Eight months.
That's how long Fergal could expect to be out for.
Having never experienced a situation like this of my own, I could only imagine the pain and heartbreak he was experiencing. His career, his life, his love seemed to slip away in between his fingers. How heartbroken he must have been.
The next night on Raw, I watched from the locker room as he was forced to relinquish the title. The goal he worked so hard towards, what he put his body and life on the line for, was now being taken away from him.
All of it brought a sickening feeling to my stomach. No matter how much I hated him, I wouldn't deny how impressed I was of him as a performer. To see him so weak and so hurt, it made my stomach churn.
There was one thing, however, that surprised me about the whole situation:
He was smiling.
Amidst all the pain he was in and all the sadness he felt, Fergal Devitt continued to smile. My question was how: how could he continue to smile through the pain?; how could he smile when he would be out of a job for almost a year?
How?
I watched as he returned to the backstage area. Tears fell from his eyes and his smile grew smaller. Friends supported him and gave him advice. His family comforted him and told him it would be okay. The company wished him he best of lucky and a speedy recovery.
And I? I did what I did best.
I kept to myself.
I didn't confront him, his friends, or his family. I watched from a distance, taking in the sight of it all. The emotion in the moment reminded me of my time home from Japan, when my whole life was flipped upside down and sideways. Everything came crashing down, and I leaned heavily on my family and friends for support.
By that time, Fergal and the rest of the club was left behind in Japan, to continue on in all their glory. I was easily replaced by Amber "Gallows" Davis-Hankinson, Drew's wife, as the female counterpart of the club.
I hardly kept in touch with anyone from Japan. I had a couple run ins with Nick and Matt when they joined Ring of Honor, and Drew kept in touch on social media. Other than that, I tried to erase the memories of Japan from my life, to treat it as if it was just a bad dream.
But it wasn't a bad dream.
The harsh reality was Fergal Devitt broke me and everything seemed to fall in its wake. That's when the demons came, and I began to run for my life.
But the demons followed, and they found their way back into the picture.
September thirtieth. A day that would forever break my heart.
Since the company didn't plan on giving me a push until the Royal Rumble, I had a bit of leeway when it came to getting time off. It still cost me an arm and a leg, though, to try to get some time off around the end of the month; I planned to head home for a couple weeks to be with my family.
My friends didn't really understand the sudden trip, but they wished me the best of luck nonetheless. Fergal was back in Ireland at this point, so I didn't worry about a reaction from him. As selfish as it sounds, him being away was one of the best things that could've happened in my life; if he were still around, I wouldn't be able to handle it.
I arrived home the day before the dreaded date. My family greeted me with somber looks, but otherwise warm welcomes. They congratulated me on my debut and told me about the whole town watching. That brought a warmth to my heart, that I had that big of a support system back home.
It became expected, as if, that my mood would change around this time. My family could see it and my friends could too. They seemed to change their attitude towards me, to treat me as if I was made of glass that would break at any second.
Part of me love it, while the other part of me hated it. I didn't want to be seen as weak, but I knew it was in my best interest to grieve.
Years of grieving, though, can still leave a lasting impact on your body; sometimes, you can never let it go.
At dawn the next morning, I woke before the rest of my family. I needed to get away, I needed to run, I needed to go.
Quickly throwing on some sweats, I grabbed my things before heading down to my bike.
Sóller was gloomy that day, which only added to my depressed mood. A light fog covered the nearby sea as I started to head into town. Moisture clung to my arms and face as I rode. The eerie quiet blanket over the town made my skin crawl more. It was as if everyone was feeling the somber mood my family was.
When I reached the center, I parked my bike by the local florist. The colorful flowers looked dull in the light of the dawn. I sighed before heading in.
"Morning, Luna." The florist smiled sweetly my way, to which I smiled back meekly. Her expression dropped as I approached the counter, "You heading over?"
I nodded as she started to grab a small bundle of delphinium flowers. As I started to pull money out of my wallet, she stopped me.
"Just take them. They are starting to go out of season, and I know how hard today is on you."
"Thank you." I responded so weekly I was afraid she would miss it.
"You're welcome. I wish your family the best." She smiled before I turned and left.
"Ferg... please..."
Thoughts from Japan flooded my mind as I made it to my destination.
The cemetery.
Tears threatened to fall as I slowly made my way down the path. A chill stuck to my spine as I looked for the spot. Once I located it, I stopped and pushed down the kickstand. Grabbing the flowers from the basket, I walked towards the all too familiar piece of stone.
"I need you... I can't... I can't..."
Kneeling down to the ground, I adjusted the flowers in my hand. The tears were already falling at that point, which I wiped away with the back of my hand. I found it hard to breath whenever I came here, and it never seemed to get any easier.
"Hey. Sorry I've been away for so long. I brought you your favorite flowers to make up for it." I placed the flowers on the ground in front of the tombstone. "A lot has been going on lately. I finally made it to WWE, and I couldn't be happier. But, I ran into Fergal Devitt. I wish you could see him now. He's grown so much since Japan."
"You said you would always be there for me. But where are you now?"
"But at the same time, I'm scared. I'm scared to face him. I'm scared to be near him. And it hurts to much to grin and bare anything around him. If you were still here, you would have given me the best advice as to how to deal with this. I can just hope that you'll help steer me in the right direction.
"Everyone misses you so much. There isn't a day that goes by that we don't think about you. You were taken from us way too soon. I just wish you had more time with us. Who knows what you could've accomplished. I will always be proud of what you did do while you were here with us. If only the rest of the world could've experienced your light and your passion the same way I did."
"I can't this alone... I need you... I need the Club... please don't do this..."
"I wish I could stay longer, but I have to head back to the States soon for the next show. But I thought I'd come see you before I headed back out. Please, continue to look out for everyone. I will continue to devote my career to you. Give me the strength to do this for us."
Tears were streaming down my face as I spoke. They chilled against my cheeks from the cold morning air. I hugged my body to try to stay warm as I decided to finish up my visit.
"...I hate you... I fucking hate you..."
"I miss you. I miss you so much."
Running a hand over the lettering, my heart swelled and fell. The indents were filling with dirt as I felt over each letter.
Sebastìan Louis Montoya
May 12, 1986 - September 13, 2013
Son, Brother, Friend, Dreamer
"Goodbye's hurt the most when the story is not finished."
Sorry for the shorter chapter. I hope you enjoyed nonetheless. How did I do? Let me know in the comments. And until next time, heart you. <3