The next morning, I'd told my mum that I was going to Jaelyn's house after school. She accepted that, and I took Noah and myself to school.
The whole school day, Jaelyn was excited for me, that I'd be able to go to the doctor's that night. I was also excited, but I wasn't as excited as Jaelyn was. She was so happy I'd agreed to go. I knew I was excited about being able to go, also. I was sad about one thing, though. The person who would get to see my baby first, other than me, wouldn't be Logan. If there was anyone else I'd want to be there with me at my first sonogram, it would definitely be Jaelyn.
Throughout the day, I was thinking about Logan. I thought about how I would have regrets because of not telling him, but I believed it would be best to not tell him right now. I knew that it was definitely the right choice for me. I couldn't hold the guilt of being the reason an amazingly smart and talented boy like Logan didn't get to go to Harvard, his dream school. I knew that would haunt me forever. I couldn't let that happen, and there were sacrifices that had to be made because of that. I would definitely tell Logan sometimes, but I wouldn't let it be for a while, until he was out of school, maybe when he came back to Australia if he ever did.
Same as the day before, I could hardly focus during the school day. It was so hard to pay attention when so many things were going through my head. Finally, the school day was over and I jumped into my car, drove Noah home, and sped over to Jaelyn's house.
When I arrived at Jaelyn's house, she barely even let me inside her house before we left. She basically pushed me out of her door and to her car, into the passenger's side. She got into the driver's side and began driving towards her mother's workplace.
"I talked to my mum last night. She said she'd do whatever it takes to keep you and your baby healthy. She told me that, with your insurance, you should be able to pay for the visits yourself. Plus, your insurance won't bill your parents because she called last night and, since your insurance runs through her partnering hospital, they've agreed to send all of your insurance papers to my address. And she said that if you weren't able to pay for the visits with your own money, she'd gladly pay for them for you. Like I said, she told me she'd do anything to keep you and that baby safe. You're basically her adopted daughter, and she'll do anything for you," Jaelyn chuckled as we got close to the doctor's office. Her side of the conversation had taken up most of the car ride. Granted, the doctor's office wasn't far from Jaelyn's house, but she had still talked a lot and told me a lot.
"That's great. Thank you so much. I can't thank you enough for doing this for me. I love you and your mum so much. I'll have to thank her when we get there," I told her, smiling uncontrollably. Now, I wasn't so focused on the fact that Logan wouldn't be there to see our baby at the first sonogram, but I was focused on how much Jaelyn's mum has done for me and how much she cares about me. I couldn't ask for anything more.
"So have you thought much more about a job?" Jaelyn wondered. It hadn't even been twenty-four hours since we'd last talked about that, but she still wanted an update. In our friendship, there never seemed to be a moment where one of us said, "Nothing's new." We told each other everything, and I mean everything.
"I have, but not very much, being honest. I don't know where I'll be able to work. I think a very good job to have would be to babysit. Since I'll be doing it all of the time soon, I want to care for kids as a job, I guess. I think I'd really like that. Plus, my mum always says she knows lots of families with kids whom they need babysitters for. I'm going to ask my mum more about it tonight," I explained to her.
"So... You have been thinking about it a lot, then?" She wondered, giggling.
"I guess you could say that," I nodded and shrugged as Jaelyn pulled into a parking space. I took a deep breath in and out. I looked at the doctor's office sitting before me and opened the car door. Jaelyn did the same thing, never taking an eye off of me.
We walked into the office and sat in the waiting room for the longest time. I was called back, and Jaelyn's mum was my nurse. She asked me quite a few questions, and she soon left the room, leaving the door hanging open. I watched a lot of doctors walk past, and each of them was Logan.
Every single doctor I saw had Logan's face. I closed my eyes and shook my head, but they were still there. I couldn't get it out of my head. Why did I keep seeing Logan, after Logan, after Logan?
Jaelyn's mum, Claire, came back into the room I was in a few minutes later and shut the door. She did an ultrasound, but I couldn't see the screen. I asked her if I could, and she told me that right now, I couldn't. The doctor would look at the sonogram to see how the baby was doing and then he'd come in to talk to me and maybe do some more tests. She assured me that we would do another ultrasound where I would be able to see the baby.
Whenever Claire had cleaned my stomach off, she walked back out of the room, but thankfully close the door most of the way this time. I looked at Jaelyn and half-smiled. She looked at me skeptically about her mum's behavior.
"I never knew that's how that worked," Jaelyn raised an eyebrow. She shrugged and we once again waited for the doctor or Claire.
Claire began to walk into the room when I saw an arm seize hers. She backed out of the room, and I heard talking from right outside of the room I was in. Jaelyn looked at me worriedly.
"Should we say something?" I heard the doctor ask. My heart rate quickened at his question. I had mom idea what he meant by this. "I mean, she's a teenage mother. I don't know if she'll do too well with knowing that, at least not right now."
"Doctor!" Claire scolded, "Of course we should tell her! She deserves to know! And why would we keep this from her? Why would we wait to tell her? That would make her mad and it would stress her out more if we tell her later."
"I guess that does make sense, Claire. We can tell her. Would you like to, because she's your daughter?" The doctor asked her.
"She's not my daughter." Claire laughed a little. "She's my daughter's best friend, but she's as close to a daughter to me as I could imagine. But I believe that, because we have that relationship, maybe I should tell her?" They'd lowered their voices drastically, but I could still hear them. I saw Jaelyn straining to hear them.
"That would be okay with me. Now, go ahead," the doctor motioned Claire into the room. He walked in behind her. It was Logan. Logan, Logan, Logan. I couldn't focus.
"Hello, Lily. My name is Doctor Irwin," he told me. He definitely said something different than Irwin, but my mind replaced his name with Logan's.
"I'm so sorry," I told him, shaking my head. "What did you say your name was?"
"Doctor Jacobson," he told me, and this time, my ears allowed me to hear him correctly.
"Thank you," I smiled. "And what did I hear you two talking about in the hall? I'm sorry, but I was listening in to your conversation. I couldn't help but do so. What were you debating telling me? Trust me, I can take it. Is there something wrong? Please don't tell me there's something wrong..."
"No, darling, there's nothing wrong," Doctor Jacobson assured me. I gulped when I heard his voice. My mind changes the sound of his voice to sound like I'd heard Logan's voice the day before, groggy and tired but sexy.
"Then what is it?" I asked curiously, looking at Claire. I knew she was going to be the one to tell me.
"Well, Lily... You're having twins," she announced. I looked at her for the longest time. Twins? How could I handle that? Having twins would make everything a hundred times worse. All I could remember past that is my head dropping.
Jaelyn later told me that after my head dropped, I almost flopped onto the ground. She caught me with help from her mum, however. I'd passed out and, while I was unconscious, they did another ultrasound to make sure everything was okay and that I hadn't hurt myself of the babies.
When I awoke, I was told that everything was okay. After I regained consciousness, it didn't take long to get over the shock of the whole situation. One more baby to take care of than I thought. I took a deep breath. I could handle this.
Claire gave me a copy of the sonogram, and she showed me baby A and baby B. I was amazed by it. I couldn't believe that two human beings were actually in my womb. Both of them were Logan's and my children. I couldn't stop thinking about him, all the way across the Pacific Ocean and across the United States in Massachusetts.
Jaelyn and I soon left the doctor's office. As we were leaving, Claire told me what that day's visit would cost after insurance. It shocked me how much I would have to pay, even after insurance.
"I'm sure Jaelyn told you, but I have offered to pay for your visits if you would let me," Claire offered, just what Jaelyn had told me in the car.
"I can't let you do that," I shook my head at her. "I need to pay for the visits myself. And don't worry about me. I'll be fine. I think I'll be able to pay for the visits."
"Lily, just let me pay. I assure you, it's alright. Plus, you have to get a job already to pay for the cribs, lots of nappies, clothes, and a lot of other things for your twins. I'll pay, and if you feel the need to pay me back sometime in the far future, I'll let you. Just please, let me help you in this way," Claire smiled.
"Alright," I nodded, smiling brightly at her. I hugged her before walking out of the doctor's office with Jaelyn right beside me. We both got into her car, and she drove off, back to her house. There, I stayed for a little while until I decided that I'd go back to my house for supper.
I said goodbye to Jaelyn and told her I'd see her the next day at school. She waved as I pulled out of the driveway. I drove all of the way back to my house and while I did, I formulated a plan in my head. I'd tell my parents that Jaelyn and I didn't have any homework, which we didn't, so we just sat in her room and talked about all that's been going on in school.
Then, if one of my parents asked what had been going on in school, I'd tell them that I was talking about graduation. They would then make me stop talking because they didn't like to hear about the fact that I was graduating already, their little girl getting out of school.
On the way home, while I thought about the plan, I began to think about what was going to happen after I graduated. I thought about how it would go. I would graduate in the beginning of December, live with my parents until a little past the new year, possibly, then move out before the twins would be born in March. For the first time, I was actually excited about being pregnant.
I wasn't excited for long, however. I thought about what the kids at school would react. I didn't know what my parents would say. Plus, I knew now that I wouldn't be able to hide it as long because it was twins. My belly would be bigger than it would have been if I was only having a singleton. I worried about when I would have to tell my parents.
When I got home, my parents greeted me, and our conversation went as I thought it would. I walked briskly up to my room and began to research ways to hide a baby bump. I knew I'd have to hide it as long as possible. I still wondered, however, how long I'd actually be able to keep the secret.
In the middle of my research, my mum interrupted by calling me downstairs for dinner. I had gathered most of the information needed to know what to do to hide my belly. As I walked down the stairs, I put my hand on my stomach and smiled. I didn't know what I was doing. I was happy even though I knew the babies were going to be a burden. The babies? A burden? I thought. These are my children I'm talking about. It may be hard for me to handle two kids, but I will not let myself ever call them burdens again.
I'd taken my hand off of my stomach before I reached the dining room where Mum, Dad, and Noah all sat at the dinner table. I grabbed Mum's hand on my left and Dad's hand on my right so we could say a prayer before we ate. After my mum finished the prayer, we began to eat.
Eating for three, now, I thought. I wasn't exactly sure how much I should eat if I was eating for three, but I just ate a reasonable amount. At the end of the meal, my parents both looked at me skeptically because I'd never eaten much at dinner, not as much as I did then.
"Are you finally worrying about your health, Lily, instead of feeling like you need to not eat anything to 'stay skinny?' Like I've told you, not eating much will affect your health, and once you start eating a normal amount again, you'll gain back most of what you lost by not eating or eating minimally," she looked at me, the therapist side of her coming out.
"Yeah, Mum, I've been thinking about it. I do need to take better care of my body. I'm going to try to begin to eat better," I assured her. She nodded in approval. Only she didn't know the real reason I was eating better. It wasn't for me. It was for the two precious little ones who needed nourishment as well.