ruby
"Aw! You brought Ruby!" Zoe cries excitedly, reaching behind Joe to hug me. "I was hoping you would." I pat Zoe's back as she squeezes my body tightly.
I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm just not the very touchy-feely type with people that I barely know. Zoe hugged me the first time we met, nearly a week and a half ago, and even though it made me incredibly uncomfortable, I hugged her back anyways. With Alfie, it was different. He's like a role model for me, and who wouldn't want to hug their idol?
"Alfie!" Zoe screams as she closes the door. When there's no response, she rolls her eyes and plops down on the couch. Joe nods his head to the couch for me to sit down, so I take the seat next to Zoe, and he sits right beside me. I throw my duffel bag on the ground beside me. Since we got a later train, we were going to have to spend the night at Zoe and Alfie's. It's very surreal to think that I'm staying in Alfie Deyes' house. "He's been vlogging all morning." Zoe pulls her laptop up onto her legs. She begins typing quickly as Joe calls for Nala.
"She's at the vet with Buzz." Zoe answers before I hear steps on the stairs. I turn, knowing exactly where Alfie is going to come in. I've watched every single one of Alfie's vlogs. I nearly know the entire layout of the Zalfie household.
"Look, guys, we've got another Sugg!" Alfie shouts, turning the camera around to face the couch. "There's also a little Ruby Devon, who you don't know unless you saw Joe's latest vlog." I smile at the camera and wave my hand quickly.
After Joe's failed attempt at vlogging Caspar's return, he decided just to do a small video with Caspar and me, called 'The Roommate Tag'. He would've used it for his main channel, if he wasn't intending on filming with Zoe today. Most of the vlog, though, was just Caspar and I roasting each other back and forth while Joe laughed in-between us.
Alfie places his camera down on the coffee table and sits down on the other side of Zoe. "You get to hang out with me today, Ruby." He says. I smile at him around Zoe before she stands.
"I want to get this, Joe. Are you ready?" She asks, holding a hand out to her younger brother. Joe turns to me and pats my leg.
"You going to be okay?" He mutters. I nod quickly before he leans over and kisses my cheek. Zoe makes a small sound of admiration which makes Joe laugh. Once he stands off the couch, his sister begins pulling him up the stairs.
Joe doesn't like leaving me on my own, and honestly, I don't like being on my own. I hate it. It's gotten a bit better at home, because Joe can leave for meetings or filming while Caspar's at home to be with me. I just... every time I'm alone I just think of all the horrible times my brain is bringing back through dreams. Especially the only tragic memory I have with a bathroom. I guess that's a story for another time.
"That's so cute." Alfie coos, taking Zoe's seat on the couch. I laugh and lay my head on the back of the couch. Out of all the times I had daydreamed about being in Alfie's house, none of the scenarios included me being an awkward potato. "Are you...?" He lets the question trail off, and I answer quite quicker than I'd like to admit.
"Yes. Yes, we are." I haven't got to tell anyone that yet, and it feels really good to be able to. "We're not really telling anyone yet, though." I finish.
"I totally get that. Your secret is safe with me. And Zo, because I'm sure Joe just told her." He replies. I nod, knowing that's probably the first thing Joe would do. "He's a great guy. You'll be good for him."
Now, this could just be a thing that people say, but damn. That doesn't exactly sound that good. That's what Regina told me about Aaron, and we know how that went.
"Does Joe have some kind of mysterious past I need to know about?" I ask, slightly giggling to make it not seem as serious as my brain is making it.
"No." Alfie laughs, causing me to smile. His laugh is so adorable. "It's just been awhile since he has actually got to the official part of dating someone. Turns out, most girl only love him for his money or fame." Alfie kind of gives me a sideways glance. It's not like he is accusing me of anything. It's more like he is just seeing if I will deny it or not.
Obviously, I decide to deny it. "Never. That's so stupid. If I only dated for money or fame, I'd have a much shorter list of ex-boyfriends." I answer. While chuckling, Alfie stands from the couch and begins walking over into the kitchen.
"Have you got yourself a long list of ex-lovers, Ms. Devon?" He asks sarcastically as I join him by the fridge. He rummages through it and eventually pulls out two small energy drinks. He sets them on the counter and gestures for me to take one.
"Just four. Henry, Noah, Adam, and Aaron." I respond, naming them off in order as I've had to do for therapy before. After the hectic year of being with Aaron, I thought a new therapist could somehow be good in the situation. It wasn't, but at least I tried.
"I actually... I'm not even going to try to create some kind of story around this. Um, Joe kind of wanted me to ask you about Aaron. He knew that you were holding something back when you talked. He made me promise not to tell him. He isn't trying to invade your privacy; he just doesn't want you to keep everything bottled up." Alfie explains quickly, almost running out of breath as he leans against one of the kitchen counters. "He thought you would be comfortable talking about it with me."
Now, I haven't known Joe that long, but honestly, it does seem like something he would do. Not in a bad way, though. I know he is doing it for my own good, or at least what he thinks is my own good. I can tell that he isn't going to pester Alfie about it. Joe wouldn't do that.
"You don't have to, if you don't want to." Alfie adds quickly after my long moment of silence.
"No, it's okay. Just like therapy, right?" I say, hopping up on their white counters. I watch him carefully as he slides on to the kitchen floor across from me.
I don't want to talk about Aaron, though. I mean, it felt good after not talking about him for years. But, it's just something I don't enjoy doing. But I begin talking about him anyways, knowing that Joe was right. I didn't tell him everything. "We were together for a little over a year. I was seventeen when we first met, and he was an eighteen year old school-dropout that somehow had his own place. As soon as I turned eighteen, I moved in with him." I twist the cap of the drink off only to twist it back on. Fidgeting isn't something I do often; it's something that I do more by choice than on habit. "Regina never let me talk about him. She thought it would help me forget if I never saw him and never talked about him."
I stop and stare away from him for a short second. I look at the wooden floor, at all the different colors mixed together. Did Joe also tell Alfie about the nightmares? I begin telling him what I had told Joe a few days earlier. "So, what is it that you have exactly?" Alfie asks, taking a drink. "Like, I know that it's a nightmare disorder, but what is it?"
"Basically, I have nightmares at least three or four times a week which is way above average because in adults, it's usually around one or two a month. It's usually caused by some kind of anxiety or depression." I begin explaining my disorder to the dark brunette boy.
Why would I trust Alfie so much with this? I didn't even trust Joe enough to tell him when it first happened. Why would someone like Alfie Deyes care about something like my nightmare disorder? But they way he tilts his head and stares at me intently, I can feel how much he actually cares.
"People can dream about anything, but mine are usually about something happening with either myself or someone I care about. Whether we're getting hurt or separated. Sometimes I even have flashbacks. That's what I've really been having lately." I say, finally opening the bottle for a drink. "I'm also beginning to dream about Joe, which kind of scares me." When I was little I would dream about myself and my parents. Once I met Regina, when we were fifteen, I started dreaming about her almost instantly. I'm glad she stuck with me or all the nightmares would have been for nothing, like all the nightmares wasted on Aaron. I don't want Joe's nightmares to mean nothing. I don't dream about just anyone.
"Why would that scare you?" Alfie asks.
"I can't keep myself from comparing this situation to Aaron." I admit.
"Joe is nothing like Aaron. I can promise you that. He never will be like Aaron." He promises. More promises. Regina is the only person in my life to ever keep a promise. Hopefully Alfie and Joe can keep some as well. "I know where you are coming from, though. It's hard to trust people sometimes." I nod agreeing with him.
"Did you dream about him last night?"
"No. Last night it was Aaron." I answer, once again avoiding his gaze. I hate talking to people while looking into their eyes, especially about something very personal. It's just so strange for me. I feel like they can see every emotion I'm feeling, and sometimes I don't really want that.
I begin telling Alfie about the dream that I had less than twelve hours ago. It's something that actually happened to me, even though it doesn't seem like something that actually would. Almost right to the point where Regina came and got me from the house, I had my worst night I've probably ever had.
I woke up after a nightmare at around two in the morning. I crept over into Aaron's room, because at this point, I refused to share a bed with him, but it's not like he exactly protested against it. I sneaked over into his room, vulnerable and looking for anyone to calm me down. I got lucky when I woke him up, and he wrapped his arms around me and held me so close. He offered to sleep by me for the rest of the night. I popped into the bathroom real quick, but when I tried to leave I couldn't get the door open. It had been locked from the outside, so I stood there and shook the doorknob repeatedly and screamed over and over again, hoping that he would let me out of the bathroom. Eventually, I pulled all the towels out of the cabinets and laid them in the bathtub as a makeshift bed, and that's where I spent the night. He didn't let me out until halfway through the next day. When he opened his arms and leaned for a kiss, I gave them regretfully, knowing that there was no way I could possibly love him anymore.
"I'm so glad Regina was there." Alfie says, frowning at me.
"Yeah. Me, too." I say, running my hands through my long hair before poking it into a bun.
"Now, you've got Joe, who will protect you just like you protect yourself." He stands from the floor and offers me a hug. I jump down and walk into his open arms. His hugs are so cozy. They're like bear hugs, and it makes it even more bear-like because of how much bigger he is than I am.
"There are no tears, are there?" I hear Joe ask, before he appears in the kitchen. I smile and turn to look at him.
"No tears." I say. "Hopefully not anytime soon, either." The brunette smiles at me before pulling me into a secure hug. He kisses my forehead as he holds on to my hips. "How's filming?" I ask, changing the subject before it gets awkward or goes south.
"We haven't started yet." Zoe answers, popping up. "He couldn't stop talking about you." She giggles and smiles at her brother, who throws his head back and groans.
"I told you-" He starts before she interrupts.
"Yeah, I know what you said, but it was so cute." She coos, stepping up beside me. "He thinks your eyes are gorgeous and so is your hair. He loves your little freckles and bump on your nose. Oh, and you're smile brightens his day." Zoe cries cheerfully, clapping her hands and giggling.
Before Joe can answer, I step on to my toes to kiss him quickly. It's nothing more than a small peck, but I look up into his eyes. "You're not too bad yourself, Sugg." I smirk. "Pretty cute, too." He smiles back at me before placing his lips near my ear.
"Not nearly as cute as you." He whispers.
"You're so cute!" Zoe says excitedly.
"Zo, come on!" Alfie laughs, reaching a hand out to his girlfriend. She takes it, and he leads her out of the kitchen. I hear them go up the steps as Alfie talks about vlogging a bit of the video.
"Do you want to come watch?" Joe ask, dropping both his arms from my waist, but catches one of my hands on the way.
I nod. "Sure. Why not?" I answer before we head up the stairs. "Thanks for telling Alfie. I really wanted to get that out." I break the silence.
"No problem. I don't like seeing you puzzled." He smiles sideways at me before shrugging. He kisses the top of my head. "I'm going to take care of you, alright?"
"I believe you."