Tomorrow, my life was pretty much guaranteed to be over. I hadn't told Jake that I was afraid of tomorrow's outcome. I wasn't going to be that selfish. He was so pumped up for tomorrow and me being worried about it was only going to ruin the mood and make him worry about things that he didn't need to be thinking about. Despite the act that we were both concerned about Billy's health, I was making Jake's favorite meal.
Dad was coming over for dinner, spending the night before he and Billy headed off on their week long expedition over at the Makah Reservation, far away from any and all vampire attacks. I was scared, more than I could actually tell anyone. I had spent the better part of the day baking with Emily. Jake had been with Sam and Paul, working on the final details of the battle. He promised me that he would be home by six thirty for dinner.
Despite my dad's numerous protest, Billy had convinced him that Jake and I could sleep in the same bed. Jake didn't have a door... still. There was nothing that we would, or could, do that they wouldn't be able to hear. We were smarter than to do anything when everyone was home. I cleaned the house from top to bottom, changing the sheets on Jake's bed and putting new ones on the hide-a-bed that Dad would be sleeping on.
I remembered when my dad and I would come down here and spend the night before Billy and Dad would leave, I would curl up in bed next to my dad until he was snoring loudly and then I would sneak into Jake's room, curling up with him. When we were nine-year-old, that wasn't a problem. We were allowed to cuddle all night long when we were little. Those had been the simpler times, when we were little kids and vampires and wolves didn't exist.
I stood over the barbecue in the backyard, thinking about the upcoming battle, and grilling Jake's steaks. Teriyaki marinated steak, roasted asparagus, and twice baked potatoes; the boy couldn't ever make anything easy. I bent the ends of the foil that surrounded the butter and asparagus and tossed them on the grill, listening for the sound of the timer beeping. I was so focused on everything that I didn't even hear Jake come up behind me.
"You should pay a little more attention if you're going to be around open flames," he said. "Special dinner?" I nodded. "Is there an occasion?"
"No; I just wanted you to get something good to eat. Especially if you're going to be hiking all day tomorrow, carrying me and Bella," I said, trying not to spit her name.
I grabbed the tongs and pulled the trip tips-off of the grill, flipping the asparagus to give it an even cooking.
"You know that I'm only doing this because she's a human that needs protection, right?" he asked. I just nodded. Why couldn't I get over the fact that my sister was always after the person that should be mine? Why couldn't I just believe that Jake was going to love me more than her for the rest of my life? "I'm serious, Annie. I'm doing this for you more than her. I don't care about your sister." I nodded, not sure what to say. He sighed heavily, probably knowing that I wasn't going to believe him at the moment.
Dad and Billy showed up a little while later, just as I was finishing the second bake on the potatoes. Jake hadn't said another word to me since I had failed to say anything about Bella. She was always going to be this thing that was a source of contention in our relationship. It was always going to be this way, wasn't it?
The dads rose, saying something about a pie that Sue had made. Jake, who never turned down food, surprised me when he said that he'd rather stay here.
"No funny business," both of them said as they walked out the door. I hadn't spoken to my sister in months. When she wasn't involved in my life, everything between Jake and I was great. But every single time that my sister came around, I ended up in a hospital, broken hearted, or hurting the only person who was actually important to me.
Jake and I stood from the table and slowly began cleaning up dinner. We were standing at the sink in silence, nothing uncomfortable, but something that was a little heavier than what normally lingered between us.
"Dinner was delicious," he said after a little while. "That's my favorite meal that you make," he said quietly.
"I know," I said with a smile, digging through the water to find a fork that eluded me. "That's why I made it," I explained.
"Are we going to talk tonight? Or is this all I get tonight?"
"My sister complicates everything," I said with a shrug.
"How?"
"She thinks that she can have anything she wants. And most of the time, she only wants you, Jake. It doesn't matter that she has Edward or that she doesn't want you in the way that you wanted her. It's more like a little kid, you know? You told her that she can't have you and now all she wants is for you to be her friend and give her the things that she wants."
He pulled my hands out of the water and dried them off.
"I don't care what Bella wants," he whispered, his eyes serious. "I care about what you want, Annie. There are so many things that I want from you, so many things that I hope you're going to be willing to do one day. But I want you happy. You are my first concern."
I just nodded and turned my attention back to the dishes. "You still don't believe me," he said angrily. I flinched a little. "How is it that I have asked you to move in with my father and I, banned your sister from tribal lands, protected you from anything and everything I could, tried to do nothing but love you, and you still don't believe that I won't drop you for you sister?"
I sighed and looked away from him. "I'm nothing like Bella, Jake. And as much as I believe that you love me, I wonder why. I wonder what makes me the person for you. I wonder why you would pick me over her, okay? It's a girl thing; don't try to understand it." Okay, so I was oversimplifying things. It wasn't just a girl thing. It was a me thing. I was doing the one thing that I tried not to do, which was turn into the needy girl.
"If you don't understand it yet, Annie, then you never will. And I can sit here and yell at you until I'm blue in the face, but you still won't understand." He tossed his drying cloth down at the counter. "So thanks for making the last night before I have to leave you in the hands of a vampire so great. I'm going to take a shower."
He stormed out of the kitchen then, stopping in his room only long enough to grab his towel and pull off his clothes. Way to royally fuck this one up, Ryanne. He's been working non stop for a month and a half to save my ass and I manage to sound like an ungrateful bitch.
He was right though. He shouldn't have to sit here and convince me that he was in love with me. He probably didn't understand why I loved him. And that was fair wasn't it? Beauty was in the eye of the beholder and all that jazz, right? So who's to say that I'm not the one with the problem? Jake probably thinks that I don't appreciate everything that he's done for me
And God was he ever wrong. I loved the fact that he was here for me whenever I needed him, no questions asked. I loved the fact that he would make me smile when he thought it would help and hold me when he didn't. I loved that he was tender and strong and hungry and gentle. I loved the way his eyes lit up when I told him that I loved him like he wasn't expecting me to say it again. Ever. No matter how irritating it can get, I love that he so overprotective. I love the way he kisses me and the way he brushes my hair. I love the wolf in him and the way that side of him is so insistent.
So maybe I couldn't understand why Jake loved me, all the things that he loved about me. But I could keep going like this for years. And, what's more important, I could list off a million reasons why Bella was the wrong person for him. He needed someone that was going to help him think things through, not make his decisions for him. He needed someone that was going to understand how important Billy is to him, not assume that the old man could make everything happen on his own. He needed someone that was going to pretend like the crazy, supernatural shit that he was dragged into wasn't a big deal. And Bella was never going to be that for him.
But I could. And I wanted to.
I turned the running water off and dried my hands again, having thought that I could accomplish anything while thinking. Yeah, right. I padded my way down the hall and stood outside the bathroom door, listening to the old pipes groan as they pushed water out of the shower head. I could hear him grunting as he tried to turn around in the shower. So I twisted the handle,knowing Jake would hear it, and opened the door.
"I'm sorry," I whispered, closing the door behind me. He just grunted in response. "I really am. I didn't mean to piss you off the night before the fight." I was trying hard not to stare, thankful for the steam in the bathroom. Is this how he felt every time that he'd had to change me? How did he do this? He wasn't looking at me, but he knew that I was still there. I could see his jaw set roughly, still angry at me.
I pulled my tank top up my body, setting it atop his pile of clothing. Next was my pants until I was only down to my bra and underwear. I slid them down off, folding my arms over my chest to cover my boobs before I pulled the glass shower door open and got in behind him. Jake swung around, ducking to avoid hitting his head on the shower head.
"What-w-w-what are you doing?" he practically screamed.
"I'm sorry," I repeated, pressing my back against the cold tile wall. "I know that you love me and you don't love Bella. I'm sorry that I was such a bitch." His eyes were wide, like he was still in shock that I was here.
"I had no right to question it, Jake. And it was something that Bella would've done. And I pride myself on not being like my sister."
"So to say all this, you thought that you would," he paused and licked his lips, inhaling a shuddering breath, "you thought the appropriate thing to do was the strip naked and get in the shower with me?" His gaze fell to the cleavage that was created from my arms squeezing my chest together. What was I hiding from him? It wasn't like he hadn't seen it before. And I knew that he would reject me.
So I dropped my arms from his chest and wrapped my hand around his wrist.
"Please look at me, Jake," I begged.
"Annie, I can't." I pulled against his arm.
"Please Jake; I'm sorry. I know that you don't love her. I'm really sorry." He had to believe me at some point. Preferably before our dads got home.
"I forgive you," he said. "Now will you get out of my shower," he added breathlessly.
"You don't want me here?" I asked. "Because your friend would say otherwise," I said with snicker. He blushed harder than I had ever seen him do before.
"You need to leave, Annie," he begged again. "I can't-"
"What if I'm here because I want this?" I asked. His hand flew from his face. I did want this. And I knew that he was going to be difficult about this because he knew that I was afraid. But I also knew that I could convince him that I was sorry and get what I wanted.
"You want this?" he said with wide eyes and an open mouth.
I gathered up all my courage and stepped closer to him so that our bare chests were touching in the small space of the shower and place my hands on the joint of his neck and jaw, fingers meeting at the nape of his neck. I pulled him down to me and pressed my lips against his. He was hesitant at first, like he was afraid I would change my mind. So I took control and slid my tongue across his lower lip. He moaned into my mouth and reached suddenly for my hips.
"I'm sorry," I whispered. His fingers dug into my flesh.
"I know," he whispered.