When Bea slowly opens her eyes, she is instantly greeted by the feeling of her head being hammered and split into two. She curses under her breath as she removes the blanket that's covering her and cautiously moves her body to get up from the couch where she apparently had fallen asleep last night.
Si Maki siguro yung nag-drive at nag-uwi sa kanya kagabi dito sa unit niya. Wala na din siyang maalala pagkatapos niyang ubusin yung pangatlong bucket ng beer na in-order niya. Siya lang ata yung nakaubos nun dahil halos hindi naman uminom si Maki. She said something about staying sober for her thesis defense scheduled for today.
Gosh, she couldn't even remember the last time she had drank that much!
Bigla naman niyang naalala kung paano siya umiyak sa harap ng kaibigan niya kagabi pagkatapos niyang ikwento yung tungkol sa kanila ni Jho. Napapikit siya sa sobrang inis sa sarili. What the fuck, nakakahiya! Can she get any more pathetic?
Napahinga siya ng malalim. At least may napagsabihan na siya ng problema niya. Hindi man nabawasan yung sakit kahit papaano ay meron nang may alam sa nararamdaman niya at hindi na niya kinikimkim mag-isa. Although Maki told her to just forget about Jho and avoid her as much as possible because nothing good would come out of it if she continues to chase and pine for the girl.
Maybe she's right but it's hard to forget someone who is always on your mind.
She really thought that she was ready to let her go but then that night happened and her desire for her grew by tenfold. She gets to have Jho for one night and she is suddenly craving for more.
These feelings that she has for her is doomed from the beginning but she wants it anyway. She wants Jho anyway.
Tumayo na siya mula sa couch para pumunta sana sa kusina pero umagaw sa atensyon niya yung bottled water at aspirin na nakapatong sa coffee table at may kasamang note:
take this and drink lots of water. may food na sa kitchen mo so don't forget to eat.
When she gets to the kitchen, nakita niya agad yung tray na may cover sa dining table. She checks it and sees that it's sausage, scrambled eggs, and garlic rice that someone cooked for her. She instantly feels her stomach grumbling at the sight because the food looks so good.
Probably Maki, she thinks.
Bea can't help but smile at her friend's thoughtfulness. She has classes this morning but she found the time to take care of her while she's passed out and she even cooked before she left. Umupo na siya sa table para simulan ng kumain. Napapikit pa siya dahil bukod sa gutom na gutom na siya ay sobrang sarap nung pagkakaluto nun. When did Maki even learn to cook this good?
Mabilis lang din niya naubos yun iniwang pagkain ni Maki. Kagabi pa kasi walang laman yung tiyan niya. In that moment, she has never been more grateful to have someone like Maki as a friend. She really ought to say thank you to her for all the things she has done for her last night and for today.
She checks her watch and sees that she still has time to attend the rest of her classes in the afternoon.
Medyo masakit pa din yung ulo niya pero binilisan na niyang mag-shower at agad na dumeretso sa school. Pagka-park niya nang kotse niya sa usual spot niya ay nagmadali na siyang naglakad para maabutan yung Econ class niya. It is an unusually quiet afternoon in the campus and Bea couldn't be more thankful for the peace. It feels more like calm before the storm for the upcoming hell week for seniors.
She is suddenly taken by surprise, however, when someone pulls on her arm from behind, making her stop on her tracks. She then finds herself staring at Felicia whose brows are furrowed and looks as if she's not very happy with Bea at the moment.
Napa-buntong hininga lang siya at marahang inalis ang pagkakahawak nito sa braso niya. She really is not in the mood to deal with this at the moment.
"Sorry Fel, I'm in a hurry." she only says and makes a move to walk away.
Hindi naman siya nakalayo agad dahil mabilis na humawak muli si Fel sa braso niya para hatakin siya pabalik.
"No, you're not." Fel says in a firm voice. "You've been avoiding me."
Nakaramdam si Bea ng pagka-inis pero sinubukan pa din niyang magtimpi. This is not the time to lose her patience.
Fel is probably pissed because you left her at the party, she thinks to herself. Not to mention that you've been ignoring her calls and messages for the past few days ever since.
But that doesn't give her the right to invade Bea's personal space and act as if she's her girlfriend or something.
"Fel, please. I have classes. I need to go."
Tinabing niyang muli ang pagkakahawak ni Fel sa mga braso niya sabay talikod at nagsimulang maglakad para pumunta na sa klase niya.
"What happened between you and Jho that night?"
Napahinto siya agad sa sinabing iyon ni Fel. Para siyang binuhusan ng isang baldeng malamig na tubig dahil sa narinig.
Fel still remembers what happened that night and she wants to confront Bea about it. Nakaramdam siya ng kaba dahil alam niyang matagal ng nakakahalata si Fel sa mga kinikilos niya kapag nandiyan si Jho.
She slowly turns to face Felicia, keeping her poker face in place.
"Nothing," she coldly says. "And it is none of your business anyway."
Lalong napakunot ang noo ni Fel na tumitig sa kanya. The annoyance on her face is very evident at that point and Bea suddenly wants to know what's currently running on her mind.
It scares her a bit if she's being honest.
"Are you having an affair with her?"
Agad naman na nagpintig ang tenga niya sa sinabi ni Fel at naramdaman niya ang muling pag-usbong ng inis sa loob niya. How dare she accuse her of such a thing when she doesn't even know the real story?
"Will you stop?" she angrily whispers as she steps closer to the other girl, "I'm not having an affair with anyone and there's nothing going on between Jho and I so drop it!"
"Huwag mo 'kong lokohin, Bea." Fel fights her with a stare back, looking determined to prove her accusation. "I saw the way you looked at her. You were about to kiss her before I interrupted."
Hindi siya agad nakasagot. She doesn't have any come back to that because what she just said is true. Muntik na niyang halikan si Jho sa harap ng maraming tao kung hindi pa dumating si Fel.
Why is she so messed up?
Oh yeah, because she is in love with Jho and she couldn't help herself when she's around her.
"What were you thinking?" Fel continues, "She's Thirdy's girlfriend, your best friend! Whatever you have going on with her is so wrong on so many levels!"
Suddenly, the gravity of what she has done is slowly sinking down on her and the guilt is starting to creep in. She cheated on Thirdy. He doesn't deserve this. What kind of friend is she?
It takes a few more second before she can finally compose herself and look back at Fel who is now looking at her with disgust. Nagpakawala siya ng isang malalim na hininga bago muling nagsalita.
"Nothing's going on with us." kalmado na niyang sagot habang nakakatitig sa kawalan. "I like her—no... I'm—I'm in love with her but I can't have her because she's with my best friend. Happy?"
Halata sa mukha ni Fel ang pagkabigla sa sinabi niya. Hindi ito agad nakapagsalita at nakita ni Bea kung paano ito biglang tumingin pababa para iwasan siyang tignan sa mata. It's obvious that she is not expecting that answer from Bea.
She couldn't blame Fel. Liking Jho is one thing... but admitting to being in love with her? That's a whole different level and it makes everything more complicated than it already is.
"Why her?" Fel finally speaks up in a small voice. "Ang dami naman pwedeng iba diyan. Bakit siya pa?"
"You won't understand. I don't even understand it myself. I'm sorry. But please promise me you won't tell anyone. Especially Thirdy."
"You can't be in love with her, Bea. You know that."
"Yeah... but that's too late now isn't it?" she sighs, "You don't know how hard I tried to stay away from her, Fel. You have no idea how hard it is for me to see her and Thirdy together and it kills me inside knowing that I have no right over her in the first place."
"Then you should stop loving her!" Fel shouts all of a sudden, alarming Bea to look around the vicinity to see if anyone has heard the outburst. "Huwag na siya! You can have anyone you want and yet you chose someone who's attached with someone else? Anong katangahan 'yan, Bea?"
"Like I said, you won't understand." she presses on, "I appreciate your concern. I really do. But this is all on me and I perfectly understand the consequences. Tanga na kung tanga. I love her and there is nothing you can say or do that will change that fact."
Isang malungkot na ngiti ang binigay ni Bea kay Fel bago siya muling tumalikod. Masyado nang nagulo ang utak niya at ayaw na niyang dagdagan ang sakit ng ulo niya kaya kailangan na niyang umalis.
"Does she know?" habol na tanong ni Fel na muling nagpahinto sa kanya. "Does she know that you love her?"
Yes, she does, Bea thinks grimly. And she doesn't want anything to do with me.
Of all the things she is certain of at the moment, this is definitely one of them and she has to take another deep breath before finally shaking her head and voicing out the heartbreaking truth.
"She doesn't feel the same so you don't have to worry."
***************************************
"Alam mo kanina pa tayo nakatayo dito. Napapagod na 'ko." Therese complains for the nth time since they stood at that spot near the entrance of UP Town Center, waiting.
"Babe naman, konting tiis na lang darating na din yun. Tignan mo nga si Bea oh tahimik lang."
Rex points to Bea with a smirk, making Therese look at her direction too.
Napataas ang kilay ni Therese ng titigan si Bea. She is just standing there, not saying anything and looking distracted. She doesn't even notice that Rex and Trey's attention are now on her as she stares blankly into the distance.
"Kanina ka pa nga tahimik, Bea." Therese asks her out loud, finally getting her attention. "Are you okay?"
"Huh?" Bea stutters, "What? I'm fine."
Trey doesn't look convinced. Nilapitan niya si Bea at marahan na hinawakan ito sa braso at tinitigan ang mukha nito.
"You've been acting weird for weeks now. Care to tell me what's going on with you?"
Umiling lang si Bea bilang sagot at matipid na ngumiti. "Wala 'to, Trey. I've just been stressed with my classes. Alam mo na, exam week and all."
Trey rolls her eyes at her, obviously not buying her excuse.
"Sus, kahit na I've been noticing na napapadalas yang paglabas at paginom mo every night?"
Hindi nakasagot si Bea. She really doesn't know what to tell Trey. She's a little surprised that she noticed her nightly routine that started two weeks ago. Unfortunately, she can't tell her about her current predicament involving Thirdy's girlfriend. Tama na yung konting tao lang ang may alam. Isa pa, nandiyan si Rex at nakikinig. If worst comes to worst, she knows well that his loyalties always lie with Thirdy.
"Alam mo, hindi ako sanay na ganyan ka." pagpapatuloy ni Trey, "What happened to the jolly Bea de Leon? I can't even remember the last time I saw you laugh and smile."
"Baka broken hearted." singit naman ni Rex. "Basted ba kay Fel?"
"Rex!" Trey turns to him with a glare.
"Ay oo nga pala, si Fel yung nanliligaw sayo. My bad."
"Sasampalin na kita."
"Hey guys." Bea cuts in before it turns into an argument between the couple, "I'm okay. Stressed out lang talaga ako lately but it's nothing you should be worried about."
Trey shakes her head at Rex before focusing her attention back to Bea and giving her a concerned look. "Are you sure?"
"Oh ayan na pala si Sumang." Rex cuts in before Bea can answer.
Both Therese and Bea look at the direction where he is pointing and sure enough there is Sumang walking up to them, but he's not alone because he is accompanied by no other than Thirdy and Jho.
Bea can't help the sudden fast beating of her heart at the sight of the couple. Specifically, at the sight of Jho who looks beautiful as ever with her overflowing hair and black dress she is wearing.
Gosh, heart, you should stop, she thinks to herself. You are not allowed to feel that way when she's around.
"I thought we were only waiting for Sumang?" pabulong na tanong niya kay Trey.
Nagkibit balikat lang si Trey, "Akala ko din eh."
"Brad." Rex greets both Sumang and Thirdy with fist bumps. "Anyare sa inyo?"
"Sorry, guys. It's my fault." Thirdy apologizes. "Sinundo ko pa kasi si Jho sa office niya. Medyo na-traffic."
"Pasensya na din," sagot naman ni Sumang habang kinakamot ang ulo. "Nakisakay lang kasi ako kay Thirds. Sinama ko na din sila dito para bumili din ng gift for Dani."
Tumango lang sina Rex at Therese habang palihim naman na tumingin si Bea kay Jho. She is busy looking at her phone while Thirdy has his arm on her shoulders. It is obvious that the other girl is trying her best not to look at her direction and Bea feels another familiar pain in her chest as she continues subtly staring at her.
Pero parang slow motion na bigla na lang nag-angat ng tingin si Jho at agad na nagtama ang mga mata nila. Bea can't look away as their gazes are locked with each other. There is some kind of emotion in Jho's eyes that Bea can't seem to read but it springs a little hope inside her that maybe by some miracle, Jho is feeling what she is feeling right now.
"Hey bro, ngayon lang ata kita nakita." Thirdy suddenly says, interrupting their staring contest. "Saan cave ka na naman nagtatago?"
In an instant, Jho looks away and Bea has to clear her throat before focusing her attention to Thirdy. "I—I've just been around. Ikaw kasi laging busy sa pagiging campus celebrity mo."
"Sira ulo." natatawang sagot ni Thirdy at pabirong ginulo ang buhok niya.
"Oy tara na't magsimula na tayong maghanap ng pangregalo kay Dani." sabat naman ni Rex, "Knowing Trey and Bea, mahaba habang hanapan 'to."
That earns him another glare and a slap on the arm from Therese.
"Aray! Joke lang naman, babe."
And with that, they all proceed to enter the mall so they can start looking for gifts for Dani's birthday celebration tomorrow night. They walk in pairs and Bea feels a little relieved that Sumang is there so she wouldn't be the fifth-wheel yet again. She sticks walking behind the two couples with Sumang, trying not to stare at Jho and Thirdy as much as she can.
Inabot din sila ng ilang oras sa paghahanap hanggang sa si Trey at Bea na lang ang wala pang nabibiling regalo. Napa-iling lang si Rex sa dalawa at nang napadaan sila sa isang bookstore, dun na lang nila naiisipang maghanap dahil mahilig din naman magbasa si Dani.
"Kayo na lang pumasok. We'll just wait for you here." Thirdy says.
"Ay oo, allergic nga pala sa libro si Thirds. Tayo na lang." Rex jokes.
"Bugok!"
Bea only rolls her eyes at the two guys before going inside the bookstore without waiting for the others. It's already 7 PM and she really wants to go home to get this day over with.
Dumeretso siya agad sa may young adult section dahil may idea na siya sa mga books na madalas at gustong binabasa ni Dani. She diligently browses through each and every book, may it be old or new published ones, trying to figure out what the birthday girl would love to have.
There are a couple of other people in that section but Bea pays them no mind since she's still having a hard time deciding on a book.
Finally, there's a particular title that catches her attention. She reaches for it but she doesn't notice that someone else has gotten to it first, their hands accidentally touching as they both got a hold of the book in question.
Bea looks at the person and it's as if her heart beat pauses when she meets eyes with Jho for the second time that day.
Walang nagsasalita sa kanila at parang tumigil ang oras habang nakatingin lang sila sa isa't isa. Nakapatong pa rin ang kamay ni Bea sa kamay ni Jho habang nakahawak ito sa libro. The softness and warmness of her hand is slowly melting her. She knows too well that she should let go because Thirdy is just outside and someone else might see them but she can't get herself to do it.
She missed Jho. She missed her eyes and and her smile. She missed her touch.
Parang may mga paro-parong nabuhay sa loob ng tiyan ni Bea habang patuloy pa din sila sa pagtititigan ni Jho. Wala sa isip na nahigpitan niya ang hawak sa kamay nito habang nakatingin pa din sila sa mata ng isa't isa.
I love you, Jho. She wants to tell her. I love you.
"Hey guys? Are you ready to check out? Rex and I are about to go home na eh." Trey calls out, effectively interrupting their moment.
Agad na bumitaw si Jho sa pagkakahawak ni Bea at lumayo ng konti sa kanya. Sakto naman na sumilip si Trey at nagtatakang tinignan silang dalawa dahil pareho silang hindi umiimik.
"C–counter lang ako." sagot ni Jho at iniwan sina Bea at Trey bibit yung ibang librong napili niya.
Napa-buntong hininga lang si Bea at inabot yung libro na dapat kukunin din sana ni Jho at sumunod na din sa may kabilang counter.
***************************************
Hindi agad umuwi si Bea pagkatapos nilang maghiwahiwalay na magkakaibigan sa may parking ng mall. Nauna ng umuwi sina Thirdy dahil ihahatid pa daw niya si Jho. Sumabay naman si Sumang kina Rex at Trey sa sasakyan kaya naiwan si Bea na mag-isa.
She thinks about stopping by yet another bar for the night to drink her frustrations away. She thought better of it, though, since she wants to give her liver a break just this time.
Tama na muna. Pahinga muna sa pagiging sawi.
While driving and thinking of somewhere else to go, a brightly lit coffee shop suddenly catches her eye. She thinks that it's coffee that she might need right in that moment so she decides to pull up at the establishment parking lot and promptly heads inside.
When she gets inside, there are actually a good number of people sitting and gathered in front of a small stage with a live band. There is a girl with guitar sitting on a stool at the center.
Bea looks on curiously as she orders her coffee. It looks like this coffee shop also offers acoustic nights and the girl in front is currently singing a song cover. She listens to the song as she waits for her coffee and finds that the girl has a decent voice. For some reason, it has a calming effect on her.
When she gets her coffee, she finds an empty table at the far corner of the coffee shop and stays to watch the girl sing her heart away with the rest.
"So the next song that I'm gonna sing is a crowd favorite," the girl says with a twinkle in her eye as the crowd clap and cheer for her. "I wrote this when I was seventeen and I know some of you may be able to relate to the message of this song. I know loving someone who may not be certain about their feelings for you is tough but you need to know that you are not alone and it'll always turn out okay in the end no matter what happens. So listen and I hope you enjoy this one."
The crowd clap once again and she starts strumming her guitar, singing the first few lyrics of the song:
Is it just me?
Tell me, is it just me?
Or it's just something about the way you smile
That makes me wonder what I feel
Is it just me?
Tell me, is it just me?
The way your eyes move around the room and back at me.
Why do you do this? Do you even have a clue?
Those lyrics instantly hit Bea like an arrow and she has to stop drinking her coffee to stare at the girl as she sings the next lines of the song.
I don't wanna fall for you just like that
It's not that easy
There's so much more than just that
But you're making this feel easy or is it just me?
Images of Jho immediately clouds her mind and she closes her eyes as she incorporates the song to what she is currently feeling for the other girl. Jho really did make it easy for Bea to fall in love with her and she can't seem to escape it no matter how hard she tries.
You got this hold on me
And I can't get out
The only way I can escape is if I tell you now
What you mean to me. What you really mean to me
Making me confused so I'll wait for you to make the move
Because I don't wanna forfeit
Do you even have a clue?
I don't wanna fall for you just like that
It's not that easy, no
There's so much more than just that
But you're making this feel easy or is it just me?
When she finishes the song, Bea can't help but be mesmerized at her stage presence and she claps her hands with the rest as the girl takes a bow. It turns out that it was her last song for the night and Bea follows her with her eyes as she proceeds to the other side of the establishment to sit on a table.
She notices that there are some fans who approached the girl with what appears to be albums on their hands and they made her sign for it. That's when she noticed the tarpaulin near the entrance of the coffee shop with the girl's face, her name and her album on sale beside it.
Clara Benin. That's a nice name.
She finishes her coffee before standing up and going to the rack where Clara Benin's albums are being sold. After paying for it at the cashier, she goes straight to the area where the singer is sitting and patiently waits for her turn.
Hi!" Clara's smile is wide as she meets eyes with Bea. "This is for?"
"Bea," she answers as she stares intently at the other girl. "Bea de Leon."
Clara nods before proceeding to sign the album. Bea can't help but think that she is even prettier up close and she has this certain aura that attracts her for some reason. She has never felt this kind of attraction to anyone other than...
"Here," Clara hands her back the album with another sincere smile. "Thanks for the support, Bea. I hope you like my songs."
And for the first time in two weeks, she finally gives someone her genuine smile.
"I'm sure I will."
***************************************
It's already passed 11 PM when she finally gets home to her condo unit after spending two hours of her time at the coffee shop. She can already feel the exhaustion pulling her down and all she wants to do is to lay on her bed and sleep the night away.
She hears the elevator's ding and she casually enters while stretching and pulling the tightness of her strained muscles. This could possibly qualify as the most tiring day for her so far what with the hangover she had this morning, the preparations for their exams next week at school, and all that walking around the mall to look for gifts for Dani.
She feels her eyes starting to get droopy and she yawns as the elevator finally gets to her floor.
There's another ding and the door promptly opens but Bea did not get to move right away because someone she is not expecting is suddenly standing in front of her.
"Jho?" she says in disbelief. "W—what are you doing here?"
***************************************
A/N: hi.... this chapter is for the couple of readers last night who have been telling me that they miss my story and of course, to JhoBea1508_ALE aka Quinn who urged me to update 😄 follow her on twitter guys, she's really nice.