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"Are planning on doing anything special?" Maddie asks me from where she lays in the middle Joe and I's bed.
"I don't know really. I want to spend hours at the beach, though." I answer her, zipping up the suitcase underneath me.
Maddie has been around the house for the past week. Caspar and her wanted as much time as they could possibly get together before he left for a week, so he invited her to stay around ours. At first, it was incredibly awkward. Anytime Maddie and I were within a couple yards of each other, tension grew and grew until one of us would crack and leave. The second night here, we had our first actual connection, and honestly, I could've have asked for a better one. I got up around three in the morning to grab a water from the kitchen and found Maddie sitting on the kitchen counters, eating ice cream straight out of the tub. When I asked her what was wrong, she simply told me that she couldn't sleep because she was having a bad dream. I have never connected or related to someone so fast. She doesn't have the disorder, but it's nice to know I'm not the only one that still struggles from nightmares.
I've tried to talk to Caspar and Joe about bringing the blonde along with us, but apparently Caspar has already tried to convince her once. She's really happy in London right now and doesn't want to leave. She's offered to stay at the apartment while we are out.
"The sand and sea. I miss Mumbai. That's somewhere you really need to look in to going." The blonde says as I stand up to lay next to her on my back. Caspar had to cut their Mumbai trip short after Regina called and told him I was coming.
"I really want to go to South Africa. Going through the Cango Caves is on my bucket list." I say, knowing that I don't actually have a bucket list; I just really want to go, and that's a good excuse.
"Joe's already been there, but Caspar hasn't. I don't think he really wants to, though." I know Joe has been through them. It was one of the first vlogs of his I ever watched. The night I spent at Zoe and Alfie's was filled of maybe an hour or so of sleep and probably close to nine hours of ThachterJoeVlogs. As mad as I was at him, I still missed him. The only way I could go to sleep was to hear him talking.
"I'm surprised Joe went through, you know, with his claustrophobia." I answer. She nods, pulling at the chain around her neck. "The car's almost here."
"I probably need to go find Caspar, then." She answers, standing from the bed to walk over into Caspar's room. I only said we are on better terms, not that everything is perfect for us. We'll get there eventually. At least there's not a lot of tension anytime we are together anymore.
"Are you about ready, babe?" I hear Joe say. I crane my neck to see him standing by the door.
"Yeah. I've just got that one." I say, pointing to the blue suitcase that I was just recently sitting on top of.
"That's yours?" He asks, looking puzzled.
"It's Maddie's, actually. The zipper on one of mine broke, and I can't find the other to save my life. She let me take hers, and she's just going to use my broken one to keep her stuff in until we get back." I explain, standing from the bed to approach him. "I feel like I should be saying goodbye."
"Why?" He asks cautiously. His eyes become slightly scared as he waits for me to answer.
"I felt like the only way I was ever going to get out of here was on a one-ticket back to America. I've had enough money for it since I've been here. I was planning on always having enough money that if it ever came down to it, I would be able to board the next flight and go back to Regina." I tell him, cupping his cheek. "I don't think I'm going to need a ticket to runaway with anymore."
"I hope not." Joe replies before grabbing my hand. "Conor will be here in a bit." I nod, already knowing that Conor is on his way to pick us up. We had argued that we could just grab a taxi or something, but Conor insisted on taking us, saying that he wanted to see me once more before I was gone for a week. How could I reject that?
Over the last few weeks, Conor and I have been talking a lot more. I have always been the closest to him - other than Joe, at least and maybe Caspar - and Jack, but I haven't heard from Jack in a couple of days. He's on his own vacation, though. Conor was supposed to go with him, but Anth surprisingly showed up, prompting Conor to stay here. Yesterday, Joe and I spent our time sitting in a quiet recording studio just so I could hear Conor sing.
Honestly when I moved over here, I didn't really know where I was going to be in three months. I definitely didn't think that I would be surrounded by YouTubers who actually knew and cared about me. Of course there are a quite a few YouTubers squared up in Los Angeles, but I had never met any of them, which is something I'm still kind of annoyed about. I was supposed to have my own place, only big enough for me and an art studio. I didn't need anything else back then.
I surely didn't think that I would be so dependent on a twenty-five year old British boy who plays stupid pranks on me and annoys me to no end. But I wouldn't trade him for anything.
"Hey, you okay?" My boyfriend asks, pulling me toward him. He cups my cheek in his hand as I nod once more. "You don't want to leave London, do you?"
"Shut up, alright?" I say after he pesters me further. "I really want to go home, but I think I know that I'm already home." He kisses my cheek before I hear my phone go off.
"It's Conor." I say. Even though I'm almost upset about being gone from London, I can't contain my excitement for the fact that I'm going to get to see Regina again. I keep constantly changing my mind about where I want to be. I don't think I'll ever be completely content with where I am in world. If I'm in LA, I'll miss the dreary, rainy weather of London. If I'm in London, I'll miss the sun and ocean of Los Angeles.
I make my way up the stairs as Joe heads to get Caspar. I pull my suitcase up with me and sit it next to Joe's grey one right by the front door. My computer bag sits on top of his suitcase. Inside is my Mac and sketchbook, just like my last plant flight. I sling the bag over my shoulder, waiting almost patiently as I hear Joe's sneakers on the stairs. Caspar follows him up, and lastly Maddie. She hugs Joe quickly before hugging me. It's just like Zoe and I's first few hugs, except both of us are slightly unsure, making it even more awkward. I think it's just because we feel so obligated to get along in front of Caspar since neither of us want to upset him.
I get another text from Conor and tug on Joe's jacket as he begins listing off everything we need. "You worry too much." I tease before showing him my passport and ticket. "We got to go. Conor's waiting."
Joe and I head out of the door as Caspar says goodbye to Maddie for the umpteenth time. After I threaten to leave him, he finally follows, pulling his suitcase along behind him. By the time we get to Conor's car, I'm a few steps ahead of both boys. "Jesus, you're excited." Conor says, pulling off Joe's Cavaliers cap off my head just to bother me, like always. He hugs me quickly as I place the hat back on my head backwards.
"How could I not be?" I ask, handing off my bag to Joe to shove in the back. "I miss LA so much."
"Well, it is La La Land, isn't it?" Conor says, opening up the back door on the driver's side for me. I get in as Caspar opens up the passenger door. I sit my laptop bag between Joe and I in the middle seat of the back of the car. Joe places his hand on my knee as Conor starts the car.
The entire drive to the airport, Conor and I talk back and forth about pretty much anything. Caspar sleeps in the passenger seat, and Joe vlogs next to me. How normal this environment has become to me is so strange. I never thought that I would get used to this. Joe vlogging and Caspar screaming loudly downstairs while filming. Riding around in Conor's car and listening to Jack mixing. It's so weird to see myself here. A little over a year ago, I was an emotional wreck over Aaron still and barely left the house. Regina was my only friend, and sometimes she didn't even feel like my friend because I was always moody or bitchy.
"We'll get to LA at eleven in the morning." Joe says after we've got on the plane. I sit by the window, and Joe sits in the middle with Caspar on the other side of him.
"Has someone told Regina when we're coming?" Caspar asks.
"Yeah, I told her a little after we planned it." Joe answers, pulling down the tray in front of him to open his laptop on.
"Why do I always get on the earliest flights?" I complain, noting that the clock on his computer screen says 5:43. Last time I took a four AM flight, and I've only improved by one hour.
"You can go back to sleep, love." My boyfriend says, poking an earbud into his ear. His goal for the flight is to finish editing one of the last episodes of his Outlast II gaming series. He hadn't started it when the game first came, and by the time he had a lot of time to invest in to it, he had already started pulling me into videos and thought pulling me into this series would be a great idea, despite my protesting. I didn't actually have to play, though. I just sorted sat with him and reminded him of things and told him to quit whining.
The only thing that Regina loves more than rom-coms are horror movies. I've seen a fair share in my life, but they don't scare me. The fear is so artificial that it can't amount to how I feel at night. Thus, Outlast II didn't scare me too much. Not nearly as much as it scared Joe, who would attempt to act tough before squealing like a little girl, which would scare me more than the actual game.
I take the other earbud when Joe offers it to me before laying my head down on his shoulder. "This is the one where I played for nearly half the episode, wasn't it?" I ask, noticing the small clip where it's only me in shot.
"Yeah. You played for a good fifteen minutes of the game." He comments. This was the only part of the game that I actually played. After Joe received a very important call that he had to take, I took over in gaming instead of him just pausing it and waiting, like I suggested. Of course, I don't know what kind of important call happens at nearly one in the morning - honestly, it was probably just Regina - which was the only time Joe would play.
"I was the worst person. I was so awkward. I tried to keep talking, but I don't know. It was really weird. I just ended up swearing a lot because I kept getting freaked out." I say, pulling my jacket tighter around me on the cold plane.
"Aw, I'm sure you did fine, babe." He remarks. "A YouTuber in the making."
I laugh sarcastically before gently knocking my head against his. "Yeah, right, Sugg."
Sometime in the next few minutes, I end up falling asleep to my own voice, which sounds much different on camera then it does in real life. I know the flight is going to be long and tedious, but I'm not worried about falling asleep anymore. On my plane over, I was too scared to fall asleep because, for one: public embarrassment, not to mention that it might have been a really long time before someone else or myself finally woke me. But leaning on Joe's shoulder, listening to my own voice and Caspar sleeping on the other side, reminds me that I don't have to worry.
I don't have to worry about anything with Joe.