The room seemed to shrink, suddenly appearing too small, too enclosed, trapping her. Air had been cut off from her lungs as she struggled to breathe, but it felt as if every breath she took lacked oxygen. She breathed heavily, her chest constricting and her lungs seeming to be incapable of expanding. She felt like she was drowning, gasping for air as a fish out of the water, but the pressure upon her chest only became stronger.
The letter was clutched tightly in her hands, her fingers almost ripping the old yellowish parchment as they trembled. She was shaking. Something burned inside her, the feeling becoming stronger, as if her blood had been turned into fire inside her veins. The words in the elegant cursive writing danced in front of her eyes mixing in a wild hurricane, tormenting her, making her feel mad, insane.
My daughter lives...Almarëa...offer your protection...deny her existence...goes by the name Elerrina... Her throat tightened and she instinctively reached a trembling hand to it, struggling to breathe. Her emotions were a wild mixture burning inside her veins, and she could not name them. Shock? Fear? Anger? She did not know but it burned. It burned with a fire she had never felt before.
Distantly she could hear Elladan calling her name, but she could barely hear him. Everything seemed to have disappeared as she trembled, clenching her teeth together. A lie. She had been a lie. Her life had been a lie. She gasped for air once again, her hand now clutching the neckline of her dress, trying desperately to make it easier to breath. She felt everything crumble down. Nothing was true. She was not herself, and she certainly did not know who she was anymore. She felt as if her identity had been stolen from her.
Elladan called again, or at least that was what she thought, his voice sounded so faint and distant to her ears, she did not even notice he was now kneeling in front of her. It was only when he reached for her hand, and his skin touched hers, that the fire inside of her was suddenly took complete hold of her, snapping her from her shocked trance.
"Elerrina?" He asked in a worried, soft whisper. Elerrina. Was that her anymore? Had she ever been Elerrina? Was Elerrina even real?
"Elerrina?" he gently grabbed her by the shoulders.
"THAT IS NOT MY NAME!" She yelled as hard as her lungs allowed her, forcefully pushing his arms away from her. She did not even know which was her name any longer.
He took a step back, eyeing her cautiously, concerned. The fire inside her snapped, burning far too much to control it any longer. She was angry, furious, and trembling in rage. Breathing was becoming harder each time as she gasped loudly now, struggling with the neckline of her dress. She needed air. Her vision blurred with angry tears that fell against her will. Elladan reached for her again, grabbing her by the shoulders.
"Elerrina, breathe"
"DO NOT CALL ME THAT! DO NOT TOUCHT ME!" she pushed his arms away again, as harshly and strongly as she could while she jumped to her feet. He reached for her again, this time holding her tighter while she pushed his arms away once more.
"GO AWAY! LET GO OF ME!" She pushed him hard, but he held tighter, struggling against her, both of his arms wrapping tightly around her as he pressed her to him. She gasped for air again, a chocked sob escaping her every time she released her breath. She pushed him, using all her body to fight his hold, fighting with her elbows, back and arms, but could not escape.
"try to breathe"
"LEAVE ME ALONE! GO AWAY!" She flung her shoulders forcefully against his chest, trying desperately to release herself from his strong grip, but to no avail. He was much stronger that her, and his arms wrapped tightly around her, pressing her against him until she could not move, her arms tight over her chest. She pushed again, hitting him with her elbows as hard as he could, searching for an escape, but managed nothing.
She heard the heavy door being suddenly thrown open and steps running into the room upon hearing the commotion. Between her hysteric fight against Elladan's hold, she caught a glimpse of Elrohir rushing to where they stood, a worried and shocked expression on his face. She kept hitting and pushing, but Elladan would not let her go.
"LET GO OF ME! DO NOT TOUCH ME! I HATE YOU!" She did not know what else to scream. Elrohir was now in front of her, his silver eyes scanning her frantically, trying to figure out what was wrong. He exchanged a look with his twin before turning back to her, his arms touching her shoulders lightly as his grey eyes looked into hers, extremely concerned and shocked.
"Elerrina!"
"DO NOT CALL ME THAT!" Elrohir now grabbed her head gently in his hands, but let go quickly, not sure as to what was causing her to rage that way. His eyes found the paper wrinkled inside her hand and he quickly took it from her.
"Breathe" whispered Elladan in her ear, but she could not obey, her lungs seemed unwilling to grasp any oxygen.
"There is nothing to see in here" She saw Elrohir order sternly as he glanced to the open door, where a bunch of elves had already gathered upon hearing the commotion. The elves quickly obeyed Elrohir as they started to leave and continue with they chores, and she saw the younger twin quickly scan his eyes over the letter, reading it fast.
More footsteps ran into the room, quickly rushing to Elrohir's side and she felt her rage double at the sight the light blond hair and infinite blue eyes. He was the last person she wanted to see at the moment.
"What in Ard...Elerrina!" He exclaimed, eyes scared, worried. He seemed shocked, not knowing what to do.
"Calm down." Elladan whispered in her ear again, only to receive another gasp for air from her part. She felt she was chocking, but that did not stop her from slamming her arms at him again, still struggling with his iron hold.
"DO NOT TELL ME TO CALM DOWN!" The written words still danced in front of her eyes. She felt her whole life suddenly disappear, suddenly all seemed staged, an illusion. The younger twin tensed, his eyes wide as he looked up from the piece of paper. He had read the letter.
"Go. Now." She heard Elrohir say to Legolas, his tone stern, warning, and his powerful silver stare left no space for discussion. Legolas seemed taken aback by the sudden, unfriendly dismissal as his eyes widened in both surprise and confusion. However, he did not argue as he quickly nodded and left the room, closing the door behind him and leaving her alone with the twins.
She gasped again, the neck of dress chocking her, she felt she would asphyxiate. She was suffocating, trying desperately to breathe, and at the same time to break out from Elladan's hold. He kept trying to calm her down, whispering her to breathe, as he pressed against his body in a tight embrace. But she kept pushing and struggling.
"Elerrina! Calm down! Breathe!" Elrohir grabbed her by the shoulders with both hands, looking deeply into her eyes to stress his words with a powerful stare. She could not look away from his silver eyes, but did nothing to obey his orders.
"Elerrina! You need to calm down! You are hurting Elladan!" Elrohir continued, protective of his brother.
That seemed to finally get her attention and she froze. She still felt she was suffocating, taking large intakes of breath as her lungs begged for oxygen, but she stopped struggling against Elladan's hold. Elrohir was staring at her, silent, only waiting patiently as if afraid that any movement would cause her to burst out again.
Now that she had stopped moving around she felt a little more air reach her lungs, and she finally breathed heavily. Slowly, Elladan's strong arms wrapped around her began to feel better, the pressure calming her nerves and slowing her racing heart. Her previously despaired gasps for air turned into chocked sobs, and after a few seconds her whole body was shaking with sobs as tears flowed freely down her cheeks.
She did not know why she was crying; she could not name the emotions that wracked her body at that moment. Was it out of shock? Was it out of ire at all of those who had known who she was and had never told her? Was it out of shame and guilt for loosing her control in such a way? Her knees gave out, incapable of supporting her any longer, and she would have sunk to the ground had not been for Elladan's hold supporting her weight as she sunk slightly.
He shifted his hold on her, sliding one arm behind her knees and easily lifting her in his arms as he carried her to the couch. She turned her face to his chest and found the left side of his tunic stained with fresh blood, and she felt extremely guilty as new tears of shame escaped her eyes. His face did not betray any pain or any discomfort as he used both of his arms with equal strength, yet she knew the wound had to be very painful.
Elladan sat down on the couch with her still in his arms, placing her on his lap as he cradled her like a child. She felt like a child. Her sobs finally stopped and she was able to breathe normally, although still slightly shaking. She remained still for long minutes, staring into nothingness, her mind empty of any thought, her body void of emotion.
Elrohir kneeled on the floor in front on her, his silver eyes large, like a grey stormy sea, as he watched in shock and concern. He said nothing, and yet she found his silence to be comforting. She heard the door open again and footsteps walking quickly to them, but did not turn to look, her body not willing to make the effort it took to turn her head.
"What happened here? Legolas says something is amiss" She recognized the voice of the Balrog Slayer and could perfectly picture his soft blue eyes darting from Elladan to Elrohir, alert.
Elerrina saw Elrohir hand him the letter without a word of explanation, followed by a long moment of silence. She looked up in time to see Glorfindel's blue eyes widen as he turned to look at her, the expression on his face as if he was seeing a ghost. He did not say anything for a long moment, only staring at her, frozen. Then he turned to look at Elladan.
"I will fetch Selemar so he can see to your shoulder" he said flatly in a low voice as he folded the letter in four and slipped it in his pocket. It became clear that he had nothing to say about the new revelation of Elerrina's true identity, or if he did, he was not willing to share. Without another word, the golden haired warrior turned on his heels and strolled out of the room.
All Elerrina could think of where the beautiful images from her dream. She saw little Legolas in the beautiful Lady's arms; saw her long golden locks and bright green eyes. Her same golden hair; her same green eyes. The image felt so different now. It was her mother, her birth mother, and Legolas her brother. She saw the tormenting image of the same beautiful Lady sprawled dead on the ground: The night she had been adopted by Naervaiel; the night she had become Elerrina.
Almarëa, she thought. Her name; her birth name. Such a beautiful name and yet it sounded so strange, like the name of a person she had never met, and Elerrina...even that name sounded strange now, like a mask, a veil to blind her eyes from the truth, an invented person. And more so, Lord Elrond knew all along.
"Would you like some water?" Elladan whispered softly to her after she had completely calmed down, her breathing once again slow and even. His silver eyes looked concerned as he brushed a strand of her long golden hair out of her face. Elerrina nodded her head lightly, the movement almost unnoticed. She did not trust her voice to speak, in fact, she was not even sure she had a voice at that moment.
"I will get it" said Elrohir before Elladan could move or say anything.
Elerrina could see clear shock still written on the younger twin's eyes as he rose to his feet and left the room at a hurried pace. He returned less than five minutes after, carrying a crystal glass filled with water in his hand. Gently, he handed it to her, making sure she had a complete hold of it before letting go. He then kneeled on the floor again, in front of her, as he exchanged a long look with his twin. Slowly, she sipped from the glass in her hands, the water making her feel ten times better as it slid down her throat, refreshing and soothing her nervous body.
Glorfindel returned with the slightly shorter, blond healer at his heels, the latter carrying a bowl with some water and other supplies. Selemar threw Elladan a reproachful look as his honey-colored eyes roamed over the blood covered tunic. She felt guilty once more as she was once again reminded that it had been her hysteric struggling that had reopened the wound.
"My Lord, I will need you to remove your tunic. You will need new stitches" said the blond healer softly as he set the bowl and healing supplies in a little table by the couch.
"Come" She heard Glorfindel say softly as he extended a hand to her, his deep blue eyes tranquil and soothing, offering her a small smile. She accepted the hand and he helped her back to her feet while Elladan released his hold on her. She would have preferred to stay sitting on the son of Elrond's lap, feeling comfortable in his arms, but he needed to be tended.
The golden haired warrior placed his arm lightly around her shoulders in a comforting touch. He then turned to Elrohir and handed him back the folded letter.
"Legolas should read this also. The sooner, the better." The dark haired elf nodded silently while Glorfindel slowly started to lead her out of the study. She felt as if her mind had been temporarily shut down, her thoughts blank as her feet walked on their own.
"Do you need something for the pain, my Lord?" she heard Selemar ask but she did not turn to look.
"Yes, he does" Came Elrohir's answer just as she and Glorfindel reached the door and exited the elegant study, closing it behind them. Elerrina felt another wave of guilt and shame at the younger twin's words. She knew Elladan's face would not betray any pain, but also knew that Elrohir could see and feel behind his composed mask. She knew Elrohir could tell the exact amount of pain Elladan was in.
Glorfindel led her to the kitchens where she could see some elves working on preparing the next meal. He gently guided her to a small table in a corner and onto a stool, getting a plate with some bread, cheese and strawberries before sitting in front of her.
"Eat something" he said fatherly with a faint smile as he placed the plate in front of her. "You look pale, and just had a great shock and a panic attack. Some food will make you feel better"
She tried to smile in thanks, but doubted that her lips had managed to curve up even slightly. Silently she picked on the food, not really hungry, but nonetheless feeling somehow better. Glorfindel remained silent in front of her, suddenly looking approachable and not like the glorified mighty warrior she knew he was.
"My Lord?" she said, finally feeling able to speak again.
"Yes?" he said soflty, his kind blue eyes looking at her, patiently waiting for her to speak. She gathered the courage she needed to speak her next question.
"Did you know?" he offered her a sad smile and sighed before answering her question.
"No" He said simply, but honestly as his eyes looked at her again, almost searching to see if she was fine. She turned to look down at her plate, unsure of what she was feeling.
"What will happen now?" she asked faintly, not sure she wanted to hear an answer.
"I do not know" he answered gently, truthfully.
"Am I expected to be Almarëa? I am not sure I know her, she feels like a different person. I do not want to be a different person, and I no longer know myself." Her voice was barely audible, hinted with uncertainty as she looked at the golden haired warrior's soft blue eyes, searching for some answer or reassurance.
Glorfindel placed his elbow on the table and rested his chin on his hand, as he narrowed his eyes in a fake gesture of deep thought.
"What if..." he started, his eyes looking past her and into the distance. "What if the twins were accidentally switched at birth, and nobody noticed. What if Elladan is really Elrohir, and was not born first, but second, and no one knows. Would that make you like Elrohir instead because he was originally Elladan before the switch? Elladan might have a different name, and not be the firstborn any longer, but would that make him any different than he is? Would that make him a different person?"
"No" she answered softly, her lips curving up in a small smile, understanding his hypothetic scene.
"I think so too" said the Balrog Slayer with a kind, wide smile. "He would still be himself, regardless of a name. As for you, you will forever be you, one fëa in one body, only that now you know the truth of who you really are. Whether you choose to be named Elerrina or Almarëa does not change anything. True that the revelations makes you a Princess in title, and you now have a father and siblings, but I do not believe that you are a different person."
She stared into his soft blue eyes, feeling incredibly better than she did before, incredibly grateful for his words of reassurance.
"Besides, you are not the only one who is in for a shock today" He chuckled softly and her smile broadened as she thought of Legolas. She liked the blond elven Prince, and suddenly, accepting that she was Almarëa did not seem bad at all. It would take some time, but she knew that knowing her true inheritance was way better than not knowing. Still there were many things left out in the letters, many other truths she wanted to know.
"My Lord? Do you know why was I being brought here to Imladris in the first place? Why did I need protection?" She was not sure if Glorfindel knew the answers, or if he would be willing to share them with her, but she had to try.
The golden haired warrior turned around to check if there was anyone near them, but the kitchens were empty now, the elves gone to do some other chores before the meal needed to be served. He sighed and stared at her, his expression once again serious, but tranquil, as he spoke in a very low, barely audible tone.
"Lord Elrond was going to raise you as one of his own, that was the accord. As to why, I do not entirely know. All that I will tell you is that both Elrond and Thranduil probably knew not the complete extent of your powers, and I am still not sure they do. I myself do not. All I dare say is that Elrond was not expecting this connection you share with the ring."
His eyes glanced quickly at the thin chain around her neck before he continued.
"You have to be very careful, Elerrina. I believe, as I am sure Elrond did, that hiding you was as important as hiding Vilya. I do not know how the orcs acquired knowledge about the ring, nor do I know how they figured Elrond was the master of one of them. There is more than one ring like this one you carry, and I have reasons to doubt that this familiarity you share with Vilya is unique to it. There exists the possibility that you share a connection with all the rings and, if that is the case, you could be used to track them, find them. And they are trying to find them."
TBC,
Elena