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Eight months.
That's how long Fergal could expect to be out for.

Having never experienced a situation like this of my own, I could only imagine the pain and heartbreak he was experiencing. His career, his life, his love seemed to slip away in between his fingers. How heartbroken he must have been.

The next night on Raw, I watched from the locker room as he was forced to relinquish the title. The goal he worked so hard towards, what he put his body and life on the line for, was now being taken away from him.

All of it brought a sickening feeling to my stomach. No matter how much I hated him, I wouldn't deny how impressed I was of him as a performer. To see him so weak and so hurt, it made my stomach churn.

There was one thing, however, that surprised me about the whole situation:

He was smiling.

Amidst all the pain he was in and all the sadness he felt, Fergal Devitt continued to smile

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Amidst all the pain he was in and all the sadness he felt, Fergal Devitt continued to smile. My question was how: how could he continue to smile through the pain?; how could he smile when he would be out of a job for almost a year?

How?

I watched as he returned to the backstage area. Tears fell from his eyes and his smile grew smaller. Friends supported him and gave him advice. His family comforted him and told him it would be okay. The company wished him he best of lucky and a speedy recovery.

And I? I did what I did best.

I kept to myself.

I didn't confront him, his friends, or his family. I watched from a distance, taking in the sight of it all. The emotion in the moment reminded me of my time home from Japan, when my whole life was flipped upside down and sideways. Everything came crashing down, and I leaned heavily on my family and friends for support.

By that time, Fergal and the rest of the club was left behind in Japan, to continue on in all their glory. I was easily replaced by Amber "Gallows" Davis-Hankinson, Drew's wife, as the female counterpart of the club.

I hardly kept in touch with anyone from Japan. I had a couple run ins with Nick and Matt when they joined Ring of Honor, and Drew kept in touch on social media. Other than that, I tried to erase the memories of Japan from my life, to treat it as if it was just a bad dream.

But it wasn't a bad dream.

The harsh reality was Fergal Devitt broke me and everything seemed to fall in its wake. That's when the demons came, and I began to run for my life.

But the demons followed, and they found their way back into the picture.


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