Originally Posted on March 24th, 2017 | Edited on July 24th, 2018
| . . . D E D I C A T I O N . . . |
~ For those who have forgotten to live; dragged by the demons of everyday life ~
. . . ∞ . ∞ . ∞ . ∞. . .
| . . . S H O R T . . . D E S C R I P T I O N . . . |
❝Often in my memories, that path leading to you kept calling out to me. But, I was unable to follow it. I could not forgive myself for the pain I caused you. I left that day with the sole thought that I would find my way back to you one day; that I would fulfill that promise of mines to you. Alas, it was not meant to be at that time. Else, I was not that helpless. There is time still, yes, but now I have promised myself that one day, I will come back to you and all that you have against me, I will resolve them all. I will show you that yes, I was a bad person, but not so much that you hate me.❞
Two years ago, Arnav Raizada left Khushi Gupta's life thinking he could handle her hate; that he could live with it as long as she remained safe. But, keeping her safe from a distance wasn't enough for him anymore when they meet again to face their impending engagement.
He needed her to forgive him; to not hate him because, without her, he could not live. And, with him, she could not live. Not if it meant their relationship would be the same as before.
Try as she might to escape their situation, her past knocking at her doorsteps has her turning to the one person she had vowed never to turn to again in her life for help.
They both knew it was time to do things differently. That if they were to go on in lives, they needed to find a way to trust each other again.
. . . ∞ . ∞ . ∞ . ∞. . .
| . . . C O P Y R I G H T . . . |
© 2017-2018 by unspokenrain. All right reserved by author unspokenrain under the pen name Araina Khushi/Araina K. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the author except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.
. . . ∞ . ∞ . ∞ . ∞. . .
| . . . I N T R O D U C T I O N . . . |
I held the letter I received by mail in my hands as I walked into Kripa's room. "You wouldn't happen to know anything about this, would you?"
She glanced up from her frantic packing as we were leaving to go back home to India in tomorrow's flight. "About what?"
"See, I got this appointment letter from a certain fashion house but I know I didn't apply there." She turned to face me with a busted look. I glared at her, "What did you do?"
"I might have applied for you?" She replied through a pleading look as if that was meant to get me to forgive her for overstepping as such.
I didn't much care for the fact that she applied on my behalf without asking me as I knew her well enough to know she wouldn't have done that with the intention to harm me. After all, in the four years of college, she had turned into a best friend.
However, I challenged the specifics, "And they accepted me without an interview? Is this place even real? I find it all shady."
Her lips turned up in amusement, "Yes, it's real. You've seen me wear their designs, haven't you? And to answer your question, they did not accept you without an interview. I did attach some of your designs with the application form."
Well. She did have a fair point. They very much exist. If one outfit of Kripa's wasn't proof, Arnav's entirely closet surely was. "Why, Kripa?"
She sighed, "Why not? They're one of the top most emerging fashion houses in the country. You should be happy you got the job!" When I wanted to scold her some more for doing this without my permission, she added. "Trust me. It's exactly what you need."
I knew... deep down. I should be happy I have a job. Other places, I was still awaiting a response from. Even more so, this was AR Fashion House which created AR Designs.
She ushered me out of her room and into mine, "Now hurry and finish packing. We have to go out tonight and celebrate my break up."
I instantly turned to her again in sympathy, "Kripa..."
She however pushed a smile on her face to convey she wasn't sad. "No, no. It's okay. I knew things with Aaron wouldn't last. College ends. So do we."
I hugged her arms pulling her to me for she was surprising me with how well she was handling this even though I knew how much she was happy with Aaron. "I'm sorry. I know you love him."
She patted my hand, "I do. Three years is a long time to be with someone..." She inhaled deeply as if to keep herself composed and not shed a tear, "and I'll fondly remember him. Don't make me sad now. I'll move on in time."
I smiled back wanting to support her and she slipped out of my arms to her room. Right now, I couldn't help but think about Arnav's words years ago when Kripa and Aaron first started dating. He'd said it wouldn't last; that it would break her heart eventually. Now, I wonder... he was right. Should I have not supported Kripa then?
No.
I shook my head, refusing to let that make me doubt if I did the right thing. She is my friend and I did to the right thing by supporting her then. Even if that beautiful relationship had ended now, I knew Kripa wouldn't have wanted it any other way. They had some wonderful years together and she had truly grown into it as a person. Despite knowing how it would end when she would move back to India, she had lived in the present and made the most of it. There should be no regrets for that.
I cleaned out the last of my drawers, throwing away a lot of things such as filled up notebooks, old syllabi's, and such things that I should have thrown out as soon as each semester ended. The textbooks I kept in one pile to have either Abhimanyu or Aaron resell them to new students.
I stuck my hand in the drawer to make sure there wasn't anything small sticking in the very back. I pulled out a sheet of folded paper. A cheat sheet full of equations. I threw it in the trash pile and pulled out another object my fingers had felt.
My gaze lingered on it for the longest few seconds as I held it with my fingers as if it were the strangest object.
A jewelry bag.
With a heavy heart, I opened it and let the item fall in the center of my palm. Engagement ring. I had to forcefully wear it on my finger while I was in India for two more weeks after the engagement but the very second that I returned to Australia, I had taken it off.
Then, I had pushed it out of my mind. I had pretended it hadn't happened so I could live without all that anger and pain and hatred in my heart because not knowing exactly which emotion to feel was suffocating and that ring on my finger was a constant reminder.
So, I took it off as if taking it off would simply make it go away.
But now...
No, I refused to wear it.
I put it back in the tiny bag and walked over to my bags to slide it in the inside zipper of my hand bag.
I was going to go back home, focus on this job at AR Designs and ignore this engagement. Two years were up and not once had I seen him in those two years. My bet, he probably forgot as it was. The bigger part of me was praying that he had indeed forgotten.
Why would he want to marry me anyways when he could have a pick at any of the girls - girls who would be better suited for him and much more willing to adjust to his lifestyle and even wish to marry him?
. . . ∞ . ∞ . ∞ . ∞. . .
Riddhima and I were waiting outside a club in Shimla for Armaan and Angad to return after parking the car. It had only been a day since our return to India after university had ended. Two years seemed to have passed by too soon and yet, not soon enough given how much of a mess our lives still were.
Riddhima complained, "How long does it take to park a car?" I chuckled at her shivering form and she threw me a glare. "It's all your fault."
I don't argue for its true. I did make her wear this outfit - call it revenge for all the outfits she made me wear in university the first year to get me comfortable with my dressing again. I do appreciate it now given I was able to wear this dress I was wearing without feeling as uncomfortable but still, we wouldn't be best friends if we didn't pull these harmless revenges on each other now and again.
I nodded seeing Armaan in the distance, "There they are."
As they neared, however, another person appeared from behind Armaan and Angad and I froze - not from shivering like Riddhima.
Two years were definitely not long enough.
Arnav.
A wave of anger washed over me the second our eyes locked. Two years ago, I told him I never wanted to see him again. Then again, I had also specified that I didn't want to see him in these two years while college was ongoing. Looks like he listened to it for this long. But, with college ending, his restriction seems to have ended too.
With that anger that he had the guts to appear in front of me again after everything he did also was a fear creeping up my spine.
As they neared and his face was clearer, our eyes locked. His eyes traveled down to what I was wearing while mines remained on his face as I asked aloud, "What's he doing here?"
Riddhima didn't answer. She didn't have to. The answer was screaming back at me in the silence. In his mere presence.
My heart started pounding and I could hear it all the way in my ear with realizing that finishing university did not mean freedom. Could he not leave me be for even one day after graduation?
My eyes trailed to Armaan intending to send a bunch of questions through one look but he seemed least surprised seeing Arnav. Did he know he would be here? Had he forgiven him? Were the two friends?
Not knowing was the worst.
They looked at each other while they closed the distance between us. Every step he took towards me, my heart made me aware of its pacing. I could hear the it pound away in my ear. My hands were starting to tremble and feet simply itched to walk backwards and continue putting distance between us so he could never reach me.
I turned my back to him so I wouldn't have to greet him and be polite, pretend I did not still hate him for what he had done. My eyes widened when a hand slipped on my waist. I wouldn't have reacted but I inhaled that cologne that was his. I hated that I could still tell... still remember how it smelled like to know it was Arnav without looking at him.
I looked to my other side where Armaan had done the same with Riddhima.
I had every intention of pulling away from Arnav's hand - shocked he had the audacity to pull this after meeting for the first time in two years. Did he forget I do not like being touched? At the same time, I was pissed at Armaan that he hadn't already beaten the guy blue for holding his sister as such.
Instead, Armaan instructed as if reading my mind, "Keep walking, Khushi."
It was the fact that he said my name instead of doll that forced me to abide - though with a frown on my face. He knew how I felt about being touched and if he was still asking me to not fuss, there had to be a reason.
I may have grown out of wearing lose shirts, tying my hair, being an introvert but being touched and having my personal space invaded was still a sensitive topic for me. I hadn't had a panic attack in over a year so I took that as progress but I imagine that was also because I remained around the group of friends I had come to make in Australia and I had developed a certain level of comfort around them.
As soon as we were inside the club and at a booth, I walked out of Arnav's hold. I snipped turning around to stand opposite him, "Who the hell do you think you are?" Without waiting for an answer from him, I turned to Armaan. "Care you explain why I was forced to walk with a stranger's hand around me?"
Yes, I refused to acknowledge that I knew Arnav. Calling him a stranger was my way of insulting him, however childish it may be.
Armaan left Riddhima's side and put his hands on my shoulders and calmly asked, "Would you sit?" He put force on them to push me down on the couch before he explained, "You know who he is and as to why: you didn't see the pervs out there."
I challenged raising a brow, "Okay, and? We can look after ourselves. All you had to do was stand next to us to send them away. This was uncalled for."
Maybe what Armaan did with Riddhima was okay given their equation but there was no reason Arnav had to.
Armaan tried to calm me, "We just wanted to avoid any trouble. Come now, we're here to have fun; not foul our mood by arguing."
"We," I emphasized motioning towards Riddhima and myself, "can have fun ourselves. Good bye." Grabbing her hand, I pulled her away towards the bar.
I sat on one of the empty seats while she stood in front of me, hand on her hip. Her scolding was in her eyes itself, the way she was glaring down at me. She didn't have to say it.
I defended myself, "What? I hate him. You know that."
She sighed dropping her anger and took a seat next to me. "Can't you just forget the past?"
"No! After what he did to dad, how could I?" I argued, flabbergasted that she would even make such a suggestion.
If it had only affected me - like all our misunderstandings and the promises he broke - I would have let it be. I would have moved on. But he crossed all lines by involving my family between us.
Riddhima tried to get me to reach a compromise, "Okay, don't forget that then but can you choose to scratch this scene out of your head atleast? I did not get pushed out of your room so you could bring me here and then have me sit at a bar with you as you sulk. And I for sure did not get dressed for it."
At the end, I couldn't help but release some anger and smile. "You're right. Let's make the time we spent getting ready worth it. I'm not letting anyone, that guy of all, stop us from enjoying our night out."
She grinned back, pleased with my decision, and we returned to the booth where the guys were waiting for us to return. I made it clear to Armaan while indirectly speaking towards Arnav, "For the record, no stranger is going to ever touch me again, no matter the situation, when you and Angad are around. Understood?"
Fiancé or not, I did not accept this relationship he had binded us in.
Armaan promised, "You got it, doll. Next time we need to avoid trouble, it'll be me by your side."
"Good," I answered in a clipped tone before informing, "Now, I'm thirsty."
Angad raised a brow, "Didn't you just return from the bar?"
"Yeah, so? Doesn't mean I ordered something." I snapped at him, deflecting my anger on him instead of Arnav and instantly feeling bad. It was a good thing that he was not the guy to take every single thing to heart and get easily offended.
Arnav offered. "I'll get drinks. Preferences?"
Angad answered, "Vodka shots should do."
"Alright. 5 vodka shots coming up."
"Three." All of us corrected him.
I added with a scowl, "I don't drink," hating that I had to explain it to him. Did he not remember what happened the last time I had a drink in college? The first and only time?
Riddhima followed, "Ditto."
Arnav nodded, "Okay, soft drinks for you two then."
The second he was gone, I demanded from Armaan. "What's he doing here?"
He gave me a knowing look.
I rolled my eyes, "Fine, I can guess. But here, at the club. Who told him we'd be here?"
"My guess? Mom." He answered and I ended up sighing.
Mom still thought the world of him, painting him out to be this perfect guy. She often went on to claim what a blessing he was in our lives. She wouldn't see past the image he portrayed in front of her.
He added, "Doll, your two years are up and..."
"I know, I know." I grumbled not needing a reminder.
He suggested, "How about the two of you just sit and talk it all out for once?"
I scoffed. Again, his suggestion too was just as absurd as Riddhima's. "What's there to discuss, Armaan? He did what he wanted to. Now..." I trailed off seeing him returning. I had no idea what I was going to do now but I did know the end result. It would end in me ensuring I would not be getting married to him.
The guys picked up their shots and with a clink, gulped it down. The next second itself, Angad was up and on his way to get his night started. I had a few sips of my drink as I watched him navigate the crowd till I couldn't spot him amongst the blinding dancing lights.
I commented, "Someone needs to find that guy a steady girlfriend," before putting my glass on the table in front of us. "Anyway, Ridz, come."
She got up without having to be told twice.
I asked Armaan, "Coming?"
He nodded, "Right behind ya," but didn't follow right away. He chose to stay back to talk to Arnav and I had no interest in sticking around to find out what about.
Riddhima and I left and unlike Angad, we stayed towards the side of the dance floor so we weren't in the crowd.
I left the booth so I wouldn't have to be around and yet, my eyes betrayed me as every few seconds, I'd find then lingering back to him and Arman. With their occasional flickers in our direction as well, it was obvious they were talking about me.
I mentally shook my head and turned my back to him so I couldn't be compelled to look in his direction. I shouldn't care.
. . . ∞ . ∞ . ∞ . ∞. . .
A voice said in my ear. "So, you don't drink, huh?" I zipped around, almost slapping Arnav in the process. My eyes widened at first, about to apologize out of instinct, before they stopped on Arnav. Then, I wished I had slapped him. He'd have deserved it.
I scowled, "What's your problem?"
"Your lie, sweet pea."
"What?" I answered in confusion of what he was hinting at while at the same time, frustrated that he had the nerve to call me that. I had grown to the name once but now it felt a bad reminder. I hated it now.
And yet... why did my anger towards him waver for a second? It shouldn't... I told myself to pick an emotion and stick with it.
It surprised me that he gave me a direct answer instead of something like 'you know what' which would have been expected of him, "Two days ago, at a club in Melbourne, you bumped into someone just after you bought a Tequila shot."
Ah. Now I remembered exactly what he was talking about but still denied, "Nope, you must have mistaken someone else for me."
I took a sip of my nonalcoholic drink to fake nonchalance.
He, however, kept looking at me as if he knew he hadn't mistaken someone else for me. As if there was a clear difference between me and everyone else.
But, if I was going to play this game, unfortunately, it was with him - the guy who had picked up my tell for when I lie before anyone else. "Whatever you say, Khushi Raizada. Two can play this game."
I froze as his eyes once again lingered downwards and as I followed it, I realized they were settled on my bare fingers. Out of compulsion and curiosity, I looked at his to see he did wear his engagement ring. He was wearing it while I wasn't.
What was he trying to prove here?
At the pit of my stomach, a nagging feeling started to churn my insides out. I tried to tell myself that he must have put it back on recently only... because otherwise, whatever reason would he have in taking this seriously and having worn the ring for two years?
He left me alone to return to the dance floor, leaned into a random girls' ear and said something in her ear. The girl turned to face him afterwards, smiled back and had no hesitations dancing with him.
Seconds later, his eyes returned to me from the distance. They were blank. Unreadable. But why, for the briefest of second, did my heart jump in its place at the fact that even when with a girl in the middle of a crowded club, he was looking at me? That his eyes stopped at me? Me.
Ugh, this is ridiculous. Why was he even looking at me? What, he wanted me to be jealous? Please! I'd seen him with a fair share of girls and even was aware of his reputation back in the days. What did we have that I should be jealous? Nothing.
With that thought, I broke our eye lock.
I forced a gulp down my throat.
He kept doing what he wanted and I kept being the one left behind dealing with the fallout of the emotions he'd brew up and dismiss just as quickly. But, no more. I could not let him affect me again so easily. I had to be stronger.
I had to find a way out of this predicament.
. . . ∞ . ∞ . ∞ . ∞. . .
| . . . A U T H O R - N O T E . . . |
Like always, leave behind some love and thank you in advance for choosing to read this. To the new readers, I hope this book will give you something different to love <3
PS: thoughts on the new cover? I have a few more which I will share during the course of the book :)
-Araina K.