[an:/] I loved writing this chapter so hope you love to read it :) Thank you for your comments and votes and of course for reading ily all.
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I’m tired.
I know I’ve been saying this over the past weeks, but now I’m seriously on my limit.
It’s Thursday and I can’t believe I could manage to handle the previous three days. Classes take half of my energy and then I have to study, running along the campus to get in time to everything… And now with the rain is worst. I reach my dorm soaked. There is so much to do, so many works to deliver since the past week. Thankfully I had my last test today. I can’t even remember what a good night of sleep is. However this headache is killing me and I can’t focus on the books. I chose to study on the dorm this time, instead of walking to the library. Yesterday I felt so weak that it was almost impossible to walk back here. If Harry wasn’t with me I don’t really know… He seems to be pretty busy too but wants to be always on track with me.
I sigh, I can’t concentrate in my studies. I feel sick, literally. But I can’t be sick now. It’s not a good time. Next Friday is already the 31st of October and the exams will be right there and November is my last chance to get all the material and study hard so then I can relax on Christmas’ break, with no worries.
Maybe I care too much about my grades. I mean I need to care, but I break the record. Look at Harry. He’s not like me in that subject but then he’s a good student. He still has time to have fun and he doesn’t look as bad as me.
I’m so busy shoving my head on the books, crying about my life that I don’t even hear the door “Are you dying?” Harry jokes. I don’t feel like it Harry. So I hum in response, straightening myself and trying to act like I was just studying. “Are you okay Louis?” He asks then and I feel like he’s walking in my direction.
“Yeah… Just studying.” I say. Even my voice sounds weak.
“Still?!”
“Not still…” I groan. I just started half an hour ago and it’s the first time I touch my books today, apart from the classes “I started…now.”
“You study too much.” He says and I sure felt like he was walking towards me, previously, but he just walked closer to the desk to put his jacket on the hanger
“The necessary.”
“I don’t think so. You expect too much from yourself.” He says sitting on his bed and I feel him looking at me. “Are you feeling all right?” He asks, and his tone sounds… concerned.
“Yes, god dammit!” I don’t know why I raise my voice and seem so bothered. I look down and start to read the text I have in front of me. Useless. “Sorry” I whisper, hoping he can hear me.
He stands up from the bed and this time he really walks towards me. “You need to rest.” He says and then I feel his hands on my shoulders. He starts to massage them and I groan. It feels good and it actually relaxes me. “You’re so tense.”
“I’m fine…” I say but it’s almost as I’m sighing. I feel his hands running up and down on my spine and back to my shoulders. He passes his hands on the bare skin from my neck, and it’s when I notice how soft they are, even if they are a little bit cold.
“You’re not fine.” You’re right, I’m not. But it’s just one more month and a half till the break. I can handle it.
When he starts to run his fingers through my hair it just feels… so good. Like not only on a relaxed way, in many others. I close my eyes enjoying his touch. I sure should pull it away but I don’t have the strength to. “You like it.” I feel like he’s smirking because he’s making me feel the way he wanted to when I moan. I can’t control it.
“Lou…” He says and his tone of voice changes it when I feel his hand on my forehead and he makes the chair turn around so I’m now facing him. “You’re burning in fever, and you look pale.” He says.
“No I’m not.” Sure I feel cold and sick but it’s just the tiredness and the weather.
“Yes you are. I told you that you needed to take a rest.” He says and even if he sounds mad, he also sounds concerned. In a way, that makes me feel great. How stupid? But it’s because I know Harry cares for me. Too much and sometimes it scares and worries me.
“I’m fine Harry.” But I’m stubborn.
“NO.” He says firmly “You’re going to let go the books now and take a rest. Take off those clothes and change to your pyjama because you’re going to bed now and I’m bringing you soup and medication.”
“Harry…” I try to stop him. He’s talking like he is my mother and I hate it.
“Don’t argue. I know you’re not feeling well.” He says and I roll my eyes, standing up from the chair
“Fuck, I am Harry…” I say walking away from him. I don’t want him to take care of me. “See…” And it’s when I feel dizzy and as if I was in my bed ready to sleep. I feel my head pounding with pain and close my eyes for a moment.
“I have you, babe.” I hear but it seems so far, far away.
~*~
I open my eyes and the first thing I see is Harry’s face. Great.
I’m sleepy and I feel like he woke me up. Why then? He is always telling me that I should sleep why the hell he woke me up this time?
Oh I remember.
“I didn’t want to wake you up, but you need to eat and drink water.” He says and I sit up noticing that he’s sit on the edge of my bed, next to me with a soup in his hand and in the nightstand there is a glass of water.
“How long…” I ask confused taking the plate from his hand, that he’s handing me.
“Since you passed out? Well, almost four hours, is half past eight already.” I hum in response and start eating the soup. It’s not tasty but I was hungry since I just managed to eat a sandwich at lunch.
Why is he even looking at me? Especially in that way. Why is he even still sat next to me?
Of course. I should say thank you, at least. But it’s the least he could do. Oh it’s not, I’m so mean sometimes. “Than-“ I stop myself when look at the pile of clothes at the end of my bed. “You did my whole laundry?” I ask in shock.
He follows my look “Oh, yeah. I managed to take care of it while you were here. Can’t believe you still had there the same shirt you used two weeks ago which I slipped sauce on.” He laughs and I can’t stop but joining it. Although my head starts to ache again so I stop.
“My head hurts.” I groan
“You have some pills here.” He says pointing at the box of aspirins next to the glass.
I finish my soup and Harry takes it to put above the nightstand “I need to pee.” I say
“You need help for it?” he asks and at first I even think he’s being serious. Because he’s Harry and his tone of voice always tricks me. And why did I even tell him that?
He chuckles then and helps me to get up from bed “God Harry I’m not dying.” I say
“Last time you passed out.” He says and I roll my eyes, regretting it right away when it hurts.
I walk to the bathroom from our hall – why don’t we have a bathroom in each dorm? It would be so much easy. – and Harry insists to walk there with me and waiting for me by the door. I notice that I’m wearing my pyjama, so that means Harry changed my clothes while I was sleeping. I shiver due it and make sure to check and remember if I was wearing the same underwear as I was in the morning. We never know…
“You changed my clothes.” I say, probably blushing, but let’s blame the cold, while we walk back to the dorm. The hall is in silence, I’m glad the students stay quiet during the weekdays
“Yeah you were soaked in sweat.” He laughs and I make a disgusting face, which he notices it “Yeah, same.” He jokes and I chuckle.
“Drink your water with the pills and go back to sleep. You still seem tired Lou.” He says when we reach the room and his voice is so tender and sweet. Why is he even doing this to me? He knows I wouldn’t do the same for him. Oh Louis, what a rude thing to say and you know you would. I would, wouldn’t I? He deserved it at least, by the way he treats me. Liam is right, Harry is gentle and cute for me even if I treat him like shit. And he did my laundry, brought me soup and is taking care of me. I love knowing that he actually cares for me. It’s great this felling that I have not to even bother to doubt it, because I do know he cares. Otherwise, I’ll keep looking for you. I repeat those words in my head every day and he doesn’t even realise it. “Why are you smiling?” He asks with a grin on his face as well. Am I really smiling? Oh my god Louis, do I need to punch you?
I shake my head to wake up and pull away those thoughts, ignoring what he said and forgetting about this moment. I take the glass of water and take the pill. I didn’t even know that I was this thirsty when I wished the glass had more water.
“Thank you.” I tell him and he gives me a smile.
I sit on my bed. I want to sleep because I’m tired but I feel like I won’t be able to do it. “Are you going to sleep now?” I ask when I see him taking off his clothes and dressing his pyjama pants.
“Probably.” He answers. Why doesn’t he wear a shirt? It’s probably 5 degrees outside, how can he even?
Liam say I try my best to be casual and relaxed, and I never understood his comments while I look at Harry, till now. I’m paying attention to the way the light catches each individual curl of him, the way the shadows play lovingly across the muscles from his torso and strong shoulders, the way his long fingers push through his hair all firm and yet gentle. I can’t be casual with a hard dick. Oh my god no. Fuck. It’s because I’m ill.
If he notices the way I’m looking at him then he decides to ignore it and I’m so thankful. “I’m going to sleep, bye.” I say in rush so things don’t get worse.
“Hum okay…” He says confused and I notice the way he looks at me, but I shove myself on the sheets and face my back at him “Tell me if you need something, please.”
“O-Okay. Thanks.” I whisper but I know he hears it.
~*~
It’s been an hour since I woke up. It’s 1am and I feel worse. My head is killing me and I’m sure I’ve a fever, I feel so cold that I’m shivering. I feel so tired and I want to sleep so badly, but I can’t. I hate when I get sick because I think that I might gonna die. I’m not kidding. I’m a drama queen, really.
I hear Harry snoring and it’s so annoying and makes it all worst. I want to move but I feel like I don’t have the strength to; even my body aches.
Tell me if you need something, please.
Should I call him? I feel guilty for it, he doesn’t own me anything and he already did my laundry and took care of me previously, it would be wrong to wake him up just because I’m feeling like shit.
“Harry…” I say I didn’t want his help and now here I am calling from him. My voice sounds awful, I need water because I can’t call him louder than this and he doesn’t wake up. “Harry!” I try again. “Harry, please.” I think I just gave my best now.
I hear a sound coming from his bed and I know he just moved. I don’t hear his snores so I bet he’s awake. “Louis?” His voice is so much louder and in a blink of an eye he’s turning on the light from my nightstand and touching my shoulder so I can face him.
“I feel like shit.” I groan, and the look he gives me… is so odd.
“Jesus Louis you’re sweating.”
“But I’m freezing.” I say and he gives me a look. A look that I can’t figure it out the meaning. “Do you have water?” I ask right away, my throat is dry and it pains me just talking. He turns around and brings me the bottle of water he has on his bag, handing it to me along with another pill. “I don’t want another pill.” I tell him hoarsely
“This one if for the fever. It’s better if you just take it.” I can’t believe he actually walked to the pharmacy at the end of the road to bring me this pills, in the afternoon.
“I can’t sleep.” I tell him when finish drinking the water along with the medication.
“Take off your shirt.”
“What the hell?” Somehow my voice gets louder. I’m freezing and he wants me to take off my shirt? I’m sick and he’s taking the advantage of it?! “I’m-“
“Just do it,” he interrupts my protest “you need to recover your normal temperature. I don’t have a way to give you a wet towel now so I’m going to sleep here with you now.” What the fuck is wrong with this kid?!
“Are you crazy?!” I look at him widely.
“Stop being fucking stubborn Louis.” As soon as he says it, his hands are on the end of the fabric from my shirt and he’s taking it off.
“Stop.” I shout and I’m regretting it right away by the pain it causes me. It’s useless too, Harry manages to take it since my body just gives up with the weakness. I can’t believe I let myself going down this way. At the point of being sick. “What are you doing?” I ask, putting my arms around my torso by the cold and even in embarrassment, when I see him lying down under my sheets, next to me.
“I told you, I’m going to sleep here.” Sure it’s not the first time, but this time we’re both shirtless and I still don’t see the point of it. How is this going to lower my fever? “Lay down.” He demands and I just want to tell him to lower his voice.
There is no point in arguing now, so I give up and lay down, uncomfortably. By the moment I do it, I feel his arms around me and his body close to mine, embracing me. I jump with the shock. “What the fu-“
“Just shut up Louis.” He says and I shut myself right away. “And relax, you’re too tense.” How couldn’t I? We’re basically cuddling. Oh my god I’m cuddling with Harry, what the – ahh… I get it now. I don’t think this is the best way to lower a fever. It’s actually the worst, seeing our case but I know he won’t pull away. This is so stupid. I feel him getting closer and his chest is now touching my back and he literally holds me in his arms. The sheets are covering ourselves and the duvet his just above our waists. I still feel cold but the warmth that comes from his body makes me feel better. “You’re so hot.” I froze WHAT THE FUCK! HE IS MAKING THIS WORST “I mean no – not in that way.” He quickly corrects himself and I just want to turn around to see his face expression. “Jesus, no. I mean you’re warm. Like your body… is hot-warm” He’s so jumbled that makes me laugh. I actually laugh and he joins me.
“You’re hot” I mock and this episode makes the tension kinda disappear so I feel less uncomfortable. He laughs loudly and it doesn’t bother my headache as much as I expected to. “This was actually brilliant. C’mon Harry I know I am.” I joke. I feel his body shaking and the vibration coming from his chest by laughing
“Don’t be so sure of yourself”
“You said it.”
“Shut up.” Both laugh.
“This is really weird you know?!” I manage to say, stopping laughing
“It’s not.” He says gently and I feel a knot in my throat.
“Yes it is Harry. All of this…” In all I mean this whole friendship and the way we treat each other.
I feel him resting his chin on my shoulder so he’s with his head in mine. I gulp. “I don’t think so.” His voice is so secure and tender.
“S-Shut up.”
“Okay.” He chuckles but I don’t feel like laughing this time. He should be feeling as weird as I am. I mean, sure I’m not going to say that him holding me in his arms is all bad… Besides he’s doing this because I’m ill. I feel protected and comfortable, but at the same time uncomfortable. It’s strange and hard to understand plus it makes me feel sicker. “Try to sleep now. You really need to.” I hum and try to snuggle on my pillow to forget that Harry is next to me. “Next time you should hear me out. You’re sick because you worked too much and didn’t rest enough.”
“Shut up.” I repeat and he laughs a little. I know and he knows, he’s right.
“Say it.”
“What?” he’s so annoying.
“I should have listened to you, Harry.”
“No.”
I feel his breathe on my neck – I’m probably just imagining his lips brushing slightly on my bare skin –and then he’s close to my ear “Say it.” his breathe is hot and makes me shiver and I’m sure it’s not because I’m cold. I think that after this I’m way too warm.
“You-You were right.” I say just to end this torture
“About what?” He whispers, still with his lips close to my earlobe
I hate him. “About me working too much and not taking a rest. I should have listened to you, Harry.” I say way too quickly and I can’t believe I manage to do it.
“Thought so.” This is the worst. The way his words slip from his tongue, the way his breathe hits my ear and his voice gets deeper and slower. I twist. I fucking twist, and I know he chuckles because now I feel the hot breathe on my neck and is so tempty that I might melt. Once again I feel his lips brushing on the bare skin from my shoulder and then I think he rests his forehead on my back, so his hair his tickling me… in a good way. His hand, which was always above my torso is now trying to find mine so he interlaces our fingers together and brings them to my chest. Is he being the big spoon? What are we doing?
I can’t move… and it’s not because I don’t want to, is because I’m too shocked and to make matters worse, before I fall asleep I remember hearing him whispering “Please cheer up soon. Even if is just for a little bit” he kisses my hair and goes back to his position.
~*~
I don’t need to think twice to know that Harry is next to me and these arms that are wrapping me are from him. We’re basically on the same position that we were when we fell asleep last night. I don’t think that I still have a fever and I feel better even if I’m too lazy to get up and move. I don’t feel uncomfortable. But I’m worried about Harry this time. Is his turn to be sweating now. It’s normal since he was all night covered with the sheets and duvet next to someone with a bloody fever. I’m scared to pass him the cold.
I try to release myself from his arms and turn around so I’m now looking at him and no longer at the blank and cold wall. Small locks of hair are spread on the white pillow and I actually support my head on the palm of my hand; while I’m with my elbow rested on the mattress; so I can appreciate him in his most vulnerable state.
He usually makes me feel so mad, he makes me being in a bad humour everyday but if sometimes I could stop a minute to appreciate him, I’m sure I would relax more. He has such a unique face; especially when he’s smiling but it’s a shame he’s not right now. His eyelashes are average but so perfectly straight, his lips are red and they actually look so soft. They’re beautiful… his lips are beautiful and I can’t stop staring. And that’s when I see his green eyes. He cracks one sleepy eye open and he looks awfully good right in the morning while I probably look horrible.
Wait I’m staring at him and I just got caught. We have to go to classes, I can’t miss even if I’m in a crash mode. I might be feeling better but I know I’m still sick.
“Hey, hum… I have-We have classes.” I stammer. My throat hurts a little, but nothing compared to last night.
“Go back to sleep.” He says in his throaty morning voice
I don’t expect Harry’s next movements. Somehow he manages to get even closer to me but he goes directed to my chest, wrapping his arms around my torso and resting his head on it. It’s a weird position and even if he’s taller than me now he looks smaller. I stay frozen, not knowing what to do and where to place my hands. “Harry…” I protest
“You’re not going.” He grumbles “You’re staying with me.” I’m already pissed by his words. And now I get it. I feel mad when he says things like these to me because it makes me feel… how does it make me feel really?
“Are you going to miss classes?”
“Of course. You’re still sick.” He yawns, still with his head on my chest “I’m gonna take care of you Lou.” If he was looking at me right now he would see how red I am from blushing.
“Bu-But you are sweating from be-being too close.”
“It doesn’t matter.” He mutters and then stays quiet and I know even if I say something he is not going to answer neither so is better this way.
I manage to place my arms above his shoulders to try a better and comfy position, even if the right one needs to be under his neck. I usually can’t go back to sleep after waking up in the morning and I have this thought in my head that I’m going to skip classes and that’s not good… it’s not making it any better.
Harry’s arms wrap around me tightly and I’ve never been with anyone this way, in such an intimate way. I can smell the shampoo from his hair. It really smells like Harry so I decide to rest my chin on top of his head. Does this feel wrong? No. So does it feel right? Neither. But I don’t plan to move away. He looks like a kid, he looks so happy. I’m sure he’s smiling. And that makes me happy, as happy Harry always makes me feel