お握り
"You have a car?" she said, stunned as she climbed into the passenger seat of the sleek black car that pulled up by the curb. She distinctly felt like she was doing something she wasn't really supposed to, but she couldn't see why not.
She'd thought that she was hallucinating when Shin told her 'to wait by the school gates for him to drive the car up front'. she'd thought that maybe he calling a taxi that he would lead up to the front of the school gates where she stood waiting – which would be weird, since she could have just walked with him to wait for the taxi.
There was no taxi.
He had a car, and he could drive it. She didn't know why that caught her so off-guard. She couldn't help thinking that it suited Shin's image. The car wasn't too simple, but not overly flashy either. It was classy. The seats were black leather and plush, and she almost unconsciously settled into them comfortably.
Luckily, there was no one around to see her getting in. Everyone was still in class. People on the streets wouldn't care enough to wonder why a student was getting into a teacher's car before the end of the school day. Although, she had to admit, that was a relatively unfounded presumption. How would they know that Shin wasn't a relative or something of the like? But what if their gossip-mongering minds ran away with them and they thought it was something more than it actually was?
I think I understand why Shiori's dead-set against them coming to school with us, she thought, empathizing with Shiori's adamant insistence that they separate with Haru and Shouta by the time they got off the train station on the way to school, and meet up right at the train station's front entrance when heading back home.
Shin smiled vaguely as he buckled herself in, the seatbelt making a satisfying click!. "I'd have flown here, but humans tend to overreact when they see a flying man in the sky."
Point.
"I see." She mumbled nervously as she wrapped her arms protectively around her bag. She pressed her knees close together and tried not to think too much about how small the space in the car was.
Shin was barely a foot away, hand resting on the throttle of the car only a few inches from her leg. She was glad that she could still wear her black leggings; otherwise he would have seen the gooseflesh decorating her skin. She felt like her heart was about to go into overdrive and explode.
"Relax," he chuckled lowly. He glanced at her from the corner of his eye with a smirk. "I'm not going to eat you."
Thousands of years of legend say otherwise, she thought as she managed to ease her self-imposed tension only slightly.
"S – sorry. I am not in cars often?" she offered. It was a lame excuse to try explaining away her edgy nerves.
He laughed a little at that. Then he put the car into gear and drove forward. The car purred as it glided over the tarmac road, so smooth that she could almost pretend that the wheels were hovering over the road rather than driving on it. It reminded her of a certain type of car ever-present in a new novel series she had started reading the other day, the Psy-Changeling series, translated h to Japanese (she may be good with English, but that didn't mean she wanted to read entire novels in the crazy language). 'Hover cars', they were called, installed with the automatic command to retract the car's wheels and hover-drive over the road.
To chase away the possibility of any awkward silences she asked, "Why did you come with a car, but Haru-san and Shouta-san walked to school?"
"For one," he began, flicking a switch and indicating left as he pulled out of the road that the school was on. The car made a pleasant chiming sound as an orange light on the side mirror flashed repeatedly until the car had made its turn. "You and Shiori-hime walk to school. At least one of us needs to be with you at all times."
Two on two, she thought, noting the logic of the strategy. But where do you come in?
"Why did you come to school?" she asks quietly. "As a teacher, I mean."
He was looking at her. She kept her eyes fixed on the clean dashboard, devoid of any personal items. She was afraid to look at him. Her eyes moved up to look through the window. Though she gazed out at the passing view in front of her, she was practically sightless as her whole body tuned to the every minute move Shin made, to the way his voice flowed from his lips, to the sound of the gear he clutched in his hand when he shifted it to slow behind the car ahead of them.
It was unfairly distracting, being in a car Shin was driving so smoothly.
"I made a promise." Shin answered calmly. "Since you've decided to stay, I plan to keep my promise."
She frowned a little at her reflection in the window. "By coming to school?"
"I'm not the one who suggested you might lose control in school." There was something close to a teasing lilt in his voice. "If you hadn't said that, I probably wouldn't have even thought of it on my own. This one's on you."
"Wow, thanks." She grumbled sarcastically. "That does not make me feel more indebted to you than I already do."
He chuckled. "That sentiment goes both ways."
That was probably true.
"But why Maths?" she asked, curiosity burning. "Haru-san can cook apparently, and Shouta-san is a P.E. teacher. Why are you a Maths teacher?"
"Maths is about the only thing I was ever good at in school." He replied. "And since your old teacher had to leave anyway, it was easy to get in."
"I am really bad at Maths." She informed him. She thought it only polite to warn him so he wouldn't get a heart attack from her appalling lack of arithmetic ability.
He laughed. It was a wonderful sound that made her heart smile. "I'm sure we can do something about that."
She tried very, very hard not to think in that direction. "So, Kouta-sama is the one who got all of you in?"
He shrugged casually. "More or less."
"Shii-chan is going to be so angry with him," she mused, relaxing a bit more in the warm leather seat as she tilted her head back, watching the traffic flow around them. "He did not say anything at all."
"I gathered as much from her face when I walked in." Shin laughed. "That's on him. Maybe he thinks the surprise will keep away the anger long enough for him to talk her down."
"If he thinks that, we should start preparing his funeral." She deadpanned. "Shii-chan doesn't stay surprised for long."
"Daichi's got that covered." He replied in a completely serious tone. "Cremation first, maybe a long and boring speech from a priest, then plenty of food at the service that Haru will probably gorge on before anyone can get to it."
Her eyes widened. "Wait, seriously?"
A sly smirk tipped his lips up. "Got you."
"That was sneaky." Her eyes flattened out. "Did you seriously just do that?"
Shin shrugged nonchalantly and turned the steering wheel. The car turned a corner, and he parked it by the curb behind a light pole. "Got your mind off of the problems for a while. That's a win in my book."
She gave him a small smile. It was true.
"Thank you." She frowned as she watched him unbuckle his seat belt and reach for the door handle. "Where are you going?"
"I'll be back in a minute." He opened the door and stepped out, then looked in at her with his arms braced on the window frame of the car. She was – momentarily – very distracted by the sight of his shoulders tapering down to his waist, his profile thrown in relief by the sunlight behind him. "I'm just going to get something from the convenience store. Don't go anywhere, okay? It's going to be dark soon."
"Okay," she replied.
He nodded and she watched him walk behind the car. She twisted around in her seat and saw him walk into a Seicomart, one of the many konbini lining the street they had stopped at. There were a few Yori Chiisai already out. Most were just Yosei, traipsing about as they played on the street. The yellow, blue, and bright pink baubles of light scattered as soon as Shin neared them, before converging together to stare after him when he disappeared into the convenience store.
She sat back in her seat and looked down at her fingers. Her right hand was still bandaged from when she smashed the mirror that didn't break, but there wasn't any pain from the wound as there had been on the first day. She smiled as she thought back on the light, almost playful conversation between her and Shin.
You're cosy.
Her narrowed her eyes. Why do you sound confused about it?
You're too uptight all the time, so formal and proper. Kuniumi replied. She was almost defensive of having to explain herself. He helps you forget your nightmares. If only for a little bit.
She tried to hang on to the good mood. She really tried. She wanted to remain with the buoyancy in her heart that made her feel like she wasn't a stone forged by the burden of her guilt. But even as she clung to it, she could feel it sliding through her fingers like a slippery eel flowing back into its watery haven.
And what happens after?
You remember.
If you want make to remember so bad, she snapped, a flash of hot temper igniting her shortening fuse. Why don't you just make me remember? You can, can't you? You play around with my mind all the time like it's a fucking toy, and make me see things. You can just make me remember, can't you?
We can.
So why don't you?!
You will break. You are still human, for now, Kuniumi said, unfazed by Pai's anger.
A trilling sound, like metal striking the delicate side of a glass, filled her mind. Kuniumi wasn't only able to make her see things; she could make her hear things as well. Unease that had been growing stronger and stronger everyday she didn't come up with a way to get rid of Kuniumi swelled in her stomach, souring her mood even further.
Humans...you are so fragile. You could break like glass at the slightest touch.
Fuck you. She shot back defensively. I'm not fragile.
Look at you. Who do you think you're trying to lie to? She laughed cynically. You can't eat properly because every time you do, you think of the girl. You see her blood on your hands, in your food. Her voice changed. It lowered, becoming heavier, carrying a dark tone that shocked Pai with how much it seemed to suit her, to be her. If you are going to do that, then see what blood deserves to be there. Not what you paint there yourself.
Pai frowned, her lips twisting down. What are you talking about? What do you mean?
'Wrong place wrong time', Bibari? She asked. Isn't that what humans say nowadays?
Can't you just be clear for once? She snapped tiredly. She lifted a hand and rubbed her temples with her forefinger and thumb, willing away the headache she could hear asking to return with a vengeance. Just say what you mean without the useless riddles.
Do you think anyone else in that bathroom would be so weighed down by what happened?
It wasn't anyone else. It was me.
And you are just like anyone else. Now. You can see Yori Chiisai – so what? You train with Daichi – so what? Do you think that makes the weak you strong enough to fight off something that slices legs off for the sake of it, as you are now?
Kuniumi – was right, loathe as she was to admit it. But still, I should have done more than sit scared in that stall.
Return to who you were, she replied, the darkness in her voice vanishing as quickly as it had come. Remember who you were, and you will never be the scared one ever again.
Her phone warbled out a ringtone, and Kuniumi faded away. The sound of the ringing was too loud in the quiet confines of the car, and she winced at the sharp pain that spiked at the back of her skull. She lowered her hand from her head and dug her phone out of her bag, swiping the screen when she saw it was Shiori. Before she could so much as breathe a word of greeting, Shiori was talking.
"YOU'RE WITH SHIN-SAN? YOU FAINTED? YOU ARE LITERALLY GOING HOME ALONE WITH SHIN-SAN? ANSWER ME, WOMAN."
Screaming. She was screaming.
Pai held the phone a foot from her ear. In the silent interior of the car, it was easy to hear without even holding it close. "Please calm down. You are going to break my eardrums."
"I'd have texted, but this is too big a deal for texting."
"Thanks for the consideration." She muttered.
"No, but seriously. Besides Shin-san – and child, you are going home with the man whose life you saved. And this is Shin-san we're talking about. How aren't you overreacting? But anyway, anyway, besides that, are you okay?"
She smiled faintly at the worry in Shiori's voice. "I am fine. There is nothing to worry about, Shii-chan."
A beat. "You fainted because you're not eating enough, didn't you?"
She frowned in surprise. How did she know? Had Shin told her?
"How did you know?"
"You eat like a horse." Shiori replied without hesitation. "Ever since what happened, you basically haven't touched any food. At all. You look like a walking talking breathing thinking living skeleton."
"That is a flattering description but I think you are exaggerating a bit, Shii-chan."
"Do not, do not even try pulling that card with me," she warned. "When I get home, you are getting a damn earful from me; I don't care if I break your eardrums or if they survive. Then you are going to eat a feast even if I have to die by Obaasan's cane and bribe Yuki-chan and Ryu to get it and force it down your throat. And Mizu-chan will gladly help, mark my words. Understand?"
Pai chuckled, even though she knew that Shiori would be livid at the thought that she found her angry ranting amusing. "Yes, ma'am."
"Good." She said. She sounded satisfied that Pai wasn't flat-out objecting to any of her words. "And Pai-chan?"
"Hm."
"What happened to Motomi-san isn't your fault." Shiori sounded deadly serious, enough that Pai knew to drop her poor attempts at joking with her. "You were there with Teke Teke and Motomi-san, but I knew her longer. She wasn't the type of person who'd want someone to die for her. You acting up like this is basically trying to kill yourself as well. I seriously think she'd want her friends to live for her, not die with her."
Pai didn't know what to say.
Someone's muffled voice spoke. It sounded like Natsume, but Pai couldn't be sure. Then Shiori's voice came back on the line. "Hey, I've got to go. For some insane reason, Coach Ami-san decided it would be wonderful to get Shouta-kun and the baseball team to play a match of basketball against us, then us in baseball against them. Apparently, our stamina isn't up to par. Apparently, Barbie dolls are stronger than us."
She smiled emptily. "That sounds brutal."
Shiori's breath audibly hissed through her teeth. "Shuu-kun's already here – ah, shit, there's Shouta-san right behind him. Those two are getting real close these days. This is going to be so very awkward."
"Do your best."
"Ha-ha. Try is what I'll do. See you later."
"Bye."
Pai hung up and locked her phone, then tipped her head back on the seat, thinking over Shiori's words. It seemed everyone was trying to tell her that it wasn't her fault Shiharu died. She had to admit, a small part of her knew that even if she'd tried to stop Teke Teke, she probably wouldn't have been able to do much anyway. Even when she tried to run from Teke Teke, the creature still caught her.
A flickering frown lighted her face as black dots blossomed over the memory of Teke Teke's horrific face above her. The flowering black grew until it was all she could remember. Then it winked out to when she ran out of the bathroom and straight for Haru, Shiori, and Shouta.
Pai sat up slightly on the seat. Kuniumi.
Kuniumi hummed.
Did you...can you...
Yes? Kuniumi grew excited. Pai felt a nervous energy thrum through her body. Her right leg started to bob up and down in an incessant beating tune she couldn't hear. Can we what?
Are you the one blocking my memory? She decided to come straight out with it. I can't remember what happened in the Torimaku, or that much of the bathroom. You're doing something, aren't you?
There was only snide laughter to her words. Do you think we are stopping you from remembering what we went through for those years?
She had thought about it. Just thinking about it, putting the idea of Kuniumi blocking her memory and setting it up against Kuniumi herself, felt wrong. She wasn't sure why, and the not-knowing bothered her.
No. But this is different from me not remembering what happened while I was missing. You're not letting me remember what happened in the Torimaku, aren't you? Why?
She could feel Kuniumi's mood souring, just as she had done to Pai only minutes ago. Shinigami told you something you shouldn't know yet.
Her heart stilled at the mention of Shin's Makashi. It had been a while since she'd actively thought about him, or even allowed herself to drift close to thinking his name.
She recalled the occasional glimpses of red she sometimes spied in the blue depths of his eyes. She remembered how she sometimes found herself wondering what Shinigami was thinking, how far or near he was, and what exactly happened in the Torimaku that gave her the chance to subdue him.
She twisted back in her seat and saw Shin walking out of the convenience store, a gust of spring wind blowing through his jacket. He was stuffing a receipt into a white plastic bag he carried in his hands.
Tell me, she said quickly, growing frantic as she watched Shin walking behind the car through the rear-view mirror. Kuniumi, what did he say? What did Shinigami tell me?
You shouldn't know yet.
Kuniumi, tell me!
No. We made a promise.
What promise? What promise did you make? To who?
You.
She blinked in surprise. What?
We promised you wouldn't hurt if we can help it. We can help it now. So we won't hurt you.
Kuniumi you –
The door clicked as Shin pulled it open, and Kuniumi vanished.
Pai suppressed a groan of frustration and hurried to rearrange her face so that she didn't visibly show her irritation. She smiled brightly at Shin when he turned to her, but it turned to confusion when he held the plastic bag in front of her, shaking it. She automatically reached for it, thinking he was giving it to her to hold for him.
"There's onigiri in there, and some tea." He said, reaching back and pulling his seatbelt across his torso. He put the car into gear, reversed it out of the temporary spot he'd parked in and drove out, easing into the flow of traffic heading left.
"O...kay?"
"It's just a snack for now, until we get home for dinner. You like onigiri, right?"
"Oh. Thank you, I do. I really do," she said, cheeks heating at the thought that he'd know that about her. The bag rustled as she opened it and saw six packets of onigiri sitting inside, along with what she thought was shaving cream and a razor, and a single little bottle of tea. She looked up at him. "This is way too much onigiri for one person."
"Good thing there's two of us," he flashed her a smile as he steered the car right, taking a shortcut to the main road that went in a straight line to the street they lived on. "Can you unwrap one for me?"
"Uh-huh," she did as he said. She reached in, took hold of one packet of onigiri, peeling away the plastic wrapping. "Here."
He let go of the steering wheel with one hand and reached over to take it. The tips of his fingers barely brushed over hers as he took the onigiri, but it was enough to send her heart skipping to the Olympics. The blush on her face deepened and she quickly took her hand away, using the excuse of getting out her own onigiri to not look at him.
A car honked loudly as it overtook them. She jumped at the sound, head snapping up to a little red car speeding ahead like its wheels were on fire. As she was returning her attention back down at the plastic bag, she caught sight of Shin's small smile from his reflection in the mirror. Seeing it was enough to both calm her heart and send it aflutter.
She silently cursed it for not beating steady like it was supposed to, just because she'd touched his hand. It wasn't like their skin had never met before, so why was she acting up about it now? Why was she only now so aware of every move Shin made as he drove the car with such confident surety?
Pai quickly took out her onigiri and unwrapped it. Then she hesitated as she looked at the white rice cake, blinking when she saw a speck of red on the white. She dug out a piece of it, but there was no red anymore. One second it was there, the next it wasn't.
You can't eat properly because every time you do, you think of the girl. You see her blood on your hands, in your food.
She swallowed. Determined to prove Kuniumi wrong, she took a big bite of the onigiri. The wonderful taste exploded on her barren tongue, and she had to struggle not to make a sound of happiness. The lightly salted rice mixed in with the slightly sweet seaweed wrapped around it, with the fish flavour not overpowering it.
She grinned at him. "Thank you, Shin-san."
He nodded, keeping his eyes on the road. "Make sure you eat properly from now on. Promise?"
She looked down guiltily at her onigiri, and the almost perfect semi-circle of her bite into it. Remembering Shiori's frantic voice on the phone, she spoke words that she meant to keep, for herself as well as Shin.
"Okay, I promise."
He held onto the steering wheel with one hand and held up his other, his pinkie crooked out.
"Promise?" he repeated, a little muffled as he spoke around the onigiri he held in his mouth
She looked from his hand to Shin. The corner of his lips was tucked up in an amused smile. "A pinkie promise? Really?"
"Believe it or not," he took one hand off the wheel to take another bite, then spoke before he held the onigiri between his teeth again and put his hand back on the wheel. "I consider it the only trustworthy way to keep a promise."
"...you have a point there."
Slowly, hesitantly, she reached over and hooked her pinkie through his. Her hand was small next to his. He kept a hold of hers for a nanosecond longer that she expected, then let go. She quickly pulled back her hand and held onto her onigiri with both hands, watching the traffic going its ways. Her eyes flicked down to her wrist. It was 15.18 PM.
"Can we make a quick stop?" she asked, watching Shin's sure movements as he handled the car through his reflection in the window.
"Where to?"
"The shrine." They came to a red light, and Shin slowed. "I never thanked Konohana-hime for helping me."
"Ah," he said in realization. "She's the one who told you that you needed my true name to stop me."
Not to mince words, but yes. She only nodded.
"No problem," he said.
The light turned green, and he put his foot down on the pedal to catch up to the car ahead. She looked over at him when she saw a muscle in his jaw tick.
"Is there something wrong?" she asked. "I mean, if you do not want to go – "
He chuckled at her nervousness. "No, it's not that. It's just..." his words trailed off as his head tilted to the side thoughtfully. She thought she saw a flicker of red, but as soon as she blinked it was gone. She decided to make no comment on it. "I wonder why a Kamigami would be so interested in helping an Ayakashi. It's not like they owe us any loyalty or favours."
"Maybe from the goodness of her heart?"
Only half of her was serious. She still remembered Kouta's words on what the Kamigami were really like. It wasn't exactly like she had seen anything of them that could prove Kouta wrong, either. Though they hadn't done it after all this time, they had still aimed to kill Shin because of his released state as Shinigami.
But maybe Konohana was different. She went through the trouble of getting Shin's Mask so that Pai could give it to him. Why would a Kamigami do that, if it didn't benefit them in some way?
"Goodness of her heart," he echoed musingly. "I doubt they have hearts to begin with."
She had no answer for him. She wasn't sure herself. She'd only gone to the shrine that day to pray, as Obaasan had suggested. She certainly hadn't expected Konohana to appear before her and give her Shin's Mask.
She didn't know why Konohana got her son to retrieve it from the Amanojaku who stole it, nor why Konohana was so insistent that it be Pai, and her alone, that know Shin's true name. If there was anyone Konohana would choose to talk directly to, it should've been Shiori. So why hadn't she? It wasn't like she didn't trust Shiori or anything like that. She'd been using Shiori's incarnations as her mortal vessel for over a thousand years.
So why Pai?