Originally posted on March 19, 2017 | Edited on May 11th, 2018.
| . . . C H A P T E R . . . 1. 2 0 . 1 : E M P T Y - P R O M I S E S . . . |
Kripa kept on trying to convince me to go to this Valentine's ball. "C'mon, Khushi. Why are you so boring? You were so happy a few days ago. Are we not friends or do you hold that cheerful attitude only for Angad? It's Valentine's Day for crying out loud!"
"Exactly, Kripa. Valentine's Day. I would need a date, you know?" I used the excuse, wanting to go back into a bubble where Arnav didn't exist. Where I didn't feel his pinch of betrayal. Where he didn't break his empty promises to me.
I felt a fool to fall for them.
She continued to press as I helped her set her curls, "Oh, who really cares? There'll be tons of people who come as friends. You don't have to celebrate with a guy, you know? I want you to come, please?"
"No way." I denied, "I don't fancy being a third-wheel. This is technically your first date with Aaron."
She blushed slightly at the mention and I couldn't help but smile at that. "Please! That's why you need to come. I am so nervous. I've never been on a real date. I need you there as my support system. Just come for a while? I won't take no for an answer."
My mind blanked as I tried to come up with another believable excuse but failed to produce one. She got up, walked to her closet, and returned with a hanger. Forcing it in my hand, she demanded, "Go change. Now!"
She turned me around and pushed me towards the bathroom.
With a defeated sigh, I look at the dress in my hand. I've always ended up giving in to my friends' pleas. Kripa wasn't lying about being nervous. Deciding to suck it up, I get into the dress.
Instantly, I hated how it clung to my skin but I was determined. Just days ago, I had convinced Angad that I could do this and had sent him back to Mumbai - after he took a detour to the exchange university Riddhima was at so he could make amends to their friendship. Now, I wasn't going to back out of those assurances I had given to him because of someone who had been a part of my life only recently.
Arnav had once told me not to let him win by having power over me. Well, I was going to show him. I will not let Arnav have power over me either. I will show him I could survive just fine without him. I didn't need him. I was determined to return to my old self - maybe even better.
I returned to Kripa's room and she whistled, "You're looking hot, babe."
I somewhere cringed and the mischief left her face. As I had promised her, I did explain to her what had happened that night and my rape.
Her expression turned to that of concern. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you."
I forced a smile, "It's okay." I glanced over at the dress she'd changed into. "That's beautiful. Wherever did you buy it?"
She gushed looking down at it, "Isn't it? It was a Christmas gift."
"I should buy one just like this for Riddhima."
She laughed before answering, "Wish that was possible; then we could be twinning. But, unfortunately, this is an exclusive piece. One of its kind."
I gaped at her, "Are you serious? Where do you get the money to buy this? Must have been expensive."
She chuckled, "Na, told you. It was a gift. Just cost me a loving cousin who deems it okay to interfere in my life whenever he pleases." Ah. Arnav. After seeing that summer house, I guess he did have the kind of money to obtain an exclusive piece. "You know, I'm still surprised he's letting me go without a fuss! Lavanya being here must be a good thing."
"Lavanya?"
She hummed applying makeup, "Yeah, his girlfriend. Mind you, real one. Not like the girls he hangs with on campus."
Girlfriend? I could faintly, but clearly, remember him telling me she was his best friend. He'd said that was it, nothing more. But then again... after I had seen him kissing Amanda, could I believe anything he's ever said to me? His words are all empty.
I keep trying to give him the benefit of the doubt because even if it had been a long ruse with me, the shelter was very much real. I wanted to believe atleast some part of my time spent with him was real but it wasn't possible to let that small bit overshadow everything else stacked against him.
Shaking my thoughts away from him, for he didn't deserve me spending my time over him, I walked over to tuck away the tag on the back of Kripa's dress. When I could see the brand logo clearly though, I paused for a second.
It was the same one that was on that shirt.
Noticing I was hiding it away, she smiled at me through the mirror. "Thanks."
There was the same symbol on the back of her shoulder strap, imprinted. "This logo..."
"Hmm?" She turned to me since my voice was quiet, "Did you say something?"
"Oh, I was just looking at the logo."
"Ah, that. Interested, Ms. future designer?"
"Usually companies don't have their logo imprinted on clothes, you know? Unless it's a high-end brand like Nike, polo, or something."
"True, one day though, mark my words, this fashion house is going to make it to the top. In the last three years only, it's already on its way."
I rolled my eyes at her exaggeration.
She continued to explain, "But anyway, this imprint only means that it's a design never meant to be repeated for a second piece. They only put it on styles that are specially created and not meant to be a part of some line or collection."
So that means that shirt is a unique piece too? Why? It's normal enough. It's not even a different style or anything.
I eyed in interest, "You know too much about this brand, don't you?"
"I'd hope so." She answered with a chuckle and it didn't make sense to me. She moved on, however. "Now sit. Let me do your makeup."
"Krips, please, no."
She assured, "I'll keep it light. Promise."
I compromised at that and allowed her to dabble a little of those chemical products on my face.
. . . ∞ . ∞ . ∞ . ∞. . .
| . . . C H A P T E R . . . 1. 2 0 . 2 : O N E - W A Y - S T R E E T . . . |
As soon as we entered the hall where this ball was taking place, Kripa led us towards our group of friends. As I spot him in a distance, I am surprised to find him here. What was it he said just days ago about him not going to the ball unless the girl was special?
Again, I had to remind myself that I should forget everything I knew about this guy. He said one thing and did the other.
I shouldn't care.
Kripa greeted him with a quick hug, "Hey bro! You finally made it to Valentine's Day party, huh?"
As he hugged her back, I felt his eyes on me but I chose to look around and ignore it. He answered after parting, "Couldn't say no to Lavanya."
At the name, I looked at the girl next to him. She was beautiful, no doubt. Kripa greeted her with a hug too that Lavanya fondly responded with. I wanted to not like her but I didn't have a reason to.
Just that she was with Arnav wasn't reason enough.
Arnav added, "You look beautiful, by the way.
Kripa teased, "Wow, a compliment from you? I would've expected a scolding."
He pointed back, "We didn't get this made for you expecting you to never wear it."
She squinted at him for an attempt to mock her. Lavanya cut in, "Kripa, aren't you going to introduce us to your date?"
Kripa realized she wasn't alone, "Oh, yes. Ofcourse." She glanced back at Aaron with a smile, "This is Aaron, and you know my cousin and this is Lavanya." Aaron shook hands with Lavanya. Kripa hooked her arm with mine pulling me to her other side, "And this is Khushi. My flat mate slash best friend."
She said hi to me and I passed a polite smile to her. She was friendly and it was hard to find a reason to dislike her. Is it her fault for being with Arnav? I wondered... maybe she doesn't know Arnav. But they were friends... maybe she thinks she knows him and doesn't know of the way he's cheating on her with others.
I almost feel sorry for her.
Kripa asked, "Where's di? Didn't she say she was going to come by?"
Arnav seemed a bit hesitant as he answered in front of us, "Uh, yeah. Aarav felt a little sick so she stayed home."
"Is he okay?" Kripa asked instantly concerned and I find myself wondering who that is while at the same time, I am reminded of how I know nothing personal about him. I shared some of my darkest secrets with him and yet... this is all a one-way street.
I thought it best to get away from the group so I pulled at Kripa's hand to get her attention. "I'm going to get a drink. Want something?"
She shook her head, "I'm okay for now, thanks."
I left to go find where the drinks are while navigating through the crowd.
"Can we talk?" I heard his voice behind me seconds later when I had picked up a glass of soft drink.
Again... he said he'd never approach me in public and what was he doing? Not bothering to turn around, I said, "Not interested," and began to walk away.
"Sweet pea..."
At that, I simply had to whisk around and hiss at him. "Don't." He could not call me that. Yet, it was hard not to melt when he looked the way he did. Exhausted. Something in his eyes... sadness? I sighed, tired of my internal debates on which part of him to believe. "Just go, Arnav. Haven't you done enough?"
He continued to insist, "Can you just listen to me once, please? I can explain everything."
I shook my head and turned around to leave. He can't fuck up like that and then try to talk to me and expect everything to be alright. I only managed a few steps before I found it difficult to breathe. I mistake it for my anxiety from facing him but when I take a couple of deep breaths, it doesn't help like it usually does.
The last thing I hear was my name being called as I clutched my head and collapsed.
. . . ∞ . ∞ . ∞ . ∞. . .
It's been a while since I dreamt about Armaan. I smiled seeing him. I closed my eyes again to go back to dreaming about him.
"Doll?"
My brows narrowed at his voice. It felt closer and much more real than a dream.
I wondered if this was a double dream. I am dreaming that I am dreaming about Armaan.
"Are you really here?" I asked blinking a few times to clear the haze. It took me a few seconds to realize I was in the hospital. "What am I doing here?"
"You don't remember?"
"I was at..." I trailed off when I was unable to recall where I was and what had happened that ended up with me in a hospital bed again. I started to panic. This cannot be happening again.
He rushed to my side at once taking my hand in his. "It's okay, shh. Calm down. Nothing happened. Kripa said you guys were at a Valentine's party and you collapsed. Do you remember that?"
I answered with my groggy memory, "I remember going to the party."
He nodded patting my head, "Okay. That's good. The rest will come back. Were you not eating or sleeping properly?"
"Nothing out of the ordinary..." I mumbled. Sleeping, not so much, but I had been trying to eat.
"The doctor said you were really dehydrated and sleep deprived. But that was after they found out you were allergic to alcohol."
I scoffed, "There's no such thing." He continued to look serious making me doubt myself. I think we've already established - I'm not the brightest in the bunch when it comes to general knowledge. "Is there?"
He chuckled, "Yes, doll. People are sometimes allergic to come contents found in alcohol. It's rare but it is a thing."
I muttered in annoyance, "Ofcourse, rare things have to happen to me."
"When Basket called though... you scared me," he expressed still holding my hand and not meeting my eyes.
I hated putting fear in his eyes. He'd seen a lot, thanks to me.
"Angad said you were doing better. What happened?"
"That's a long story," I whispered back starting to get sleepy again.
He advised, "Later. Rest now. You're still heavily sedated. They wanted to make sure you could catch up on some sleep."
"Probably a good idea." I answered closing my eyes. Unconscious, I wouldn't wake up screaming of nightmares. Last few days, I had done everything I could to stay awake because I didn't want to wake up again in a different reality, screaming and losing myself.
I see, now, it still didn't help in the long run by making me faint as my body couldn't take it.
. . . ∞ . ∞ . ∞ . ∞. . .
Later that evening, Armaan helped me back to the apartment. Ron, Jasper, Aaron, Kripa, Riddhima, and Abhimanyu were seated about in the living room. Upon seeing me, all of them surrounded me and started asking how I was doing.
Why do I feel disappointed?
Why did I think - hope - that Arnav would be here?
Kripa took me in a death grip, "Okay, Krips, back off before you cut off my air supply and send me to the hospital again. If I end up at that place again, I am going to hate you for a very, very, long time. I hate hospitals."
They were just a reminder of all the bad things.
She stepped back smiling in relief, "I'm glad you're okay."
"Aww, come here." I pulled her in for another hug - though this one wasn't about to choke me. Sometimes, I didn't appreciate how good of a friend she was to me. I let myself be so preoccupied with myself.
Aaron added behind her, "Another person who is glad you're okay too."
I gave him a pointed look, "Don't be too happy. I'm going to grill you about your date as soon as I get some decent food in my stomach."
He adorably pouted for being put in the line of direct embarrassment. I laughed and went up to hug him as well.
I don't know what's wrong with me but I feel as if I should be happy to have such amazing friends in my life. I do still have things to be thankful for. My last two years may not have been pleasant but with friends like these by my side? My future sure will be better.
It's time to let go and live.
. . . ∞ . ∞ . ∞ . ∞. . .