Christina's P.O.V.
Delving deep into my innermost thoughts I find I have some very mixed feelings about Michael from these past few months of knowing him. Honestly I still don't really understand him, his contract or this relationship. However I've learned that if I don't ask questions and go with the flow, my time here will be much more pleasant.
The first few weeks I began to live here were very lonely. I felt as if this huge ranch was my jail cell. I had no one to talk to; no one ever strikes up a conversation with me, especially Luisa and her people who, after all that has happened still has it in for me. When I walk into a room, the people in it stop what they're doing, stop their conversations and look down. It makes me feel like all of a sudden, with no fault of my own, I have become very unpopular. To make myself feel better I tell myself that people probably feel intimidated by me now, for whatever reason, and feel like they'd have nothing to say to me.
I don't feel very comfortable around the house either. No matter what my marital status may be now, the things here on this ranch aren't really mine and I feel bad using anything. Nor can I go out to distract myself. I do have the car Michael gave me, but there have been paparazzi guarding Neverland's gate since we returned from the wedding. And after seeing what they do to Michael, I would never risk going out by myself. No, those days are over. So almost always I end up by myself, shut up in my room in my own space, the only place that I really ever feel comfortable.
However the past couple of weeks have been so much better and things have changed notably. All of a sudden Michael has invited me to spend time with him, and although at first I didn't want to go and deal with him, and instead stay in my room where it's safe, I decide to go. Not to mention that I'm not even sure if I HAVE to go or not; like I'd be going against the contract or something.
Something in me wanted to see the happy-go-lucky Michael that I know he can be and is fun to be around. Because when we are together we have so much fun. To me it seems like we could have been best friends in another time and in other circumstances. And with that smile he has... OH THAT SMILE... it's not easy NOT to fall for him because at times he has the qualities of the perfect guy. But then he goes and reminds me that all we ever are is only part of a contract.
Then I have to think, why take the time to be with me when he doesn't really have to? I argue this to myself all the time in the solitude of my room.
I sigh. But last night he kissed me and told me he had feelings for me. The revelation hit me like a ton of bricks. Deep inside I think it was the thing I most wanted to hear from him, but never ever expected. He's like a platonic love. A forbidden fruit. Someone with whom I could never be with for whatever reason. I sigh deeply.
Today, my eyes heavy from not being able to sleep from the insomnia last night caused. If there was ever a time I was confused it was now. It seems like the confession came out of thin air, really. I honestly didn't think he really liked me at all. After all is said and done, I am extremely afraid of getting hurt. I'm never sure when he's playing the role of "doting husband" of the contract and being genuine. When is it just for show and when is it for real? I just don't know.
Today the world doesn´t seem half as gloomy as it did yesterday. Finally emerging out of the seclusion of my bedroom, I want to feel the warm sun on my face, the wind in my hair and the pure joy of being alive, which is something I was beginning to forget existed.
Walking in the area immediately in the back of the house, which I wouldn´t quite call a backyard since the ranch is just so huge, the lemon trees are giving off their fragrance. It is in the middle of autumn and the trees are shedding. Their leaves fall randomly on the well kept grass. It looks a little messy, and I guess I can rake those leaves since I really don´t have anything better to do. Grabbing a rake that is leaning against one of the trees, I begin to rake together the crunchy brown leaves, humming blissfully to a random melody I have in my head.
The humdrum chore gets my mind wandering on none other than the events of last night. I feel giddy when I think back to his soft lips on mine, I couldn´t help but gently kissing and tasting him back. His kisses weren´t hungry they were gentle, they weren´t passionate, but sweet. Either way, my heart melted. However I know from experience that I shouldn´t get carried away with my feelings for this man.
I stop in my tracks.
My feelings... So that´s what it is. I do have feelings for him.
They must be so complex that I don´t think I can even put them into words. I don´t think my own brain can quite comprehend what they are. It´s so easy to fall in love with him, but it´s so obvious why I should stay away from him. He´s a guy with a lot of influence, people can get jealous and try to turn him against me. He can shut people out completely, and when he does that he can be ruthless. No pity, no compassion, just plain cruel.
Even our short relationship has had so many ups and downs it´s hard to know when he´s up and when he´s down. But Michael is like a drug, when he´s up he takes you way up there, and all you want in life is to figure out how to stay up there with him and never ever come down.
"What are you doing?" a shrill voice demands.
"What?" I turn around to see Luisa with her hands on her hips. I swear she must have been born with her hands on her hips because that's the only way I ever see her stand.
"What's wrong with raking some leaves, is that against the law?"
"That's what," Luisa says pointing up into the sky.
In the distance just past the lemon trees I see two helicopters. What are they doing there? How is me raking leaves entertaining? Can they even do that?
Luisa snatches the rake out of my hands. "Leave this alone," she says tartly walking away.
"Well if you would have done it right, I wouldn't have had to touch your rake in the first place, now would I?" I retort rolling my eyes. At that she storms of just that much faster.
Serves her right.
Michael´s P.O.V.
Today is a day that I have been working towards for the past couple of years. To finally release publicly a song which I originally wrote in 1998 to be released to aid the refugees of the Kosovo War but rewrote and rerecorded after the September 11th attacks in the US. I am so happy that the likes of Beyonce, Mariah Carey, Nick Carter, Celine Dion, Luther Vandross and many others came together as one to rally to the aid of thousands of innocent victims. Music in reality can touch souls. I know that, and I finally get to show it to the world at none other than the American Music Awards.
I´m taking Christina with me so that the world can see her for properly for the first time. She is understandibly nervous, the poor thing, she has never done anything like this in her life.
In the limo Christina is nervously clasping my hand. "Don´t be nervous, it´ll just make everything worse," I tell her out of experience.
"That´s easy for you to say." The stylists with us that are on call in case of any emergencies laugh.
"I´d bet you I´m just as nervous as you are," I defend. "No matter how often I´ve done red carpets, I can´t get used to it, which is why I try not to do them if I can."
"Wait, what? Red carpet? There's going to be a red carpet?" she exclaims, almost in hysterics.
"Yeah, didn't Geragos tell you?"
"I haven't seen Geragos, Michael."
Damn it can't that man do anything right? I lean in close to her and whisper so that no one else could hear but Christina. "You're not alone, I'll get you through this."
Our limo pulls up to a wide red carpet, with fans in bleachers, standing up instead of sitting down to see their favorite stars. In front of them, surrounding the red carpet but behind a barricade of greenery are the press, with their loads of flashing cameras, and reporters with microphones. Our door opens and Christina squeezes my hand.
"You'll be great, just stick with me. And remember, nothing personal." At that she gets out, as somewhat of a hush comes over the crowd as they wait to see who is coming out of the limo next. This is the first time that I am able to see and fully appreciate Christina. I marvel at her elegant white shimmering dress that hugs her curves in all the right places, her glimmering diamond necklace, which I had picked out especially for her to wear tonight, as a matter of fact, the stylists worked her dress around it, and her golden hair in what I can only describe as a messy bun, with a few blonde curls falling softly around her face.
"Well are you coming or are you going to leave me out here by myself?" she demands with a smile on her face.
I get out of the limo then, and as I do, the roar of noise fills the whole of the tented red carpet area. Fans cheer and reporters call my name to get their interview or their perfect shot. Everyone is demanding my attention, however there is one young man who catches my eye for no reason in particular. I decide to give him his interview. I lead Christina towards this reporter, who is now ferverently speaking into his microphone, no doubt introducing me to his viewers.
"Michael! Jesse from E! News, tell me how does it feel to be here and to be winning the new Humanitarian Award?"
"It feels wonderful, it really does."
"And you're presenting a new song tonight, are you not?"
"Yes, I am. And it is what I am most proud of. I am so honored that I can be a part of something so wonderful and special to send relief to people who really do need it."
"This is Christina, Michael's brand new wife," Jesse says into the cameras. "Christina, what does it mean to you that your husband is getting the Humanitarian Award?"
She leans in close. "I am very proud of him. He does a lot of great things, and it's nice to know that people notice and that he gets recognition for it."
"Thank you," I say to the young reporter, who looking a little disappointed at being cu off, chatters away into his camera as I lead Christina into the red carpet.
I wave up at the fans in the bleachers, not wanting to pay a little attention to them, and in response they cheer wildly. I don't ever forget my fans because if it wasn't for them, I honestly don't know where I'd be.
"Look at you," Christina says up to me proudly. "You getting awards, everyone cheering for you. Everyone loves you," she beams.
Everyone loves me? I have gone through too much to be as naive as to think that everyone loves me. But that Christina said that just now warms my heart up, just a little. I look down at her and smile. If I could just believe that, just for today...
Everyone loves me.