Chapter 13
I woke up a couple of hours later still feeling as exhausted as I did when I collapsed into the bed before. I really needed to sort my life out. If only it was that easy. I had poured my heart out to Xander’s mother and I just prayed that she wouldn’t tell him. He didn’t need to know. He didn’t need this extra burden.
I was such a bad mate. I had to come here dragging all of my problems with me. I had a rogue pack probably hunting me down if they didn’t already realise where I was and I am with another pack who hate me anyway. I was stuck. If I went on the run, the rogues would hunt me down, this pack would hunt me down and so would the Werewolf council.
I got up from the bed and realised that my hair and clothes were a total state. I climbed from my bed and freshened myself up again. I re-brushed my hair again until it was once again smooth and I brushed my teeth. I changed my clothes once again before going back into the room. I noticed the tray on the desk which had some lunch on it. It was a chicken mayo sandwich and some orange juice.
I took the tray and placed it on the edge of the bed before sitting next to it. I took into the lunch suddenly realising how hungry I really was. It didn’t take long for me to have eaten all of the food. I placed the tray back on the desk before lying on the bed looking at the ceiling. I placed my hands to my head as I groaned.
Why couldn’t things ever be easy? Why couldn’t I have a normal life like everyone else? Why does my life have to be like this? I never wanted or asked for this. I am not a bad person, yet here I am. Everyone hates me and sees me as I bad person. How can I change that? I can’t.
I heard the faint laughing coming from the back yard. It was children laughing and cheering. It sounded so nice and happy. I never had that. I had no children to grow up around, so I never experienced any of this before. I got up from my position on the bed and walked over to the locked windows.
I glanced out of the window over the huge back yard which had a pool and huge seating areas. I saw some women, obviously mothers, sat watching as the kids ran around the grass looking as if they were playing tag. I laughed quietly as I watched them play with each other. Their laughter was addictive and I couldn’t help but smile as I saw their fun.
This is what I wanted my childhood to have been like. I wished that I could have had all of this fun and laughter, friends and games. I wished I could have had a life where I could have played and have fun. Such security. This was childhood. This was what I had missed out on.
I felt a single tear roll slowly and gently down my cheek. I quickly rubbed it away before turning away from the window and I walked back through the room. I sighed heavily. My life was so depressing. I just wanted one time of fun. I wanted one time of perfection. Just to have experience pure happiness just once. I don’t ask for my whole life just one single moment.
Suddenly, the door slammed open. I startled, turning around quickly to face the door expecting to see Xander. How had I lost concentration so much as to not hear the lock on the door not open? I need to get my head together, especially in times like this. Anyone can be enemy? Is it even worth trying to survive?
JEN! Stop thinking like that!
I shut her out immediately. I didn’t want to argue with her. I didn’t want to argue over the same things with her. Yes, we are the same person but she doesn’t feel the pain as much as me. It consumes me all the time. Physically and emotionally. I looked at the door as it slammed back against the wall.
I was expecting to see Xander but the person that barged in wasn’t Xander. It was Michael. I was shocked. I hadn’t expected him to see me. I thought he didn’t have a key. I then looked at him. His hair was dishevelled and wild. Then I saw his face. It was clouded with anger. His face was taught and serious and his eyes were prominently black. His wolf was at the surface.
I stepped backwards cautiously. It was bad to have a wolf completely taken over. I was in some serious problems. Another problem is that a human is never stronger than when a wolf has completely taken over. I am probably stronger than Michael because of my alpha blood from both sides but with his wolf in this state it would be tough to stop him unless I let my wolf take over. I didn’t want or need bloodshed right now.
He stormed towards me. I went to scramble towards the bathroom but he was too quick in anticipating my move. He grabbed my arm tightly making me yelp. I felt his fingers dig into my skin tightly. He slammed me roughly up against the wall before clutching at my throat tightly. I instantly began to choke as I gasped for air. I clawed at his arms to get him to back away from me but it didn’t work.
He lifted me off of the floor so I was now held against the wall as he squeezed his hands on my neck even harder. My legs flailed out uselessly as I gasped struggling for breath.
“I hate you! I hate you so much. My mate is having nightmares! She has scars on her skin. She is mentally scarred and guess what I have just found out. She was RAPED by your father!” Michael screamed.
I literally stopped breathing. WHAT?! My father had never done that before. He has stooped so low. No wonder he hates me. He should just kill me. Get some kind of revenge. I wouldn’t blame him. How could my father do such a thing to a mated wolf? How? He is a monster. Every day my hatred of him grows so much.
I gasped for air as I scraped my nails into his skin on his arm to stop me. I could no longer scream. Black spots covered my eyes as I fought to stay awake. His grip on my throat tightened cutting off the air supply completely.
“I hate you! You are no Luna. You aren’t fit to be one. You are a murderer and liar. I will put Xander out of his life time of regret. I will end you for the pain my mate suffered at your father’s hands,” He spat at me.
My vision was going blurry as I struggled to breathe. I vaguely heard the door slam open and a ferocious growl filled the room. I shivered as I felt him enter the room. I knew it was Xander. I could feel his presence as soon as he entered the room. I vaguely saw him throw himself at Michael and he was sent tumbling away from me. I heard the thump as they landed roughly on the floor.
I heard the groaning as punches were thrown at one another.
I fell to the floor my back sliding down the wall. I gasped for breath feeling the oxygen flood back into my lungs. It seared down my throat quickly bringing instant relief. The black spots were still prominent in my eyes and I could feel myself drifting out of consciousness no matter how hard I fought to stay awake.
I vaguely remember seeing two more guards rush in and some mumbled shouting.
“Get him out of here before I kill him!” Xander ordered, venom lacing his voice.
I felt his presence come close to me. I was now laid down on the floor breathing deeply as I my throat burned. My neck felt sore and tender. I just about saw Xander kneel down beside me. His eyes were tinged with black. I felt him take hold of my hand and squeeze it comfortingly.
“Jen. Stay with me, please,” he pleaded, worry clearly evident within his voice.
I groaned out in pain as I heard scuffling before Michael was dragged out of my room. I heard more rushing footsteps before I hear someone else in the room.
“What is her condition?” I heard Julia ask.
“Mum. Look at her neck it is so bruised. I could kill him right now,” Xander seethed.
“We need to get her to the medical wing. Don’t do anything rash,” Julia announced.
I felt Xander place his arms under my leg and my back lifting me up delicately. I was hugged close to his chest and I could feel his warmth on my body and his scent wrapped around me.
“Stay awake for me, Jen. Stay awake,” Xander spoke.
I wish I could have but I could feel my eyes shutting anyway no matter how hard I fought. My eyes fluttered closed on its own account. The lack of exhaustion and the pain in my throat had taken over as I drifted out of consciousness…
I woke up to realise that I was laying down on the bed back in my room. I felt groggy and every time I tried to swallow my throat burned in response. I tenderly reached out and touched my neck. As soon as my hand made contact with my throat I hissed out in pain quickly. I looked around and saw a chair in the corner which in it sat Xander who was asleep. His laboured breathing filled the room soothingly.
He looked adorable. He looked so care free and so at ease. He looked beautiful. His hair was messy and was covering his face from the way his head was looking down. It was nice seeing him so peaceful. He wasn’t having to worry about the war and having to worry about me. I was glad.
I pushed myself into a sitting position still feeling a little weak as I did so. I couldn’t take much more of this. I uncovered myself from the bed before swinging my legs out of the bed. I climbed out and walked over to the full length mirror in my room. I gasped at the sight I saw. I looked to my neck which was now painted in dark colours of blue and yellow in varying shades. It covered all of my neck and you could see exactly where his hands had been.
I shuddered and looked away from the sight before me. I looked horrendous. No wonder it was hurting me so much. I turned back around and saw that Xander was now awake. He was watching me intently and curiously.
“What have you done to him?” I croaked, my voice totally hoarse.
“He is in the dungeons for the day to get him to calm down,” Xander explained.
“Don’t hurt him,” I whispered, finding it too hard to talk.
“Don’t hurt him! He nearly killed you. He had no excuse. Have you seen your neck? It is black and blue. You can barely talk. The doctor said if he had squeezed any harder you would have permanent vocal damage. You would never have been able to talk again. How is that fine? How can I get my wolf to not take his blood right now?” Xander spoke, standing up.
He pushed his hand through his hair roughly before he began pacing. I didn’t know what to say. Was it really that close to me losing my voice? I grabbed a glass off of my desk and walked into the bathroom filling it with cold water before I drank it to sooth my throat. I walked back into the room and Xander was looking at me intently.
“You have no idea how scared I was? I was frightened. You were on the floor gasping for breath. That you passed out on me. They wouldn’t let me in the room while they worked on you. You have been out for the past twelve hours. It is now morning. Do you know how frightened I was? I thought I was about to lose my mate before I even had her,” Xander spoke.
I kept my head down. “I’m sorry.”
“You have nothing and I mean nothing to be sorry for. Michael should be the one apologizing yet he hasn’t even shown remorse for what he has done,” Xander spoke, determined.
I nodded my head in response. Xander looked at me before turning away. I could see the internal conflict he was having in his eyes. I knew he was hiding something or not telling me something. I needed to know what he was thinking.
“What aren’t you saying?” I asked, delicately.
“HA. What aren’t I saying? What about you? You tell my mum everything or most things about your past and what has happened yet you won’t tell me. What is that? My mum was crying about the things you said. I couldn’t Alpha order her because of my dad. I feel like I am being left out of the loop. You are my mate. I deserve answers,” Xander exclaimed.
“Just because you are my mate doesn’t mean you need to know,” I croaked back.
“Of course it does. I need to know what has happened to you. You must tell me. I am your mate. You are mine. TELL ME!” Xander yelled at me.
“You have no right to speak to me like that. This is my choice. I don’t want to tell you. I have only ever told one person, your mum. I don’t want to tell you. I don’t want to relive everything that has ever happened to me. I don’t want to,” I managed to croak out.
I took another sip of my drink to sooth my throat.
“I demand you to tell me. You WILL tell me,” Xander demanded, his voice flowing with Alpha command.
Oh no he didn’t! He tried to Alpha order me. I am not having this. I am sick of being pushed around and made to do as others say. I am not a puppet. I have a choice. I will not tolerate being told, no forced to do something. I have done it like that for the past eighteen years of my life. I will not take another day more.
“How dare you Xander? How dare you try and Alpha command me? I have been treat like a possession all of my life, being told what to do. Forced into doing and saying things by Alpha command and the fear of what would happen if I don’t. These are my memories. My experiences. I don’t want to share them. They are horrific. Every time, I share. I experience the pain again. Never talk to me like that again. I will never go back to how I have been treated before. I will not take this crap…”
I sighed before beginning again. Interrupting Xander before he was about to speak again.
“I thought you would understand that. I came here, for security, safety, to do the right thing. I came to escape. Yet, this has only seemed like things back with the Rouges. I thought you being my mate would understand that. I thought you, being my mate, would understand if I am not ready to talk to you about the things that have hurt me beyond repair. I can never be a different person. I am permanently scarred with these memories. I don’t want to share them with you. I am doing this to protect you from the burden that is my LIFE. If you don’t understand that, then I don’t care. If my life is meant to be like this, hurt, suffering. I don’t want it anymore. Leave Xander. Go. I don’t want to talk to you anymore. I need to you to leave me alone right now. Leave,” I spoke, causing my voice and throat to hurt at the raised level I spoke this at.
“Jen. I am so sorry. Please, Jen,” Xander pleaded.
“GO!” I cried, as the first few tears began to fall.
Xander walked to the door looking defeated. He looked drained. He looked how I felt right now. This would never work. Me having my past is too much for anyone to handle. My life is never meant to be anything but bad. The door closed and the key turned in the lock.
I sat on the bed. The tears stopped falling. Instead, I felt empty. I felt lonely. I was so close to my mate. Yet, I was so far at the same time. If this is my life Moon Goddess, then I don’t want it. I really can’t take much more of anything. I can’t do this anymore.
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1,946 reads and 153 votes!!!! that is awesome.
Just a warning. the updates will be less often with college starting back up next week and I have left all of my homework to the last minute like a really clever person.
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Chloe x