A/N- Firstly, this is a rough topic to right about and to read about, if you find it difficult to read about eating disorders this is not the story for you. Also, if this effects you please find help, whether it is from a professional or someone close to you. I love you all and just want you to be happy and healthy. This chapter was inspired by two songs, 'Who you are' by Jessie J, and 'Pretty Hurts' by Beyonce.
You were perfect. Stunning. Smart. The perfect wife. The perfect daughter. A liar. Gullible. Stupid. Ugly. Unworthy. Alone.
Every morning you would stand in front of your mirror, naked in the empty room. You would have to wait for Stannis to get up and begin his day, leaving you alone to glare at your body. He thought you incredible, though you hardly agreed with him. There was always something not right. Your hips were too wide. Your thighs too chunky. Your nose too large. You seemed to be the only person who could see it. So you would just stand and stare for as long as it took for you to begin to break down. Your handmaiden would find you most days, huddled on the stone floor with your knees clutched to your chest as you stared at your puffy red face.
It had all started when you travelled to King's Landing for Stannis' brothers wedding to the Lannister girl. Of course you were left with the women for most of the visit, sandwiched between some of the most stunning women in all the Seven Kingdoms. Gods, they were skinny. Stick thin compared to your curvier physique. And then there was Cersei. Her waist as small as your arm, her breasts perky and plump, it was as if she was created by the Gods just to tempt men. You saw how men watched her strutting around as if she already ran the place; even your husband watched her as she went past. It was then that you vowed to become perfect, for him and for yourself.
Stannis should not have to look elsewhere to see an attractive woman, and as often as he called you beautiful you couldn't believe it when his eyes wandered so freely. But nothing you seemed to do would bring him back to you.
This morning, as you stood in front of the mirror, you didn't cry; you just stared. The reflection staring back was no longer you, it was ghastly. It's limbs were long and stick thin, they looked as if they would snap at the lightest touch. It's ribs jutted out through the skin, so prominent that they could break free at any moment. It's hair seemed limp, clinging to it's skull and hanging around hollow shoulders. You raised a hand to touch the glass, amazed by it's warped image, and the creature seemed to mimic you, it's hand pressing against the glass as yours did. You could see the confusion on it's face, the same as your's.
You took a step back, shocked, and the creature did the same, following your lead as you grasped your hair brush tighter in your hand. As it's long fingers tensed you panicked, launching the brush at the glass, watching as it shattered and staring at where the monster had once been. Tears then leapt to your eyes as you knelt down in front of the splinters of glass that littered the floor. There was a sharp knock at the door and then the voice you were desperate for broke the silence.
"Y/N, are you alright?" Stannis asked quietly, speaking louder when you refused to answer. "I heard a crash from outside," he added, pushing lightly on the door until it swung open just enough to reveal you on the ground, still staring where the creature had been. You didn't realise you were pressing your hands into the shards of glass until he rushed over to your side, pulling you to your feet. "Be careful," he huffed as he helped you to the bed, your eyes still locked onto the frame of the mirror.
The room remained silent as he picked out tiny slithers of glass from your palms, and when he kissed one of your knuckles you finally looked down at him, knelt in front of you. "I'm sorry," you muttered, pulling your hands from him and moving to grab your robe from the floor where you had left it in a pile.
"It's just a mirror, I'll get you another," he told you, running his hand lightly up your spine as you tried to get away from him, shaking your head at his suggestion.
"No, I don't want another," you yelped, watching as his eyebrows scrunched up in confusion, watching as you kept your distance from him.
"Are you alright, Y/N? You're scaring me," he questioned, moving to sit down at the foot of your shared bed, hoping you would soon join him.
You nodded slowly in response. "I'm fine," you told him, a half-hearted smile appearing on your lips and causing him to let out a huff of air.
"You're lying to me," he sighed out, watching as your whole body seemed to shrink in on itself. "Please tell me the truth, Angel," he added and you closed your eyes, taking a deep shaking breath as you took a seat on the opposite side of the room.
"I need to be better," you muttered quietly, his eyes fixed on you as you began to shake with tears.
"Better?" he asked softly, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees as he watched you, pulling your robe tighter around your body.
"Prettier," you answered quickly, watching as he let out a humourless chuckle.
"What are you talking about, you're stunning," he told you and you scoffed lightly, glaring down at your thighs.
"I need to be better," you repeated, your nails digging into your palms, beginning to draw blood.
"No, you need to be healthy, and I want to help you," he spoke, standing up and drawing your eyes to him.
"You don't understand," you hissed at him, your reddened eyes fixed on his.
"Then help me to," he responded quickly, his voice even as he watched you shrink back.
*Time Skip*
You sat in silence for a while after attempting to explain your problems to Stannis. You had your head resting on his thigh as he stroked your hair. "It'll all be okay, I'm going to do everything I can to make you better," he told you as his fingers pressed into your scalp, massaging lightly.
"Thank you," you whispered lightly, your words mumbled through the tears that had spilt as you had spoken.
"I love you, I would do anything I could to make you happy," he muttered, his fingers stilling for a second as he spoke again. "I don't care how long it takes," he told you.
Please consider supporting me for just £3 using Ko-Fi. The link is available on my profile page. If you have any questions about Ko-Fi please feel free to private message me. Thank you. L x