[Urgh you guys are going to hate me even more for this chapter D: ]
[Eve's P.O.V.]
It begins to get dark out in the park, but I'm so happy to finally be outside and so close to Andy, that I just lay down on the bench and put my head in his lap. His hands go to my hair, and I'm drifting off when I suddenly feel self conscious. I snap my eyes open, and dart up off his lap.
"What's wrong?" Andy asks, his hand slipping into mine.
"Someone's watching us- there!" I say, and point to the figure in the shadows. It disappears, and I hop up. I begin racing after it. I can see the silhouette ahead of me, and I pick up my pace. They figure takes a sharp turn down an alley, and without thinking, I follow it. It's a dead end, and I slam into the black clothed person. We both crash to the ground, and in the midst of the head pounding haze, I manage to grab a fistful of whatever the person is wearing.
"Eve!" I hear Andy call out. I don't answer. Instead, I grab the person with both hands.
"Who are you?" I ask. It's not in a mean or demanding way, I'm just curious. The person notices I don't want to hurt them, and sighs. I'm guessing it's a girl, based on the way her voice sounds.
"I'm Allison. Look- I'm sorry for watching you, it's just- this is going to sound crazy, but I know you." she says quickly.
"Allison, it's fine you were watching- I don't care. Sorry for chasing you down. And what? I don't know any Allisons." I say, and she sighs again.
"Don't pretend you don't have them too." she says flatly. What is she going on about?
"Have what?" I demand. She groans.
"The F.E.A.R. dreams! The Army Of The Wild Ones! You're that one girl who started it- and you're A's girlfriend." she says. I blush and look down.
"I'm not his girlfriend." I mutter, and she raises an eyebrow. She's about to say something, when Andy catches us in the alley.
"Eve- what the actual fuck were you thinking?" he demands, running over to me. Guilt washes through me, he must have been really worried. I look up at him sheepishly.
"This is Allison. She has the F.E.A.R. dreams, too." I say, trying to avoid telling him why I chased after a random girl down an alley. He gives me a weird look, and walks over to us.
"I know who you are." she says dryly. "You're A."
"Yeah, in real life they call me by my full name, thanks." he says sarcastically. I can tell they dislike each other.
"Hey- no need to be so rude to each other." I hiss, looking between the two of them. Andy glares at me- he still hasn't forgiven me for following a stranger down an alley without so much as telling him why or where I was going. I decide to explain it later tonight, if he'll just hear me out and try to like Allison. She's got pale blonde hair, green eyes, soft brown skin, and is dangerously skinny. She's dressed in all black, and has a charming smile.
"Look, it was a pleasure meeting you, but I need to get Eve home. She was in a car accident awhile ago, and she needs to rest." he says, pulling me up. I shoot him a death glare- I'm not a child!
"Oh- so that's why she wasn't in the F.E.A.R. world for so long!" Allison exclaims. Andy looks shocked.
"Oh.. yeah, that's probably why." Andy says, and tugs on my elbow. "We should probably go home, Eve. You need your rest." I pull out of his hold, and look to Allison.
"I'm not a little kid, Andy!" I hiss, and he looks shocked. I don't want to soften up too much, though. I regret snapping at him, when I see his eyes look confused and slightly hurt. I just want to talk to Allison. I sigh, and even though I want to pull him into a hug and apologize for bitching at him, I speak to Allison.
"What do you know about the F.E.A.R. world?" I ask her, and she bites her lip.
"Well, there's the Serpent Matriarch you trapped in between the mortal and F.E.A.R. realm, the Shadows, the Army of The Wild Ones, and the F.E.A.R. Fortress with the rebels trapped in it. You sing a lot, and that scares the Shadows away. Also, we're trying to storm the F.E.A.R. fortress, but we haven't figured out how, yet." she says, and I automatically trust her. I look to Andy, who still seems a bit upset at my reaction. I place my hand on his arm softly, and he flinches away from my touch. I drop my arm awkwardly.
"I think we should trust her." I say gently.
"And what? Let her into my house because she's just as crazy as you are?" he snaps. Pain wells up in my chest at his words. I trusted him. I thought he actually liked me, but he thinks I'm crazy, just like everyone else does. Tears swim in my vision, and Andy realizes he's gone too far. He steps closer to me, but I shake my head and back away.
"You fucking bastard." I whisper, and turn away from him. I look to Allison, so he won't see me cry. He lied. He said he liked me. He held me and sang to me when I cried and gave me a place to stay, all out of pity. He never cared. Ever.
"Eve- I'm sorry!" he says.
I whip around to face him. "Like hell you are!" I shout, and the tears spill down my cheeks. Regret is written all over his features, but I don't care. I don't fucking care.
"I know- I shouldn't have said that."
"You're right. You fucking shouldn't have, but you did." I say, no emotion in my words. He steps closer, but this time, I'm too numb to back away.
You trusted him, you trusted him, you trusted him, you trusted him, rings through my head, and it feels like someone punched me in the chest because I did trust him. I did.
"Please- I'm sorry! I didn't mean it-" he says, but he already knows it's too late.
"I fucking hate you, Andy Biersack." I hiss, and I can see tears in his own eyes. I turn around to Allison, who's staring at the ground, pretending not to hear us. I wipe away my tears, because I don't want Andy to know how much he affected me, how much I cared about him and how much I hurt right now. I won't give him that satisfaction.
"Since I obviously don't have a place to stay at, do you think I could crash with you?" I say softly, and she nods. I offer my hand, and pull her up. Andy places his hand on my shoulder, and my heart cries out for his touch. I turn back to him, even though my mind is screaming at me to keep walking.
"Yes?" I say softly.
"I'm truly sorry." he whispers. I look him in the eyes, erase all emotion from my face, and retort back simply.
"So am I."
Allison holds me as I cry into her shoulder on the couch. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him.
I love him. It has just now dawned on me, now that he is gone, that I love him. I wasted all those moments where I could have just said it, and now I will never get the chance.
"I'm so fucking stupid." I say, as tears spill over my swollen eyes and down my flushed cheeks. Allison hugs me tightly.
"No you aren't. It was assholish of him to say something like that. I'm so sorry, so sorry Eve." she says, comforting me. I nod, and rub my eyes again. Pain runs through my veins, dragging me down, telling me to give up. That it isn't worth it. That without him there is no me. But part of me tells me to keep going, for the Army, for the Outcasts and the Rebels and the ones who are different. That a little heartbreak over a boy shouldn't stop me. I look at the clock, and see it's one in the morning. I yawn, and Allison notices how tired I am.
"You should go to bed. You need your rest." she says, and I notice how she mimics Andy's words. It tears me up inside. If only I had listened to him, this would never have happened. But instead of saying anything, I just nod, and she gets up and turns the light off in the room I'm borrowing. My fingers brush over the BVB tattoo on my wrist, and I want to tear it from my skin. The sobs take over me again as I pull the blanket over my head. Maybe I'l suffocate if I keep it over me long enough.
Stop being so fucking pathetic, Eve. A voice says in my head, but I ignore it. Because I'm not strong enough to fight any of the pain right now. So, instead, I bury my face in my pillow. And I scream. I scream until my throat is hoarse and I know I will not be able to speak tomorrow. But I don't stop, because it distracts me from the pain pounding alongside my heart.
I sit a little ways from A in front of the camp fire. His eyes are bloodshot and downcast. I want to comfort him, because A hasn't done anything. Andy did everything. But a little voice in the back of my head tells me not to, so I don't. We're storming the Fortress tomorrow, and to be honest, I don't care if anything happens to me.
I wake up, and I smile, because Andy is across the room from mine and he'll come in here and think I'm asleep, and he'll kiss me awake. Until, I realise I am not in Andy's house. I am in Allison's house, and Andy probably hates me right now. I wish I had just forgiven him last night. I feel so stupid for being so offended. He just made one mistake! And I was rude to him to begin with. Jeeze, I'm such a bitch.
[Andy's P.O.V.]
All I can see is tears streaming down her face, her eyes blinded with pain, her words, eating right through me. I hate you Andy Biersack. To be honest, I kind of hate myself right now, too. Why did I have to be so stupid? Why did I have to say something like that? God, I'm such an asshat. I drag myself out of bed, and light up a cigarette. I smoke thoroughly, and my body craves for something destructive to ease the pain. Alcohol is the first thing I think of, and it isn't a bad idea either. I call Ashley up, put on my best "I'm okay, I promise" voice, and wait for him to answer.
"Hey, Andy. What's up?" he asks, and I blurt out my proposal.
"Hey, let's go clubbing." I say, and he laughs and says alright, that he'll be there in a few hours.
Perfect.
All it takes is a little alcohol in the blood stream to intoxicate your body. Freeze your mind. Momentarily erase your past. Destroy your pain for the while it lasts. I down another glass of something I can't name, and sigh as it burns my throat. I grab another bottle of something else, shove a few bills at the bartender, and begin sipping the contents. It's disgusting, but I don't want to feel, and I can almost feel it burning away all my emotions.
"Andy- that's enough." Ashley says, reaching for the bottle.
"No." I slur, and tug away from him. The room spins a little bit, and I realize how bad my head hurts.
"Andy, you've had way too much. Give me that." Ashley says sternly, and I try to explain to him that I'm trying to drown my sorrows, that alcohol is the only thing that is keeping the gears in my mind turning, but the words won't come out in the right order, and it just convinces Ashley even more to take my drink. He tugs it out of my hand, and starts for the bathroom to dump it down the drain. I follow after, but I trip, and it all hazes into a swirling mess, until
I
Am
Nothing.