Strong
On her way back to the tents, Natalie spotted Carl's hat lying in the dirt-- cast aside and forgotten amongst the chaos.
She reached down and picked it up, dusting off the brim.
Carl and Lori were still sitting in front of the barn.
Natalie took a deep breath and started walking towards them.
"Hey, sheriff, you dropped your hat," Natalie said, offering the devastated child a small smile.
She dropped the hat on his head, earning a small smile from Carl.
Lori looked like she'd seen a ghost. Something must've happened before Natalie had gotten there.
"Mind if I sit with y'all for a while?" Natalie asked gently.
Carl smiled softly.
Lori nodded silently.
"First Nick-- now Sophia. I'm the only kid left," Carl said quietly.
Lori dropped her head.
Natalie sighed deeply.
"Carl Grimes, you are no child. You are a grown ass man, at this point," Natalie said firmly, a small smile on her face.
Carl looked up at her, confused.
"What'd you mean?" Carl asked.
"Carl, you are strong, and you are smart, and you are brave, and you understand this world better than I can sometimes. Those are the things that make great men. And I know that your mom and dad are so proud of the man you're becoming," Natalie said with a firm kindness in her voice.
Lori looked up at them, her eyes soft.
"How do you know?" Carl asked.
"Because I know how proud I am of you," Natalie said gently.
Natalie wrapped an arm around his shoulders.
Dale suddenly walked into the field, wanting to check up on everyone.
Natalie liked Dale. He had a kind heart. He reminded her a lot of her father.
"You guys okay over here?" Dale asked kindly.
"We're going to be," Natalie said gently.
Dale nodded.
"Dale, can you take Carl back up to the house?" Lori asked blankly, obviously distracted.
"Yeah, of course," Dale said.
"Thanks for the hat, Aunt Nat," Carl said, standing up.
"You got it, bud," Natalie said with a small smile.
Carl got up and left with Dale.
"Everything okay?" Natalie whispered to Lori who was still in a shocked trance.
"He said he would've shot Sophia," Lori said blankly, staring at the ground in front of her.
"That doesn't make him bad. That makes him strong," Natalie said firmly.
"How do you know?" Lori asked.
"Because his father did it-- and Rick Grimes is one of the strongest men I know," Natalie said with a reassuring smile.
Lori nodded, tears slipping from her eyes.
A part of Natalie wanted to reach out and comfort her, but she wasn't ready to. She was still so hurt and so betrayed.
"Why'd you try and protect us today, Nat?" Lori asked quietly.
"Because no matter what-- even when I hate you-- you're family. Carl is family. Rick is family. Sisters fight. They'll always make up in the end-- years could go by, but in the end, family is forever. I'm not ready to forgive you. I don't know when I will be, but you will always be my family. And I will stop at nothing to protect my family," Natalie said firmly.
Lori's frown turned into a half smile.
Rick, Andrea, Jimmy, and T-Dog walked into the field.
Shane followed closely behind them, still looking pissed off-- that wasn't new, though. It seemed like Shane was pissed off all the time.
T-Dog put a gentle hand on Natalie's shoulder.
She reached up and patted his hand kindly.
Shane stared at her, not doing a great job of hiding his anger.
"Want us to start burying?" T-Dog asked Rick.
Natalie stood up quickly, wiping the dirt off the back of her jeans.
"We should have a service. Carol would want that," Andrea interjected.
"We all want that," T-Dog interjected.
"Everyone deserves a funeral. I didn't know Annette or Shaun. But I do know that their lives had value. And that value deserves to be honored. And little Sophia-- she was so pure and innocent. She gave our group hope for a future-- hope that we would find her-- hope that we would find something out in this world worth searching for," Natalie said, a strong look in her bright green eyes.
Everyone stood still, taking in her words.
"We're giving them a service," Natalie declared firmly.
"Let's dig a grave for Sophia-- and Annette and Shaun," Lori chimed in slowly, seeming unsure about what to say.
"We'll need a truck to move these bodies," Natalie said.
"I'll get the keys," Jimmy offered, starting to walk towards the house.
Shane put out his arm to stop the boy.
"I'll get the truck," Shane said gruffly, walking past Natalie with a steely glare in his eyes.
Natalie licked her bottom lip, unable to decide if she was angry, hurt, sad, heartbroken-- all she knew was that she was confused.
Lori started to pull Rick to the side, obviously needing to tell him something private and important.
"There's something I gotta go do," Natalie sighed, looking at Rick.
Rick nodded.
She squeezed his arm gently as she walked by.
She walked to the porch of the farmhouse.
Glenn must've seen her out the window because he slid out a slim crack in the door, obviously not wanting anyone to see who was outside.
"What're you doing, Nat?" Glenn sighed.
"I just came by to check on Maggie," Natalie sighed.
"She's upset. She doesn't know if she'll ever be able to move on," Glenn sighed, running his hand through his hair.
"I know the feeling," Natalie sighed.
"You know I care about you and you're my best friend, but I doubt Herschel wants to see you right now," Glenn said sadly, trying to be as kind as possible.
"Let me try," Natalie pleaded.
"Glenn, who's at the door?" Maggie called.
"Let me try," Natalie pleaded again.
Glenn nodded, opening the door completely.
Natalie shot him a half smile.
"I came by to see if you're okay," Natalie said, walking into the living room.
"I'm not," Maggie sighed, her face buried in her palms.
"Did I ever tell you that I had a son?" Natalie asked, sitting down next to Maggie.
Maggie looked up at her, confused.
"Nicholas James Walsh-- but we just called him Nicky. That boy was my whole life. And when he died, a part of me died with him. Seeing the people you love like that-- it's more than a person should ever have to bear," Natalie said softly, grabbing Maggie's hand and squeezing it gently.
"How do you do it? How do you keep going?" Maggie asked, crying.
"I'm still figuring that one out. I already tried meaningless sex and I blew through your dad's alcohol stash and neither of those worked. So, I don't know how to keep going. I'll let you know if I figure it out," Natalie sighed.
"Go back for a second-- my stepmother didn't allow alcohol in the house. My dad had stashes?" Maggie asked, confused.
"Your stepmom didn't find all of the flasks. On the bright side, they were all full-- he didn't drink any," Natalie said with a small smile.
"And the sex?" Maggie asked, raising her eyebrows.
"Your dad," Natalie said with a straight face.
"Shut up," Maggie said, laughing as she punched Natalie's arm playfully.
"Shane. I thought that being with him again, even if it was just sex would make me feel better-- make me feel anything," Natalie admitted.
"And did it?" Maggie asked.
"Yeah. It made me feel stupid. I realized that my heart was with him, but his heart was split in two-- me and Lori," Natalie sighed.
"Stupid is the last word I would use to describe you," Maggie said firmly.
"The fool doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool," Natalie quoted thoughtfully.
"Shakespeare?" Maggie asked, eyebrows raised.
"Shakespeare," Natalie sighed.
"Is the baby--" Maggie started.
"Yeah," Natalie sighed.
"Oh, honey," Maggie sighed, patting Natalie's thigh.
"I'm okay. He keeps acting like he wants to be with me, but I think he's just running away from what he did-- betraying his best friend and his wife all in one fell swoop," Natalie sighed.
"And how do you feel now?" Maggie asked.
"I'm crazy in love with him-- and he's just crazy," Natalie sighed.
"But enough about me. I'm here for you. Is there anything I can do for you and family?" Natalie asked kindly.
"You're doing it," Maggie said with a gentle smile.
Maggie leaned her head down on Natalie's shoulder, the pair just enjoying the silence of each other's comforting presence.
"There's one more thing I've gotta do," Natalie said quietly, standing up from the couch.
"Everything okay?" Maggie asked.
"Not yet," Natalie sighed.
Natalie walked towards the kitchen, finding Hershel sitting at the table in a blank trance.
"I came to say that I'm very sorry for your loss. I understand what you're going through and I am truly sorry," Natalie said sincerely.
Herschel didn't even make eye contact with her. He just got up and left in a shocked silence.
Natalie sighed deeply.
Natalie heard Glenn and Maggie's voices speaking quietly in the living room.
As she turned to go back to them, a loud crash, followed by the shattering of plates sounded from the kitchen.
Natalie ran into the kitchen to find Beth lying on the floor.
Natalie dropped down to the floor next to the girl, trying to revive her.
Nothing seemed to be working.
Maggie was panicking.
Glenn couldn't console her anxiety.
"Help me carry her to her bedroom," Natalie ordered, trying to stay calm for her friends.
"Glenn, on the count of three, lift," Natalie said quickly.
"One, two, three," Natalie said, hoisting the girl gently into the air.
They quickly laid her down in her bed.
She just laid there in a shocked trance.
Her eyes were open, but she couldn't speak-- it was like she was unconsciously awake.
"Go find Herschel," Natalie ordered Glenn.
He ran out of the room, returning shortly after.
"Where is he?" Maggie sobbed.
"He's gone. He's not here," Glenn said quickly, a look of panic and sadness on his face.
"I'm gonna go find Patricia. Maybe she can help," Natalie said, standing up from Beth's bedside.
Maggie sobbed into her sister's hand as Natalie rushed out of the room.
• • •