Published on March 10, 2017 | Edited on May 2nd, 2018.
Dedicated to Mystique. Thanks bae for all your behind the scenes support & love! <33 Just like this chapter, you inspire me & give me hope that one day, we'll make it happen ; )
| . . . C H A P T E R . . . 1. 1 7 . 1 : A T - T H E - T E M P L E . . . |
I had thought of talking to Kripa when she returned but she didn't return at night. I figured she was either with Arnav or Anjali, given she was still in Australia visiting. Possibly, both.
The next day, after my lab, I walked towards the café and sat at my normal booth. Given it was still 9:30 in the morning, the campus was just starting to get busy with students and I was lucky to grab the table. Today, I sat facing the ceiling to floor window so I wouldn't have to look at the crowd inside the café.
I'm not sure it was a good idea when I looked up to find Arnav in some distance. I couldn't see the girl he was with but clearly had an idea of what he did when he leaned in and his hand wrapped around her back and pulled her closer to him.
I knew I should look away but he didn't seem to care that he was kissing someone in the middle of the pathway.
I blinked away when they parted feeling uncomfortable. My attention was pulled to my phone on the table when it vibrated.
Arnav: you're in the clear.
My brows knit together in confusion at the words until I glanced up again and saw him looking directly at me through the window. My heart started beating faster. He knew I was here. He kissed someone to pull the rumors to focus on whoever that girl was and away from me.
I could only stare at him even when he looked back at the girl and turning his back to me, walked away with her.
My heart was still pounding blood twice its speed.
He did that... for me.
He said he didn't care about his reputation or the rumors and yet, he did this. He might have unintentionally pulled me in his life but the second he found out, he made sure to pull me away from it despite everything he believed. Despite Kripa telling me I'd hurt him, he looked out for me.
I had no idea how to feel.
I heard the talking of the table behind me.
"I guess he's moved on."
"Well, it was expected. Didn't you hear how he and that other girl had this huge fight yesterday in the green?"
"I feel sorry for her. He was barely with her for what, a day? That's like the shortest he'd been with any girl."
I put in my headphones and slipped away into my own world. The words in his message on repeat in my mind.
. . . ∞ . ∞ . ∞ . ∞. . .
That evening, Riddhima talked to me and we had one too many heavy conversations. The take home that I chose to focus on was the feeling where I felt I had my best friend back. As if there weren't an invisible wall between us anymore. It had felt good to get things off my chest. To tell her everything that had happened with Arnav. I hadn't felt this light hearted in a long time because she was right... ever since that day many months ago when the darkness first touched me, I had been keeping away from her.
She had been the light in my life. In Armaan's life. She kept both of us afloat. Her friendship was the purest thing in the world for me. I didn't want to think what'd happen if that light got snubbed out because of my darkness. I didn't realize I was hurting her, but knowing now, I know I wouldn't be making the same mistake with her. Besides, in what world would it be right to not tell your best friend everything?
Two days later, the weekend arrived and Kripa informed when I was in the kitchen getting water, "We're all going to celebrate Makar Sankranti at the temple grounds, if you're interested."
I carefully asked, "Still mad at me?"
She sighed, leaning against the counter, "I wasn't mad, Khushi. Just... worried about Arnav. But he's being himself... or atleast putting on a good enough show. So, whatever."
"Yeah," I murmured recalling his message again and him kissing that girl.
"So, should we wait for you or leave?"
I opened my mouth to ask them to carry on when I changed my mind, "Actually, give me five minutes?"
She smiled, surprised at my answer. "Sure."
Even if not to celebrate the festival, I figured I shouldn't pass up the opportunity to visit temple. It used to be a daily routine in Shimla on our way to school in the morning. But it had been almost half a year in Australia and I'd only been to the temple here twice. Once on Diwali and once on Navratri.
. . . ∞ . ∞ . ∞ . ∞. . .
I walked inside the temple and as I reached the front, I noticed a lady on her knees and a little boy in front of her as she was trying to get him to join his hands and teach him how to pray. I smiled at the scene of an innocent child, far away from the monstrosity of the world, and a mother teaching him faith and religion.
The child, however, turned and instead of bowing his head to the idol like the mother was trying to teach him, he bowed his head in front of her mother.
"Aarav!" The lady said his name in frustration though a smile adorned her lips as well for it was utterly adorable. She couldn't ignore that any more than I could.
He'd rather put his mother at the top in his life rather than God himself.
Somehow, I felt a glimpse of humanity... and rightfully so. Why shouldn't a child give that position to a mother? She did, after all, give birth to him.
His mother turned him around to teach him again and yet, again, he did the same thing. She gave up for the time being, "Oh, alright. We'll leave but if you turn like your dad and refuse to pray to God as you grow up, I am going to be disappointed in both of you."
He responded by using his tiny hands to cup her cheeks and then, he sloppily kissed her forehead perhaps the way he must have seen his father do so. "Lub you, di."
He couldn't say 'love' properly but I was surprised to find out she wasn't his mother but his sister. She looked old enough to be his mother, certainly. I had heard of couples having late children but I wonder, how old must his parents be for her to be his sister?
She glanced at me and politely smiled before she carried him and stood up. Before they left, his eyes met mine and he repeated the praying gesture to me, causing me and the lady to laugh. Shaking her head, she walked away and that's when I realized how preoccupied I'd become with glimpsing into their lives.
Shaking my head and scolding myself, I close my eyes and prayed.
. . . ∞ . ∞ . ∞ . ∞. . .
| . . . C H A P T E R . . . 1. 1 7 . 2 : F O R - O N E - D A Y . . . |
I met up with Abhi, Riddhima, and Kripa in the grass clearing around the temple where Abhi was already flying a kite, but failing to get it higher, while Riddhima held the spool and tried to teach him.
As I'm looking around the place at all the families and friends gathered, Kripa came to stand next to me, "If you're looking for him, he isn't here."
I turned to her, "Hmm?"
She clarified, "Arnav. He doesn't believe in God so he wouldn't come."
I took in the piece of information but argued, "I wasn't looking for him. I was just... looking."
She mysteriously smiled, unconvinced, "O-kay."
I distracted her by asking, "Can you fly a kite?"
"Hell yes." She answered and we moved on to celebrate.
At the end of the day, I may have cut three of my fingers due to the sharp string but I wasn't complaining. It had been a good day. Probably the most normal day I had in a while where I felt carefree even around people and celebrated because I wanted to, whole heartedly, by laughing and in a playful mood.
For one day, I choose to forget about all going on in my life.
For one day longer, I held on to that image of that little boy praying to his mother-like-sister instead of God.
For today, a little child managed to reinstate my belief in humanity. For today, that lady didn't teach him to be entitled where a boy could do anything he wished, inflict pain on another, ruin lives in his wake and get away without any consequences. Today, she taught him to respect God but in turn, unintentionally, ended up teaching him to respect people in general.
So long as there were still those females around who were raising their sons and brothers with teachings of humanity, love, and respect, there was still goodness in this world.
There was still reason to keep fighting.
There was still reason to have hope of a better world.
There was still reason to live.
. . . ∞ . ∞ . ∞ . ∞. . .
Days turned into weeks as the semester got busy. I saw less and less of Arnav, on campus and in the apartment. One Thursday, Kripa informed me she had to go home, to India. I was worried when she said it given it was the middle of the semester and she'd only leave if it was an emergency, right?
Monday, she returned and that's when I had a glimpse of Arnav in weeks. He didn't look the same. Kripa rolled her suitcase to her room. He did glance at me briefly but he quickly turned and left. He's never looked this distant as he did in that one moment. I got a bad feeling in my heart, raising concerns.
I turned to Kripa's room where she was sitting on the bed with her head in her palms. "Is everything okay?"
She sighed uncovering her face and shook her head on the verge of tears. "Not really. This had to be the worst weekend ever. Arnie is pissed and I can't believe my father would do this! I knew he was a lot of things but I never would have imagined he'd go to this length."
I couldn't understand anything as she was being vague, and I tried to politely ask, "What did he do?"
She brushed it off, "Nothing, never mind. It was just a long weekend. I'm going to sleep if off if you don't mind."
Nodding, I gave her space and left the room. If she didn't want to talk yet, I didn't want to force her.
I returned to my room and checked my phone to receive a message from Armaan.
Armaan: It's happening. I'm sorry but I couldn't stop it. Call me please when you get this.
Anxiety started to overshadow my senses as I read the words over and over again. He had told me what was happening at home and why dad had been tensed for two months now. His business investment suffered a major loss and was on the verge of bankruptcy. He tried all he could to save it but when he couldn't, he started planning my marriage as a business deal.
Armaan fought it, calling him out on how heartless it was in today's age, reminding him I was his daughter and not an investment. He had grown so mad when he'd gone home to visit and had overhead mom and dad talking. If he hadn't, neither of us would have found out until the very end.
I wanted to be hurt by dad's decision, be mad at him for how could he do this to me, but I had larger things to worry about.
Marriage?
I could never.
I have just started to attempt to fight this depression. And, my panic attacks? I needed to heal first from my trauma. I was just starting to not be paranoid all the time and trust others again. I wasn't even at that emotional intimacy and marriage? No.
My fingers started to tremble and phone fell out of my hands. As vision blurred and I started feeling short of breath, I tried to inhale deeply. It wasn't enough. I couldn't breathe.
I picked up my phone and turned to the only person I could think of in Riddhima's absence. She was doing an exchange with another university for a research project she was working on for her lab and the other university had students working on the same idea. The professors of two university decided to unite the teams to make best of limited resources.
Arnav's answer didn't come. The message wasn't even delivered and I wondered if he had blocked me.
Why was I still turning to others to save me?
Leaving the phone, I stood up and opened the windows, practicing breathing exercises. I didn't want to have to turn to an inhaler if this would work.
I turned off my mind and focused just on inhaling through nose and exhaling through my mouth. Some minutes later, I started to relax. I could breathe but the feeling of anxiousness persisted.
. . . ∞ . ∞ . ∞ . ∞. . .
"Jerk." I muttered dropping my phone on the table, currently seated in the cafeteria.
Aaron returned with his lunch tray and asked, "Who's a jerk?" He answered his own question by looking over at my phone and reading the name. "Ah, the infamous guy. Are you two talking again?"
"It's complicated."
He started while cutting into his waffle, "Then let me uncomplicate it for you."
"That's really not necessary..."
I was cut off and ignored, "You used to be good friends before you let what you see and hear about him become more important. Now, do you know what I suggest? That you should believe the way he really is around you because that must be the real him. The one you see from a distance and hear about in rumors, it's not necessarily true because at the end of the day, they are rumors and you already know what I think about rumors."
He pointed his butter knife at me, "If I believed them, we wouldn't be friends right now." He put a piece in his mouth and while chewing, continued, "Now, he cares about you and I mean genuinely. Even when you aren't looking, I've seen him looking out for you."
What?
He swallowed taking a pause for a second. "And let me inform you. He is quite jealous of me because you've been spending time with me. If he was like the rumors, then he wouldn't care. He wouldn't be jealous because he already has someone. Moving on to that someone he has... well, that's a joke. He's never cared about anyone he's been seen with - not the way he cares about you."
When he's done pointing out everything, I had only one question for him. "Why are you telling me all this?"
"Oh, pretty girl, isn't it obvious? You care about him too and I don't want to see my friend throwing away another's friendship for silly, meaningless rumors."
I denied, "I don't care about him."
He rolled his eyes and picked up my phone before putting in the passcode and turning it to me. "Is that why you've sent him five messages since last night?"
"I'm worried for Kripa. Since she returned from her trip home yesterday, she's been too quiet."
He turned the phone to himself and read one of my messages to challenge, "Oh. Then I suppose this 'are you alright?' is meant to be sent to Kripa but it accidently got sent to him?"
I tried to snatch my phone back before he used anything else he saw against me but he moved it out of my reach. "Will you shut up and just finish your breakfast?"
He ignored me and scrolled up before his eyes narrowed in confusion and asked, "What does 'you're in the clear' mean?"
I don't give him an answer but he seemed to have read the date Arnav has sent that message.
Aaron's head snapped up with eyes wide. "Holy shit. That's the day rumors about you stopped. Because they saw him with someone else that morning." He looked at the message again for the time and asked warily, "Did he send this to you right after?"
I reached for my phone again and this time, he didn't pull it away for he had already read the message I had been trying to hide. I should have deleted it.
I changed the topic, "We were talking about you asking Kripa out for Valentines ball."
He answered so seriously, "No, I don't think I will."
I exclaimed, "What? Why not?! You like her."
"Not until you answer my questions."
First, a traitor. Now, a sneaky, blackmailing, bastard. Why am I still friends with him?
I frowned, "You already know the answer."
He let the matter of the text message go but asked this one again, "Do you care for him?"
I inhaled deeply, asking myself the same question, "That..." I exhaled, "is a loaded question."
He concluded for both of us, "Then it's a yes." I opened my mouth to argue but he raised his finger to silence me. "Eh, don't even bother. It's the truth. The sooner you accept it, the better."
I glared at him and warned, "I won't help you get Kripa jealous to find out if she likes you too."
He laughed, "Funny, I don't remember asking for your help."
I scoffed, "Please, you're terrified of rejection and were just begging me with your eyes for my help."
He dropped the pretense and asked with so much hope, "So you'll help?"
I couldn't turn that down. "I have no choice but to play cupid for my two friends, do I?"
. . . ∞ . ∞ . ∞ . ∞. . .
| . . . A U T H O R - N O T E . . . |
New: first meet of Khushi-Aarav-Anjali (without her realizing it) and first introduction to Aarav (I think?) Thoughts, thoughts! ^_^ My heart goes out to them... how they unknowingly affect Khushi without realizing that one day, they're all going to play a huge role for each other.
And ofcourse, a shout out to an amazing friend called Aaron :D
Next chapter, another surprise!