Natalia POV
I had so many thoughts running through my mind.
I was so confused and lost...
I just kept on replaying the vivid images that has happened in the last hours.
"Asher, what's wrong-?"
"Get in the car, and go to the house." He said firmly still looking at the woman that was standing there.
Victoria.
"Asher no, I'm not going to leave-"
"Natalia get in the car and leave now!" He said turning to me finally.
I was going to respond to him, but the pleading in his eyes made me shut my mouth, and just give a shaky nod. He gave me the keys and put them in my hand before he looked back at Victoria.
I turned also to the woman before me, she just looked at me with a blank stare. Looking at Miya, and then to me, back at Asher. Her eyes kept on doing this, until I moved so she had nothing to look at anymore.
I walked outside, finding Asher's family nowhere in sight. After I looked, I walked to the car opening it, and sitting Miya in the back.
I buckled her up and closed the door, and headed to the driver’s seat. I put the keys into the ignition, and drove to the house.
In no time, we ended up at the house. I'm not surprised considering I was speeding down the road because I couldn't get my mind right.
I parked, turned off the car and sat there forever it seemed. I just sat and stared, not thinking of anything.
And letting the silence fill the air in the car. I closed my eyes, and breathed slowly. I was relaxed, and calm just for the moment.
Until I heard Miya call my name and interrupt the silence.
"Mama you otay?" She said with not pronouncing the words fully. She is so smart, she knew something was off just by my actions.
I turned around and gave her a fake, bright smile. "Yeah Baby Girl Mamas okay."
She nodded her head, and looked out the window. I turned around in my seat again, and looked at the big house I was living in.
I let out a big breath before I stepped out the car and got Miya out.
I walked to the door, and opened it. I put Miya down and she looked up at me. She grasped my hand tightly, not letting go.
I smiled down at her, and took her hand and lead her up the stairs. We walked into her room first.
I stripped her of her clothes, and changed her into her zebra pajamas.
I picked her up in my arms, and went down stairs. I told her to go pick out a movie.
She picked out The Little Mermaid, I pulled out the DVD and put it in the DVD player, and sat down and watched the movie.
Which I was still currently still doing. I was watching the movie, well watching the rolling of the credits now with Miya right beside me snoring.
I was just staring at that little writing that was plastered on the TV screen. With my silky dress, still on from earlier on today.
I didn't even want to go change, because I was afraid I was going to miss Asher coming through that door.
I looked at the clock and it was 1 in the morning. I was exhausted, mad, sad, upset...?
The most craziest, and realistic thoughts ran through my mind for hours. It was to the point that I didn't know the difference.
I was worried, I didn't know where he was? I don't know who that Woman was? I don't know why he decided to tell me to leave? I don't know if he's with her? I didn't know what type of past they had, especially because of what Julie said?
Most of all I don't know why Asher will leave me here staring at the clock for hours waiting for him to enter the house?
I didn't know nothing, and that alone tortured me to no end.
When I realized that it was in the morning and I was driving myself mad. I needed some sleep and so did my daughter.
I'm so glad that I didn't have work tomorrow. I got up from the couch, picking up Miya going towards the stairs.
On top of the stairs I turned to her room, tucked her in her covers and kissed her goodnight. Once I closed the door I looked to my right and saw my room, and then I looked back towards the stairs.
I was conflicted in where I was going to sleep. Was I going to sleep in my room, or was I going to go downstairs, and wait for Asher in the morning.
After a lot of conflicting I made up my mind and decided to walk down the stairs, get a cover, and plot myself on the couch, and wait for him.
*****
I was wakened from the smell of bacon filling up my nostrils. I turned over on the couch to get more comfortable.
However, it hit me that Miya couldn't cook, and there should be no one else in the house. At this point I was worried that Miya got into the kitchen and was going to burn down the house.
So I stood straight up from the couch opening my eyes and ran in the kitchen where the smell and noise of pots clinging together was coming from.
Once I entered the kitchen I didn't see Miya. I see a shirtless, man with low grey sweats, with black hair, and toned muscles.
Asher.
He was turned from me, and was cooking bacon I supposed. I saw waffles, eggs, and sausage all lined up on the counter.
He was flipping the bacon a few times. After it looked cooked he put it on a plate.
After all the pieces were on the plate he turned around and dropped the pan in the sink, but before he could turn around again.
He caught me at the entrance of the kitchen staring. We connected eyes, and he didn't look like the same person that I see about 12 hours ago smiling and laughing with his family and I.
He had tired red eyes, messy hair that looked disheveled like he was running his hands through it more than a few times.
And obviously he had no shirt on, which showed his toned body (abs) on display and big muscles that popped out of his arms.
I was frozen in spot because it was him and because he was shirtless which always causes my mouth to get dry, and causing my throat to lock up and not speak.
However, the collection of thoughts that ran through my mind for the last hours reminded me perfectly of what I needed to say.
And believe me I did not hold back.
"Where were you?" I asked firmly.
He just kept on staring at me looking up and down before he looked at my eyes again.
"Why are you still in your dress from last night?" He asked me instead of answering my question.
"Where were you?" I repeated the question to him again.
"I don't want to talk about it."
"I don't care, if you want to talk about it or not, where were you last night!?" I said raising my voice.
"Like I said I don't want to talk about it." He said in a dark voice.
"And I said I don't ca-"
"Let this one go Natalia, I'm warning you." He said with the same voice.
I looked at him, not believing that he wasn't going to telling me. I just stood there giving him the most threatening look.
With me not speaking he decided to turn around again near the stove, and do whatever he was doing before.
"You, have got be crazy if you think I'm going to let this go!" I screamed.
"Natalia!"
"No, I refuse to let this go Asher! I'm not dumb I know you were with her last night!"
"Natalia I'm not going to say it again I don't want to talk-"
"Well, too bad because I don’t care what you want! After you demanded me to leave the restaurant, while you couldn't keep your eyes off that woman. While I spent hours looking at the clock waiting for you to come. Sleeping on the couch all night, so I can see your face enter that door, but giving up because you were gone until the morning. Or the fact that I know deep down you were with Victoria since last night doing I don't know what, and then cooking breakfast in the kitchen like it's all fine and dandy!" I yelled walking towards him
"Okay so what do you want to hear? Because I'll say whatever you want to so it can make you feel at ease, and make you happy!" He said raising his voice while walking away from the stove to the other side of the kitchen.
"What do you mean what I want to hear Asher? Is that a sarcastic answer or just a plan stupid one."
He scoffed at my statement while turning around towards me looking at me with his piercing eyes.
"Mhmm... Let's see let's go with sarcastic!" He said in an amusing way.
"Oh, you think this is funny?" I said in a threatening voice.
He was facing me fully with his hands placed on the counter leaning on it causing his muscles to flex under his skin. His hair falling in his eyes, and his one eyebrow quirked up.
I chuckled in disbelief, at this whole mess. I laughed at this whole thing called a relationship.
I put my hands through my hair, and smiled up in the air. I was going crazy, I felt it I was going to burst with pure craziness, and I wasn’t going to stop it.
I looked down and stared at him blankly in his blue eyes, and I saw the color drain out of his face, and just by the look of my face he knew what was coming.
"Oh, so you do think that this is funny? Let's review and see what is so funny about it shall we?"
"Is it the fact that I am standing in the same dress as yesterday because I waited for you all night to come home from another woman's house?" I said stepping a little closer.
"The fact that I screw myself over countless times again with my feelings because I know you can't handle your own?"
"The fact that I put you over myself by forgiving you every time you do something wrong towards me." I said taking another step.
"Or the fact that every time you say something so hurtful or disrespectful towards me, I defend myself because instead of burying the words that tear me to pieces from the inside and out."
"Is it the fact that I'm with someone that doesn't know how to feel because of his ego, so I have to cater to it so he can feel okay?" I said taking another big step towards him.
"Or, maybe it's the fact that I'm just so blind to see that I keep on ending up with the same piece of trash since high school when it comes to men like Julian for example... And you."
"Is it the fact that I keep sticking around and letting someone like you into my daughter's life. Knowing that she's someone that is silently getting affected by this toxic relationship that I'm currently in with you."
"Or maybe it's the simple fact, that I'm beginning to hate myself for falling for you more and more every day, when I see the ugly side of you that you cannot give up for me, and I choose to simply ignore it?"
I finally finished with tears silently falling from my cheeks and standing face to face with him. I closed my eyes took a deep breath, and opened my eyes to look at Asher again.
"So please tell me what's so funny Asher? because I surely can't see it." I said my voice cracking.
Asher just stared at me blankly. We just stared at each other letting our eyes show everything we were feeling.
While mine was on display, his emotions were like a wall that can't be broken. A wall that grows and grows like overwhelming harmful weeds in a garden.
"You don't know a single thing about me, so don't even open your mouth-" he said but not finishing his own sentence by closing his own and sucking in a breath and looking up at the wall fuming.
"You're right I don’t, and that's the reason why it should be easy for me to say those things." I said looking down.
"But, it's not. It's hard to say those things to you, to the person I care most about. Even, the way you treat me. I still think it's wrong for me to say or feel those things. They're true yes, but I count myself wrong even though I should be right because of it." I said looking up.
He finally looked down to my face from the wall and showed an emotion after I said those words. It was the first time I actually seen a feeling from him that I never seen before.
Remorse.
"I'm not good enough for you, Natalia, and I think I never will be and don't expect me to be." He said looking in my eyes. He raised his hand to my stained cheek and caressed it softly, wiping a tear away.
"That's the thing Asher, you believe that, while I never did you were always going to be enough for me." I said shaking my head in disappointment.
"I can't fight for this relationship, not anymore. I'm drained from the arguing and bickering about the same topic from the beginning which is your feelings for me."
"I can't fight for you Asher, if you don't even want to fight for yourself." I said taking his hand away from my cheek holding it tightly before I put it down to his side.
I turned around and was heading out of the kitchen to go upstairs to begin packing my clothes, when I heard Asher speak up again.
"You're the one leaving this relationship Natalia not me." I heard him say in a strain voice.
"How can I stay somewhere when I'm not wanted? Or try to break down a door when it's hammered in with bolts, screws, boards, and locked all at once?" I asked him genuinely.
He looked at me the whole time with a blank face but still listened to what I was saying.
I breathed out and looked everywhere in the kitchen expect at him for a minute. Before I connected eyes with him again and concluded the words I've been trying to say for months.
"You didn’t just push me out Asher. You kept me out."
"At your own free will."