Y/N's p.o.v
"Good good, can you turn your head to face the camera please?"
I did exactly that, with a cool and collected facial expression that many models do. I'm usually not good around cameras but y'know what they say, fake it till you make it. I just needed to feel confident in myself and I'm already halfway there.
"WOOO!!! Y/N you're so coooOOOOLLL!!" Christie whooped by the sidelines.
I couldn't help but the let out a laugh out of embarrassment, breaking my composure. But that doesn't stop the photographer to keep taking photos of every movement I make.
The purpose of this photo shoot was that these photos were going to be our profile that is going to be shown on the BigHit website to reveal the identities of the girls in the upcoming girl group. We only recently discovered the CEO had decided to name us Flower Heart, Bangtan's little sister group. Unlike bulletproof, tough-kind of concept they had going on. We have a more delicate, fragile kind of concept but not to the point we're girly, we are capturing the aesthetic concept of flowers that'll make people's heart flutter.
After taking a few pictures, the cameraman signalled me over to check out my photos on the computer. I stared at the good quality photos with awe. I didn't like looking at myself, I find myself ugly but somehow it came out decent. Maybe it's because the photos were well taken.
I waited for the photographer's comment. He nodded a few times, "It's good, I like it."
"Thank you," I bowed to him.
"Ok ok~~" he fiddled a bit on his computer before calling over Sang-So, "Kira, you're next!"
Sang-So jumped up from her seat and walked by me, "You were great out there," she complimented.
A smile grew upon my face, "Thanks, but you'll do better than me hahaha."
I settle myself by the girls' side, they showered me with compliments and assurance that I didn't stuff up, but that I did a good job. But watching the sound of flashes and clicks from the camera still makes me nervous. Watching Kira pose so coolly and naturally was amazing, it was as if she was already a professional model. It gave off such a chic vibe that may never fail to grab people's admiration and attention.
'Wow~~ I really wish I was like her,' I thought to myself.
I felt a few taps on my shoulder, I turned around to see who it was, "Bong-Cha!~"
"C'mon Y/N, I need to retouch your hair," Bong-Cha dragged me to a chair and sat me down.
Bong-Cha, a hairstylist, styles our hair for this shoot. Nothing too extravagant, just simple and elegant hairstyles.
"Wahhh~ look at you~ you're going to be an idol soon," Bong-Cha grinned as she brushes my hair in her fingertips.
I huffed with relief, "Yeah, I still can't believe it."
"What to do?~ When you're going to be a famous, popular idol. You're going to forget me and little Yesung," she dramatically cries behind my head.
"No way~ I won't forget you guys haha, Little Yesung could even brag about me with his friends."
"Are you even worth bragging about?"
I turned around to bash Bong-Cha playfully, "Unnie!~ (Korean term for sister)."
"Just kidding," she chuckles, "but seriously though, we barely see each other these days. It breaks my heart."
"Same here..."
"But how about your hair though?"
"What about my hair?"
"Have you ever thought of y'know... Changing it up? Gotta keep up with the trends. The black hair doesn't scream you."
"Well ha ha... I don't know to be honest. I don't want to dye it. I feel fine with this, but maybe in the next album."
Bong-Cha cocks her head as she gently tosses my hair, focusing on her work.
I pulled out my phone out of my bag, realising I had received a text message.
Taehyung: Heard the news! Good job for making it in.
I knew you would make it!
It's been a while since we've last talked or even seen each other...
You must be busy, I've been busy as well XD
How are you? Hope you are eating healthily and sleeping lots, I don't want you to be sick or to starve.
I miss you... I miss you a lot... I hope we could see each other soon~ very soon!
I like youuu... A lot...
Aish~~ >.< I'm so embarrassed
Even though I'm typing this over text, my heart is jumping and my face is so red \(//∇//)\
Anyways good luck with all the training! Fighting!
I smiled a bit before we were called out by the photographer, "Group photo shoot!"
I jumped in my chair, snapping me out of that state.
"NE~ (YES~)" we chanted.
Us, girls gathered together to take our photos together.
I miss you... I miss you a lot... I hope we could see each other soon~ very soon!
I like youuu... A lot...
Those words almost disturbed me... How do I feel? I'm a terrible person for being unable to come up with a proper response to this. Do I like him back? Or do I like someone else? For JISOO CHRIST's sake, I'm going to become an idol eventually... Is it even possible to date any of them?
Though these thoughts keep flying in my head, almost giving me a headache. I was somewhat able to conceal it all under a joyous smile. The face of an idol.
~~~~~
We finished the day of training with dancing. I brushed my sweaty forehead with satisfaction as the busy day was over.
The girls and I chatted over things as we walk by the hallways.
We see Namjoon on his phone, walking in the hallways. He lifted his head which resulted us to make eye contact with him. "Annyeong-haseyo (Hello)," we all bowed as we past him.
"Annyeong-haseyo (hello)," he greeted us back, "Oh Y/N," he grabs me by my wrist, turning me around, "may I speak with you for a moment?"
I looked back at the girls, Hei-Ran nodded, "We'll meet you outside."
"Thank you," I mouthed to them. They headed down the hallway and turned to a corner, disappearing from my view. I turn to face Namjoon, awaiting for whatever he had wanted to say.
"Thank you Y/N for taking care of me when I was drunk," Namjoon said in an embarrassed tone, "Jimin told me it was you who took me home. Sorry if I was making a lot of trouble."
Blood rushed up to my face as I recall memories from that night, "Ah ha it's ok."
"Did I do anything to you to make you uncomfortable? Sorry if I did, I don't remember much from that night."
Oh... He must've forgotten... Maybe it's for the best.
"N-No of course not, you just said a few weird things."
Namjoon leant closer, trying to meet my eyes, "hmm?~ what things? What did I say?"
"Uhhmm..."
'I need you'
'Can I be your first?'
'Can I kiss you?'
I shook my head, my ears were burning red. If I keep this up, I think I would be unable to utter a word as I became all shy and nervous. "Just weird things," I chuckled.
Namjoon smiled a bit, "if it was that weird to the point you won't tell me, I think it's for the best if I don't get reminded. There was a time when I was drunk, Jungkook had to take me home. On the way home, I was clinging onto his arm screaming Oppa," Namjoon laughed a bit as he recalled the memory, "Now that is something I want to forget."
I laughed with him as well but my laugh died quicker than his. But what he said that night was different to the weird he knows. I slowly backed away, "I guess I should go now, it's getting late."
"Oh umm yeah," Namjoon scratched the back of his neck, "well see you Y/N, have a good evening."
"Have a good night~" I bowed to him as I turned away from him.
I silently bashed myself, 'Stupid stupid stupid! Am I being too formal? What am I saying? It's normal to bow to your Sunbae (Korean term for Senpai/an upperclassmen). Why can't I just act like a normal person?!'
At another end of the hallway, I see three figures approaching in my direction. Jin, Hoseok and Taehyung. As soon as I heard their voices, as soon as I saw their faces. I quickly hid myself, my back against the wall. I was left panting as if I just ran a marathon. My head throbbed as memories and thoughts ran through my mind.
'No.... No I'm not ready to see them! I-I don't know who I like!'
What was I doing? Hiding from idols. If myself from two years ago were in my shoes I would rather chase them than hide from them.
My heartstrings tugged as I realise I started to panic. Their voices were growing closer, as my breathing patterns were offbeat and my mind felt hazy. It was too much pressure.
I squeezed my eyes closed, shaking my head. 'Calm down!'
I then decided to turn in another direction, able to avoid the interaction with the bangtan members (beside Namjoon of course).
To only be put to a halt in my tracks as Jimin, Yoongi and Jungkook were just a metre away, in front of me, looking at me with curiosity.
I began stuttering, "A-A-annyeong-haseyo (hello)," I bowed to them, trying to not make any eye contact.
They bowed back.
"Y/N? Are you alright?" Jimin asked, "you look quite pale."
"I'm fine..."
"Oh Y/N~" I heard a voice behind me. Knowing that cheerful, deep voice. It was Taehyung's. Jin, Hoseok and Taehyung must've caught up.
'I can't bare to look at him, any of them.'
I clenched my hands into a fist, it almost felt difficult to breathe at this moment. Like an idiot I started to run away, pretending I didn't hear anything. I bumped into Jungkook's shoulder quite harshly (by accident) as I ran away, I mutter out an apology as I ran but it was most likely not heard.
But it didn't matter to me, I didn't want it to matter to me. All I was focussed on was to escape the building, out of Bangtan's sight.
I burst out of the doors, engulfing the cold, chilly air.
"Y/N! What's wrong?" Kyung-Soon questioned.
I stuttered and spoke quickly, not wanting to linger around the building, "N-n-n-nothing, you guys go ahead. I'll come back to the dorms later."
"Yah yah yah! Slow down will you," Sang-So grips onto my arm.
"We can sort this out at home, ok?" Kyung-Soon suggested.
"Just please!..." I pulled my arm away, "I just need to be alone for a while."
They shouted, "Y/N!-"
Before I could even listen to the rest, I started to run in the opposite direction from the dorms. Letting my legs take me wherever they want, anywhere but there.
After I turned a corner, out of everyone's sight, I ran and ran. Not looking up, just watching my legs and feet run on the footpath. I kept running until my legs felt like fire, until they gave way. My legs wobbled and jiggled, exhausted from the sprinting, as I walked upon the footpath. I continued to walk aimlessly, contemplating on what to do.
'What am I doing?...' I thought to myself.
Suddenly I felt something hitting me by the top of my head. I looked up, hoping that my question would be answered. A small drop of water had landed onto my cheek, rolling down to my chin. More raindrops started to pour like immature ARMY commenting any ARMY here in the comment section.
I didn't even try to dash for shelter but just stood there, watching the sky cry and letting it's tears to wet my face. I sat down on the now damp sidewalk, it's not like it would bother anyone. The street was almost quiet, no sign of life around me, just me on an empty sidewalk.
'I guess I should head back,' I looked across the road, watching an unfamiliar shop turn dark as the lights were switched off. I wish I could have more time to explore the city so I wouldn't get so lost so easily. I pulled out my phone, hoping to bring out a map of my whereabouts.
I pressed on the home button more than once, for only to be nothing but a black screen. I slapped the side of my phone and tried my best to wake my phone up as if it were a sleeping princess. But the black screen remains only to contradicts my hopes, my phone battery must've died.
Everything was dark, it was cold, wet and lonely. It was basically pathetic fallacy to me.
A few drops of liquid then splattered over my the screen, you would expect them to be rain drops but it wasn't. They were my tears, my salty tears. As if I were holding my tears back the entire time, they flooded and overflowed. My fat tears blurred my vision, my nose was filled with a runny substance making it hard to breathe. I didn't bother wiping my tears away as it blended with the raindrops well. I just let it all out. All the anxiety, worries and thoughts flow out of me.
My feelings were in a mess, in an absolute tangle!
Maybe I should just reject them all... As an idol I can't love anyone... But I knew I can't since these feelings are real and beating through my heart. And it won't go away... I don't know what to do.
I don't want to hurt any of them... They were the ones who had inspired me to take this path.... They'll all so important to me.
As if there was a shade of hope. The rain felt like it had stopped as I no longer felt the soft pitter patters over me, but the loud patters of its heavy raindrops could still be heard as it splashes on the road. As if something was hovering over me. Loud sounds of the rain splatting on material—like plastic could be echoed in this little shield from the rain, like little drums.
"What are you doing?" A male voice questioned though his voice was almost inaudible through the loud patters of rain.
I gasped, trying my best to stop myself from crying. I looked up to see Jungkook looking down on me with an umbrella in his hand, covering the both of us.
I turned away from him, not wanting to see him, not like this. I pulled my legs closer to my chest, it was getting colder and colder, "What are you doing, Jungkook?"
Jungkook slightly chuckled, "I asked you first."
"I asked you second."
"You are such a kid-" He paused mid-sentence, maybe he finally noticed that I am done playing these childish games. The type of games that make me forget that I'm now an adult that has to deal with consequences and to take in my responsibilities.
Jungkook sighed a bit and crouched down beside me, "Well... You were weird... Not your usual weird, but even weirder. You seemed worried... Or even scared..."
"Why do you care? You hate me remember?"
"Umm no... You're the one who hates me, remember?" he smirks, "how many times do I have to tell you? I don't hate you..."
I then questioned, "But then why did you ignore me? Why did you act so cold to me?"
Jungkook pressed his lips together, as if he restrained himself from saying anything. Finally he opened his mouth, "Y/N... You shouldn't take all this stress alone. If something is worrying you, it's ok to talk to someone about it. Remember that it's ok to lean on someone's shoulder once in a while."
I turned to face him, only realising our faces were just an inch away from each other. I felt I heard that line before but I couldn't pinpoint where from...
"You can lean on mine if you want..."
"I seriously don't get you...."
"You don't need to..." He started to take off his jacket, and placed it over my shoulders. It was warm, it smelt like him as well. You could say it had put my heart at ease. It made me smile a bit. He tilted his head to meet my eyes again, "so don't cry anymore..." He wiped my tear my cheek with his thumb, "c'mon, I'll take you home... The girls must be worried about you."
He stood up and brought out his hand, I grabbed his hand as he pulled me up.
"Your hands are cold," Jungkook pointed out, "want me to hold it?"
I laughed, "no way! What is with this changed personality? It's almost cheesy."
"Fine fine, don't take my hand."
I giggled under my breath, 'such a Tsundere (a term for a person who appears rough on the outside is actually a kind-hearted, soft person)'
Jungkook pulls me closer to him, "But at least stay under the umbrella, or else you'll get wet."
I look up at him, watching the rain drops splat upon the transparent material and slide down to the edges onto Jungkook's broad shoulders, damping his shoulder.
"Umm you should stay more closer, you're getting wet..."
"Are you ok with it?"
"I'm already drenched and couldn't care less if I were to walk out in the rain. We can't have two people be wet, then what's the point of using an umbrella?" I shuffled myself a bit closer to Jungkook's side, "so then yeah, I'm ok with it."
I pressed my lips together, annoyed about the fact that I was babbling a moment ago. After so long I felt warmth surface my cheeks, contrasting my pale, cold fingertips that feels as if they may fall off.
I could tell Jungkook was smiling as I heard a quiet sigh from him, a light, happy sigh. It was short and cute ((LIKE JIMIN HO HOOOOOOOOOOO *airhorn noises* *gets a high-five from Jungkook's sub-conscience*)). He shuffled himself a bit closer, closing the gap between each other, my shoulder brushing and clashing onto the side of his arm.
Our bodies were like glue, stuck together as we headed back. Listening to the rain's patter ((RAINISMMM~~~ IM A BAD BOOIIII IM A B-B-BAD BOIIIII)) as if it were music ((Rain is a music artist :3)) 'Oh my gosh Author-Nim can you shush with the rain puns!'
((Sorry~~))
The winds grew harsh as it whipped the rain drops in many different directions but then dies down and then throws a tantrum again like as if they were mood swings. My wet clothes that clung against my skin, my drenched hair that felt as if it won't ever dry grew colder and colder. Jungkook's jacket that wrapped around me became cold as well as Jungkook's warmth had started to fade away. I shivered a bit, my teeth quietly chattered, my legs were shaking, if I didn't have goosebumps before then I would've by now but it was ok. I'm still glad that Jungkook took the trouble of finding me and taking me home. I'm glad Jungkook saved me again.
~~~~~~~
We arrived in front of the my dorm room. Jungkook closed up the umbrella, shaking off its rain drops that clung onto the material before knocking on the door for me.
Just in a few, quick seconds, the door swung open violently to see Hei-Ran with wide eyes and the rest of the girls trailing behind her. She took no moment later to jump into my arms, holding me tight, "Geez Y/N~ you had us worried sick!" Hei-Ran then pulled herself away from me, "wow you're really wet! You're going to get sick, you need to change into some dry clothes."
"I'm sorry~" I apologised to Hei-Ran.
"We are sorry too..." Christie added, "For not noticing the stress you've been building up."
Hei-Ran turned to Jungkook, "Thank you so much for taking Y/N home, sorry for the trouble we cause."
"Oh no don't worry, it was no trouble. I was just passing by when I saw Y/N so... yeah." Jungkook let out an awkward chuckle, "You guys should head back inside, it's getting late."
I nodded, "Right, well goodnight Jungkook."
"See you next time Y/N, goodnight girls."
All the girls and I waved back at Jungkook. But then I realised something, "Oh wait Jungkook!" I lightly jogged back to him as he turned his head, "your jacket," I passed him his jacket.
He thanked me and looked down to the ground for a moment, "your shoes look dirty... Does that mean I have to punish you?" He smiled cheekily before turning on his heel and walked away.
'Hold on... Why does it sound so familiar?'
To Y/N,
You could've just asked for the shoes if you wanted them,
Your shoes were getting worn and gross by the day σ(^_^;)
Remember that it's ok to lean on someone's shoulder once in a while, and hopefully it'll be mine.
So use these well and take care of them.
If you get them dirty I'll punish you, ok? 😏😂😂
Merry Early Christmas Y/N
"Wait.... Jungkook!-"
Before I could call out to him, Hei-Ran drags me into the dormitory by my shoulders, "Y/N, come in already. He's going to be fine but you need dry up or else you'll catch a cold."
Jungkook... It was Jungkook all this time... It was Jungkook who gave me these shoes, not Taehyung... It must be...
Was Jungkook ignoring me because I claimed Taehyung was the one who gave me these converses and not him?
Well that's what he gets for not writing his name on the card... But that does not give me the exception that I needed to apologise.
~~~~~~~~
Jungkook's p.o.v
Yesterday I took Y/N home, I really hope she's ok after all the rain and the crying. I wondered and still wondering why did she go all the way into a random street, crying in the rain all by herself. All this makes me worried about her, and I know I'm not the only one worrying.
But I shouldn't worry about her, she... She has Taehyung. It's none of my business. If she chooses to not tell me, then that's her decision, I shouldn't pry too much.
But despite it all, I felt happy that I got to talk with Y/N for a bit last night after so long. It almost felt like a dream. I'm kind of worried if my comforting wasn't good. I'm not used of comforting, it's usually the older members do the comforting most times.
During the busy day, I peeked at my phone to notice a message had popped out.
Y/N: When are you free?
~~~~~~~
Kyukie's Note:
Hello everybody!
Hope you guys been well
Also Bling Bling is Jonghyun.... #RestInPeaceJonghyun
I miss him so much...
((I know it's a bad time to say it now but I love these Jonghyun memes 😂😂😂👌🏻✨✨✨))
Also EVERYONE your mental health is important, many up would usually overlook this. Like seriously, take it from me. Recently my friend who knows about my condition, recommended me to go see a proper psychologist from a mental health organisation. And I've finally gain courage from her and other friends to get myself an appointment. It was difficult since I've always, in my entire life ALWAYS never liked asking for help. I found it as a sense of weakness and a way to burden others. BUT IT IS NOT! It's courageous, to take a small step of overcoming and defeating your inner enemy. People do care about you and will want to help you, even though you may think not, but it takes you to take that step first if you want to get better.
Even though it may seem like words to you and me, but this... This is taking a lot out of me, if this was me from 1st January 2017, I would never have said any of this but would keep it locked inside of me. This just shows how much I've overcome and grown, and I hope you guys will too.
Jonghyun really opened our eyes of how mental health could make or break you, how much damage it has caused to him, me and to many others around the globe.
So chat with a helpline if you feel down or have anxiety or whatever. It really does make you feel better 😊. Or you can chat with me, about anything. I really don't mind, I would actually insist you to do so.
I hope you guys had a Merry Christmas and hope you guys enjoy the holidays. Hope 2018 will treat us well, have a great New Years Eve everyone! ✨