[an:/] yeyyy you liked the last chapter. Thank you so much for the comments i read them all with my mouth opened like an "o" it makes me so happy and i love replying to you guys. So here's the chapter and i'm so excited to write the next ones because i have already all the ideas and i can't wait to write it down and show you!! 25 VOTES AND 12 COMMENTS? <3
Song from the chapter: Stubborn Love by The Lumineers
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Louis’ POV
“Louis…” The voice to answer him doesn’t come out from my mouth, I don’t dare to speak. I’m too embarrassed and I’ve got a massive headache. I’m not sure about what happened last night… well I don’t know every detail of it but I’m naked on Harry’s bed and I remember… I remember that we kissed and then he was on top of me and… oh god. “Lou…” he uses the same tone to call me again and this time he stands up to sit on the edge of the bed, trying to reach me
“No.” My voice comes firmer than I thought and I step his hand away when he tries to reach my arm. I’m shaking, I’m fucking shaking. What did we do, why is last night blurry in my head and just the worst parts come on my mind? This is a nightmare and I’m going to wake up at any time.
“Louis, please, let’s talk.” He sounds so desperate, he looks like he’s going to cry… and so do I, but he has no reason to it and I do.
“Stop saying my name.” I raise my voice, not daring to move from the sheets “That was all what you wanted, right?”
“What?” I want to punch that fucking confused and hurt face off of him
“Don’t start with shits and stop acting. Did you like it?”
“What are you talking about Louis?” so he wants to play
“You took advantage of me while I was fucking drunk.” this time I shout and I just want to be able to move and run away from here. “I can’t believe you actually did this.” I shake my head and try my best to control my emotions. My eyes hurt, I’m trembling and I feel so cold… why this had to happen to us?
“Can you shut the fuck up and fucking listen to me?” he yells. He dares to yell. I look more widely at him, sometimes he surprises me. He breathes heavily and the look he gives me doesn’t match with his behaviour now. “Can you make an effort and try to remember last night?” his tone is lower but he’s kinda mad.
“Don’t fucking talk to me in that tone, like you’re mad. Who is supposed to be mad here is me.” I shout, I hate him so much right now
“Are you sure about that? What do you think that happened last night?” he gets closer and I still don’t dare to move and this time neither talk. “C’mon Louis, say it.”
I look at him unsure “I–You…“
“I took advantage of you?” His tone is calmer now and I’m thankful of it
“Wasn’t that what happened?” he is trying to twist my mind, confuse me so I don’t have a clear vision from yesterday, I can’t allow him to play with me. “We had sex Harry don’t fucking try to confuse me. I know you were sober, how could you?” I yell in his face and he laughs a little. He gotta be kidding.
While he shakes his head, letting out a sight, he lays down, resting his back on the headboard and doesn’t meet my gaze anymore “We didn’t Louis… Do you really think I would do that to you on the state you were?” He asks and I bite my lip. Maybe. “You wanted to though” He laughs and looks at me.
“WHAT?”
“Hey, you did and said some weird stuff to me last night… I was impressed. Now hear me out please,” He looks at me with such a tender expression. “I don’t want you to hate me but I’m gonna to tell you the truth, okay?” I raise my eyebrow
“But I know what happened last night,” I sigh too and lay down on the same position as him, with the sheets covering me down my waist “most of all at least.”
“We didn’t have sex.” He says and I shiver
“I know that now.” I wasn’t sure, but I never imagined him telling me that he was going to tell me the truth. I never understood him but I know if he was somebody else he wouldn’t tell me that. Maybe I know him too well but I try to show the otherwise.
“We kissed.” I know. “And I-“ His voice seems far away.
“Don’t say it.” I can’t hear him saying that.
“O-Okay.” He takes a deep breathe
“I still can’t believe you did that.” I’m mad because he was sober, he could choose not doing it, he could have made me go to sleep, insist on me to wake up and act normally. I know he knew that I didn’t want to do none of those things, he should have stopped.
“Don’t try to blame me in all of this.” Stop fucking raising your voice at me.
“How so? I was drunk, you knew what you were going. You could fucking stop Harry.” I yell and sit up again to look at him, although he doesn’t meet my eyes.
“Are you this childish to the point of blaming the alcohol?” when he looks at me, his expression doesn’t show tenderness, doesn’t show any of the things Harry usually shows me. “You fucking kissed me first,” I did? “I wanted to stop but you kept pushing me,” I know he wouldn’t lie and that’s the problem “you wanted to go further but I stopped there after I sucked y–after what happened. Do you think I never thought about how you would react in the morning? That you could possible hate me? But you were so, so…” he’s so irritated that I might be scared that he can do something that will regret. His eyes show so much hate and I don’t like it. “…so into that, you looked so-“ he stops himself and before continuing, passes his hands through his hair. “You know how I feel towards you,” not this again “I tried my best to control myself but you didn’t help too.” He looks away “I’m sorry if I made that tiny chance of you trusting me, disappear.” He did… probably “But…” he sighs and I know he won’t end that sentence
I play with my fingers on my lap, I don’t know what and how to answer. This doesn’t cover up what he did, I’m not going to forget this so quickly but he’s right. It’s not only his fault, is mine too. But what I don’t understand is why did I do that? I know I was drunk but still. Usually when I’m drunk around Harry both change rolls and I play him when he’s around me, with him. But I’ve never kissed him. At least not that both can remember. And now I didn’t only kiss him, I wanted more. I had more, and I just want to remove this memory, this feeling, because I cannot remember everything but the thing I wished I didn’t remember, I do remember. The fact that I know how I felt, I felt so good that wanted more.
“Okay.” I’m so embarrassed “I’m sorry too.” I may not be looking at him but I know he is at me. “You’re right. This is not only your fault, is mine too.” he sighs in relief and when I look at him, with a harsh expression, he’s the complete opposite. “But don’t think I’m going to forgive you.” His expression changes immediately and I’m tired of seeing hurt Harry.
“I know…” You didn’t know. “Just one more thing and I’ll leave you…” I’m seriously uncomfortable of being here naked.
“What?”
“Do you love Bryan?”
Bryan.
I almost forgot about that. I feel the tears of anger forming again on my eyes like it happened yesterday. I remember that and to be honest I preferred to remember my night with Harry than mine with Bryan at the moment.
“Louis?” I look down, seeing the tears streaming down wetting the sheets and turning them into a darker colour. “I’m sorry,” I feel the bed moving and he approaches me and when he notices that I won’t step away and stop him he wraps his arms around me, pushes me to his chest and between his legs, sinks his head on the crook of my neck and strokes my back. “I’m so sorry.” He whispers, I’m not sure why he’s apologizing but I understand. I’m so hurt by everyone… by me. I allowed this to happen, everything.
Harry was right about Bryan. He was playing with me, what Harry told me about him was the truth and at first I didn’t believe him. I should have, Harry just wanted to help me, he warned me but no I had to fall into Bryan’s lie. That he liked me… sure, while that he was doing things with other guys in parties that he would went to.
It’s so unfair for Harry, he told me the truth, he pushed Bryan away from me every time he could and in return I told him so many harsh things, things he didn’t deserve to hear. He didn’t lose my trust. I trust him so much even after last night. Last night it’s a small crumb in the middle of this.
“We kissed…” I sob on his chest and he holds me tightly.
“I know…” his voice is muffled
“I believed him and…” I can’t believe I’m crying like this in front of Harry after all of this. He doesn’t deserve hearing this and I don’t deserve him hearing me out… I don’t deserve anything he gives me, including his love and support. How can he? “I’m so sorry, you were right.”
“I know…” he repeats but his tone of voice is different. He kisses my neck and his hand that was going up and down through my back, goes to the back of my neck to stoke the hair he can reach “I’m here now. I’ll always be… just don’t cry beautiful, he doesn’t deserve it.” His words don’t help me because I feel more tears falling down and I’m far from stopping. His words hit me in a way that it shouldn’t
“Stay with me.”
“O-Okay.”
“Forever…”
“Okay.”
“Holding me…Like this…”
I said him this last night, how can I remember it?
He sure is staying with me, he’s holding me… Maybe I really meant those words, maybe those words were the only real thing from last night. Maybe those were the words I always wanted to say but didn’t have the courage to and I just found the right moment to say them.
I was expecting him to pull away after that but he stays in the same position, with his arms wrapping around my naked torso. I’m so surprised that I don’t pull away neither and doesn’t feel really uncomfortable so we stay like this for some time, I don’t know how much but it seems minutes and minutes. We stay like this till my sobs are no longer heard and his hands his tired of caressing my back.
He rests his hands on my shoulders when we pull away, making me look at him. “Do you wanna talk about it?” I shake my head, not because I don’t wanna talk but because I know he doesn’t really want to hear, it would hurt him
“I’m sorry Harry.” I look away
“Don’t be… Y-You liked-like him. It’s normal.” His tone is soft and actually calms me down
“Just… Why do you hate him so much?” this is confused “I mean… you told me you knew him so well-“
I know he was jealous of him, he knows I know that, but there is another reason “Well… We know each other for a long time, when I was fifteen we… well we kinda got into something, not really dating but I liked him a lot and he told me he liked me too,” minutes ago we were shouting at each other and I was saying to myself that was mad and didn’t want to see him, I’m still naked but here we are. Harry telling me about his past – a thing we two never really shared a lot… more like we never really talked about anything, it was just the present – and I’m here listening carefully. “I cared a lot about him and I was really with this idea that he was the one,” he chuckles and I really want to know what he’s thinking. “I thought he had the same idea but one day, when I went to his house; and I had this idea to tell him everything I felt; I caught him sucking off another dude.” He laughs and I look shocked at him. Well at least he’s okay with this now
“He tried to apologize and all of that shit but then I got to know that it wasn’t the first time he did that and,” I notice how he shivers and considers if he really should continue what he’s about to say “fuck, I gave him everything I could. I trusted him… He was seventeen Louis, I was a child basically. I cried so much that I thought my life was going to end.” He laughs once again and I admire him, somehow I do. “He still does this, he’s a fucking asshole and when I got to know that you were with him… Jeez, I wanted to kill him. I knew he was going to do the same to you and I couldn’t fucking stand it. Just the thought of you kissing him and tell him you liked him makes me sick. You’re so good Louis, you deserve better than that.”
He always talks about me like I am perfect and it kinda bothers me “Harry, you sound like I am perfect…” I roll my eyes
“I know you aren’t Louis and that’s why I love you,” Somehow I enjoy hearing this words coming from him and even knowing my feelings he keeps saying it and he says it as if it’s a normal thing to say to me “But, remember the movie we watched once? The Perks of being a Wallflower?”
This kid has some ideas “Yes…?” what does the movie has to do with this now?
“Well the quote fix you perfectly, we accept the love we think we deserve. But you deserve so much more than you think. You deserve someone who traces the lines from your hands just to feel close to you and someone who believes the ocean is trapped in your eyes. You deserve someone who loves the bones in your body and loves the skin that you live in. Louis you deserve someone who will help you to love yourself…” He smiles and I’m so touched. I hate him so much but I wished I’d loved him. I’m sure he would be that person he describes, I’m sure he’s that person so why is it so impossible for me to love this boy with weird hair, emerald eyes and who wears a goofy smile on a daily basis? He chuckles and I’m sure it’s due my face and what he just said “I’m sorry, I think I’m reading too much books now.” Which is weird because when I first met him he hated reading and since I started recommending him books that reminded me him, he started to love it to the point of following me to the library to do it. This small things would make me fall so easily, why can’t I? It would be easier. He stops chuckling and looks at me better in awe “Look at you, you’re blushing!” his smile when he looks at me is something. Another thing that would make me fall in love with him.
“No I’m not.” My voice sounds so pitched so he laughs
“Yes you are.” He pinches my cheek with his index and thumb
“Well maybe because I’m fucking naked Harry.” I try to play harsh. I’m forgetting something
“Oh.” I think he forgot that “I’m sorry,” he laughs a little, but why does he looks so nervous now? “I-I… better if I go now and let you be, hum, more comfortable.” He shakes his head and stands up from the bed “what am I saying… Hum, go back to sleep if you want to, or just dress yourself,” why is he so red?! “Yeah, do that I am going… erm, out! Bye!” he says quickly while dressing a shirt and goes out of the door and I regret thinking about the previous night because now I am getting my memory back and even if it’s probably 5 degrees outside, suddenly the room seems hotter.
~*~
It’s Monday now. I’m outside my classroom waiting for Harry so we can walk together to the restaurant where we will meet the others. He’s always late, always, but I can’t find the way of starting walking without him or just tell him to meet up in the restaurant like we do with the others so there is no need to do this… I don’t even know who started this and how this turned to be a routine but it makes me feel… safe. It’s stupid I know but Harry makes me feel safe. I think it’s because he’s taller than me…
That makes me laugh, because it’s just stupid.
I look around just to check if he’s already running in my direction, with his bag on his shoulder but still holding it against his chest and with a grin on his face but I just see random students
Hurry up dickhead, or I’m heading without you.
-Louis
He knows I won’t but it’s a treat that always works out.
When I look up from my phone “Louis, can we talk?” Bryan appears in front of me and his face expression makes me sick. He looks worried and a bit down so I must say, instead of joining the football team he should have joined the drama class because damn he would be good.
“No we can’t Bryan.” I look at the side just not to see his face. My voice is harsh, I was in a good mood and he just screwed it. I don’t want to talk to him, I don’t even wanna hear his explanation because there’s no need of that. When the guy came up next to us and talked to him about how he forgot his things in his room everything started to make sense. He arrived late that night because he was with that guy and that guy was probably the same one Harry saw on the party, because yeah, now I believe that Bryan, instead of coming to our date, went to a stupid party to get laid.
It was so weird and quickly the way the time passed when I looked at Bryan and he seemed not to find the choice of words for that situation, the way the guy looked with guilty after saying that to him, the way he stammered when I started to shout at him, not knowing how to react. I didn’t even know how my mind made such a click just with the appearance of that guy saying those things, but maybe I put two in two and maybe I was in Harry’s side after all.
“But I just need some minutes, please Louis you gave me no time to explain.” His voice is desperate and with rush.
“No. You don’t need to, just fucking leave me alone.” I shout and grab my backpack from the floor to start walking away in a quick step.
“Louis,” he follows me “Louis, hear me out.” His voice changes, like right now he’s really demanding me to stop and hear him. There’s no sweet and concerned tone, it’s cold and maybe even from anger.
While we pass on the corridors the students give us a look but don’t pay much attention since drama always happens here “Don’t follow me.” I shout but I feel a hand grabbing my arm tightly and I’m hastily pulled inside of a room, which for what it seems is the lab. Bryan closes the door behind us and looks at me with irritation written in his eyes.
“Can you stop being a child and listen to me!” I frown who is him to talk to me like this? He has no reasons.
“Hey, don’t fucking talk to me like that!” It looks like I am having a fight with Harry
“I talk the way I want, don’t be such a prat.” Well but Harry would never reply me like this and to be honest I would never say Bryan would talk to me like this either, especially with this tone of voice
“Excuse me?”
He sighs and passes his fingers through his hair, the way Harry usually does… but Harry’s hair is so much brighter, has some curls and is a darker brown “I didn’t want to talk to you like this,” he calms down “I’m sorry Louis, but don’t be mad at me because of what happened!”
I start laughing and applauding wryly “You are such a good actor Bryan, congrats.”
“Louis, please… me and that guy, it was nothing I swear!” just sex and makes out
“Yeah and what about the party you went to?”
“What party?” he looks confused but now I know he’s acting.
“You know too damn well what party!” And what he did to Harry… I find myself mad at Bryan because of that too. Harry doesn’t deserve this kind of things. Sure he now fucks every girl and guy he finds hot in a party when he’s drunk, but he was fifteen by that time and when you love someone at fifteen, cannot be a thing that can last much longer, but I know that for Harry, what he felt was something real and actually devastated him. Bryan played around with him, like he made with me. Harry had no one to warn him, I had.
“There was no-“
“Shut up and stop lying. I hate liars Bryan, I can’t stand people like you!”
His face changes and he looks like someone else. He’s not a cute and sweet boy anymore, his face expression is evil and dark “But you hang around with Harry…”
“Don’t you dare to bring Harry up in this shit. And he is not a liar and if he’s, he is not around me.”
He shakes his head “You don’t know him” he’s really making me hate Harry, but the problem is, he can say whatever the shit he pleases that he won’t make me change my mind towards him. He can be a lot of things. Good and bad, but I know his whole flaws and virtues so there is no new thing he can tell me
“You’re wrong, I know him too well and along it I know you too, but this time I know the real person you are.”
“I bet he filled your head with bullshit.” He can’t fucking say the truth, I can’t believe this
“Stop Bryan, stop and admit what you did.” This time I believe completely in Harry, there is no way I’m gonna doubt his words for a second “You cheated on me-“
“What?” he laughs and it makes me sick “Cheated on you? But were we dating?” he doesn’t stop laughing, he’s literally mocking me and I feel embarrassed, mad and frustrated
“Y-You…” he told me he liked me, but now… that was a lie too
“I told you I liked you, yeah and…? That’s all really funny, mainly because you spent most of your time with Harry and you though I was fucking stupid and didn’t know what you two were doing.” He smirks
“I told you we did nothing.” Why am I even explaining myself to him? I don’t need to, he’s trying to make me feel guilty and as if all of this was my fault.
“How do I know that’s the truth? You don’t believe in my word I won’t believe in yours, right?!” he winks, now I see the person he is. He is fucking mean, Harry was so right, he’s such a horrible person, what he’s making now proves everything. I can’t believe I liked him and wasted time of my life with him.
“Whatever…” I roll my eyes, there’s no point to fight back, I don’t even care about him anymore.
I start walking towards the door, behind him but he stops me grabbing my arm again “Oh I’m not done yet love… why are you running away?”
“But I am done!” I shout, he’s getting on my nerves
He shakes his head “Why are you being so mean Louis…” he smiles and looks at me in the eyes, the smile and brown eyes I fell for are trying to change my mind, but there is no way I am falling for this again
“Get off.” I try to release myself but with no success
“No babe,” with his free hand he pulls my fringe away from my forehead, too gently “I want more of your time.”
“Don’t fucking touch me!” I yell, shaking my head and looking at the wall to pull his hand away from my hair.
“Stop yelling Louis.” Telling me to stop yelling while his tone of voice is louder than mine is from genius. However he pushes me against the wall next to the door, preventing me to escape. “I’m not gonna hurt you, don’t look so scared.” He chuckles. I’m not scared, I’m surprise and just want to go away. Fucking Harry and his thing of being always late for everything. “You’re so beautiful, you should be always smiling” he smiles, but it’s such an evil and fake smile that I want to puke, his words make me wanna puke, how close he is from me and how strong his cologne is make me wanna puke…
“L-Let me go…” I try my best to speak loudly
He caresses my cheek and leans more forward. I can’t move “Why? Would you prefer being Harry… touching you?” his voice is mad, harsh but he keeps with the gentle touches.
“Wh-What’s wrong with you?”
“There is nothing wrong with me.” He punches the wall next to my head and I jump. There is sure something wrong with him, he’s crazy “I’m just pissed. Fucking pissed that Harry can have you and I can’t.” He looks harshly at me. What the hell is he saying?!
“What the-“
“So don’t fucking come with this shit about me being lying to you and cheating or whatever because you lied to me too.” He looks so mad that yes, right now I’m scared.
“I didn’t-“
“Yes you did.” I close my eyes, I feel like he’s going to punch me, he’s talking so harshly and loudly, he looks like he’s about to explode “You said you liked me but that’s a lie.”
“I…” it wasn’t, but what he’s making me right now, is decreasing that feeling
“He has you in his hands and you can’t even notice it!” he shouts.
That’s not true…
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[an:/] I feel like this chapter sucks but i'll try making up for that on the last ones and hope you still can give me my goal !