Rule#87: Love is SO not like the seasons.
If a guy asks you to change, DON”T.
Unless, of course, it’s to make you a better person.
Physical is not the same as emotional.
Either he accepts you as you are
Or he’s SO not worth it.
If you ask anyone who Ender Collins is, they will all say the same thing:
Invisible.
I sometimes wonder what I did to become the person I see standing here today. Maybe if I raised my hand more in class, or punched some girl in the face, or hell slept with the whole football team, then maybe people would take notice.
As it stands, I like who I am. I like the fact that my name isn’t whispered in the halls during passing or scribbled messily on the bathroom stalls in pissed handwriting.
But, when it comes to my love life, there is nothing I wouldn’t do to be noticed.
Girls everywhere will say they don’t care about love if asked by the right person. But at night, when everything's said and done, love is everything. To be wasted on love, to be able to look at someone else and know they make you happy, better, more is something everyone wants.
Everyone wants to be wanted.
Leaning back on the bench I’m currently sitting on, I think about the deal with Jace I made two days ago.
It had been two days since I first confronted him. Two days of me wandering endlessly if I had somehow made the wrong decision.
Madison told me I just had to be patient, that Jace would come around. Who knew she would be right in the end?
I pick up my phone and click to the text message he sent earlier.
Ninos at four. Don’t be late
I shake my head and push the phone back into my pocket. I grab my black notebook and flip it to a fresh page.
The park I’m currently residing in is the one place I can call my own. For as long as I can remember, this is the place I went whenever I needed to get away.
Here, couples from all around openly enjoy themselves. Here is where all my work has come from. One day it will be me out there by a tree or looking out at the lake, not alone, but with the guy I love.
It was on this bench that the Checklist started.
I was thirteen when my father walked out.
When my mom came home from work telling Ellie and me that her and our father were getting a divorce, I didn’t need to hear more. I didn’t listen when she said it wasn’t working out nor did I hear her tell us that it was better.
I knew the reason he was leaving mom was none of those things. It was because he wasn’t perfect. He didn’t say I love you anymore.
He didn’t appreciate anything she did. He wasn’t the perfect guy and right at that moment The Checklist was born.
I ran to this park and sat on this bench. I pulled out the first notebook I could find in my bookbag and wrote the first rule. My most important rule ever.
The rule that, when my future Mr.Perfect showed up, would have no problem passing.
I pull my pen out of the spine of the notebook and look out at the couple in front of me. A little girl runs around her father, her small squeals making everyone within hearing distance stare.
Her mother leans on her knees, a camera in her hand. A bright smile is on her face the whole time she takes photos of her little girl running. The father laughs and swoops the girl up mid run. The girl squeals louder.
Biting my lip, I look down at my notebook and write a new rule.
Rule#224: Is he the one?
Before you fully give yourself to a guy, ask yourself one question:
if anything were to go wrong,
is this the guy you want your future child to call dad?
If yes, then you have it.
if no, run
I’m finishing the last line when a shadow falls over me. Covering my eyes against the sun, I look up and find Madison staring down at me. The smile on her face tells me she’s here for a reason. Sighing I cap my pen and scoot over, allowing her room to sit down.
“Let me see,” she says and I hand her my notebook. She reads the new rule and hands it back, her smile tipping higher. “You’re such a virgin.” I roll my eyes before closing my notebook.
“Shut up. You know the rule is a good one.”
She shrugs before pulling down her sunglasses. The couple’s reflection I watched earlier can be seen on the lens. “When did sex become so complicated?
“Sex isn’t complicated,” I tell her before pulling the sunglasses off. They were bright orange and horribly hideous. “Boy’s are complicated.” She glares at the glasses in my hands before sighing.
“I can hear every girl around the world Amening to that.”
I close the glasses and hook them onto my shirt before I ask her why she’s here. The only reason Madison would come to the park on a school night is if she needed something. Because half of the time you could find me sitting on this very bench. It’s not like I had a huge social life waiting for me.
“What’s up?” I ask before pulling my notebook under my legs. She shrugs and looks out at the couple I watched earlier, a small frown on her face.
“It’s Ali.” I let out my breath, the conversation we are about to have already exhausting me.
Ali is basically the sole reason Madison tries her hardest to stay away from home. Ali is a mother who never knew how to be one. Que the sol purpose of using her first name.
In Madison’s eyes, if you’re a bad mother you don’t even deserve the title. Ali was drunk more than she was sober. She yelled more than she talked.
She was a big mess that wreaked havoc on Madison's life every secound she got.
She’s the demon Madison can’t escape.
Madison chews on her bottom lip nervously. “She’s a bitch, Ender. She was home when I came home from school and instead of asking how my day was, she started bitching about how ungrateful I was. Apparently, in her eyes, I need to give her every cent I make down at the diner.”
Madison learned early on not to count on Ali. So instead of falling into the life many people like her have, Madison got off her ass and got a job. From there, a car, a foundation, a life.
Ali didn’t see the point in it all.
All she saw was money.
I sling my arm over Madisons shoulders, giving her a quick squeeze. “If it makes you feel better, I hate her too.”
“It does.”
She sends me a half smile before snatching her glasses back. She slips them on before turning under my arm to face me. “Distract me. Tell me about Jace.”
“Well, there’s a chance I might die,”
“Obviously.”
“He’s hot.”
“Negotiable.”
“He’s a very vague, very closed off guy.”
“Understandable.”
I sigh before dropping my arm. I look back at the family and shake my head. “Maybe this is all too, I don’t know, surreal. Stuff like this doesn’t happen in real life.”
Madison flics a gnat off her arm before glaring at me. Or, well, what looks like glaring. Hard to tell with those orange ass glasses.
“What seems unreal? Jace’s hot ass or the fact that he agreed?”
I shrug. “I don’t know? Him? The blackmail? Both?”
Deflated, I close my eyes and lean against the bench. “I feel so bad, Mads. I’m playing with a guys life.”
She scoffs like I just said something stupid.
And, honestly, I probably did.
“You feel bad about playing with that guys life? How about this End. He’s cheating. He’s playing with another couples lives. What makes him a saint? I’m sure he’s left plenty of broken hearts in his wake. Plus, he’s a guy. Guy’s need to get played every once in awhile.”
“The players and the played,” I open one eye and give her a weird look. “You worry me sometimes.” She pushes down her glasses with a finger and shoots me a wink.
“Buy the t-shirt babe.”
*~*~~*~*~
“Party or table for one?”
The hostess at Ninos says, her high, cheery voice already giving me a headache. I hold up a finger, telling her to give me a moment, while I dig my cellphone out of my pocket.
She shoots me a small glare, obviously not liking the fact of being put on hold.
I give her an apologetic smile before hitting the call button. Jace answers after the third ring.
“What’s up?” Sucking in a deep voice, I turn away from the still glaring hostess and hiss into the phone, “Where the hell are you? You said four.”
“Did I?”
I can almost picture him raising an eyebrow on the other side
“Yes.” I whisper ferociously, hoping I’m not looking like a lunatic. But if the old lady staring at me from the bar area is any indication, I passed crazy a long time ago.
“My mistake. Save me a table. I’ll be there in thirty.”
Before I can even argue, dial tone meets me on the other side. Cursing under my breath, I shove my phone ino my pocket and turn to the hostess. She raises an eyebrow, obviously hearing only one side of the conversation.
In a matter-of-fact tone I say, “Table for two.”
She gives me a look clearly stating that she thinks I’m full of bull, before pulling out two menus and leading me toward the back.
I bring in a small breath and let it out, trying to look like I’m not here being escorted alone.
She directs me to a small table in a corner and tells me in a snide voice that my waiter will be with me in a minute. How perfect.
I flip over the menu, stare at all the Italian words, and close it. Why Jace picked this place is beyond me. I’m sure the guy didn’t even speak Italian.
Sitting back in my chair, I take in the scenery.
All round me, couples of all sorts sit in upscale decorated tables. Small, unscented lit candles create the air of elegance while all the talking, wild hand gestures, and laughs produce a space of warmth.
Sighing, I take in the couple next to me. The girl talks with her hands, a big smile on her face. Her boyfriend or fiance’ or husband smiles up at her, a light expression on his face.
Whatever the girl is eagerly going on about cleary pleases him.
I’m so busy checking out the couple that I don’t even notice another boy checking me out from the other side of the room. He sits at a two seater like me, only the other side of him is missing a menu.
Clearly he came alone.
When he sees that I’ve caught him looking, he breaks out into a wide, flirtatious smile. I look around quickly, wondering if there is somebody behind me.
Because the guy is obviously trying to get someones attention.
I turn my gaze back to the guy and he picks up his glass of water, raising it my way before he takes a quick sip. The whole time he does, his eyes never leave mine.
Clamping down on the nerves threatening to overtake me, I give him a half wave before looking back down at my menu. I just hoped he didn’t see the slight blush flushing my cheeks.
Even if the guy is looking at me, I have bigger things to deal with. Sure, he wasn’t bad looking with his blonde curls and sharp features, but unless he was willing to go through my Checklist rules and pass them, he wasn’t someone I was interested in.
Plus, Jace would be here any minute.
I’m still staring at the confusing menu, wondering if I should look back up and see if the cute guy is still staring, when my phone goes off in my pocket.
Grabbing it quickly, I press the talk button before my ringtone causes a scene.
“You’re hopeless,” Jaces voice says on the other side of the phone the instant I answer.
Rolling my eyes, I lean against my hand. “What are you talking about?”
“See that good looking guy that just smiled at you?”
“What?”
“Go on Ender. Look.”
I peek up at Mr. Flirtatious, and when I see he’s no longer sitting there, I straighten out and lower my voice.
“How did you know he wasn’t there?!” I ask, suspicious. If Jace was a Psychic, this deal totally became complicated.
“I know because I put him there. He was a set up. An experiment if you will,”
I don’t even have time to open my mouth to respond before a shadow drops over the table. Trying not to gasp, I stare opened mouthed as Jace pulls out the chair in front of me and drops gracefully in it, a scowl outlined on his face.
While the blonde guy was cute in an obvious way, Jace was hot in a ‘don’t look at me’ way. His black hair hangs messily in his eyes and even with his shirt on, I can still picture that tattoo on his back.
“You can hang up now,” He says into his phone. I quickly press the end button and Jace does the same, sliding his phone on the table.
We sit in a tense, uncomfortable silence while Jace works his jaw out of anger. Why in Gods name he’s angry is beyond me. But the fact that he is for some reason pisses me off too.
“Seriously? What’s your problem!” I shout a little too loudly. Fuck it. This whole place already thinks I’m crazy. Jace eyes narrow, not even flinching in the slightest raise in my tone.
“My problem is that you are hopeless. What the fuck was that just then?”
I point to where the blonde guy sat not even a minute ago. “That? That was me being, I don’t knw, civil?”
Jace intertwines his fingers together and leans forward, a slight gleam in his eyes. “Bullshit.”
“You can’t call bullshit on something that’s not even bullshit.”
The left side of his mouth twitches, obviously him trying to hide a smile. He leans back and crosses his arms over his chest, clearly now more amused than angry.
How is able to go from one emotion to the other so quickly is making me feel a little left behind. This guy is too complicated to even try to understand.
“That’s even more bullshit, “ He drawls out, a slight half smile drawing his lips up higher.
They were just begging to be stared at. Swallowing, I tilt my chin up in the only act of defiance I have left.
“I’m not arguing about this.”
“Fine,” He says, “Then you just sit there and listen.”
Before I can tell him that that is so not happening, he slides his elbows across the table and looks me right in the eyes.
“You’re more lost than I hoped. If you can’t even flirt with a guy who is into you, then how in the whole bloody universe are you going to get a guy who doesn’t see you that way to take notice?”
“My charming whit? And did you just say bloody? Dude, that is so-”
“And,” He continues as if I didn't just talk. “Don’t even get me started on your lack of flirting skills.”
I’m still caught on how my charming whit is going to get me a man when what he says catches up to me.
So Jace Stone thought I couldn’t flirt?! He was right, of course, but I didn’t like him bring right.
t made me just look even more pathetic. What girl doesn't know how to flirt? It’s like built in our genes. I’m sure thousands of girls flirt with Jace every chance they get.
I’m sure he returns the favor. So, if they can do it, why can’t eye?
Pushing a clump of my hair over my shoulder, I send him my best man-eating smile. It probably looked less man-eater and more desperate white girl. Maybe I was hopeless.
“I can flirt.”
Jace raises an eyebrow at the very statement. “I doubt that very much Collins.”
“I can.”
“Prove it.”
“Wait-What?!”
This time he breaks out into a full on smile, knowing he’s caught me in a lie.
“Prove to me you can flirt and I’ll take back everything I said.”
Well, shit.