Chapter 11
Pan said we would talk to Alex and Harry today about what we are going to do about Jared, yet the sun has come and gone and there has been no sign of him.
It's been nice to have a drama free day though. I actually ate during meals, cleaned my body and my clothing, tried to do magic. Boring, but at least it was productive.
Even if most of it was spent sitting around the fire with Alex and Harry. We sit and wait even now. Harry's curly hair shifts around his head as he looks back and forth. Hands twiddling in his lap with nerves, and ragged breaths. Alex has been no better, staring forward in a stunned silence.
It feels like we are sitting in a waiting room, counting the seconds until a doctor comes to tell us the worst.
The med tent doors flap open, and Alex is up first, looking forward. Rufio stumbles out, because of course he does. I can't have one normal day.
Felix left hours ago; it's essentially the middle of the night now so I can't blame him for wanting to get some sleep. Still, he should've assigned someone else to watch him. Rufio is a ticking time bomb, and should be handled as such.
I turn my head away, hoping he won't start attacking me if he can't see my face.
"It was horrible." Rufio's voice is a whisper.
Harry stands up, stepping in front of Alex. "Rufio, it's alright."
I look back. Rufio laughs, swaying back and forth on his feet. He looks broken. Hollow eyes, a fraying cloak, and bony hands that leak out of his clothing. I never got a good look at his face, but he has two long scar lines across his cheeks. Parallel to one another, in the spot where freckles ought to be. They are tinged red, like burns.
"You don't get to talk Inali!" He shrieks. "You're friends with the Captain. Look at him, sitting with you, as if you can forget what happened!"
He doesn't seem like he could attack me, which is probably why he hasn't yet. I once thought Jared was a ghost, and he is a ghost of his formal self. This boy is an apparition, or a shadow. I can't even make out who he used to be, and I wonder if it was a good person.
"He killed Keaton." I tell him. "After what he did to you."
Not all that sure why I add that in, but I know Alex can't say it. At least it will draw attention away from Alex. His lips part slightly at the center, and his usually stoic demeanor is dropping. Whatever is happening, he can't handle it.
Harry still stands in front of Alex, trying to provide protection.
"You mean after what you did?" He grabs his hair, pulling out strands as he does.
I can't tell if it's falling out from malnutrition, or if he is genuinely pulling his hair hard enough it falls out in clumps. Thankfully it's more of a mop on his head, so the rest of his hair covers the bald spots.
That is, until he cocks his head to the side, and his hair falls. Red skin, threatening to bleed.
"How many years was it," Rufio demands, "that you thought I was dead Alex, before you got all tangled up in this?"
I can't tell if he talks cryptically because he's delusional, or if because he only wants Alex to understand what he's saying. Probably the former, since any shred of clear thought Rufio once had is long gone.
"This isn't like that." Alex spits, tears brimming in his eyes. His face is red, contorted in anger. "That wasn't like that."
Rufio charges forward, so I do as well. I may not know what's going on, but I know how to block him from attacking Alex. It's not difficult to hold the frail boy back, not as difficult as it is sad. His body shakes against mine as he tries to leap over my shoulder into Alex. He feels like a delicate antique, and I'm all rough edges. I couldn't handle his body properly even if someone had taught me how. I'm rough edges, and thorns, and he's so very fragile. A skeleton ready to crumble.
"It's been about fifty years hasn't it?" He asks. "But that doesn't mean this is fifty years. Don't think I don't know what's happened. I want to die Alex. Why didn't you kill me?"
Now I'm thoroughly confused, but judging by the loud sobs I can hear from behind me, Alex is not.
I shove Rufio backwards off me on to the ground.
"Why didn't you kill me?" He's asking me the question, not Alex. "Why would you leave me like this?"
"Oh would you shut up?" I ask, kicking him in the side.
He grabs hold of my foot, clawing at the ankle, but I quickly shake him off. He holds no strength beneath his grip, none at all. He continues to cry on the ground, wailing out for whatever it is that he can.
It's pathetic.
Rufio stops moving, but I don't dare bend over. I doubt he's gone unconscious, so this is almost definitely some sort of trick. If I bend over, he could jump up and claw me, and I already have two scars along my face. Granted, they're well hidden, but that doesn't mean I'm going to take my chances with getting a third.
I'm too tired for this crap.
"Well, what a sight to see." Pan's voice rings out.
I turn to face him, feeling my legs break out beneath me. My jaw collides with my tongue, and I can taste metal in my mouth. A weight is lifted off my back as I spin around to look up.
Rufio is gone, and I can only assume it was he who tackled me. Ridiculous. The boy has lost his mind, and should be locked up for everyone's safety. I can only hope he got sent to the cages.
Alex has red eyes, but otherwise all traces of him having cried are gone. Harry still stands in front of the boy, looking at Pan.
"Finally you're here." I laugh. "We've been waiting all day."
"Might as well go in the tent then." He offers, disappearing into the air.
I roll my eyes, before heading into the tent where he stands. His eyes flicker from Jared's body up to me.
"Still hasn't woken up." I notice.
Devin nods from where he sits on the cot. Felix must have posted him on duty, and of course Devin managed to let Rufio get out. I don't appreciate getting attacked, especially when it could easily be prevented.
"What do you think happened?" Harry asks.
I didn't even hear him and Alex heading into the tent after me.
"What do I think?" Pan laughs.
"I think Keaton hit him in the head a little too hard." Devin chuckles. "Cut off his thumb then came back and said he killed him."
I mean, that's the only logical solution. Keaton did tell me he didn't kill Devin. Of course he was cowardly enough to just knock him out. He probably found Rufio, and used it as a distraction for Jared. Why else would they be together?
"I told you Keaton couldn't have killed him." Alex jumps in. "No one believed me."
"I meant why is he still unconscious?" Harry continues.
That's a fair question. Jared doesn't look ill, or injured. He just seems to be in a peaceful sleep
"Do I look like a doctor?" Pan chuckles. "I'd assume it's the shock of regaining his memory. Only a shard came back albeit, but that was enough to crack his mind. I doubt there's anything there."
Jared didn't know how to handle his memory returning. He had a seizure after all. He has over a hundred years of memories after all, and one breaking through could've clogged them all. That is, if the mind works like a pipe, or like a damn. I can't imagine what he's going through. I only can hope he isn't brain dead.
"What can you do about it?" Alex asks.
Pan leans back against the small nightstand. "Well, I can't just give him back his memory, but I can trade it."
"For someone else's?" I ask.
Pan nods. "It's complicated."
I bet.
"I'll do it." Alex volunteers.
Devin bursts out laughing, as if that's the most ridiculous thing he has ever heard. To some extent, it is. Alex's whole thing has always been self-preservation. Self-sacrifice has never really been on the table, but now that it is, I can't help but look at him oddly.
And so does Harry. The boy seems genuinely shocked by this outburst. His eyes reflect sadness, then anger. I watch as his knuckles turn white, the pressure from his fist far too strong.
"What the hell Alex?" He shouts. "You can't just give up just because of Keaton!"
Alex doesn't answer him, but instead choose to stare Pan down. His eyes match those of Rufio's and they are so dead.
Right, Alex killed Keaton. But he can't feel that guilty about it that he'd be willing to give up his entire memory. Of course this isn't about Jared, but it isn't about Keaton either. Keaton was a bad guy, and he deserved what he got coming to him. This has got to do with something else.
"What happened to Rufio?" I ask.
Alex glares at me. "Keep his name of your tongue."
I roll my eyes, turning to Pan.
"Was a Lost Boy of mine. There was a battle quite a few years ago, between us and the pirates. In the end, we thought they had killed Rufio and stolen his body. As it turns out, they didn't." He answers.
"You know the stories about Hook." The words slither off Devin's tongue, as if he's disgusted by them. "He tortured him until he lost his mine."
The scars, the malnutrition, why he always attacks me and calls me Captain. The boy lost his mine to the devil.
My words are but a whisper. "Why does Rufio blame Alex for it?"
"He blames Alex?" Pan asks.
I whip my head around to look at him. He seems more amused than anything, which isn't odd behaviour for the boy. If it weren't for the fact that Harry and Alex were taking this so seriously, I'd be amused as well.
"The whole plan was Keaton's idea." He chuckles. "Why would he blame Alex?"
"Gee I wonder." Devin remarks sarcastically.
Harry looks down at the ground, as his cheeks turn red. There's something here I'm missing, but right now is not the time to dig it up.
"Take Rufio's memory." I say.
"Are you insane?" Alex barks. "He's as much as a victim as Jared is."
"He wants to die!" I retort. "And keeps going around attacking everyone. We take his memory, he'll forget the torture."
I know I'm right, I just wish everyone would listen to me.
"Think about it." Pan says, before up and disappearing.
Normally, I'm all for Pan being present, but this time, I can't help but be thankful he's gone.
"What happened between you and Rufio?" I ask.
Harry gets up and storms out of the tent, upset. Alex goes running after him and I move forward. Devin trails after me, and we follow the two into the forest.
They're obviously both so upset, and there's nothing I can do about it. Might as well wait it out.
Harry turns abruptly and starts shouting. "You know, it wouldn't have bothered me all that much if you had just said something about it instead of hiding it."
What is he talking about?
"I didn't want to upset you." Alex says honestly.
"Or himself," Devin chimes in, nonchalantly. "Which is fair."
I really hate this. It's too dark to make out anyone's faces, but this feels tense. Harry is unhappy, Alex is unhappy, and I'm so bored with this whole thing.
"What is going on?" I ask.
"Isn't it obvious?" Devin laughs.
Alex shoves him in the dark. Normally this is where Harry buts in, but he does nothing.
"What, are you going to tell her?" Devin chuckles.
Harry slinks away, but Alex doesn't notice. He's too preoccupied with shoving Devin backwards. Devin just continues to laugh, but I don't find it funny.
"You don't want anyone to know about Rufio?" Devin asks. "Or is it Harry you don't want anyone to know about?"
This comment stops Harry in his tracks. He turns around, and he looks at Alex through the dark.
"I wanted to forget about him, Harry." Alex admits. "Honestly. That's all I wanted."
Harry's brow quivers. "You never even told me about him."
"How was I supposed to do that?" His voice cracks.
"I don't know." He shouts. "Doesn't mean you shouldn't have done it. I love you Alex, and you've been lying to me. Rufio thinks I'm Inali, why, were you seeing him too?"
Oh shit. That's what's happening. Alex and Harry are involved, and so were Alex and Rufio.
"You know that's not true." Alex says.
"I don't know anything anymore." Harry yells, before turning around and sprinting deeper into the woods.
Alex moves and chases after him, trying to catch up to the boy through the trees.
I begin to move but I feel Devin's hand on my shoulder. "Now, I'm all for getting up in Alex's business, but we should let them sort this out."
I turn to him, before cocking my head to the sign. "How long have you known?"
He scoffs. "Sometimes I forget you didn't share a tent with us. Honestly, they don't really hide it."
I can't be around Devin right now, I need space to think. I shrug out of his grip and make my way back to camp. They've been together since the first time I saw them. It's always been Harry and Alex, or Alex and Harry.
Alex has always told me to stay away from Harry. He's been self-preserving, rude, and hates answering questions. He isn't afraid of the truth though, and thinks it's what's right. All of that changes when he's around Harry. He picks fights, shelters him from our harsh reality, answers everything he wants to know, and is so soft and kind.
Harry has always been soft with everyone. He's emotional and touchy feely, I just never saw how it was different with Alex. How his hand lingers on the boy's skin, how his head is often connected to Alex's shoulder. When they talked about their friends dying, Harry almost told Alex he loved him. All the pieces seem to be falling into place.
When Inali met Harry, he seemed proud. Maybe he's finally happy Alex had moved on from Rufio. That's why this is so complicated. He killed the boy who got his lover killed. Rufio is alive, and he is forced to watch the boy he used to know dance around with insanity.
I can't believe I never saw it before.
~~~~
What? I totally haven't been foreshadowing Charlie met them. I totally didn't see this coming. It's not like they've been together for the last eight years or something. Totally.
Shout out to those of you who saw it coming. I never lied, I just never told the whole truth. And anyway, I'm excited. Did you see it coming? How'd you feel about it? Let me know in the comments below.
For now, happy holidays, and I'll see you Wednesday.