Chapter song: A Drop in the Ocean - Ron Pope <3
Becca
Parker opened his eyes slowly, squinting as he stared at me. Then, he smiled. His teeth were a bloody mess, his entire face stained with dry blood.
"Your boy can punch, that's for sure." Parker said, laughing as he reached up to touch his nose, then wincing at the pain when his fingers came in contact with his skin.
He was laughing. His entire face was covered in blood, the bone in his nose sitting at a strange angle, most definitely broken, and Parker was cracking jokes like nothing ever happened.
"I'm so sorry, Park. I don't know why he did that..." I trailed off, thinking back to the anger on Brett's face as he lunged at Parker.
I was still stunned by the entire situation. I didn't understand what happened, what made Brett completely lose his mind. Did he find out about mine and Parker's plans this weekend? But who would have told him, the only people that know are-
I looked up suddenly, my mind putting the pieces together quickly.
"Jenny," I breathed, realization hitting me. She told Brett, that was the only explanation. "That's why she was so happy..." I trailed off, my mind connecting all the dots. I knew I was right.
Parker watched me quietly, his eyebrows drawn down in confusion.
"What are you talking about?" He asked. I snapped my attention back to him and his swollen face. Jenny did this to her own brother just to spite me.
What the hell is wrong with this girl? I thought, struggling to understand how someone could be so cruel. So selfish.
How was I supposed to tell Parker what I knew for certain. Would he even believe that his own sister was capable of this? That she would risk her own brother's safety just to turn Brett against me?
But the question that burned the brightest in my mind was: how did Brett buy into her crap?
He actually believed her...believed that I would, what, go on a date with Parker? But it didn't matter. Nothing could justify what Brett just did. Nothing.
Parker was still watching me, waiting for a response.
"Nothing," I replied, looking away awkwardly as I shook my head.
"Becca," his voice was stern as he grabbed my chin, turning my head back to his. "What are you thinking?"
I took a deep breath and met Parker's eyes, not wanting to tell him what I realized.
"I think..." I began, struggling with the best way to word what I was about to say. "I think Jenny did this, Parker. I think she told Brett about our plans this weekend...that's why she was so eager to convince me to come. I should have known something was off that very second."
I watched him closely, waiting for him to respond. He titled his head backwards so it was resting on the locker behind him. He closed his eyes for a moment, then opened them while letting out a long breath.
"Dammit," he breathed. I knew he believed everything I told him. "Can you help me up?"
I nodded. I stood up and grabbed Parker's hand, pulling him up to his feet as he held his back in pain from where it slammed against the locker.
"I'm sorry," I said again, feeling helpless, guilt crushing me like a ton of bricks.
"Not your fault," he said, dismissing my apology with a wave of his hand. He was hunched over, his arm bent behind him as he rubbed his back. I placed my hand on his arm to support him. "Help me get to my car?" He asked, wincing again when he took a step.
"Parker! You can't drive like this," I said sternly. He couldn't even walk properly. He needed to go to a hospital, now.
"I'm alright, just help me get to my car." I rolled my eyes at his stubbornness and grabbed his elbow, leading him outside as he wrapped his arm around my shoulder, allowing me to support his weight.
I remembered the time Brett did the same thing to me and I nearly fell over because of how heavy he was. Parker was the opposite, he was tall and lanky, I easily supported him.
Brett, I thought, his name causing a hundred feelings to crash into me. I pushed his face away, locking it in the back of my mind.
I focused my attention on Parker and helping him get outside. He was limping badly, every step making him moan out in pain. I felt horrible, I didn't know what to say or do to make this situation better.
By the time we reached his car at the end of the school's parking lot, we were both exhausted.
"Please call a taxi. You can't drive like this," I begged him, but he shook his head firmly and smiled up at me, his brown eyes still housing their warmth even after everything that had happened.
"You have bigger things to worry about than me, Becca." He told me kindly, smiling gently as he watched me with pity in his eyes.
"What are you talking about?"
"He was jealous. He cares about you, you know. A lot." Parker said, staring off in front of him as he spoke, leaning against his car for support.
"That doesn't justify him hitting you, Parker." I replied, crossing my arms over my chest. I didn't want to talk about Brett, I was still incredibly angry at what he did and just the mention of his name made my throat ache, sobs begging to escape.
I buried my anger deep down, fuelling it into hate so that I could cope. I needed to be strong.
Parker sighed, long and painful before opening his car door and slowly sitting down in the driver's seat. He rolled down the window and stared up at me, studying my face intently.
I rolled my eyes. "What now?" I asked, making him laugh and then wince.
"This day reminded me of how much I hated high school," he joked, chuckling humourlessly to himself.
I returned his smile and patted his car. "Go to the hospital." I demanded, giving him a stern look.
"Yes, Ma'am," he replied, saluting me. The laughter left his face, his eyes softening as he spoke to me in a hushed voice. "Talk to him, Becca."
I shook my head in response, squeeing my eyes shut to stop the tears that begged to flow. "I can't," I whispered, my voice sounding strained.
"You need to," he replied, reaching out the window and squeezing my hand. "I'll see you around," he rolled up his window and watched me for a moment through the glass before driving off. I watched his car pull out of the parking lot until it turned down the street and vanished from my view.
I sighed and sank down on the sidewalk, holding my head in my hands as the weight of what just happened crashed into me. I felt helpless and weak. I desperately tried to channel my inner strength, to push myself off this sidewalk and walk back into school with my head held high, but I couldn't do it. I felt like I was being weighed down by pain, my head heavy as Brett's face swam in my mind.
He was so angry, I had never seen someone look like that. And I had never felt so afraid of a person before, ever. Even my father, after everything he did to my mother and I, he never once raised a finger at us. He was always kind and gentle, even on the night he left.
But Brett's rage was something I couldn't ever forget. It wasn't something I could bury and lock away. Even now, I couldn't escape the look in his eyes as he lunged at Parker, smashing his body into the lockers and the crack of Parker's nose breaking filling my ears.
I shuddered at the thought, pushing the memory away.
What did he expect me to do? Turn to him when he called my name and tell him everything was okay? I couldn't give that to him because what he did wasn't okay, it was far from it.
I picked my head up off my hands and sighed, squinting against the bright sunlight that blinded my vision momentarily. The school was deserted, the air hung static around me, like I was staring at a photograph. Nothing moved in the breeze, everything was still. Amidst all the chaos inside, the stillness felt wrong.
I could feel someone staring at me, eyes burning into the side of my head as I stared ahead of myself, lost in thought. I tilted my head to the left and immediately wished I hadn't.
Brett was standing on the steps leading from the road into the parking lot, watching me helplessly. He was frozen, his arms hanging limply at his side, his feet in mid-step. I don't know how long we stood there staring at each other, but everything remained still around us.
Talk to him, Becca. Parker's words drifted into my mind for a brief moment before vanishing, leaving me alone with my thoughts.
I stood up suddenly and brushed my hands along the back of my skirt, patting away the grass and ruble that stuck to the fabric. I took a deep breath and told myself that I could do this before walking towards Brett. He was still standing in the same spot, watching me with wide eyes.
I stood in front of him but kept a large distance between us, distance that I wasn't used to, as I crossed my arms, my chest rising rapidly with nerves. I could feel my own heart beating quickly as my mind scrambled for something to say.
We stood there for a moment. His eyes were staring at me intently, but I looked to his left, unable to meet his gaze.
"Becca," he began, his voice broken. I raised my hand to stop him, I didn't want to hear the pain in his voice.
I glanced at him quickly and immediately regretted it. His entire demeanour had shifted, his body slouching over himself, his face showcasing so much emotion it made my heart ache in my chest.
Everything I felt for him this morning came washing over me suddenly, making me feel uneasy on my own two feet. I was teetering, back on the ledge. Back and forth, back and forth.
I had been so close to jumping off this morning and taking that leap with him but now, everything had changed. I stared into Brett's eyes and felt like I was looking into a strangers.
His gentle manor and kind nature escaped me, all I could picture was the hatred in his stone cold eyes as he punched Parker. For that split second, he wasn't thinking, he was just acting. And that terrified me; how someone could lose all control and turn into someone new in the matter of seconds.
I looked into Brett's eyes and struggled to find the kindness in them that I was so familiar with.
I looked away a moment later.
"Look at me. Becca, please." He asked, his voice a low whisper in the wind.
I met my eyes to his again, making my face a mask of no emotion. I gritted my teeth together hard, to stop my lips from quivering.
"Why would you agree to go on a date with him?"
"I didn't." I replied quickly. "You would know that if you bothered to ask." I said, my voice harsher than I intended.
Brett ran his hands through his hair, cursing under his breath.
"Remember when I thought you slept with Jenny?" I asked him. He winced at my question, completely caught off guard.
"What does that have to do with this, Becca?" He asked sternly.
"Everything!" I exclaimed. "You told me that night that it hurt you how I believed everyone else over you. That you wished I would have given you the benefit of the doubt." I said, emphasizing the ending.
Brett's eyes widened in understanding. He reached towards me but I moved away quickly, stepping backwards. His hand hung in the space between us for a moment before he pulled it back, shoving his hands in his jean pockets.
"I told you that Park and I are just friends, Brett. How many times do I need to say it until you trust me? What you did back there," I gestured back to the school, " was uncalled for. It was terrifying," I confessed, whispering the last word.
"I..." Brett's voice trailed off. His body leaned towards me, a gravitational pull he couldn't stop. "I don't know what came over me," he said, staring at the ground, unable to meet my eyes.
"Seriously? That's all you can say for yourself?" I said, my voice raising unintentionally. I was beginning to become angry. This morning I had the entire day planned out, everything would be perfect. And now, it was ruined.
And it was all Brett's fault.
"I woke up this morning so happy, Brett. I couldn't wait to see you. I didn't want us to be friends anymore," I told him calmly, his eyes meeting mine quickly as his face softened.
"I want that too," he said, taking a small step towards me and stopping himself quickly.
"But I don't know what I want anymore," I confessed, my voice cracking as I saw the look on Brett's face. He looked defeated, like my words just sucked the life out of him. "I need space. I need to think," I said quickly, the words feeling right as I spoke them.
I nodded to myself. Yes, space was what I needed. I couldn't think straight right now, not when Brett was standing so close and, amidst all the anger, my heart still yearned for him.
"That's not fair," Brett said, his voice cold. His eyes darkened. He was angry but he was trying to control it.
"You know what's not fair? Parker having a broken nose because you can't control your damn feelings, Brett! What the hell got into you? How could you do that to him?" I yelled, tears streaming down my face, anger bursting at my seams.
"Because I was jealous!" Brett yelled back, his tone matching the anger that filled mine. "Because I feel like I am fucking drowning every time I look at you! What I feel for you is so intense it's driving me crazy. I just want you, Becca. I want to hold and kiss you every time I'm around you." Brett paused and took a deep breath, his voice a low, strained whisper when he spoke next. "I want the one thing it seems I can't have and it's killing me."
His words hit me hard, knocking the breath out of me.
"Brett-" I choked out, feeling myself teetering over the edge, about to fall into the abyss.
Before I could continue, Brett's lips were on mine. He kissed me hard, as if he were dying and this was his last moment on Earth.
I grabbed his face in my hands and pulled him closer to me, losing myself in the feel of his lips on mine. I hated this. I loved this. I wanted it to stop and I never wanted it to end. I felt myself slipping, the anger fading as I lost myself in Brett.
His hands rested on my hips, jerking my body to him until we were pressed against each other, no space in between us, just fabric. His lips burned against mine, his mouth moving with mine with such urgency and force that I struggled to breathe. My heart pulled him closer as my mind yelled to push him back.
Mind or heart? I thought. I had to choose now before I lost all control of my own rational.
Mind. I placed my hands on Brett's chest and pushed with all my force. He let go of me immediately, his breathing rugged as he stared down at me, his eyes blazing so bright my breath caught.
"Don't do this," he begged, his voice hoarse as his eyes searched my face. He was breathing quickly, deep and shallow. I struggled to catch my breath as well, my head swimming from his kiss.
He kissed the corners of my eyes, washing away the tears that had escaped. Brett ran his thumb down my cheek, wiping away my tears and leaving a trail of electricity in their place. I grabbed his hand in mine and pulled it away from my face.
"Becca -" He choked out, his eyes staring dead into mine as he shook his head back and forth, unable to accept what was happening between us.
I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand and took a deep breath, willing my lips to stop tingling and distracting me. I took a another rugged breath and stared into Brett's eyes one last time before turning my back to him and walking away.
This was the second time Brett and I turned our backs on each other. The first was in my apartment's hallway so many weeks ago. It never got any easier and it broke my heart that this was happening all over again. Why couldn't something in my life just turn out right for once?
"Wait," he whispered behind me. My footsteps faltered as I listened to what Brett had to say, turning around slowly.
"You keep doing this to us, Becca. Every time we become close, you put up these walls. I used to think I could climb over them, but I can't. I can't until you decide to let me. I don't know what happened to make you so guarded, but I'm not going to break your heart. But it doesn't matter anymore because you refuse to give us a chance," Brett said, his eyes never leaving mine.
"That's not true," I whispered. I lied. Of course Brett was right. I always pushed him away. Every single time. I couldn't stop myself. It was this instinct buried deep inside me, one that formed so many years ago when my father broke my heart.
"It is, Becca." Brett said softly, his eyes full of sadness as he stared at me. "I tried. I tried every damn day but you won't let me love you. I can't try anymore," his voice broke. His words hung heavy in the air, syllables that managed to change everything all at once.
The bell rang. The wind blew. Traffic drove by. We just stood there. Neither of us able to move.
Brett cleared his throat. Tears streamed down my face.
He opened his mouth to speak, then closed it, changing his mind.
You won't let me love you. What was wrong with me? Why was I so damaged and incapable of letting anyone get close to me?
Brett began to shake his head in disappointment. I knew it was directed at me and my inability to do anything. I was static, I stood still while the world spun around me.
He turned his back to me and walked to his car, throwing his bag in aggressively before sitting in the driver's seat. The engine roared to life and I stood there watching, frozen in place. Brett drove away. I watched his car retreat into the distance until I could no longer see it.
Thoughts of my father leaving swam through my mind, blurring the lines between reality and the past. Both gone, yet I remained.
I took a deep breath and pulled myself together. You will not fall apart. Not again.
I forced myself to walk back into school. I wiped the tears from my eyes and pinched my cheeks, trying to bring some life back into my face. I felt empty. My feet drove me forward but my heart was somewhere back on the sidewalk.
I pushed open the door and held my head high as I walked through the hallways. I ignored the stares and the whispers. I walked by the spot where Parker's body once sat on the floor. The janitor was there with a mop, cleaning the dried blood off the floor and erasing all signs of pain, as if it were never there to begin with.
If only it was that easy.
I walked to class and refused to break down.
You will not fall apart. Not again.
I took a deep breath and walked through the door.
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PLEASE TAP THE STAR AND VOTE FOR THIS STORY!! <3
I am sorry, truly. From the bottom of my heart, I apologize for writing this but it had to happen. These words had to be said and these tears had to be shed in order for a sequence of events to unfold properly. Stick with me, guys. There's a lot in store for Brett and Becca. xo.