Posted on March 26th, 2017 | Edited on August 17th, 2018
| . . . C H A P T E R - 2.2.1 : I N - C O N T R A D I C T I O N . . . |
Angad, Kripa, and I entered the club to meet up with Arnav at night. He was seated on one of the couches with a drink in his hand. It looked as if it had hardly been touched though. I remembered him to not be a fan of drinking - hence why Kripa would always be careful to not get caught drinking by him. But... given the drink in his hand, had that changed?
I told myself to not over-observing. So what if it had? Two years had went by. What did I care what had and had not changed in his life? No. I should not care. If he wanted to drink, that very well was his choice.
I wanted to move on from it, but Angad pointed out, "It's a bit too early, don't you think?"
Kripa said, "Yeah, but we can so somewhere afterwards when it gets overly crowded."
He chuckled, "I was talking about your cousin drinking already."
Her mouth turned into an O shape in embarrassment and then turned to me, changing the topic, "Dance?"
I shook my head, "Maybe later?"
She didn't force knowing I'd rather stay away from the crowd. She didn't know of the episode this afternoon but I am sure she could tell by how dull my face was.
Angad was quick to answer, "Wait up."
I grabbed the back of his shirt and pulled him back for a quick second to warn, "Careful."
He feigned innocence, "What do you mean?"
I glared at him knowingly, "Khanna, don't mess with her. You see her cousin over there?"
He sighed and placed his hands on my shoulder in assurance. "I know, Smiley. You've warned me about her many times already. And, I know she just broke up with her boyfriend."
"How'd you know?" I had to ask for I certainly didn't tell him.
He continued with his assurance, "We're just friends, okay?"
I rhetorically pointed out, "You and just friends with a girl?"
He didn't know the meaning of it. If he was friends with me, it would be because I am Armaan's sister and despite the carefree guy he was, he respected these unwritten 'bro codes'. As for Riddhima, he might have teased her in our initial days of friendship by calling her his 'girlfriend' to get on Armaan's nerves and make his jealous, but she too fell under that code given Armaan and her equation.
He laughed and placed a chaste kiss on top of my head, a brotherly one, before walking away to find Kripa. There was a reason he always made it a point to never go after girls that were in our group of friends. He knew better than to mess up. But, if Kripa herself told him about Aaron, perhaps this afternoon, then I shouldn't be a prude between the two.
I let my shoulders drop. I'd warned him. There was nothing more I could do. Besides, they were both adults.
If Kripa had a problem, she very well knew how to tell off a guy.
I turned and looked around before my eyes returned to where Arnav sat. He was already looking my way. Armaan's promise ran the back of my mind.
Well... here goes nothing.
I walked up to him and sat at the other end of the couch, leaving more than enough space between us for two more people to sit.
His greeting was through a question, "Where's your brother? And Riddhima?"
"As you can see, not here."
Ugh. I am going to have to work on changing my tone towards him from snapping being my go-to if this was going to work.
He scoffed, glancing down at his drink as if contemplating something... perhaps a response? For the first time since we met again after two years, I felt like I was really looking at him. He looked the same and yet, there was something different. I did not know what to term this vibe I was getting off him. Maybe it had something to do with how he looked a bit tired around the eyes.
I mentally shake my thoughts away, telling myself there was nothing as such. He probably just didn't sleep. I do remember he used to pull overnighters back then.
I blink back to him when he lifted his hand and downed the rest of his drink in a big gulp. Then, his eyes met mine and he replied, "And here I thought seeing you with Angad and Kripa that you actually had a nice side. Tell me, do you save all that bitchiness just for me?"
My instant response was with just as much sarcasm. If he wasn't trying, why should I? "What can I do? It just comes naturally. I wonder what triggers such behavior."
I looked around spotting a few drunk people. Some completely wasted despite how early in the evening it was. Groups of friends. Couples. Guys checking girls out. Making a face at the later was instinctual. I did somewhere believe in love given Armaan and Riddhima. Still, at times, it was amusing to see the things people mistook as love.
He whispered in my ear, "Good to know I still hold some place in your life."
When did he move closer? How did I not catch the movement in my peripheral? Despite everything, my unconscious-self let her guard down around him.
My back stiffened on realizing his face was just an inch away from me. I inched back, scrunching away. He seemed to be assessing me. Did he care enough to know I still felt uncomfortable when people I didn't approve of breached my personal bubble?
I cleared my throat, preparing to give a sassy reply but no witty response flashed in my mind. His words repeated. What did he care if I gave any importance to him or not? If he saw the questions in my eyes, he chose to not answer - as always. Not much seemed to have changed in these two years.
I looked away, resting my head back and crossing my arms over my chest. "You don't mean anything to me, Raizada. Never did. So, don't go about carrying false beliefs."
I had no interest in gauging his reaction - whether he believed me or not. If my harsh words hurt him... then good. Can't say he doesn't deserve it.
The screen on his phone lit up when it vibrated with an incoming call. My eyes involuntarily glanced down at the distraction to read the caller ID upside down. Lavanya. He reached for it and answered it. "Yeah?" was all I heard as he answered and pressed a finger over his other ear to focus on hearing over the music while standing up to exit the club so he could attend the call.
I watched him leave.
That name, it continued to bother me.
"...just my best friend. Don't let Kripa tell you anything else about her."
Though those words were years ago, I could still remember every single word in the sentence as if it were yesterday. He said don't listen to Kripa but she did say Lavanya was his girlfriend. I might have chosen to take his word for it, but...
"Taking someone out on Valentine's Day would only happen if the girl was special to me."
His words always in contradiction with one another. Till date, I couldn't understand who Lavanya was to him. A best friend or someone special, for he brought her to that Valentine's ball despite telling me he wouldn't be there. Despite telling me he thought it was a waste.
. . . ∞ . ∞ . ∞ . ∞. . .
| . . . C H A P T E R - 2.2.2 : A - F A I N T - I M P R I N T . . . |
Angad and Kripa returned two songs later while Arnav was still nowhere around. Kripa complained catching her breath, "Khushi, you promised you would come!" She was complaining but the glow on her face otherwise. There was no way she missed my absence.
"I never promised. I said maybe later." I reminded her of my exact words.
She rolled her eyes and grabbed my hand to pull me up. She didn't need to say it for me to know she was going to drag me to the restroom. If you asked me, being a female myself, I didn't understand why we girls always had to go to the restroom in a group. Still, I knew better than to argue with Kripa.
Twenty minutes later - thanks to the long line - we returned and she stopped by the bar. "I need a drink."
I asked, "I thought you weren't going to drink tonight?"
She shrugged, "I wasn't going to since Arnav is here but its hard not to when I'm in a club." I had asked her this before and I knew the answer. Arnav was protective. Seeing the look on my face, she tried to make me understand speaking in his favor, despite everything. "He's many things, Khushi, but one thing is he doesn't show to anyone he cares for very few people this world."
I knew that very well.
Five people, he'd said. Though, I assume that could have changed in last two years.
I swallow the hurt at the thought that even though years passed, I am standing still where he left me then and I have no idea where he had moved on to... or if any of it meant anything to him. Meeting him had changed my entire life. What did it do to him - if it did anything at all, that is.
"Then why do you still risk it?" I questioned unable to understand this. She defended him and yet pushed him as if just asking him to show his overprotective side again.
My eyes caught motion past her shoulder where Arnav was starting to approach us. Damn. Since Kripa's back was towards him, he couldn't have seen her. I did the first thing my instinct told me to and grabbed the shot glass out of her hand and into mines.
She was ready to pout, probably thinking I wasn't going to let her drink and chide her, but I cut her off. "Not a word."
When she noticed me looking past her, she turned around as well. I couldn't see her but her tone indicated how pale her face must be. "Arnie! Hey..."
He asked without a greeting, "What are you doing at the bar?"
"I... uh..." She fumbled to answer.
I was going to regret this. I lied to save her ass, "I needed a drink."
Both their eyes darted my way. Hers, filled with shock and somewhere relief. His, confused yet smirking. I connected the dots. He already didn't believe it when I told him it wasn't me drinking at that night club in Australia.
"Really now?" The challenge was clear in his voice.
My fingers tightened around the glass. Just holding it wasn't enough to convince him and save Kripa. Oh, I was really starting to hate this. Things one must do for their friend. I quickly glanced at Kripa holding the drink up in front of my face. She looked apologetic and scared. I blinked to assure her and locking my gaze with his next, I gulped down the shot.
It stung as it trickled down my throat. The bitter taste tempted me to spit it back out instantly, but I had to hold it back. How can anyone digest this taste?
The expression on Arnav's face darkened.
I felt the urge to roll my eyes. What, he can drink but I can't? "Let's go." I said to Kripa, blinking away from him and taking her hand.
She started to apologize the second we were walking away, "I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have..."
"Drop it, Kripa. He believed it. Just don't take such risks again, please? I can handle one shot but I can't do it again. You know that."
She nodded fervently. "Yeah, never again. I promise." I gave her a look and she reconsidered. "Atleast I'll try."
Despite my throat feeling that it was starting to clog up and soon, I would be unable to breathe properly, I chuckled. Kripa and not drinking were two things that wouldn't settle well with reality.
Reaching Angad, I ordered. "Car keys." He glanced at me apprehensively. "I'm not going to drive it away, jeez! I left my wallet in there."
"I'll come with you," he announced and I didn't argue over this simple matter as long as I could get to my wallet where I kept my medications.
It didn't take a second longer after we exited the building for him to figure it out. He said in an accusatory tone, "You drank, didn't you?"
"I had to," I defended lamely while holding on to his arm.
He scolded walking faster, "What reason could be more important than your life, Khushi?"
"Just get me to the car," I pleaded. I could listen to his lecture afterwards.
He didn't delay and ran ahead to the car. He met me halfway with my wallet.
I took out a slip of tabs and gulped one down. It tasted awful with water. Important to that, however, was that I didn't reach cardiac attack and my airway track started to clear up.
Angad stood beside me rubbing my upper arm while I took a moment to take a few deep breaths. "How about we head back to the hotel?"
It did take some time for the pills to work properly. Even if I could breathe, I still felt jittery and out of balance. "I'll be fine in a few minutes. I just need to sit for some time."
Despite my protests, he took my cell and called Kripa to tell her we were waiting for Arnav and her by the car making the excuse we should go somewhere for dinner. He was determined so I got in the back seat and closed my eyes while we waited, feeling a bit dizzy.
. . . ∞ . ∞ . ∞ . ∞. . .
I opened my eyes in confusion at the salty air and the sound of crashing waves. Why were we at the beach instead of some restaurant?
Angad opened the door and answered as if knowing my thoughts, "I thought you might want to be in the open. Get some fresh air."
I offered a weak but sincere smile and got out of the car, choosing to sit atop the front of the car rather than walk to the beach just yet.
His eyes were glued to Kripa who had walked off towards the beach. No one could capture his attention for more than once.
"You really like her, don't you?"
He attempted to lie, "Na, you know me. Just admiring the view."
I rolled my eyes. Why couldn't boys just admit their feelings instead of portraying themselves to be who they are not? Armaan fought it for the longest and look where it got him. He almost lost Riddhima because of it. And now, Angad wanted to follow in his footsteps rather than learn from his friends' mistake.
Seconds later, I advised. "Angad?"
"Hmm." He blinked back at me.
"Don't do what Armaan did."
It took him a second to understand what I was hinting at. A small smile covered his face as he dropped all pretense and truly spoke his thoughts, "I can't take advantage of the fact that she's still vulnerable from her breakup with her ex."
I smiled back. Now this was my friend. Not the one who wasted his life away in late night parties, alcohol and a string of girls. "I knew you had a heart in there somewhere."
He chuckled and nudged my shoulder in response. "My heart has got nothing to do with it."
I let him believe that for now. It may be true. It had only been two days since he truly met Kripa. Knowing of her from his random conversations with me didn't count as much for they didn't directly talk with one another.
As if making his decision, he asked. "You gonna be okay by yourself?"
I nodded to assure him. He would have stayed by me if I had said no. I knew that. I just didn't want to hold him back in spending some time with Kripa.
It was only a week that we were in Goa. After which, she would be back in Nainital with her parents and Angad would be... well, he's Angad. He's everywhere - wherever his absent heart tells him to go to in order to escape his parents and reality.
There was no binding him to one place. Only people.
He jogged off to reach Kripa. After some minutes, I decided to walk towards the beach myself and sit in the darkness rather than under this street light in the parking lot where the car was parked.
In one manner, utter darkness was scary. Monsters lurked the dark corners. More than anyone, I knew that. Yet, in another, it was a means for solace. You could hold whatever expression you wanted to and have no one learn of it. You were free to be yourself. Feel whatever you wanted to. You could use it as a mask to hide in silence and pretend that there is nothing around you; that you are in your own world.
I noticed Arnav in the distance sitting by himself. I considered walking in the opposing direction and find a quiet space. Again, Armaan's promise acted as a nagging reminder compelling me to change my course and walk towards him instead
As I neared, I noticed his hand on the packed sand, more like his nails were digging into it. Feeling my presence, he glanced up and it seemed to break him out of his thoughts. He moved his hand away as if he had been caught doing something he shouldn't be.
Narrowing my eyes, I followed his actions before my gaze lingered to where his hand had previously been. There was a faint imprint of his hand there though it was distorted given his fingers had been digging the sand around it.
It distinctly reminded me of the night I had told him one of the facts of my past and he had been so enraged, he'd driven us to the beach.
The night he made promises of never letting me go, of always being next to me... the night he touched my heart for the first time.
. . . ∞ . ∞ . ∞ . ∞. . .
| . . . A U T H O R - N O T E . . . |
It's like you want to be mad at Arnav for dancing with that random girl, but when you see him doing these things when he thinks no one can see him and, hopefully, can feel his pain, you can't, right? Hope you liked the change to the beach scene!
Not much eventful but next one is again a chapter with a different take. Hope you're ready!
I'm going to continue with two updates a week for rest of this month so I can edit ahead and next month on, return to thrice a week :D