Drowning
She wanted to drown out the pain.
She didn't want to feel it anymore.
She finally drained the first bottle of wine.
She could still feel the pain, so she moved on to the bottle sitting next to it.
She didn't care enough to pour a glass. She just drank straight from the bottle.
"Let me show you guys to your rooms," Dr. Jenner said, standing up.
Shane grabbed a bottle of liquor off the table and followed after Dr. Jenner.
Natalie carried the bottle of wine with her.
Dr. Jenner led her to a large room off one of the hallways.
"This should be good for you and your husband," he said kindly.
"I don't give a shit where he sleeps," Natalie muttered in her drunkenness.
"There's a bathroom inside. The tub in there is the nicest in the building," Dr. Jenner said with a smile.
Natalie nodded and stumbled inside.
She didn't notice Lori follow her in.
"I just came to make sure you were okay," Lori said gently.
"I don't want to see you," Natalie snapped.
"I know, but are you okay?" Lori asked.
"You want to know how I feel?" Natalie snapped.
"How would you feel if I slept with Rick and lied to you about it? How would you feel if I destroyed your marriage and your friendship all in one fell swoop? Oh, and on top of it all, how would you feel if Carl got brutally killed right in front of you and all you could do was watch helplessly?" Natalie snapped, turning away from Lori.
She went straight for the bathroom and locked herself inside.
She heard Lori slam the door behind her.
Natalie sat down in front of the bathtub, still holding the bottle of wine.
She slowly turned on the water, filling up the tub.
In the communal showers down the hall, Shane was chugging the bottle of liquor in the shower, trying to drown out his thoughts of Nick.
It was his only coping mechanism.
He lost Natalie. Then he lost Lori. Then he lost Nicky.
He didn't know what to do anymore.
All he could do was drink.
Back in the locked bathroom, Natalie climbed into the tub. She drained the bottle of wine.
Her mind swirled with thoughts of Nick. In her drunken state, he was all she could see. She could even hear his little voice.
She couldn't take the pain anymore. It was consuming her. She couldn't take it.
She slowly slid her body further under the water.
Her head slowly sunk below water level.
She just wanted to drown out the pain.
She watched the water slosh above her head.
Her eyes slowly started to shut.
She saw Nicky's smiling face as she shut her eyes.
She could almost hear his laughter as she slowly slipped away.
Drowning out the world around her.
Drowning out the death and destruction.
Drowning out the pain.
Just drowning.
She didn't hear the sound of someone kicking in the bathroom door.
Suddenly, her body was ripped out of the bathtub.
"Nat? Nat? Natalie wake up," shouted a muffled voice.
Natalie's vision was out of focus and she could barely breathe.
When her eyes focused, she saw Rick's panicked face staring back at her.
"What the hell were you doing, Nat?" Rick said softly, trying not to yell at her.
Natalie started sobbing uncontrollably.
"I can't live in a world without him, Ricky. I jut can't," Natalie sobbed.
Rick pulled her into a tight hug, not caring that she was completely naked. He knew she just needed someone to be there for her in that moment. He was just glad he found her when he did.
"What about Shane? You can't just leave him behind like this. It'll kill him," Rick said quietly.
Natalie just kept sobbing.
She didn't want to say anything about Shane and Lori to Rick. She didn't want to destroy Lori's family like Lori had destroyed hers. She was a decent human being.
"I'm gonna go find Shane--" Rick started.
"No. I can do this on my own," Natalie snapped.
"I just found you trying to drown yourself in a bathtub, Natalie," Rick said firmly.
"Glenn!" Rick called as Glenn walked by the room.
"I need you to come in here and sit with her. Do not leave her alone for a second," Rick ordered.
Natalie still sat in the bathroom floor, naked.
Glenn averted his eyes. He started blushing. He didn't know how to react to seeing naked women, especially ones he considered to be close friends. He grabbed a towel and wrapped it around Natalie's shoulders, trying to spare her dignity.
"What the hell happened?" Glenn asked.
"I found her in here trying to drown herself," Rick said quietly.
Glenn's face dropped. He didn't know what to say.
He sank to his knees next to Natalie as Rick ran out of the room.
"Are you okay?" Glenn asked gently.
"No," Natalie said quietly, breaking down into sobs again.
She leaned her head against Glenn's shoulder, glad to have a friend to lean on. She would much rather lean on Glenn than on Shane.
"He cheated on me, you know," Natalie said quietly.
"Shane?" Glenn asked.
"With Lori, back at the camp," Natalie said.
"I didn't know," Glenn said quietly.
"The day I found out, I thought that nothing would ever hurt as bad as that did. And then I saw that walker sink its teeth into my baby," Natalie said, going into a depressed trance.
Rick ran down the hall, looking for Shane.
"Shane? Shane?" He called loudly.
"What?" Shane snapped.
He was beyond drunk at this point.
"It's Nat. You need to come, now," Rick said.
Shane took off running behind Rick.
When he got into the bathroom and saw Nat on the floor, he dropped to his knees beside her.
Rick and Glenn left the room.
"What happened?" Shane asked.
"I can't do this. I can't live without him," Natalie said quietly.
Shane picked up the empty wine bottle and slammed it against the wall in a fit of anger.
Natalie stood up and walked out of the bathroom.
Shane followed after her. He grabbed her arm and pinned he up against the wall, kissing her roughly. His lips tasted like pure liquor.
She put her knee into his groin, making him double over.
She quickly twisted away from him and walked to the other side of the room.
"I'm drunk, but I'm not drunk enough to do that, asshole," Natalie snapped.
"At least I'm not stupid enough to try and drown myself in a damn bathtub," Shane shouted, storming out of the room.
Natalie broke down into violent sobs, thinking about her son, her cries muffled by the pillow on the couch.
• • •