Taylor hasn't heard from Karlie. It's been two days since she told her she loved her, two days since Karlie walked out the front door, and two days of pure havoc Karlie has caused in the media.
Every time Taylor searches her name in google it's as if a whole new article shows up. "Karlie Kloss; Singer Parties till early morning." That was just the beginning of them. After that article was published many followed, from her side of things it looked like an absolute pr mess. Karlie was digging herself holes too deep to get out of, and it was not the end. As Taylor sits in her kitchen with a bagel and waits for her friend to arrive, her phone pings, alerting her of a text message from Tree. It was just a link. With a furrowed brow, she clicks the link and the headline that greets her makes her heart sink.
"Karlie Kloss, mouths off to paparazzi." As Taylor scrolls down the article with baited breath she feels awful. It tells how Karlie was headed home from being out last night, and as paparazzi hounded her she snapped. Allegedly dropping all kinds of "fuck you's" and empty threats. Taylor can't handle seeing Karlie that way, she locks her phone and slides it aside, right when she does a knock comes at the door.
Sliding out of her chair, Taylor straightens her casual button up and makes her way to the front door. When she opens it she sees who she's expecting, greeting the model with a hug Taylor steps aside and welcomes Lily inside.
"I'm just having a late breakfast in the kitchen," Taylor comments as they walk back to the kitchen together. "Would you like anything?" She asks but Lily politely declines.
"Anything to drink?" Taylor tries, always wanting to be a gracious host, no matter the situation.
"Actually, an orange juice would be great if you have it." Lily responds, slipping off her black peacoat and draping it lightly around the back of her chair before sitting down across from Taylor's on seat. The singer nods and pours her friend a glass before returning to her own seat.
"Thank you for coming over." Taylor says quietly, she doesn't want interactions with Lily to be weird. They've been friends far too long for that kind of behavior and Taylor has nothing to even hold against her. She doesn't own Karlie, Karlie is her own person who had a life before the singer. Just as Taylor had a life as well. Pasts truly don't matter.
"I'm glad you invited me. I wanted to apologize for the other day."
"Oh please, don't." Taylor interrupts quickly.
Lily reaches across the table, taking Taylor's hands in her own and waiting to speak until Taylor looked her directly in the eyes.
"Please, I'd like to apologize. What I said was ridiculous and out of line. Especially because I didn't tell you either. Nothing is wrong with you and Karlie being together, I actually very much support it." Lily states strongly, finishing in her usual sing-song tone and infamous smile that doesn't fail in making Taylor crack her own. Unfortunately it's short lived when she reminds herself of what's happened, her strike of sadness isn't missed by Lily.
"Uh oh," Lily mumbles, lowering her posture. "Did something happen between you two?" She asks softly.
Taylor shrugs, trying to ignore the sting of tears threatening to spill from her worn blue eyes. She looks down, fiddling with her hands before looking back up at her friend; waiting with an encouraging look.
"After we saw you things were, weird. I had only recently found out about you two and she won't go into the details, but I don't push. Anyways, I, told her something. She left right after."
Taylor's words are a stumbled mess covered in heartache. Lily's own heart beats faster when Taylor mentions knowing about the old couple. She bites her lip nervously and hesitates, taking a moment and a big breath before answering Taylor again.
"I think I have some things to explain about Karlie and I, if you'll let me." Lily asks.
"I don't know.."
"What I have to say may help you understand whatever it was that happened between the two of you."
Lily's words are strong and convincing, Taylor doesn't want to hear this from Lily but she thinks she needs to. Lily is her friend regardless of the relationship she has with Karlie, or had. She doesn't know the answer to that yet, maybe lily really could make this easier for her. When she gives in and does nod, giving lily the okay, a small flood of relief rushes over her.
I just want to understand Karlie.
"I met Karlie when Dixie was a little over one year old. Caleb and I were having a really hard time and we quietly separated for a bit." Lily begins, her emotions already spilling through her words. "She was just barley starting in the business, young, and so very alive. As for myself, I was heart broken. It started as a fling, and then that fling turned into a two year relationship. When I started realizing that Karlie was becoming important in my life I told Caleb, he didn't want to let us go but he understood."
"But you're back with him?" Taylor questions.
"Yes. As Karlie's career progressed mine did as well. She was changing and I think I got impatient. Our schedules didn't match up and when they did we kept fighting over absolutely nothing." Lily pauses, taking a deep breath and Taylor notices the light tears forming in her eyes as well. "What I did to Karlie, was unforgivable and I know that. But I had to do what was best for my family and we were crashing quick. It was like we never left the honeymoon phase those two years and when reality hit us, it hit us."
"What did you do?" Taylor whispers softly, hanging on to Lily's story so she doesn't miss a single thing.
"I moved out one night while she was away. I packed mine and Dixie's things and left in the middle of the night." Her strength dissipates into sadness as Lily stares off past Taylor and into the distance, Taylor imagines she's remembering everything she's likely tried to cram away for years now. "Karlie called a lot, I met up with her a few times but she was a mess and I couldn't let her see Dixie like that, so I didn't."
"Oh, Lily.." Taylor coos softly, her face furrowed, what she's hearing was a lot to take in.
"I think that's the thing I regret the most. Karlie is something out of this world but she's amazing with kids. She and Dixie had a tight bond, I know it hurt them both taking them away from each other." Lily adds, a few years finally breaking free and lightly streaking the way down her defined face. A small pout forms on her lips as Taylor gets up and makes her way around the counter, pulling Lily into a light hug.
"You had to do what was best for you and Dixie." Taylor says quietly, although she doesn't absolutely agree with what Lily did, she has no right to judge. She orang have a clue what she'd do if the rolls were reversed.
"It took a couple months but Caleb and I eventually talked and tried things again. Dixie was confused for a while but she was still too young to understand, I never mentioned it to her again."
"I'm sorry you went through so much."
Lily shrugs, taking a sip of her drink before settling back into the island counter chair.
"Yeah well you won't be when you hear what else I did.." Lily mumbles uncomfortably.
"Lily, what."
"The last time I met up with Karlie, it was at a small diner outside of LA. She was crying again and she..."
"She what." Taylor pushes with gritted teeth, not really liking where this was going.
"She told me she loved me." Lily said with weary eyes. "And I just shook my head, and I left. Even when she begged me not to I just, walked right out. I got in my car and left without looking back." Lily finishes. Taylor's eyes are wide and her head aches with the million things running through her head.
Standing up, she grabs a coat from the closet and struggles running around looking for shoes. Lily comes into the living room, completely confused.
"Taylor, stop. Okay wait, Taylor stop!" Lily yells, startling the cats and making Taylor jump as well. "What the hell are you doing? What happened." She demands, her hands on her hips.
"I'm sorry, I appreciate you coming and telling me this but I fucked up with Karlie and I have to go find her." Taylor rushes, practically catching whiplash still scanning the room for shoes.
"Just take a second to breathe, what did you do?" Lily asks calmly, while walking over to the fireplace, picking up a pair of Taylor's heels and walking them over to her.
"I told Karlie I loved her, right after I accused her of still loving you." Taylor huffs, using Lily as guided support as she fumbles putting her heels on.
"Oh fuck," Lily mumbles "What are you going to do?"
Taylor finally gets her other heel on, slipping on her coat she looks directly in the eye, dialing her security to get her the car she says:
"No offense because I do love you Lily, but she got screwed over once and I won't do that to her again. I have to show her I do love her. I'm going to do what you didn't, I'm going to stay."
Taylor says quickly, before turning around and rushing out the front door.
*****
By the time Taylor makes it to Karlie's apartment she's absolutely dreading trying to get inside. It doesn't help that Karlie's place is a massive target for paparazzi right now. There are so many outside that Taylor couldn't avoid being seen, she doesn't know if she cares about that anymore. On a whim of courage as soon as the car stops, she darts out of the car, not breaking stride as she heads for Karlie's apartment gate.
Her thoughts were loud enough to drown out the paps calls and questions, she just wishes she had remembered sunglasses. Security is quick to catch up, grabbing on to Taylor's arms and helping her through the rest of the crowd. Tree is going to need a nice bonus after this.. Taylor thinks and saves for later as she's whisked by security inside of Karlie's place.
Finally inside and away from all the noise, Taylor straightens her clothes and begins towards Karlie's but is stopped in her tacks. It's Karlie's own security.
"Sorry Ms. Swift, you can't come up."
"I'm sorry, but why the fuck not?" Taylor snaps rather frustrated.
"Because Karlie doesn't want to see anyone." He says blankly, turning his head forward toward the front doors and standing his ground, along with two other guys who have decided to join him. "Especially not you, Ms. Swift." He adds monotone.
Taylor's body runs stiff and her own security attempts to step forward but Taylor stretches her arm out to stop them.
"It's okay." She says, her eyes flickering up the stairwell when she thinks she hears a door close. Sure enough, her eyes lock with Karlie's. As soon as they do Karlie looks surprised but she doesn't move. She instead stares back blankly, shaking her head at the singer. Even in the distance Taylor can see how tired Karlie is.
"I love you Karlie. I don't care what anyone else thinks about that. And I'm not leaving you, I'm different and you know it." She calls up suddenly, surprising everyone in the room as both sets of security look up to where Karlie is standing. Now alert, and pale as a ghost, Karlie visibly trembles. "Karlie." Taylor says strongly, seeing the woman's green eyes flicked back to her own.
"I, can't." She mumbles, shaking her head and stepping back towards her apartment door.
"Do not go Karlie I mean it. I'm not Lily, we are different!" The singer calls out again but when she doesn't see Karlie turn around, her heart sinks. "Karlie please. Don't do this. Don't turn me away." It takes a moment and Taylor uses everything in her being to not break down in tears.
"Please just go Taylor. I don't want you here." Karlie says through gritted teeth, clutching her aching heart in her chest as she hears Taylor let out a broken gasp and small cry. Taylor turns on her heels, sucking up her pride she turns for the door just as quickly as she came in. Karlie telling her to leave was the icing on top of everything that's been going on.
Karlie heard every step Taylor took as she left, standing against her front door crying in her own hands. Not knowing if she should let herself love, or let it all completely go.
*****
Once inside her own apartment Karlie is a sobbing mess. It's been the worst two days she's had in a long time as she's hopelessly delt with feelings she thought she had under control. She thought she could control herself and not fall in love again, to not leave herself vulnerable once more.
Now it's late in the evening and she's weeping on the kitchen floor. Not knowing how to deal with this anymore.
Meeting Taylor was something Karlie never expected to happen in her life. To meet someone you can connect with so easily, who accepts and invests in everything you are, encouraging everything you can't yet see is a feeling Karlie never thought she'd experience again. No two loves are the same, but love is love is a feeling that's so wonderful, Karlie almost forgot how it felt. Experiencing that glow all over again has been internally challenging. Karlie doesn't know who she is anymore. It took a long time to shut herself down, to not get attached to another human being and let them affect your life, and in strolled Taylor. Who knocked every wall down with one obnoxiously beautiful smile and lighthearted laugh after another. It makes Karlie's whole body ache, to deal with love again. When you've told yourself that maybe, it wasn't for you. Then suddenly it is, and everything that was black in white becomes vibrant colors illuminated by the simple fact that you're feeling. To come to terms with that kind of love again, was exhausting. And a fight Karlie has yet to face before.
And then there was Taylor, who loves her. Right now. How can she let herself be open? Exposing her very core and sharing who she is with this beautiful human being on nothing more than a simple faith, trust.
It terrified her, it physically affected her every nerve. Nevertheless, exciting her like nothing life's ever given her before.
She couldn't explain why she left when Taylor said she loved her. Her heart pounded heavily against her chest but her flight instinct kicked in and she went with it. What Taylor said in the hallway, that she wasn't Lily, has been echoing in her head ever since. Of course Taylor isn't Lily. Taylor is her own extraordinary being that made Karlie feel happy for the first time in years. She's been so afraid of change, she didn't realize it was happening with or without her. Taylor Swift has made her a better person. She let Karlie know it was okay to be gentle and show compassion, that not everyone is against her and that she was worthy of something as pure as love. Fixing it, was an entirely new challenge.
You'd think the solution would be easy. To run to Taylor, spill her emotions all over the floor and hope that Taylor accepts them and picks up the pieces. But that wasn't real anymore. Her doubts make her wonder if it was real in the first place. If she was careful or just as careless as she was the first time around.
Yes, she loves Taylor. She's loved Taylor since the second she walked into that studio and locked eyes with her. The woman was electric in her own way. She was adoringly submissive yet passionately strong. She could make Karlie giggle one minute and fall to her knees the next. She held Karlie with no effort, Karlie was hers willingly. Letting Taylor go would be an absolute mistake, however as Karlie finally wipes herself off the floor and drags herself to a shower it isn't to go pour herself out to the singer, it was to go out tonight.
Karlie had plans, and clearly emotions she hasn't processed through yet. Convincing herself it was the right thing to do she calls her makeup team and dresses after her shower. By the time her makeup team arrives, particularly a stylist with a nice mood pick up-hook up, Karlie couldn't say no. She needed a lift up anyway and within an hour, is feeling like her chipper self again. Another fun hour of music and gossip erupts between the bathroom full of women before Karlie is finished up and ready to go out for the night.
However from the moment she got into the cab with friends and three hours into the club, Karlie couldn't shake her empty feeling. I shouldn't be here she thinks. After finishing her drink in hand she waves a slightly drunken goodbye to her group of friends who happily wave her off, and calls an uber up front. Sure it was a bit unsafe taking an uber but Karlie had given security a slip tonight, calling them would only make the lecture longer.
When the uber arrives paparazzi had as well and they quickly swarm the singer as she struggles to make her way to the waiting car. Karlie pushes and shoves, trying her best to keep her face shielded and ignoring what they're yelling to her. It isn't until she's one good reach away from the car door that she hears one particular pap behind her say, "glad to see Taylor Swift has gotten out of your mess." In slow motion, Karlie turns around and as if someone drastically hit play, punches the man right in the nose. Immediately cameras snap but everyone seems to back off and for the first time ever, Karlie swears she hears New York City be silent.
She hears nothing until someone grabs her roughly from behind saying, "lets go" before Karlie can ever process what's going on. Before she can freak out, she realizes the guy that grabbed her was her uber driver, and they've already made their way away from the entire scene.
"I didn't mean to freak you out," The younger driver calls back to her, "but I saw you sock that guy and I know who you are. You needed to get out of there."
"N-no, thank you." Karlie mumbles once she's processed what's gone on. "Fuck, my hand hurts." She says, shaking it lightly and wincing at the sting of pain.
"Here," The driver says, tossing a cold bottle of water back to her. "Sorry it isn't an ice pack." He jokes this time turning around as they stopped at a red light and flashed a boyish smile.
Karlie returned it, feeling comfortable and knowing deep down how much she's just made her life even more hell.
"How far are we from the address I gave you?" Karlie asks, her vision getting too blurry to see the gps.
"About five blocks." He responds.
Karlie nods and leans back in her seat. Her head is pounding and it feels like the car is spinning in circles as the karma of how much she drank tonight begins to hit her. Thankfully it only feels like a few seconds before the driver is pulling over, reaching Karlie's apartment.
"If I give you a tip, will you keep your mouth shut?" She mumbles, reaching in her back pocket slowly for her wallet.
"How flattering." He jokes rather deadpan. "Yeah, I'll keep my mouth shut." He nods, reaching his hand back and accepting the money Karlie stuffs in it.
"Thanks for the help." She says as she slips out of the vehicle.
"No problem, good luck." The driver says before pulling away from the curb and heading back out.
Karlie trudges slowly to apartment with nothing but a feeling of guilt. Who even was she anymore? Even when she acted like she was stronger, she never put her hands on someone. He said something about Taylor. Karlie thinks, trying to reason with herself but she knew the worst was yet to come.
However too drunk to care she takes off her shirt, wrapping it around a fresh ice pack and then placing it on her hand before she jumps into her bed. Too tired, and too stubborn to worry about what's waiting for her in the morning.