib ko. Masakit.
"It's too much, Silas. Marinig ko pa lang na may humalik sa'yong iba, sobrang sakit na. Paano pa kaya kung makita ko? Paano pa kaya kung ikaw na mismo ang humalik? If I saw you kiss someone else..."
"That will never happen." he gently said, shaking his head. His thumb brushed my cheek. His eyes dropped to my lips. I brought my eyes down to his lips when he licked it. My eyes lifted to his. He's staring at me with both adoration and fear.
His face carefully leaned closer to mine. He looked scared even as the distance between us ceases. My breathing halted. My eyes closed when the tip of our noses touched. I felt all of my insecurities shatter the moment I felt his lips linger softly on mine. The pain, the anguish, every other emotion were forgotten. I failed to feel anything but his lips and how heavenly it feels to be kissed by him.
Silas tenderly pecked my lips once more before breaking the kiss. Our face were just inches apart when I opened my eyes. His eyes were filled with extreme emotions as it stared at me. He shortly glanced at my mouth, licking his lips again, before searching for my eyes.
He breathed in. "Ikaw lang ang gusto kong halikan, Laurene. Ikaw lang."