Chapter 12
"You managed to find those girls?" Peter asks.
I turn around to see his silhouette sitting on our bed. It's a pleasant surprise to see him, especially since I hadn't expected him.
Moving over, I sit on his lap, putting my hands on his shoulders. My fingers flick off a pine needle that is caught in his clothing, and I can't help but think that's why he always smells like the forest.
"Finding them was easy." I yawn. "Getting them to come back here, now that's the challenge."
"I see you managed to be successful." He reaches up behind me, tugging the ribbon out of my hair.
"Where were you yesterday?" I ask.
He shrugs, glancing down to the hatch. "Felix."
"What's up with him?" I ask, playing with the leather cuffs on Peter's wrists. "He's been off since he got kidnapped by Dominique and them. I thought he'd be better by now, it's honestly getting pathetic."
He nods in agreement. I can hear the hum of his skin against mine. When he doesn't update me on Felix, I can't help but wonder why.
The soft sheets beneath us can't trick me anymore into thinking we are something we aren't. There are too many secrets between us for me to pretend everything is fine anymore. We are sitting on a bed of lies.
I move off of him, running my hands through my hair. "Those girls are convinced they are being targeted."
"By who?"
I shrug. "Probably Gregory. He's a thorn in my side. Do we need him for some reason? Or can I just go ahead and kill him."
"You've still got it, I see." He chuckles.
I take the ribbon from his hands and begin to tie my hair up. "I'm not kidding Peter."
His arms wrap around me from the back before I realise he even teleported behind me. I attempt to keep tying up my hair, but he presses his front into my back. See, I would try to escape if I was actually mad at him or anything, but there's no point. Peter isn't someone I can argue with. Pan and I will never see eye to eye, but every time I look at Peter I can't argue.
Which is why this is easier with him standing behind me.
"You never kid, love."
The words hit me, and I shrug out of his grip. My eyes can't meet his after he says that. How am I supposed to concentrate on what we are talking about when he calls me love?
"Love?" I scoff, the works sinking through my teeth.
There are things in this world I can handle. Secrets, lies, betrayal, murder; it seems more like a norm than something that should actually shock me anymore. It's not that I wish he'd keep me privy to all that goes on in his head, because though I want that it's not what separates us.
We are parted by a ravine filled with the broken bones of those that have loved before. Corpses of the boys who have cared and suffered for it. Loving only brings suffering, and it only brings death. I don't have the luxury of caring about anything except surviving.
After the Fear Run, I realise how brittle human bones really are. One fracture and I'm dead.
His eyes flash, almost as if a light crosses over them, before his grin becomes maniacal. "How am I supposed to manipulate you if you won't let me call you love?"
"Don't." I manage to let my teeth slither out my lips. "You're not funny."
A tear is running down my eye, but I'm more embarrassed by it then actually upset. He doesn't reach for me, instead choosing to cross his arms and leaning against his bed.
"What do you want from me?" He's almost laughing.
I can't even kiss him, because then I will admit to feeling this. We aren't ready for that. I'm not ready for that.
"I want nothing." I tell him. "Nothing that you can give me."
He almost looks shocked, and I don't wait for his shock to turn to aggression. There is only one place I can go, and that place is out of here.
No one is up at the camp when I reach it. I didn't tell Jared I found the girls, but when I peak in the med tent, I notice him sleeping in a wicker chair in the corner. His hand rests on the cot, only a few inches from Elizabeth's sleeping figure. She sleeps peacefully, and so does he.
Sleeping so softly can only get them killed.
When I spin around, I fall to the ground. Peter is scowling down at me, angry. Until his anger turns to laughter. I dash around him and out of the tent. Darting through the maze of tents, I try to outrun his glee.
I can't look at him. I can't care about him. This can't be happening.
"You think you can run away from me?" He asks from in front of me.
I shake my head. "I thought you might let me run."
"Now Charlie, where is the fun in that?" I flinch at the name. My mind had managed to become accustomed to Charlotte popping out his mouth, so now that he says Charlie it almost feels like an insult.
Like I mean nothing to him.
Why am I upset? That's how it should be. I should mean nothing to him. I must mean nothing to him. I have to.
"It's not about fun," I'm about to say Peter, but then I'm about to say Pan and the words get trapped in my mouth, fighting each other.
The only thing I can do is push past him and run towards the beach. The beach is far away, and I know I won't make it there, but at least I've got to try.
I can run, but I can't hide. So I might as well run until I die.
"Oh Charlie." He jumps out from behind a tree, and I feel the breath hitch in my throat.
"Why are you following me?" I demand. "Just leave me alone."
He laughs, and it comes straight from his stomach. "But it's so easy to make fun of you. I'd be doing myself a disservice if I didn't do it. You're suffering is entertaining."
"I'm not suffering." I shout at him.
He raises his eyebrows, a straight expression on his face. "Sure you aren't."
"I'm not."
"You're in love with me, but I'll never love you back." His voice is calm. "It's actually quite funny. Pitiful, but funny."
That isn't what's happening. I'm not afraid of how he doesn't feel about me. I'm afraid of how he does. The sweet look in his eyes whenever we meet can only be of something. It's easier to say something than what I'm worried about saying. I can't say it. This is happening.
"No, you're more pitiful than that." He leans forward, running his hands through my hair. "You are just afraid to love me in general. Is that it?"
I don't love him, and I'm not lying about it. "No. You're wrong."
"You're afraid of caring about me for the day I let you go. We're both to selfish to fall in love, aren't we?"
We're going to get each other killed one day. That's the only way this can end, with one or both of us dying. Unless I'm more powerful than I think I am. Maybe everyone else will die because of this.
Maybe caring about him, and only him will make me stronger. That's a horrific thought. Is he my salvation?
"Are you crying?"
"No!" I shout.
"Sure," he chuckles.
"I'm not!" I screech.
I'm not a little lightning girl. When he touches me, my skin no longer ignites, and I no longer feel like I could crumble. I'm not a little lighting girl.
He touches my face, not kindly but teasingly. When I feel the spark in my fingers, I'm angry. I'm angry with myself and him, and the whole universe for letting this happen.
"Just accept it Charlie." He laughs. "Just accept it."
I can't cry.
"Never!"
The lighting irrupts out my fingers, shooting out into the sky. It cracks, and thunder rolls out of the larger strike. I can feel the heat of the electricity in my stomach, and in my eyes. My head burns, the loud sound shaking the ground, making the soil crack beneath my feet. The eaves of the trees around me catch fire, and I fall to the ground.
"Charlotte!" I hear Peter call.
When I turn around, I see two of the same boy standing side by side. And it's not just because I'm dizzy.
Pan smirks, and his face fades away. Until he is gone.
It was a fucking nightmare.
As the sparks dissipate, I feel Peter's arms on my shoulders.
"Are you alright?"
I can't pretend anymore.
I let my arms wrap around his, and feel his hand in my hair. I pull him in, letting him be with me. This is real, and I can't pretend it isn't anymore. That hurts more than the alternative.
I'd rather be dead and love Pan, then be alive and hiding.
"It was a nightmare." I told him.
I can feel his head shaking. "I knew I shouldn't have let it into the world."
I pull away from him, and feel his soft hands on my shoulders. He looks down at me, nodding to make sure I'm okay. Pan isn't like this, but Peter is. This can never leave us, but I'm okay with this. I can be like this with him if I be Charlie with everyone else.
At least, I hope so.
"It's fine." I say. "I get the feeling it's over now."
He nods, before pursing his lips together. "Why'd you run away?"
"There's no good answer." I tease, running my hands up and down the front of his shirt. "I'm just being stupid."
"Sounds about right." He cocks his head to the side.
"What else am I good for?" I chuckle. "Other than causing trouble."
"Watching over the boys when I'm gone." He suggests. "Although Gregory did get set on fire."
I chuckle. "That's more of a bonus than anything."
He rolls his eyes. "What just happened?"
"It's the nightmare." I tell him. "The whole Fear Run really messed me up in the head. I've been... off. That is, to say the least."
I don't need to tell him exactly what's going on in my head as long as it's over now. The Fear Run isn't going to be an issue anymore, not with him anyway.
"You're back then?" He grins. "Because I've been thinking."
"About?" I cock an eyebrow.
"I'm going to need a partner in the new war." He tells me. "More specifically, I'm going to need a spy network. And you seem like the perfect candidate."
"I can't lie for crap." Is he honestly suggesting that? "Get Frank to do it. She's apparently specializes in deception."
He shakes his head. "I don't trust her. I trust you to though."
"What is this mystery job?" I ask.
He smiles slightly. "So you agree."
When I nod, he grins, and kisses me.
~~~~~~~~~~
Welp, I liked the nightmares while they lasted. Honestly, they were super fun. God damn, now it's on to the actual plot.
Any predictions for what's next? Anything you want to see? Let me know in the comments.
For now, sweet dreams, and I'll see you Wednesday.