I found myself at a loss of sleep last night. The half of my night was mainly spent blankly staring at the ceiling, rethinking my choices while the other half was spent trying to tidy my bedroom that had become a mess.
Neatly folding the clothes in quarters and placing them inside the drawers while tossing the unworn scattered garments into the laundry basket. I relocated the misplaced items, putting back the magazines and textbooks back on my bookshelf. Casually wiping the exposed floorboards clean.
The outcome was absolutely worth it. It felt so ravishing to see my same old bedroom that I had seen four months ago.
I had decided it was time to return. But whenever I felt my head resting upon the soft pillow, my mind return to the same spot,
Should I go meet him?
What would I say if I do?
Would I regret it?
All these thoughts were floating in my mind like stars finding absolutely no avenue to become constellations. I was breathless, at a loss of words and anxious.
It was about time I swung open the same door I had slammed shut about four months ago.
All I knew was that I missed him. I wanted to be with him again, I just wanted to laugh with him again, even if he didn't feel the same. If all that was written in our destinies was friendship then it is, and I would gladly accept that.
The morning sun rays came quicker than I had expected. Soon the dim light seeping through the curtains multiplied and taking a brief sigh, I collected myself and shuffled towards the shower.
I slipped on an oversized grey shirt and light wash ripped jeans. I sprinted downstairs in my black trainers but paused in midway upon seeing my mom and Dawn having a lighthearted conversation followed by a few chuckles, sipping on their respective cups of creamed coffee.
They paused as soon as their eyes landed on me, standing blankly in the middle of staircase.
I had stormed off last night in anger and frustration, asking to be left alone but I had never thought that Dawn wouldn't leave for her house afterwards.
I pursed my lips and shuffled towards them as Dawn scooted over to create space for me beside her on the couch where I casually slumped.
"G'morning Sere, how're you feeling now? Are you okay?" Mom greeted.
"Better." I smiled at her.
"OMG DID YOU JUST SMILE?!" Dawn gasped in shock, "Is the old Serena back again?"
"Maybe the old Serena was always here, just in a bad mood. But every storm has to end one day." I beamed, "Mine is long gone."
"I missed you!" Dawn strangled me into a tight hug.
"So, are we going to see Ash today?" Dawn had hopes in her eyes while I just anxiously fiddled with my fingers. Dead silence prevailed the previously loud room.
"I'm not sure, I don't even know where he lives." I hesitantly stated.
"Oh leave that to me, I know every detail about Paul's friends." Dawn smirked.
"I don't know. Should I, Mom?" I exchanged a glance with my mother who smiled at me,
"Serena, before you do anything, let yourself know -- I trust you." My mother smiled heartily, "I'm always right beside you. Just do what your heart says and don't look back. I know you'll make the best decision, I know you're strong and capable. You're a lot stronger than me and you've already proved it.
You stood firm and bore every storm with patience. You are unshakable and even if you face a problem afterwards, I know you can deal with it. Don't underestimate your willpower."
I just smiled at her, a jolt of confidence knocking in me as I triumphantly nodded my head with an impulsive grin,
"We'll go and confront Ash then."
The drive to Ash's place was a long and quiet one. Taking unfamiliar routes, Diamond finally halted in front of a black steel railing gate, peeking through which I saw no signs of a building anywhere near.
Soon a uniformed man came up to us with an uninterested look plastered on his face. Dawn pulled down the glass shield and she yelled at the top of her lungs,
"Excuse you, but does this house belong to a guy named Ash?"
"Ash?! You're here to meet Ash? Wait, I'll inform Madam, I'll be right back to you. " He fled, sounding somewhat astonished and soon returned sprinting and panting with exhaustion, "I've called her, she is asking you to come in."
And then the gates opened into a plain grass field with a pebbled trajectory between, through which Dawn slowly drove inside,
"Where's the house? Does he live in grass?" Dawn frowned.
And after a little drive, the beige structure of the mansion came in sight.
"Whoa, that was a big front yard, does he like use it for farming." Dawn commented, "I mean, I know his house started in the Kanto region but I can't tell if it ends there. Crazy."
I just shrugged before swallowing the lump in my throat, anxiousness reigning over me.
The mansion was just like any other, vast and wide but plain and simple. There was no extraordinary architecture except for a few cream colored monuments aligned along the trajectory and flower beds all along. The door was fancy and antique, but well polished, just like the marbled floor.
Diamond halted at a spot on a suitable distance from the main door, and Dawn glided out, followed by a nervous me of course.
Before we could knock as a good gesture, the door was swung open by another uniformed man, supposedly the chauffeur.
We were politely welcomed inside and the interior of the place stunned me to the core.
That mix included a strong, geometric gesture that was repeated, subtly, from the living to the patterns flanking the tufted headboard in the bedrooms that we peeked in through the open symmetrical wooden doors. They boasted their own media room with luxurious, chocolate-brown velvet chaises.
The dark oak panels of the ceiling conspired with the wood flooring to ground the formidable volume in the material world, and kept it from floating away.
Geometric custom lighting hovered above furnishings from Berman Rosetti, whose modernist lines have been tempered by the warm, rich tones of their upholstery. An angular Kahn-designed staircase charged through the room like a frozen lightning bolt, providing a vertical sculptural element within the space.
The house was the textbook definition of elegance but the lady whose heels clicked on the floor as the sound grew louder and louder with each step -- when appeared in front of us, I'd only say she was the embodiment of sophistication.
Her mahogany hair tucked into a neat bun and her blue pencil skirt reached just above her knees and her pink sweater gave a bohemian feel. A smile was plastered on her thin pink lips and she came closer to Dawn and I as we awkwardly said there.
"Hello, pardon me, but are you here to meet Ash?" She smiled heartily but what caught my eyes were her auburn eyes. The exact carbon copy of Ash's. The same radiance, glimmer and relentlessness.
"Yes, is he home?" Dawn spoke as I just stood bedazzled and entranced.
"Have a seat." She escorted us towards a maroon sofa and sat diagonally across, "I'm Ash's mother."
"He has your eyes." I spoke thoughtlessly only to regret it seconds later.
"Everyone notices that." She smiled politely, "But I don't recall Ash mentioning about any new friends lately. Are you not his friends?"
I looked down at my feet, and after a brief sigh, I spoke up, "I was, once."
"Anyway, I'm Dawn. Dawn Berlitz." Dawn instantly switched the topic.
"My name is Delia, nice to meet you, Dawn." Delia greeted before turning towards me, "What about you?"
"O -Oh, me? I'm Serena." and as soon as the words reached her ears, Delia's eyes widened three sizes and her lips parted in shock.
"What? Wait, YOU'RE SERENA?" She yelled in astonishment, "Ash talks so much about you?"
"R-really?"
"Yeah, he relates you to almost everything. When I bake, paint or read, he just can't help but mention you." She chuckled, "How is it that you're visiting for the first time now?"
"Is he here?" I meekly asked as her face fell.
"I'm afraid not -- he was really upset lately. He said he's moving somewhere for college soon and he's probably out with friends now packing stuff and bidding farewells." She sighed.
"HE'S MOVING?! WHERE, WHEN? WHERE DO I FIND HIM?!" I blurted out.
"I'm not sure, he never tells me where he's leaving to but maybe you'll find him tomorrow at the prom, you can say your goodbyes there."
"B-but I don't -- want to say goodbye." I blinked to keep my tears back before turning on my heel, headed straight for the door.
"Wait!" Delia's voice came, making me pause in my track, "If it's that urgent - well - there's only one way I can help you."
She then reached for a drawer and pulled out a pristine envelop.
"Ash told me to give this to you after he left the town, but you can read this now, maybe it has the answer to whatever you wanted to ask him." Delia frowned sympathetically.
Delia handed me the letter as I exchanged a look with Dawn before flipping open the envelope.
And that one letter changed my life forever.