Chapter 2...... Reality
I woke up the next morning bright and early as I heard the traffic outside my window. I opened my eyes to see my ceiling. A new day in the life that I live and I knew this cycle would never end. I tossed my blankets down as a cool breeze chilled my half naked body. It was awfully cool for a June morning but I wasn't complaining
"Good morning." I heard someone say
I shot up into a sitting position to see someone standing in my doorway. I covered my body with my blankets, out of habit and the fact that I was half naked. Though he has seen me like this and worse before. But being covered makes me feel less vulnerable
"Scott what are you doing?" I asked
"I came to say good morning." He said as he smiled
I sighed as I placed my hand on my heart because it was racing. I tossed my blankets away and I quickly grabbed my silk night gown. I slipped it one, then I got out of bed, I slipped on my slippers. The I put my robe because I was cold. It was Saturday morning. Scott still stood in the doorway as I approached him. I was still mad from the night before. Though I'm sure this abusive cycle could no longer be blamed on the alcohol. Maybe the alcohol isn't to blame at all. Maybe that's a lie that I tell myself because I believe that he still loves me and wouldn't hurt me. I inwardly sighed
"Please move." I said above a whisper
He grabbed my hips and pulled me into his body. I wanted him to let me go but I knew I couldn't win. I knew that from all the other times I've tried to get away from him. It was no use. I kept my face down and my eyes closed as he grinned both our bodies together
"Scott let me go." I said louder
He stopped then he grabbed my chin tight but not as tight as yesterday. My eyes fluttered as I finally opened my eyes to look at him. His green eyes were lit with fire. My eyes were probably over exaggerating fear because well I feared him, and I had every right to. After what he's done to me
"Stop being so scared." He said
I just looked at his eyes. How could I not be scared of him? He has no remorse when he hurts me, most of the time it's when he is drunk. He controls me, beats me, hides me, makes me live in fear. He's an alcoholic that's what makes him worse, he is already abusive and alcohol makes everything worse. He's not the guy I fell in love with, and he's the guy I can't leave. I fear for my life
"What did I do?" He asked
His voice was soft and caring like the one I used to know. I was hoping he was willing to bring his old self back, but I knew that was never possible. Like I said before he has no recollection of what he did last night or maybe he does, he just wants to see what he did and be proud of it. He let go of my face, I turned my head so he could see the still somewhat visible hand print on my face
"Wow." He said as he smiled
"You're smiling." I said
"So."
"You hurt me." I said
"So."
I just shook my head and looked back down, I was right. The man who I fell in love with no longer existed, but to others he was still there. No one knew that I needed help, no one ever heard my cry for it. No one ever saw the fake smile or the sadness behind my eyes. Everyone thought I was fine, but the truth is each day things get worse. I had no one to turn to. I was alone.
"I can do whatever I want to you." He said
I was scared now because I know what he was thinking and I didn't want him to do it. He started to untie my robe. My stomach turned
"Scott." I said
"What."
"I.. I..." I stuttered
Without a word he crashed his lips against mine. In that moment I felt the passion that I felt when we first kissed, this kiss brought back memories. I melted into his body surrendering my lips to his forgetting the monster he turned into and remembering the guy who I first met. He pulled away and I seen the sparkle in his green eyes, love showed but it was quickly replaced with anger and hatred. He grabbed my face again, his grip was tight
"Do you love me?" He asked with a hit of irritation in his voice
I wasn't sure anymore, I do love him, but not who he is now. I did love him, before the abuse started. I knew if I didn't tell him what he wanted to hear he would hurt me
"I..I..I..yes." I said
I was hoping he wouldn't catch on to my lie. He tightened his grip making me moan in pain
"You're lying." He said as he narrowed his eyes
"I used to." I said as I closed my eyes
After a few silent seconds I reopened my eyes to see him just staring at me. The expression on his face showed nothing, no emotion. He tightened his grip harder and I cried out in pain
"Scott, stop it hurts." I cried
"Say you love me." He said
"I can't."
I felt my feet lift off the ground as he lifted me up and he tossed me, and I hit the ground with a huge thump. I lost all the air in my lungs as I hit back first
"Say it." He demanded
I didn't want to but it was the best thing I could do right now. He came to my breathless body and he pined my arms to the ground and straddled me
"I love you." I struggled to say
Every breath felt like pins and needles as I tried to recover from the blow
"Good. You better, I'm the only one who will love you. You'll never find someone who will love your ugly body." He said with a snarl
"I know." I said quietly
He laughed as he got off me and headed out of my room and shut my door. When I was able to move I got up and I could feel the pain in my back from my hard fall. I needed to go out today I wanted to get away from him
'Rise in revolution
Everybody one for all sound off this is the call
Rise like we're alive
Tonight we rise
Rise' My phone rang
I ran to it and pulled it out of the pocket of my pants. I must have forgotten that it was there last night. I picked the phone up and answered it
"Hello?"
"Hi Mia can you come into work today, Kat quit and we need someone to fill in the shift starts at 9. Could you do it?" My boss said
This was my escape. I could go to work for the day and not be here, this was perfect
"Yeah sure I'll be right in." I said
"Thanks so much." She said
"It's no problem."
"See you when you get here bye." She said and hung up
I got dressed quickly and I crept over to the bathroom, I did my hair, brushed my teeth, and makeup to cover up the rest of the hand print and the finger marks that were still present on my face. After a few minuets I was ready to go. I checked my phone to see the time, I don't why I didn't look earlier, it was 8:30 I have just enough time to get to work. I walked to the front door and slipped on my shoes. Scott was sitting on his normal chair facing the TV, he wasn't paying attention until I touched the door handle
"Where are you going?"
"To work." I said
"Why?"
"Kat quit they need help." I said
"Don't be flaunting yourself." He said
"I'm not a whore." I said
"Bullshit, you skank." He said
I didn't say anything back, this is just the verbal abuse I get every day. I'm used to it by now
"Bye." I said
I opened the door and slammed it. I went off to work like it was just a natural morning. I had a fake smile on my face as I walked into the street. Hiding the pain from everyone around me, this is my reality