Posted on January 27, 2017 | Edited on April 18th, 2018
| . . . C H A P T E R . . . 1. 1 2 . 5 . . . S T I L L - I N - T H E R E . . . |
L A V A N Y A . . .
At the end of the work day, I walked out of the building. I couldn't wait to get home and see Aarav. He made everything better for me.
By the time I reached my car, I noticed the figure leaning back against the hood of the car, waiting for me. He glanced up as if hearing me coming to a stop and his eyes met mine. Then, he gave me a look over, seeing the clothes I was dressed in as well as how I must have changed physically in the past two years.
I fixed the straps of my purse on my shoulder as I resumed walking to close the distance between us. He too pushed off the car to stand on his own feet. I took looked at him from head to toe. His shirt was wrinkled in ten different ways. His eyes were sunken in as if exhausted and he hadn't slept in ages the way he had dark circles. I could smell the alcohol on his body.
I tried to not let it show on my face as I questioned, "Vivek. What do you want?"
His lips turned up sideways, "Lavanya, is that some way to greet your older brother?"
I scoffed, "Really, now? Brother? You're the one who always insists we shared nothing. What do you want? Ran out of money. Is that why I am suddenly your sister?"
He rolled his eyes irritated, but even he very well knew I was saying the harsh truth. Else, the past two years, I had not once seen him. the only time I hear from him is the end of the month when he texts to remind me to deposit money into his account. The money dad left for me. He might have disowned me first and then died, ashamed over my actions, and being his only blood heir, it came down to me. It left me in charge and each month, I'd give Vivek his share of the money.
He didn't want anything to do with it at first, telling me my dad wasn't his father. And then, he turned into a gambler when he'd drink more than he could handle. Eventually, even he used his brain and realized he needed to use that money to pay off his debts. Sadly, it only enabled him to become an addict.
"Whatever," he muttered suddenly put off. "Just give me the check, alright?"
I sighed, trying to not let anger get between us. The only reason I was mad was because he kept making it hard for me to reach out to him. So, instead of answering, I asked. "What are you doing here, Vivek? Is everything okay?"
He narrowed his eyes at me, "Ofcourse everything is okay. What do you mean? I'm just here for my money."
I shook my head, insisting, "Something is the matter. I know it. I'm your sister, remember? If you just wanted your money, you'd text me like you always do. You wouldn't drag yourself here and inflict it on yourself to have to see my face."
He insisted otherwise, "Why don't you see a mental doctor Lavanya? I'm starting to think you're delusional."
I rolled my eyes. He could take digs at me however many times he wanted but he couldn't conceal his thoughts from me. He'd always try to say hurtful things to get me to back off but I had learned to not let it get to me over the years.
"My check."
As much as I started to worry something was wrong and he wasn't telling me about it, I tried to not pester. Doing so would only push him away. Him coming all the way to Mumbai from Shimla... or wherever he had moved to after, he was in trouble. I just knew it in my bones.
I swallowed the worry, "I'll, uh, get it deposited in your account tomorrow."
"Write it for me? I'll do it myself."
Fuck giving him his space. I needed to know else I'd keep worrying. "How much debt are you in?"
For a second, the expression on his face changed. Almost surprised that despite the act he was pulling, I was able to see through it. It is from him after all that I had learnt that despite facades, there is good in people.
Then, just as quickly, it hardened and he snapped as a result, "Stop this, alright? Stop acting like you're my mom. If you're not going to give me the money, tell me and I'll leave."
I let out another sigh, trying to hold back my disappointment. Why does he have to keep making it so tough for me? Why couldn't he just admit he cared for me too?
Left with no choice, I reach into my purse to grab my check book and walking up tot eh car to use the surface as a writing pad, I filled it out and signed it before tearing it off and handing it to him.
He shifted from one feet to other, his sign of being nervous. Now, why was he nervous? "Thanks."
I raised my brows, questioning myself if he really said that or I was hearing things. "Uh, no problem?" I answered, unsure for the first time if he was being genuine.
He nodded stiffly, looked at me a second longer before deciding it was all and began to make his exit.
Not wanting him to leave just as, I stopped him. "Vivek?"
He stopped and turned to face me.
"It was nice to see you." I said, waiting pensively for his response or even the slightest reaction to assure myself he wasn't in some big trouble.
His lips pressed together, not meeting my eye. "Sure. Take care, Vans."
I released the breath I had been holding back as he turned his back to me once again and walked off. Just using that one word he used as teenagers to tease me did the trick of assuring me. Well, not 'assure' per se. He did say it and it might be nothing to a second pair of eyes, but I knew. For some reason, he was worried about me. He was checking up on me. Coming to get this check was an excuse. It's like he needed to see for himself that I was okay.
Now... if only I knew what had worried him so much that he felt compelled to visit me himself. Then, I could truly stop worrying but until then, I couldn't rest at peace.
. . . ∞ . ∞ . ∞ . ∞. . .
I reached the building complex which was home where Aarav and I lived. I walked inside the apartment to see Aarav was peacefully sleeping on the couch with his head on the nanny's lap while she was patting him, reading a book. Actually, she was a neighbor. A 16 year old who had insisted I let her babysit Aarav on the weekends when I'd be at work so she could get out of her house and earn some pocket money. She loved playing with Aarav and despite being so young, she was a responsible girl.
Then, Arnav kept insisting too that I had to let someone help me. He didn't approve of me putting my life completely on hold to raise Aarav. So, on the weekends, I'd do a part time job that'd help me earn my degree and gain experience at the same time.
I closed the door behind me quietly to not disturb him because once he woke up, he made quite a fuss before going to sleep again. Hearing the soft click, she looked up from her novel and greeted me with a smile, though tired. I could only imagine how much the little boy must have troubled her.
She shifts his head to stand up and places a pillow in its place while I take off my heels and leave my purse on the table. As I walk in the kitchen to get water for myself, she follows me to inform, "I thought you'd be tired so I made chole."
I looked at her in surprise, "Oh, Anushka, you didn't have to do that!"
She bobbed her shoulder carelessly, "It's no big deal, di. Aarav helped too."
"Really?"
She nodded and went on to explain, "Yup, such a sweet kid. He tried washing them and then the rice. He did make bit of a mess spilling water but I think he enjoyed slapping water the most. He'd burst off laughing every time it'd splash him in the face."
I chuckled myself at the recalling of her story, imaging that completely. The only time when he wouldn't give me a hard time in the mornings would be when I would run him a bath and let him play in the water. But then, he would screech and cry when I would try to get him out once the water would go cold.
"Well, thanks Anushka. Really, it was very sweet of you." I express my gratitude for she made my night easier.
She smiled back, "My pleasure. Now, eat. Relax. I'll see you tomorrow."
I nodded and she returned to the living room to get her novel and briefly leaned to kiss his forehead before seeing herself out.
After serving a plate for myself, I get my phone to call Anjali and see how things are in Australia. I'd wished I could visit. I knew Aarav would have very much loved to spend time with Arnav. Alas, I had work and I'd tried to get Aarav to go with Anjali but he wouldn't go without me.
Sometimes, I worried that by raising him, he was getting too attached to me and vice versa. One day, I knew I'd have to return him to Anjali. She never said it specifically to me, but I was a practical person. I couldn't call him my son always. But, as much as I knew that, I didn't know how to deal with that. The way my life revolved around him, I didn't know what I'd do after.
She answered the phone on the second ring and greeted cheerfully, "Lavanya! I was just about to call you. I was getting bored."
I chuckled for she was adorable. She often complained about being bored. "Why, is Arnav not bothering you enough?"
She dragged out a sigh, "No, chote went to visit the shelter last night and staying at the summer house for the weekend."
"Uh-oh. What happened?" I questioned for I knew this fact. This close to Christmas, he almost never visited the shelter. He'd only go there unplanned if something was bothering him.
She went on to assure, "Oh, no. Nothing as such. He said he had to go for something. Some work. Wasn't being specific so I didn't push it."
I nodded along, understanding it must have something to do with that person he had mentioned when he'd visited and I'd advised him to try better and help them. It felt good to hear that he was doing something about it. Else, I knew his conscious. By doing nothing, it'd have eaten away at him.
"So, how was your day?"
"It was okay," I answered. "Tiring. Just now getting home and having dinner."
"Good, that's good. You really have got to take more time for yourself, Lavanya." She advised as she often did, worrying I was overworking myself.
I smiled at her touching concern, "I'm fine, di."
"Hmm... if you say so. How's Aarav?"
"You know him. Bag of mischief. Good thing he's sleeping right now else you know, he'd never let me eat dinner in peace."
She chuckled, "No, he'd insist on feeding you with those tiny little hands that can't even hold a spoon properly and then make a huge mess."
"Right, one I'd have to clean up myself eventually."
"You know, Arnav was a stubborn kid too. Mischievous. Always up to no good. But now... it's like lately, he's forgotten to smile."
The conversation turns serious as she expressed her concerns about her brother that had been thinking back to my own. "Di, don't worry. The Arnav you knew is still in there somewhere."
Just like that, the Vivek I knew was still around.
"Hmm. I'm actually glad, you know, Lavanya. You stayed with him. I was the older one but he started losing himself in making sure I was okay. I was so lost in my own that I couldn't be a good sister to him. If you weren't his friend, I don't know. Maybe I'd have lost him a long time ago."
"No, di. Come on. Don't even think that. He's your Arnav. He loves you more than himself. He could never go too far away from you. Trust me, he's like that rare brother that not everyone is lucky to have."
She doesn't say it but I still hear the agreement in her silence. Even she has to know. Arnav, as a brother, was a gem. He may not be the best at letting people in and in the last years, yes, I've never liked the way he spends time with random girls but he wasn't all that bad of a person. After all, what human does not have flaws? Who doesn't make mistakes they later on regret?
I knew one day, hopefully in the near future, someone would have him see the error in his way with girls and that he'd get off this path of self-destruction where the only thing he cared about were his sisters, me and Aarav. His nonchalant attitude with girls had to go and I knew it, the day he'd like someone, he'd regret his ways, but until then, I could only stick by him because as history has it, none of them times I've told him to stop being that way has worked.
It's like sleeping with girls is his defense mechanism that he won't let go of.
Anjali speaks up, reminding me she was still on call. "Lavanya? You there?"
I blinked out of my thoughts, "Uh, yeah. Yeah. Sorry. Just a little distracted."
"Is everything okay?"
"Di, call I tell you something?"
She answered, "Ofcourse, sweetie. Whatever is on your mind, you can tell me."
I didn't know if I could keep this to myself but I also knew I couldn't share this with Arnav as he'd get defensive. He'd never liked how I kept trying to reach out to Vivek. He wouldn't leave a chance to tell me Vivek didn't deserve my care and somethings, when I would be really hurt by something Vivek had done or said, I'd think the same but when I'd have calmed down, I'd go back to caring.
He was my brother, after all.
Step-brother, but a brother nonetheless.
After the death of my mother when my dad remarried, I was very angry with him and I'd wanted to not like Vivek and his mother. But, in the starting, Vivek had been kind to me. He had been a brother to me. Being the older one of us, he was sweet.
But then something happened as a few years went by and I don't know what it was that he started to be mean towards me, bully me, hate me. Even after all of it, I held on to the image of the sweet kid I'd first met. Once upon a time, he did give me that feeling of belonging to someplace and that safety that one felt with a brother. And now, after all these years, even if he called it pathetic and it very well might be, I refused to give up on him.
He changed into this person from the one I knew. Similarly, if the saying 'people change' is remotely true, then I know he can change again. He just needs someone who'll believe in him.
. . . ∞ . ∞ . ∞ . ∞. . .
| . . . A U T H O R ' S - N O T E . . . |
Surprise, surprise!! Included my very first Lavanya's chapter :D While I am giving more to all supporting characters as well, it only made sense to start with Lavanya. Also goes to show her dedication as well as thought on Vivek. Even you guys get to learn something about him & maybe even find a way to believe him later.
First time around, I was going for mystery & sudden plot twists. To be honest, until last minute inspiration hit, I hadn't even thought of giving Vivek a proper role. But now, I want to make those changes as I had originally mentioned in my editing note way back in Feb.
Hope you'll like my attempt at creating a grey character & spicing up the story a little with more involvement of their vices. Do support & voice out your thoughts! <3