"you brought me light."
it all started when i found out about you.
i saw you at the skating rink when you were still so young. at the age of 4 i believe.
you were with your sister, and i was already practicing ice skating by then.
i could never forget the smile you always had on your face as you saw your sister shining on the ice.
that was your family. and then there was mine.
i had been forced to ice skate for most of my life. because my mother had been a legend, i was supposed to continue for her.
unlike the you who always shone when he smiled, i always thought i was useless and couldnt do anything. i didnt even have enough courage to try to skate near your sister, for the fear of you seeing me.
yet, you still saw the most embarrassing moments of my life. like when i was trying to do a toe loop and ended up with my butt on the ice and my mom chided me for being so useless.
you were staring at me with those eyes that pitied me. and yet, i smiled back at you and waved for you to look away. i didnt want to let you see me that way.
my mother scolded me that exact same day when i reached home and said that making friends on the ice would be a disadvantage.
but it didnt matter, i had your smile, even if you didn't know me.
yet i still remember, when i reached back to the rink the next day, your sister and you were already there. i was alone since my mother had been down with a sore throat and i was told to go train the toe loop myself.
and i remember you looking straight at me with your bright eyes. you then turned to your sister who looked at you and then me and back to you again.
i was confused. i didnt know why she was looking at me so i looked down and prepared my skates. and then she walked up to me.
"wanna skate with us?" your sister asked.
that question was so precious to me. you dont know how free i felt to talk to someone after all the trainings ive had.
you nodded your head so fast towards me and i smiled gleefully, accepting the offer.
you immediately ran up to me.
"hey, im yuzuru! this is my sister, saya," was the first thing you said to me.
who knew the dumb me would be so moved by this to the point that i cried.
for weeks, i had been seeing you smile and suddenly you were right in front of me, introducing yourself. it was so heartwarming to me. it meant so much. but maybe that was just me.
you stayed with me until i finally stopped crying and you asked for my name.
"ichinose makoto," i replied.
and you were so blown away because you knew my mother's legacy. and at first i was disappointed that you only knew that. and it seemed like you noticed.
"but you're you. shouldnt you be skating what you wanna skate?"
that was the part of you that immediately captured my heart. and since that day, i was always captivated by you.
from that day on, i skated to the best of my ability because i knew you were looking at me. i was scared to be honest, i didnt know what you would think if i messed up. but you always smiled back. and i always returned the smile.
your smile was the source of my energy everyday.
that was until we both grew up. the rink got closed down and then i never saw you again. and it honestly hurt. i had other rinks that requested me to go and join them because of my mother's influence, but i wanted to meet you.
i was so worried because i wanted you to be able skate so that i could meet you again. at that moment of time, i had absolutely no motivation to skate at all. there was no your smile and your sparkling eyes to keep me going.
i had nothing.
that was until of course, when my mother saw how i was constantly depressed and in a bad mood and she decided to donate funds to the skating rink for it to restart again. she thought i never knew, little did she know that i knew all along.
and then every single morning, she would fetch me there early. she thought she could fool me by saying, "practice while im not there." but she sucked so bad at lying.
she wanted me to meet you again. so that i could rekindle my passion for skating.
and that was when i did meet you again.
2007 i still remember you and your sister strolling in once again. we were both 9 at that time and i was stretching. i remember that when my eyes found you, i flinched and fell once again on my butt.
you saw what happened and laughed at me, afterwards you ran towards to me help me up and hug me. it was so warm, the hug. and i really missed you and your smile.
but there was something different about you. yes you were no longer the tiny child you once were, afterall, we both grew. but this time you were at the rink with your winnie the pooh.
and then you surprised me. you took the winnie the pooh and tapped its nose against mine. i was shocked, but i took it as your ultimate way of showing affection. could i? was that really the right choice? i didnt bother asking myself these questions.
you were my first love, and had always been who i loved.
not only we become friends at the rink, eventually, we found out that we were attending the same school, waseda high.
every single day we'd eat lunch together with your friends since i didnt have many. you and i were known as the ice skating princess and prince. many of times, your friends had teased me about it. i didnt mind it though. i was falling for you already. you were the one thing that i always needed.
you were shy back then and hated the fact that we were called ice skating prince and princess. it hurt obviously, but i wasnt gonna let you see that part of me.
but i really thank you for what youve done for me. and i thank you for saving me from my own hellhole.