My alarm went off at 6 am. I moaned from the tapping sun light against my face, it was too early for me and I knew that I was going to be wandering around like a zombie whole day. I blinked, shut my eyes closed, blinked again. After a long and loud yawn, I finally managed to open both eyes. I sat up on my small bed and stretched my back before going up on my feet.
I went to the bathroom and brushed my teeth, I was afraid to look at the mirror and see myself. I definitely wasn't one of those girls who woke up looking cute or pretty. Zayn's door was closed, probably Haley was still in there with him. I walked back into my room to change. I opened my closet and my eyes found the white dress I was going to wear today. I picked it out and placed it on my bed. I could remember the first time I wore it.
"I told you, you should wear dresses more often Annie, you look beautiful." my mothers blue eyes were shining with happiness as I walked into her room, wearing the dress she bought me for my birthday. She could hardly move any muscles but still, the look in her eyes was so lively, so bright.
"I feel weird.." I looked at my own reflection into the mirror and turned around. She was right, I was looking beautiful, weird but beautiful. I was actually looking like her, I had no idea how wearing a dress made me look like her even more but it did. "But, you're right. I should wear them more often." I said and smiled widely.
I never did wear dresses more often. This still was the only dress in my closet and I was wearing it once in a year, at my mothers death anniversaries. The dress was nice, it's skirt was up on my knees and it was covering my chest. But it didn't matter how beautiful it was, that dress was important because it was the last birthday gift my mother bought me. It was my last birthday I spent with my mother.
I curled my hair and let it fell on my shoulders, after a little make up, I was done. I always wanted her to see me pretty, I knew she would love it, seeing me in this dress. I wore my black toms even though I knew they were looking ridiculous under my dress but I didn't really care and got out of my room. All I needed was a coffee before leaving for the cemetary, I could feel a headache was slowly sneaking into my head for waking up so early.
"Good morning." Haley greeted me with her messy hair and sleepy voice as I walked into the kitchen. She was sitting on the counter and drinking her coffee.
"Good morning." I said and poured myself a cup of coffee, it was still warm thanks to Haley.
"Someone's looking beautiful." She said and smiled. "I'm sure seeing you happy like this will make Lily happy as well." She knew my mother and she was always so sweet to her, my mother loved Haley.
"Yeah, thanks." I smiled and took a sip from my coffee.
"It's cold, you should wear a coat or something, it looks like it's going to rain." Haley said and pointed out the window. The clouds were dark and looking heavy, I nodded quietly.
I went back to my room to get my black coat, just as I was leaving I saw Zayn's door was open now and he was sleeping. I slowly walked in and placed a kiss on his forehead, his lashes flickered but he didn't wake up.
"See you later Haley." I said as I walked pass the kitchen.
"You too love." I heard she said.
***
It was always weird to me, seeing my mothers name on the white marble stone. It had been two years since she passed away but I could never get used to seeing her name there. "Hey mum." I said as I sat on my knees next to the marble and took a deep breath. "I hope you can see me right now, I'm wearing the dress you bought me, again. I still feel weird in this." My lips curled up to a lazy smile. I didn't know what to say, there was so many things on my mind but I just couldn't find the right words.
I sat there for minutes without saying anything. "Delia misses you." I said finally, which was stupid. "I'm sure she will visit you today. Liam misses you too, he's still my best friend. Nothing really changed in our neighborhood, it's still boring and ugly. And Zayn... he misses you, sometimes I even think he misses you more than anyone else, he's not showing it but I know he does. You know your son, he always hides his feelings. He was sleeping when I left but we both know he will be here tonight." I pressed my lips together. Zayn was always visiting our mum at nights, after everyone, I knew he was doing this to be alone here, just like my reason to come here so early, before everyone. I wanted to talk to her alone.
"I miss you mum." I said, my voice sounded like a whisper then I lost it. There was wet spots on my dress, caused by my tears, I placed my hand on the marble and tried to breath. I had to hold my urge to sob out loud, because I knew it would only make her sad, I had to contain myself, but I couldn't. "I miss you so much and I can't even get into your room. It's been two years and I'm still not strong enough to face your memories. Because those are just memories and it reminds me that there would be no new one. Those are the only memories I had with you and I can't stand it, I'm still waiting to hear your voice, waking up to your voice every morning..." My voice was shaking just like my hands, I took a deep breath and wiped my wet cheeks. "I'm so tired, I feel like I'm not enough, I can't be you even if I try so hard I just can't... Dad's gone, Zayn is working in somewhere I don't even know and I feel like losing him... He's being different lately and I can't even handle the thought of losing him... I hate my job, I hate that I can't afford university, I hate living in this small bubble, seeing same faces and doing same things every single day. I'm so tired, I just wish you were here..."
Then I cried, I cried and cried like babies for an hour. I knew it was only making her sad seeing me like this but it felt good. I felt like the poison that was inside of me was finally leaving. I felt a little more free, even better. I was feeling weak, but stronger at the same time. I was so busy with all the things that was happening and I felt like I forgot that I was still just a little girl who needed a mother. And my mothers grave was the only place that made me feel like a child again.
***
I was walking back home, feeling lighter. My thoughts were cleaner as I took slow steps towards my house. Then I saw something that made my eyes go wide, the black car. It was a surprise to me because it'd been a week since I last saw Harry and it was the night he came here to talk to me. Niall was back and taking Zayn to work for the last whole week, even if I wondered why Harry was not coming anymore, I didn't ask anything to Zayn. He was probably coming only because Niall was out of town and now he was back. But he was here now. The car was empty as I walked past it, so he was inside waiting for my brother and Zayn was late as always.
I opened the door with my keys and slowly walked in. I could hear Zayn's sleepy voice coming from the kitchen as I slowly made my way there after taking my coat off. "That's bullshit." he said. "Louis was there too, he saw it."
"You should talk to him today." I heard the deep familiar voice, his tone was serious, almost angry. "He's waiting and-"
"Anne?" Harry's words were interrupted by a topless Zayn, he was leaning against the counter and drinking coffee, his eyes found me, I was standing at the door. I cursed myself for not hiding in the hall and listening what they were talking about, why couldn't I think about it a minute earlier, because I was an idiot, there was no other explanation. "You're early."
Harry's back was turned to me, he was sitting on a chair and I had to admit the fact that his back was looking really masculine with the black t shirt he was wearing. "Yeah." I mumbled and walked in. Harry turned to his left to see me, but being the anxious little idiot I was, I didn't look back at him. I would if Zayn wasn't here, I felt like I was doing something wrong when I was around both of them at the same time.
Zayn opened his arms and gave me a warm hug, placed a kiss on top of my head. I was still avoiding Harry's gaze, but I couldn't anymore as I turned around and leaned against the counter next to Zayn. "Hey." He said and gave me a quick nod, his eyes looked empty as he looked at me, not like the way he did when we were here alone last week.
"Hi." I said and he turned his gaze to his phone. I felt like we were two strangers that never talked before, just like Zayn thought we were. Maybe he was being like this just to not make Zayn suspicious, even though that was the reason I felt irritated. I avoided my thoughts and looked at Zayn. "Is Haley still here?" I asked. It was still early, Haley could've been sleeping in Zayn's room.
"Yeah, she's sleeping." Zayn said and put the empty cup in the sink then looked at Harry. "I'll grab a t shirt then we can leave." Harry just nodded, still looking at his phone.
Zayn left the kitchen and I wanted to follow him to get rid of this awkward atmosphere between me and Harry. Maybe I was just making it a big deal, just because he came here for one night that didn't mean we were best friends forever now.
Just as I was walking pass him to get out, I heard him. "That's new." He said quietly.
It was unexpected, but my head snapped up to look at him right away. "What?" I asked confusedly.
"The dress." He said and pointed me. "I thought you were the type of girl who wears jeans everywhere."
My lips curled into a smile as I saw his familiar frustrating smirk back on his face. "I am." I said and went back to lean against the counter again. "It's a special day, that's why I'm wearing this." I didn't want to talk about my mothers death, I felt like it was making it even more real everytime I said it out loud.
"What is it? Prom or something?" He said and chuckled, his dimples popped on his cheeks, made me smile even wider.
"Funny!" I said sarcastically, rolled my eyes. He was just smiling, it was a real smile not one of those playful smirks he always had. "You forgot your beanie here." I whispered, remembering the black beanie that was standing in my drawer. I had to whisper it because I didn't want to explain myself to Zayn.
"Yeah, I know." he said.
"I'll bring it-" I was just about to go to my room to get it, Zayn appeared at the door and I stopped.
"I'm ready." he said to Harry then turned his look on me as Harry got up. "I'm not coming back tonight."
"What?" I asked, louder than I thought, they both were looking at me. I wasn't almost yelling because of him not coming home, it was because today was our mothers second year death anniversary. He had to go and visit her, I didn't care about his work, he just had to. "Will you be working whole night?"
"No." Zayn said and shook his head. "I'll spend the night at Haley's."
"Oh," I said and felt relieved. "Okay."
Zayn's eyes was looking soft, I knew he realized why I reacted like that. He walked closer to me and looked me in the eye. I knew Harry was watching us and that was not making me any less nervous. "Don't worry, I'll go to her tonight." he whispered and kissed my cheek. "Be careful."
I just nodded and smiled, "You need to shave." I said, his beard felt itchy on my cheek when he kissed me.
"Shut up." Zayn said and I laughed as he walked away, I knew he was smiling too.
Harry's eyes met mine just for a second one last time before they left and at that moment I knew it really was just to not make Zayn suspicious.
***
Haley woke up just as I was leaving for work, we left together and she walked with me to the bus station. The work was boring as usual, my only friend was Sean who was a lovely guy. He was really sad today though, he said he had a fight with his boyfriend. We went for a coffee after work and talked about it for more than one hour. From what he told, his boyfriend sounded like a jerk which frustrated me because Sean was such a great guy and I knew he deserved the best.
I visited Delia when I arrived back to the neighborhood, she was alone, Liam was at his fathers since yesterday. I made tea and we watched television, didn't talk about my mother. She only told me that she visited the graveyard today earlier, nothing more. Because her voice was shaking even when she said that and she knew she would cry if she talked more and it would make me cry too. She also knew that was one of the topics I didn't really like to talk about.
When I finally got back home, I was really tired because of waking up too early. I just needed a good long sleep to get myself together. It was a full day, first the visit of my mother's grave, then Harry, then work of course, after that listening Sean's boyfriend problems, and having a little time with Delia, it really was a long day. I wore my pijamas and I was ready to jump in bed when the door bell rang. I groaned in frustration and walked towards the door. I was hardly keeping my eyes open as I opened the door and they were snapped open as soon as I opened it.
"Can I get my beanie back now?"
A/N: Hello! I know not all of you guys are members of wattpad so that means not all of you can leave a comment but I would love to know your thoughts on ships. Ziam, Larry, Narry, Zerrie, Elounor, Niam, Zouis, Sophiam... Whatever you're shipping as a romance or bromance, I would love to know that.
I hope you liked the chapter, and just like I always say please vote or leave a comment that would be lovely for me. You have no idea how happy seeing a comment makes me feel. I know there isn't enough Zayn lately and but I promise there will be. The next chapter, there will be Harry again obviously, but in chapter 8, we will have so many Zayn & Liam.
Thank you for reading!! xx