I vaguely hear the front door open about ten minutes after getting off the phone with Scott. At this point, my cheeks are stiff with dried tears and hiccups are still forcing their way out of my mouth, despite my lungs screaming at them to stop. I am laying on the floor, buried beneath a heap of blankets with the lights turned out and the curtains drawn, only wanting to be alone.
"Mitch?" The voice is muffled, but definitely Scott's. I keep quiet, hoping that he doesn't open my bedroom door. When the hinges creak, I stop moving altogether, barely even daring to breathe. "Are you under there?" Unable to bear the worry in his voice, I peek out from under the heap, unintentionally gasping for fresh air.
"Yeah. I'm here."
"What was that? On the phone, what were you even talking about? I could barely understand you." He sits next to me on the floor and moves to hold my hand, but I pull it away before he can, shaking my head.
"Why did you come here?" I ask, my voice still scratchy from crying so hard and my lungs still begging for the air they can't get.
"I was worried about you." he says matter-of-factly, like it's the most obvious thing in the world.
"Don't be. Just go away."
"You know perfectly well I'm not going to that!" He stands back up, exasperated, and I scoff, rolling my eyes as I say, "Why the hell not?"
"Because I don't want something to happen to you while no one's here. Because I care about you. Because I love you. Which answer do you want?"
"Kiss me." I say in response. He drops to his knees and pulls me against his chest, holding me tight instead. "Please."
"No. I just want to hold you."
"Scott-"
"Shh. Please. Just let me hold you." My heart jolts when I realize that he is crying.
"What's wrong, baby?" His arms tighten around me and his cries become more prominent. "Scott, what's wrong? Please answer me."
"I love you." he wails, burying his soaked face in my neck.
"Oh, honey."
"I can't stop thinking about the fact that...that in a few months I might not get to hold you any more."
"Don't say that."
"Why not? You said it yourself. You said you're getting sicker, and I know you're right." I swallow hard, squinting my eyes shut and trying to focus on his heartbeat instead of his words. "I know that I love you and I know that I want to keep you in my arms forever and I want to keep you safe and be able to love you endlessly without consequence. Is that too much to ask for?" At this point he is screaming.
"Scott, please calm do-"
"What do I have to do to keep you like this?!" He lets go of me abruptly and collapses forward, elbows crashing down onto his knees and shoulders quaking with sobs. Unsure of what to do, I watch him silently, waiting until he is calm enough to try to speak again.
"Listen to me. Dwelling on the future does no good. Trust me, I know. Focus on what's happening now, not what will happen in a few months or a few weeks or even a few days. Just think about now." He leans forward to kiss me, but I stop him. "I need you to think about that, okay?"
"Let me kiss you." Desperation fills his voice. He tries again, but I turn, shaking my head.
"Do you hear what I'm saying?"
"Yes, that's why I'm trying to kiss you. I'm trying to focus on the fact that I still have you by proving that I love you. Please, Mitch, let me kiss you."
"My parents could come home at any second." I say, edging closer to him even as I say it.
"It takes time for them to get up here." he says, locking his fingers under my chin. I nod, smiling a little bit at our proximity before closing the distance altogether. He is quick to put one arm around my waist when our lips touch, sighs flowing from his lips to mine and vice versa at the feeling of our touch. I reach out to his shoulders, roaming up to his neck and back down to his chest. I pull away to breathe, and he murmurs, "Don't stop." His hands find my hips and push me gently onto my back while he remains hovering over me.
"I have to." I gasp, pulling back again. He hooks his fingertips on the hem of my shirt, lifting it a little while he kisses up my neck and I catch my breath.
"You're so pretty." he says quietly, lifting my shirt a little more and ducking down to press a quick kiss to my stomach.
"Can we go on a date soon? We haven't formally gone on one yet, since the last one was replaced by me going to the hospital."
"Of course." He kisses me again before I can respond, and I revel in the feeling of his lips moving against mine. He starts to kiss up and down my neck again, hands roaming farther up my torso.
"Scott, I need to stop."
"Why?" he whines, sitting up to see my face properly. I reach up to cup his cheeks, and he shudders a bit when he feels how cold my hands are, covering them with his own.
"Because I don't want to go any farther when my parents are about to come home." As if on cue, the sound of the front door opening reaches me and I sigh, saying, "See." He climbs off of my hips, holding out a hand to help me stand and plopping down on my bed while I sit in a swivel chair at my desk, spinning a couple times.
"Are you okay now?" he asks, pulling his legs up to sit Indian style and staring at the carpet.
"Are you?" We make brief eye contact and he says, "Getting there."
"Me too." A timid knock on the door marks the arrival of my mom before she swings the door open and pops her head in.
"Hi, guys."
"Hi, Mom."
"What are you two up to?" she asks, coming over to me and kissing the top of my head.
"Oh we were just..." I glance around the room, looking for something to use as an excuse. "Reading...Shakespeare. Reading Shakespeare." Scott snorts, quickly muffling it with an obnoxiously loud cough. "It's for homework."
"Oh, I love Shakespeare!" my mom exclaims, clapping her hands together. "What are you reading?"
"Romeo and Juliet." I say at the same time as Scott says, "Hamlet." We look over at each other, both trying to conceal nervous laughter.
"Okay, maybe that just means I don't want to know what you are up to. I'll leave you to it. Scott, are you staying for dinner?"
"Oh, I should probably get h-"
"Yes, he's staying." I cut him off.
"Alright, I'll cook for four, then."
"Thanks, Mom. Let us know when it's done, please?"
"Of course. See you later, honey." She kisses the top of my head again, brushing through my hair before scurrying out.
"Hamlet?" I ask when she leaves, standing up and slowly crossing the room to where he is sitting.
"Why did you say Romeo and Juliet? Why did you say we were reading Shakespeare? You could have picked anything."
"I have Shakespeare on my bookshelf and I saw it." I say, coming to a stop in front of him and looking down to see his face. "Is this what you feel like when you stand in front of me?"
"What, tall?"
"Yeah."
"I'm not that much taller than you, you know." He stands up, forcing me to look up to see him, and wraps his arms tightly around my waist before kissing me hard. His hands start to roam under my shirt again, and this time I don't stop him. He pulls back a little bit to see my expression, and I nod a little, kissing his cheek and then his lips again. He pushes me back a little, and I pull him so that my back is against the window and he is completely pressed against me. His hands slide back down to the hem of my shirt and start to lift it. I lean forward and pull away to pull it over my head, forcing us to stop for a few seconds while it gets tangled on my oxygen line. He chuckles as I throw it to the floor and takes his off, too. "You're beautiful, Mitch." He pushes me back against the window, kissing my neck this time while I explore the feeling of his skin against mine. My fingertips dance over his back, tracing over his ribs and spine.
"So are you." I jump at the sound of the front door slamming shut, and say, "Wait, something's wrong." He just kisses my shoulder in response. I hear my mom start shouting, "Wait, Mike!"
"Scott, stop."
"What?" He looks up just in time for my door to burst open, and over Scott's shoulder, I see my dad standing there fuming. Scott moves away from me quickly, glancing back and forth from me to him.
"Hi, dad." I say quietly.
"Put your shirts on, now, and come downstairs." He walks out, slamming the door behind him.
"I'm screwed." I say, running my hand through my hair. "He's...I don't even know what...but I'm screwed." I pick up my shirt and slip it over my head, watching as Scott does the same.
"Maybe we should have closed the curtains." he mumbles while I glare up at him. "Why are you giving me that look?"
"I don't know. Come on, let's go." I start toward the door, unable to look at him, but he grabs my hand and pulls me back. "Don't touch me right now, please let go." I say, voice quivering and my eyes grow hot.
"It's going to be fine."
"Boys, now!" my dad screams from downstairs. I don't wait around to hear what Scott has to say.
****