Chapter forty-seven
Marshall’s P.O.V
The next morning, was like living a nightmare. Saying good bye to my kids was the hardest thing I could do. Of course, I could talk to them over the phone, but it is not the same as seeing their expressions when talking about something. My stomach gurgled and turned from not eating anything and at times I felt nausea. Natalia and I did not have much to say to each other. I was afraid she might say something that might make it harder for me, even if she does not mean to say it. I was very sensitive to everyone.
Deep down thought, I could feel my life come slowly back together. Looking over at Natalia; she concentrated hard on the parkway, making sure her hands were firmly gripped on the sterring wheel and her eyes dead on the road. She made sure she did not make any eye contact with me. And if she were to talk, she would not turn my way. I leaned against the cold glass window starring out to the sun.
I was a nervous wreck. I had no idea what to expect. I didn’t know how I was going to be taken care of, or who was going to take care of me. Even though the car ride was smooth, I could feel my stomach turning acid causing it to splash up into my throat.
“Natalia, pull over, pull over” I begged, hopping out of the car only to throw up. I kept my head in between my knees the entire ride.
By the time we got there, the sun was high in the sky and my throat was burning and dry. Natalia told me that the place was beautiful, you forget you are in rehab. I imagined it being out some horror movie, where there lightening on top of the building surrounded by dark, depressing clouds and the people walking around like zombies. It was beautiful though, it was like looking at a hotel. There were people young and old, and you would’ve never guessed they needed help. They walk around in normal clothes and such. And everyone was smiling, their breath visable to the cold air. By the look of everyone’s face, this place was amazing.
Natalia grasp my hand into hers, squeezing it tightly, as if it was my first day at school. “You ready, Eminem?” she asked softly, a slight nervousness in her voice. I only smiled. The chill was taken away by the warmth of the facility. Walking in there was the front desk, a huge TV room and into another room was a game room. We were greeted by the manger. He was tall, with big black glasses and a gray suit.
“Don’t worry, Talia we will take care of him, after all he was always your man” he said. I glared over at Natalia, they were very friendly.
The man’s name was Daniel and I have learned that he went to college with Natalia. Natalia assured me I was in good hands. At any moment I felt like running away. I will get clean the same way I did before. That again Natalia was right, watching Scarface did not work, what makes me think it’ll work again.
Natalia held my hand the entire time, not letting go for a second. I heard her discuess what the trouble was with me.
“It’s all part of the cleansing though, sometimes we battle with our demons and sometimes it simple disappears” Daniel said. At times Natalia squeezed my hand and often kissing it softly. We came to the room I was staying in.
I imagined it being, hard white square floors, with a spring like bed, metal bars, a small closet and bars on the window. I was shocked. The room was big enough to fit two other people in it, a desk, comforting curtains shading the windows and a wide closet that reminded me of home. I smiled to myself dropping my bag to the floor.
Daniel describe the process as a game, each step is a new level I must accomplish, I have advance to a level where I was not in denial about my problem and I was not on any drugs that need to be flush with spiritual therapy.
“I knew he would be happy…” Daniel said smiling to Natalia.
“How can I thank you?” Natalia whispered.
“Making sure I have his next album?” Natalia nodded.
Slowly I began to unpack my things, stalling Natalia as much as I could. She moved at a slow pace as well. She placed my favorite pictures of the kids on the desk, and placed two stacks of paper on the desk along with pens and pencils. Natalia sat me on the bed, holding a small gift wrap in Christmas paper.
“Um, Ronnie wanted to give this to you Christmas Eve, but it did not come until January…” she said handing the present to me.
I smiled as I opened the gift, wondering what it could be. In a box there was tracing paper, markers, colored pens and two tracing books. A card that read,
“Get well, dad” with Ronnie’s drawing on it. It brought tears to my eyes.
“You will never be bored” Natalia whimpered. She purced her lips together trying to stop the tears from falling.
“It’s going to be hard…” she whimpered. “It’s going to be hard to fall asleep every night knowing you are here…” I placed the gift on my side, placing my palm of her tear stained face.
“Honey, don’t cry…please” I mumbled. She rested her face into my hand.
“I promise to visit you as much as I can…I’ll make sure that…that the kids call you every single day and night…” she whimpered. It sort of made me happy that she was crying and I was not, I knew I was in denial about being here, to me it was all a dream.
Natalia saying goodbye to me, was the second hardest thing to do. Coming here was the third. I sat in my room all day, crying on and off to myself. I clutch my pillow at times thinking back to a happy place in my life. I remembered my wedding day to Natalia, only leading to another set of tears.