Important authors note at the end.
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"Are you going to Celeste's place tonight" Louis laughed to himself. I watched Harry get really red, and balled his fist in anger.
"Shut up Louis" Harry spat walking towards us, Louis intertwined our fingers together. Harry looked down at our hands and took a deep sigh, "can't believe you moved on this fast".
"You knew she was like this, and I can help her change" I let go of Louis' hand, I thought I was over this whole slut reputation. I guess I just forgot the fact only Harry knew the truth.
"I'm sorry I didn't mean to bring that up, but I know you can be happier with me." Louis shot me a big forgiving smile. "Unbelievable" Harry laughed to himself. I gave Harry a glare and made sure he saw me grab Louis' hand again.
"Katelyn you can't be serious. He practically insulted you, I know you and you're not like this. Please I know I've done wrong but I really love you." I really just want to jump into Harry's arms and have everything be okay, but it won't be okay. He cheated more than once and I need to take a stand; not let a guy walk all over me. Besides Louis may of insulted me but he didn't mean it, he just didn't know the truth... Yet.
"Katelyn I'm going to drive you home okay?" I nodded letting go of Louis' hand to retrieve my shorts in Harry's room.
"Katelyn. Please I know you don't mean this" Harry said as I pulled on my shorts.
"But I do Harry, I can't just let you treat me like shit all the time. Be with Celeste okay, you seem to really like being with her"
"Every time I was with Celeste I thought of you Katelyn" the thought of them recurring in my head hurt more and more. To think I was developing feelings for someone.. Again.
"But you were still with her. Bye Harry"
"Katelyn I know you! You're just going this to get me mad, I know you still want to try"
"Yeah, and I thought I knew you."
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Louis dropped me off at my house last night, luckily he didn't ask to come stay with me. I really needed time to clear my head, and I'm glad I got to sleep in. It's now 1:00 pm, and Louis asked me to go get a cup of coffee. Of course I agreed to his generous offer.
I put on a dark pair of jeans, a grey fitted sweater and a pair of black toms. I didn't bother to apply much makeup, just a thin line of eye liner and mascara. I may be clean from alcohol and drugs from last night but I'm still not emotional perfect. I'm not in the mood to look perfect, comfy was more my style. I grabbed my purse stuffing my wallet and phone, all that I really needed. Since last night when I came home I haven't heard a single noise from my mom nor Robert. It was weird, I'm surprised my drunk mother wouldn't start calling me names like the normal routine. I hated the fact I was always pinned as the bad person, yes I do agree I made dumb decisions. Actually cross that, I didn't even really do anything. I just continued to lie, making a worse image. I guess I have full blame for applying to be a prositute, but if people really knew what I was going through... They would understand. Which reminds me, I never actually got back to them. When I met Harry or should I say when I started to get to know Harry I thought my life was changing, like he could somehow save me? Who am I kidding, he didn't even know me. I never told him the truth, only because he never asked and it was to much for me to bring up. I will never forget the sudden smash that started it all, the excessive drinking, and Dylan. I don't think I can ever trust someone, not after Dylan. I never told anyone, only Dylan and he broke my heart. He left me heart broken, he made me something I'm not.
It's so hard for let me trust Harry, repeatedly he cheated on me, we were never actually official, quote on quote 'dating' but I thought there was something strong enough not to cheat. I don't think I can go back to him, he reminds me to much of my past. I once told myself to join sexyphotochat and act like a slut, just so I wouldn't ever be heart broken again. To become a prositute so I would know not to fall in love, nothing would revolve a relationship or trust. I could learn to be happy again, make enough money to leave.
I arrived at the coffee shop, the smell of coffee beans and freshly bake cookies filled the air. I smiled taking in the delicious sent. I scanned the room looking for Louis, it was pretty packed but there was no sign of Louis. I took a seat at a two seated table in the middle of the café as soon as a couple left. I hated using a table right after someone else, there was split coffee and crumbs everywhere. I'm not described as a germ a phoebe but this reminds me of eating off an already used plate, it's disgusting.
"Let me wipe this up for you" a tall muscular man stood before me. His black t shirt fitted his chest ever so tightly. "Thanks" I mumbled looking up at his name tag, 'dean'. I looked up at his face, recognizing this is the same dean from yesterday.
"Katelyn is it?" He asked holding out his hand for me to shake. "Yeah" I nod , shaking his hand smiling.
"What a pretty girl like you doing alone at a coffee shop" I laughed at his words, almost the exact line he said to be at the club.
"Last time I checked I was referred to you as not hot enough" I scolded him, he laughed taking a seat across from me.
"Hey I was only kidding. You are extremely hot, I was just jealous that you have a boyfriend"
"Had" I corrected, and quickly turn away to avoid eye contact. I will not let this Dean guy make me feel bad about myself.
"Care to tell me what happened?" He rested his elbows on the table directly in front of me. I looked out the window to see Louis walking towards the café.
"Actually I'm meeting someone here, and if you could leave that would be great" I rushed my words trying to push him away before Louis bombards me with questions.
"Wow okay . If you ever need a break to take away that stress away.... I hook us up with my friend Molly" He leaned in whispering in my ear. I got cold chills, and the craving of ecstasy was coming back.
"Hey Katelyn!" I jumped out of my daze and smiled at Louis taking a seat across from me.
"Hey Louis" Louis didn't even settle in, within seconds he got up to wait in line for coffee. I completely forgot to get coffee, how stupid am I. I guess I should go stand with him to keep him company but then again we would loose our spots.
"Here's your coffee, I'm sorry if you wanted something else. I just remembered what you spilled on me last time in the coffee shop" my cheeks flushed red. The day I went out for coffee with Liam to talk, I accidentally spilled my coffee all over Louis and he wasn't rude about it.
"Yeah I'm sorry I'm sorry about that... But yes this is fine" I wrapped my hands around the warm cup.
"How are you feeling today?" Louis said, followed by a sip of of his tea. I shrugged my shoulders, really indecisive with my answer. I have mix emotions to be honest, towards my mom, Dean, Louis, and well Harry. And from my thoughts from earlier Dylan is on my mind, and I really do wonder where he is.
"I'm good I guess" I was able to speak some words.
"Great! So I was thinking, tonight there is this party. And I mean a huge party. If you're up to it I'd love to take you" If his whole idea was to help me and be here for me, going to a party after just finding put about a drug problem isn't the best idea.
"Is Harry going?" I don't know why that thought came into my head, it just did. If he wasn't there maybe I could have a little fun and not worry about catching Harry cheat on me.
"Of course not. He won't even talk to me because I stole you away from him"
"Stole me away? Louis I'm not some object" I was starting to get really fired up. "Why are you smiling" I spat.
"First step is to realize you're not an object" what the hell? What is Louis going on about, is he the one high today?
"It's good to know you aren't considering yourself a sex object. Once you accept that, others will learn to treat you more than just sexual pleasure." He can't be serious.
"Listen Louis. I was here to have a friendly chat, maybe I even thought of this as a date. But I'm not here for you to change me, this isn't therapy." I raised my voice staring at Louis' blank expression.
"And I'll tell you one thing 'Sass', you were on that site too before I even met you. Don't you think there is something more than me on that site. I pretty sure you have a dirty past and now you're going to take it out on me to change" I picked up my purse and walked home. I'm not really sure if Louis had some last on that site, it just sounded right, like a good argument point.
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I curled up into a ball in the centre of my bed, blankets covering my entire body. I wondered if my mom ever noticed I left the house, she's probably to busy to care.
Just as I felt my eyelids getting heavier to fall asleep I heard my door creak open. I saw a males figure standing in the door frame, the light shinning from behind him blinded me to see his face. But I knew it would be Robert, Louis never followed me home and he was much taller and muscular.
"Your mother was worried where you went" he said in a monotone voice, switching on my lights. He stepped forward just far enough to shut the door behind him.
"Doesn't seem like she cared. By the way it's none of your business" I hissed, burying my head into my pillows. 'Go away' I kept repeating in my head, was it normal for him to be talking to me. I was scared, where's my mother. Not that she would care, she never really truly cared for me.
"Katelyn, look at me" he purred into my ear. How did he get so close, I didn't even hear his steps coming closer to me. I bit my lip trying to stay calm but my nerves are talking over. "Listen to me god dammit!" He screamed grabbing my arm. His strength was so strong he was able to toss me over just by one grip on my arm.
"Get away from me freak!" I screamed in his face, regretting the words leaving my mouth as soon as I watched his face get bright red. His arm raised slapping me in the face, I cried in pain. I can't fight back the tears, this was much worse than when Harry hit me. This was on purpose, he wanted me to feel pain.
"What is your problem?" I let the tears run down my face, the light application of makeup was defiantly down my cheeks. "You're my problem Katelyn" he threw my covers off of me, that's when I began to get away. Unfortunately I was pushed back down, he grabbed both my wrists pinning them over my head.
"You're such a slut like your mother. I see you with boys left and right, just like your skanky little hoe bag mother. But I must say Katelyn you are a little hotter, you have a nice ass, and perfect boob size. Although you could lose a little weight, you're getting fat"
Fat
The words I hated to hear. I thought I was done with hearing that, I thought I was done getting a better life. I avoided eating a lot, I was for sure I would lose some weight. I can't be getting fat again, I can't! "One of your boyfriends came over while you were gone. Harry? You're pretty irresistible Kateyln. Will I get a chance to fuck you like your many boy toys" he laughed. "Who am I kidding you don't have a choice" he smirked leaning down on top of me.
"Get away from me! MOM!" I screamed as loud as I could. I'm praying that even my neighbours could hear, but who am I kidding... They never listened to my screams, they drained them out all of my childhood.
"Shut up you crazy bitch" Robert spat, slapping me across the face again. Instantly I felt a stinging pain, I just kept crying hoping that someone would "Robert?" My mom entered the room.
"Why don't you come back in the bedroom" my mom said being perfectly calm, of course she would be.
"I will honey, I was just teaching your daughter a lesson. She shouldn't be sneaking out, and now I'm punishing her. Something you should do" Robert laughed looking at me.
"Now Sarah. I think you need to teach your fat ass daughter to loose some pounds. I know why she's a slut, no guy could ever love her" I was too weak to defend myself, plus it's true. No guy could ever love me, I'm to pathetic, ugly and... Fat.
Robert let go of me, getting off and walking out the door. I looked at my mother with blood shot eyes, she just shook her head in disappointment at me. What did I ever do wrong to be treated like this? For so many years my mom has treated me like shit, she had started to change but now it's getting into those bad habits again. The alcohol, the abusive relationship, but she was never the one to get abused.
I ran to the bathroom, locking it shut behind me. I took a step closer to the mirror looking at my appearance.
Smudged makeup
Cracked lips
Pale skin
Dark circles
And a bruise forming by my eye
But most importantly, the thing that stuck out the most and what need to change was fat.
I pulled off my sweater to expose my bare stomach. I grabbed the side of my stomach, consumed with fat. That's all I am, I am fat.
I stepped on the scale in between the counters and the shower. '120 pounds' I read. I'm screaming on the inside, it's too high. How can people stand to look at me, I'm disgusting. Robert is right, how can anyone love me!
I rushed to the toilet lifting the seat up. Too familiar with this feeling, I placed two fingers into my mouth waiting for my gag reflexes.
The taste of vomit filled my mouth, the taste of skinny. Something I'm in desperate need of. I started to hear glass shattering on the floor, the screams of Robert were screaming me much more than my dad ever did. Even though our relationship was no way healthy, I still felt more comfort because he was my dad rather than this stranger.
I ran back to my room not bothering to look back. If I made eye contact with Robert I knew I would feel much more pain then before. I locked my door behind me, sliding my back against the door until my butt hit the carpet.
I continued to listen to the screaming, I knew it was over when I heard the front door slam and the car engine start from my open window. This is my chance to get out for the night, I know these times too well. Robert and my mom will come back, every last bit of angry Robert held would be taken out on me. I grabbed a duffle bag stuffing a bunch of random clothing. Makeup, socks, bras, panties, sweaters, pants, shirts, as much as I could fit into this bag. I grabbed my purse as well that still had my wallet and phone in it. That's all I can think of that will be necessary for right now, a week tops.
I'm unsure where to go, I would go stay with Louis. We had an argument that was it, he obviously didn't mean to make me upset at all. But he would be going to that party. I left the girls messages but they all responded saying they are at Louis' getting ready for a before party. Is that really a thing, why would you go to that. Who am I kidding, if I had a good life I would go.
I really need to make some friends. Friends away from who I know now, someone I could just go talk to without being interrupted by a group of people.
I found myself wandering the park, the sun was setting and I'm getting tired of just walking around trying to find somewhere to go. I say on a bench and let myself drift into a sleep.
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"Is she alive?" I heard a young voice chuckle, clearly puberty hasn't hit this boy yet. I opened my eyes to see a bunch of young boys, one smoking weed. I quickly gathered my stuff and started walking faster. "Where you going baby!" One called after me, what is this kid like ten?
I have no wear to go and it's getting colder, it's already dark out I need somewhere to go. I refuse to go home. I pulled out my cell phone and saw a missed call from Louis. I'll get back to that later but Louis also lives with Harry. I'm no where near to forgive Harry but I know he is home and I need somewhere to go.
I knocked on their door and in seconds there stood Shirtless, Sleepy faced Harry by the door frame. "Katelyn?" He asked shocked pulling me into the flat. "What... What are you doing here? Why are you here so late? Why do you have all this stuff? Are you moving in? Did Louis ask you to move in?" I must say for a sleepy Harry he was sure wide awake for asking questions.
"Can I stay here for the night?" I asked. Harry nodded and grabbed my bag. He walked down the hall to his room and I followed behind. He dropped my stuff on the floor and turned around. "Katelyn! What happened to your face!" I was now more in direct light, and the bruising must of gotten worse. I shrugged my shoulders.
"Katelyn please tell me" he begged.
"I don't want to talk about it" I whispered.
Harry laid down in his bed and spoke. "Come here" he gestured me over and I crawled into his bed, Harry lifted his arm up so I could cuddle closer next to him. By no means does this mean Harry and I are together, I just really need someone.
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So maybe you don't want to read about the main character that has depression but every author relates their story to themselves in some way. I'm not the same as Katelyn in any way but one. And thats depression. I've struggled with my weight for a while, thinking I'm not good enough. (I'm fine now, and happy) so I really wanted to bring this into my story. It's not all going to focus on this, I'm still going to have more of a story then depression. But I just wanted to say when Katelyn thinks of herself fat, example her thinking 120 is too high. Don't in anyway think
you way more than that you're fat or too big. Or think I'm considering people more than 120 is fat. Everyone is perfect in their own way and it's just a number. Anyways love you all xx
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