My whole body was shaking while I'm running towards the ER. I saw Abby sitting on one of the waiting chairs there. She was sobbing while looking down at the white cloth with blood stains that she was holding. Paulit-ulit akong napamura sa utak ko habang palapit sa kanya. Nagsisimula na rin magluha ang mga mata ko. Ano ba'ng nangyari sa anak namin?
I gave Kuya Alfred, her driver, a thankful nod bago niya kami iniwan. I knelt in front of her and held her shaking hands that were tightly gripping the cloth.
She slowly lifted her gaze at me with her tear-streaked cheeks. "Gab..." Yumapos agad siya sa leeg ko at umiyak nang umiyak. "Gab, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm such a neglectful mother."
"Sssssshh..." I caressed her back. Inilayo ko siya ng bahagya para matitigan. "What happened? Tell me, ano'ng nangyari kay Hash?" Even my voice was shaking. Pati ang sarili ko ay sinisisi ko dahil hindi ko man lang naproteksyunan ang anak ko.
"Nadulas siya sa bathroom," hirap na sabi niya saka bumuhos ulit ang mga luha.
I wiped her tears. "Tell me exactly what happened. Paano siyang nadulas?" Hinawakan ko ng mahigpit ang mga kamay niya dahil nanginginig ang mga iyon.
"Kasi kakatapos ko lang siya paliguan tapos inaayos ko iyong mga ginamit namin. Di ko naman napansin na gumapang pala siya papunta sa akin. Narinig ko lang siyang tumawa kaya napalingon ako sa kanya. Nagulat na lang ako nang biglang nag-slide iyong kamay niya dahil may basang part doon sa tiles." Lalo pang lumakas ang pag-iyak niya.
"Hindi ko na nahabol. I was able to reach her noong bumagsak na siya at umiiyak na. Tumama iyong chin niya sa floor. Kinabahan agad ako nong nakita kong dumudugo iyon pero nataranta na ako kasi iyak na siya nang iyak tapos ayaw talaga tumigil sa pagdugo iyong sugat niya. Hindi ko halos matingnan iyon kasi natakot na ako. Hindi ko kasi kayang makita siya na nasasaktan ng ganoon. Sorry, Gab. Sorry talaga. Napakapabaya ko. Iyon na nga lang ang trabaho ko, hindi ko pa nagawa ng maayos." She sobbed uncontrollably.
Umupo na ako sa katabing silya saka siya niyakap. I tried to console her. "No, don't blame yourself, honey. It's not your fault. It's just an accident, okay?"
Since Hash turned five months old and learned how to crawl, hirap na kaming bantayan siya dahil kung saan-saan siya nagpupunta. Hindi na namin siya maiwan na natutulog sa kama dahil baka mahulog siya kaya palagi namin siyang sa crib pinapatulog. Kahit sa gabi ay sa crib na rin namin siya pinapatulog. She's now six months old at ang bilis niyang lumaki at sobrang likot na rin niya.
"How is she now? Was she conscious when you brought her here?"
"Oo, iyak siya nang iyak. Tinitingnan na siya ng doktor ngayon sa loob" She held my hands. "Magiging okay naman siya di ba, Gab?"
I smiled at her kahit na ako mismo ay kinakabahan. Tangina! Malayo naman ang baba sa bituka di ba? "Of course, honey, she'll be fine. She's strong like you eh."
Hash was released that day also since the doctor assured us na wala naman daw siyang fractured bones. Medyo malalim lang daw iyong naging cut so they needed to stich it. They told us that the wound would leave a scar on her chin but would fade as she grow up.
It gave Hash discomfort. She couldn't sleep dahil palaging sumasakit iyong sugat niya. Iyak din nang iyak si Abby tuwing umiiyak si Hash kapag sumasakit iyon dahil nagi-guilty siya, although I was assuring her time and time again that it wasn't her fault.
But my little princess seemed to feel her mama's distress kaya kapag nasa mood siya ay nilalapitan niya ang mama niya and she would smile at her and touch her face as if she was comforting her mother and telling her not to cry because she would be fine. I was so proud of her dahil kahit maliit pa lang siya, she could already show her affection on us.
******
I was cleaning the things that we used to bathe Hash here in our bathroom. Hanggang ngayon ay hindi pa rin mawala ang guilt ko sa nangyari kay Hash last month. Every cry of pain was giving me heartache. Although the wound on the center of her chin was completely healed now, it still left a scar. Gab and I consulted a dermatologist and gave us a scar remover pero hindi pa rin nawala ng husto iyong scar ni Hash.
Narinig ko naman na nagkukulitan ang mag-ama ko sa labas. Bitbit ko ang mga pinagbihisang damit ni Hash nang lumabas ako at nakita kong nakaupo si Hash sa ibabaw ng kama namin at nakasandal sa unan sa likod niya para hindi masaktan at mauntog sa headboard.
Nakadapa naman si Gab sa kama paharap sa kanya habang hawak ang phone na may tumutugtog. Napangiti ako kaya sumandal muna ako sa hamba ng pinto para panoorin sila. I took my phone out of my shorts' pocket para i-video sila. Nakakatuwa dahil ang bilis lumaki ni Hash. I couldn't believe that she's already 7 months old.
Pigil ko ang tawa ko nang magsimula nang kumanta si Gab kasabay ng tugtog while doing head and hand gestures. But I suppressed my laughter even more when Hash started to giggle while watching her father.
"Five little monkeys jumping on the bed. One fell off and bumped his head. Mama called the doctor and the doctor said. No more monkeys jumping on the bed♪"
"Four little monkeys jumping on the bed. One fell off and bumped his head. Mama called the doctor and the doctor said. No more monkeys jumping on the bed♪"
Tawa na nang tawa si Hash kay Gab, I was worried na baka kabagan na ang anak namin. After three and two little monkeys, they're now down to one but Gab changed the lyrics of the song.
"One little Hash Leigh jumping on the bed. One fell off and bumped her head. Mama called the doctor and the doctor said. No more Hash Leigh jumping on the bed!♪"
Lalo pang tumawa si Hash kaya pati si Gab ay tawa na rin nang tawa sa sobrang pagkaaliw sa anak namin. Lumapit ako sa kanila, still recording them on video. Umupo ako sa kama at itinutok ang video kay Hash.
"Papa is soooo makulit, isn't that right, Hash?" I asked her.
Hash Leigh giggled again. "Ba-ba..." she said while looking at me.
Natigilan kami ni Gab at nanlalaki ang mga matang nagkatinginan. Bigla siyang napabangon at napaupo sa kama.
"Geeez! Nakuhanan mo iyon, honey? She talked! Oh gracious! She finally talked and she called me!" he said excitedly and amazed. He turned to Hash again. "Say that again, Hash. Say Pa-pa."
Hash giggled at him. "Ba-ba..."
He levelled his face on his daughter. "No, baby girl, it's pa-pa. Say papa!"
Hash touched his face, smiling widely. "Baba!"
"It's papa. Pa-pa," Gab still pushed.
"Ba-ba."
Biglang natawa si Gab habang napapailing. Kahit ako, di ko alam kung nasisiraan na ba ako habang umiiyak at tumatawa at the same time. I was so happy that Hash finally said her first word. It was so amazing that even Gab was now teary-eyed.
Pinugpog niya ng halik si Hash kaya tawa naman nang tawa itong bulilit namin dahil nakikiliti sa kakahalik ng papa niya.
"It's papa, Hash, not baba."
"Baba!" sabay na sabi namin ni Hash saka tumawa.
"Sige, pagtulungan n'yo ako. Lagi naman akong talo sa inyong dalawa eh."
******
A month later...
Today's March 21, Gab's birthday. Ayaw sana niya na magkaroon ng celebration dahil abala lang daw iyon but some of our employees in the company still organized a small party for him in the office at pati kami ni Hash ay naimbitahan kanina kaya naroon din kami. Pero kahit birthday iyon ni Gab ay mas naging center of attraction pa si Hash at inagaw ang limelight mula sa papa niya. Everybody loves our little Hash.
Nang gumabi naman ay nagkaroon kami ng family gathering for his birthday celebration na pinagtulungan namin i-organize ni Mommy sa bahay nila. But we still invited our close friends para mas masaya.
"Daya mo, honey, lahat sila may regalo sa akin. Ikaw lang ang wala," sabi niya habang yakap ako dito sa kama namin.
"Meron." I pecked his lips. "Kiss."
Napangiti siya. "Hmmm... Best gift ever! Pwede isa pa? Iyong mas matagal at mas malalim para feel na feel ko ang gift mo."
Pinagbigyan ko naman siya. I kissed him long and deeper before I let go. "Meron talaga akong gift for you kaya lang baka tawanan mo kasi korni saka di expensive."
"What the heck? Bakit ko naman tatawanan? Lahat ng galing sa iyo, kahit batong pinulot mo lang sa daan or dahon na pinitas mo lang sa garden, that would be one of the most valuable things in my life, honey."
Napangiti ako sa sinabi niya. Hinalikan ko siya ulit bago kinuha sa loob ng bedside drawer iyong regalo ko sa kanya na inilagay ko sa isang box.
Umupo siya sa kama bago kinalas iyong ribbon ng box at inilabas ang t-shirt na laman niyon. Iniladlad niya at napangisi siyang lalo nang makita ang design niyon. Actually, I was the one who designed it. I put pictures of him, me, and Hash on it. At may nakasulat sa ilalim na: The Best Papa and Best Hubby Ever. Bigla siyang natawa nang mabasa iyon.
I bit my lower lip. "Sabi ko na eh. Pagtatawanan mo lang kasi korni," nakalabing sabi ko.
He looked at me and pulled me to kiss my lips deeply. "Dapat tatlo iyong ipinagawa mong ganito. Isang best papa and best hubby ever, isang best mama and best wifey ever, saka isang best baby girl ever. Para kapag namasyal tayo, isusuot nating tatlo. Nice di ba?"
Natawa ako. Pinanggigilan ko ang mga pisngi niya. Bakit ba ang sweet-sweet mo talaga, Montreal?
"Whooops! Ayan ka na naman, honey. Buntis ka ba ulit?"
"Baliw hindi. Ano ka, sinuswerte? Paano ako mabubuntis eh bihira na tayong gumawa ng milagro at lagi ka pang may protection pag ginagawa natin iyon?" Madalas kasi ay pagod siya sa trabaho at ako naman ay pagod sa pag-aalaga kay Hash kaya bihira na kami maging intimate. At napagkasunduan pa namin na hahayaan muna namin lumaki si Hash bago sundan ulit para masulit naman namin ang time namin na magkakasama tutal ay 24 pa lang naman siya at 23 lang ako.
He pulled me closer and embraced me. "After ng expiration ng agreement natin, honey, taon-taon kitang bubuntisin." Natawa siya nang hampasin ko ang likod niya. He kissed the side of me neck. "Can we make love tonight, honey?"
"Hmmmm? Pwede naman. Birthday mo eh." Natawa ako.
He laughed softly before he planted a soft kiss on my chest and pulled my nighties off over my head and he undressed himself too. He pushed me carefully down the bed and started kissing my body. He took my nípple inside his mouth and sucked on it.
A moan escaped my lips. I tugged on his hair while he's doing it. "Ayan ka na naman, Gab. Paano si Hash kapag nagising?"
"Wag ka nang lumusot. Nakita kitang naglagay ng stock ng gatas doon sa ref pag-uwi natin kanina." He started sucking my nîpple again before he did the same to the other one. Ewan ko ba sa lalaking ito. Naa-aroused daw siya kapag ginagawa niya iyon. Gusto daw kasi niya ang lasa. Actually, tinotoo ko talaga iyong sinabi ko dati. Hinahaluan ko talaga ng bréast milk ang mga pagkain niya. Gusto naman niya at mas lively daw palagi ang pakiramdam niya. Napansin ko rin na di siya nagkakasakit kahit sipon lang.
He lips trailed down my stomach, and down again to my center. His tongue played with my clít before he traced my slit. He hardened his tongue before he carefully inserted it inside me. A soft moan escaped my lips. I tugged on his hair and kept on moaning as he slipped a finger inside me while sucking my clít.
"Can't make you wet, honey. Masasaktan ka na naman niyan," he whispered as he kept on sliding his finger in and out of me.
Palagi ko na lang problema iyon. Since I gave birth and started bréastfeeding, ayaw nang mag-lubricate niyon kaya nasasaktan ako when he's already plunging himself inside me.
He stopped what he's doing and moved up to kiss my lips. "May lubricating jelly ka pa?" he asked grinning afterwards.
Inirapan ko siya bago ako bumangon at kinuha iyong lubricating jelly sa drawer na siya pa mismo ang makapal ang mukhang bumili sa drugstore. He also took one packet of cóndom and put it on his buddy. Sheez, nakaka-miss din pala si Lion King.
I squeezed the tube of jelly and applied it around my feminine area before I, without a warning, grabbed his pet and put jelly on his lion king also.
"What the heck! Putangina, Abby!" gulat na gulat na reaction niya sa ginawa ko.
Tawa ako nang tawa nang bigla iyong tumayo. Tinampal ko ang bibig niya. "Ssssshh! Wag kang magmura, baka magising si Hash."
"Mahimbing ang tulog niyan, napagod sa party. Ano ba, Abby, lalo mong ginalit oh!"
"Eh nasasaktan ako. Laki-laki naman kasi niyang alaga mo." Tinapos ko ang paglalagay ng jelly sa buong alaga niya. "Ayan, done!"
"Puro ka kapilyahan, Abby," nakangising sabi niya bago ako itinulak ulit pahiga. He kissed my lips and slipped his tongue inside my mouth and played with mine. He parted my thighs and slowly slipped his pet inside me. "Fúck," he whispered. "Kelan ba babalik ang menstruation mo, Abby? I hate using cóndoms on you, honey." He started thrusting in and out of me.
I closed my eyes and moaned louder as he kept on hitting my sensitive spot inside. I embraced his body tightly and wrapped my legs around his hips and met his every thrust. We were panting heavily and our sweats were mixing. He shoved himself faster that made me moan even louder.
Napahinto siya. "Sssssh! Wag kang maingay, Abby! Baka magising si Hash. Gusto mong mabitin tayo pareho?"
"Di ba ikaw ang nagsabi na mahimbing ang tulog niya? Anyway, sa akin okay lang na mabitin. Ikaw, bahala ka sa buhay mo magsolo sa banyo." Natawa ako.
He pouted his lips. "Ang bad mo, honey."
I bucked my hips up. "Bilisan mo na nga kasi. Baka magising si Hash."
"Eto na nga eh." He started moving his hips again and kept on thrusting in and out of me while rubbing my clít. It doubled the pleasure that I was feeling. "Almost there, honey." He took my nîpple again and sucked my breàst, still plunging himself until we both reached our own zenith. We were both breathing heavily as we lay down beside each other.
Tumagilid siya at tumitig sa akin. "Thank you for everything, honey. Sa pag-aabala mo para sa party, sa gift mo, sa hug, sa kiss. Thank you for your love. Ito na ang pinakamasaya at pinaka-special na birthday ko dahil finally may anak na tayo at kasama ko kayo pareho."
I moved closer to him and embraced him. I kissed his lips. "I love you, honey." I leaned my head on his chest.
He wrapped his arm around my body and kissed my head. "Next weekend mag-outing tayong tatlo sa isang resort. I missed doing that already."
I giggled sleepily. "Me too. I'll look forward to that, honey. Goodnight, Gab."
"Goodnight, honey," he said as he tightened his embrace around my body.
******
I was busy chopping the vegetables that I'll be using to cook for our lunch. Napapangiti ako mag-isa na parang sira kapag naiisip ko iyong birthday celebrations ni Gab kahapon at ang plano niyang outing namin next week. I was getting excited dahil first time namin gagawin iyon na isang pamilya na kami.
I was busy daydreaming kaya wala sa sarili na natabig ko iyong pinggan na may lamang chopped carrots dito sa ibabaw ng countertop. Nahulog iyon at nabasag. I was looking at it on the floor nang bigla na naman gumuhit sa utak ko iyong naalala ko noong New Year sa family reunion last year about my accident when my car crashed on an approaching truck. I closed my eyes tightly and shook my head dahil ayaw maalis no'n sa utak ko.
I was driving while crying before the accident happened tapos nahulog iyong phone ko. I searched for it pero nang makuha ko iyon ay nasilaw na lang ako mula sa mga ilaw ng truck na parating.
Then another memory came. I was with Nicz. We were on a mall exhibit and we saw Gab with another girl.
I opened my eyes when I realized who it was. My forehead creased. "Carmela..." I whispered. Bakit kasama niya si Carmela? Akala ko ba nasa ibang bansa si Carmela? Napapikit ako ulit. He kissed her forehead. I shook my head as my body started to tremble. My breathing became heavy. Did he cheat on me with Carmela before na hindi ko lang maalala dahil sa amnesia ko?
"Abby?" narinig kong bungad ni Gab sa may pinto ng kitchen. "What happened? Narinig kong may nabasag."
Umiling ako. Ni hindi ko magawang tumingin sa kanya habang unti-unting bumabalik sa alaala ko iyong pangyayari na iyon. Tiningnan lang nila kami ni Nicz at dumaan sa harap namin saka umalis. I bit my lower lip as I felt a stab of pain in heart. Umupo ako para damputin iyong mga piraso ng nabasag na pinggan.
Lumapit si Gab sa akin at akmang hahawakan ang mga kamay ko pero tinabig ko iyong mga kamay niya. Nagulat siya sa ginawa ko.
"Honey?" nagtatakang sabi niya. He frowned. "Ayos ka lang ba?"
Hindi ko pinansin iyong tanong niya. "Bakit iniwan mo si Hash?" Even my voice was trembling.
"She's with Ate Mila." Pinigilan niya ang mga kamay ko. "Ako na lang ang maglilinis. Baka masugatan ka pa." Inalalayan niya akong makatayo.
Kinuha niya iyong dust pan at walis sa taguan saka nilinis iyong nagkalat na mga piraso ng pinggan at mga butil ng carrots sa sahig. Nakatitig lang ako sa kanya habang ginagawa niya iyon.
My heart was constricting inside my chest when I suddenly remembered an instance that happened here in the kitchen also.
"Pamamahay? Ito? Pamamahay ba ang tawag sa lugar na ito? Eh halos kahit saang parte nito ay nadaan na namin ng milagro! The héck, Abby! Di ba nasabi ni Gab sa iyo na kapag tumatalikod ka ay ako ang kasama niya rito? Well, actually we did s*x in every corner of this house kaya paano mo nasasabing pamamahay to?"
Pumikit ako at umiling-iling habang pilit kong pinipigilan ang sarili kong maiyak. Tinakpan ko ang magkabilang tainga ko dahil paulit-ulit na nagpa-play sa utak ko iyong pangyayari na iyon at parang naririnig ko pa si Carmela na sinasabi ang mga iyon sa akin.
Mabilis akong tumalikod kasabay ng pagtulo ng mga luha na kanina ko pa pinipigilan. Mabilis akong naglakad papunta sa CR habang parang pinipilipit sa sakit ang dibdib ko. I locked myself inside and sat on the floor. Nakatulala na lang ako sa sahig habang patuloy sa pagtulo ang mga luha sa magkabilang pisngi ko. I couldn't believe that Gab cheated on me at dito pa mismo sa bahay namin.
What the heck, Gab? I thought you said I was the only woman that you loved? Bakit ginagawa niyo ni Carmela iyon dito sa bahay natin?!
********
Song used:
Three Little Monkeys Jumping on the Bed
********