The morning went fast. He anticipated her knock the whole time, hoping she'd get there sooner than she said she was going to. Syler was having fantasies about everything. His delusions were coming back to him. He knew they were bound to sooner or later, as the high from puking and smoking only lasted so long. The shadows crawled back into their corner again to observe him and, if it was silent enough, whisper words to him. Syler tended to ignore the corner. It just made his paranoia worse than it already was by just existing. Syler obsessively checked his phone all morning just so he could know if Lauren was planning on coming any earlier. He loved her. He loved the way that she would take his fear away for the time that he could hold her or be around her. He never wanted her to leave, but he knew she had a life outside of just him. Syler heard a knock that was placed on his door.
"Syler. Mom's calling you for lunch." It was Jess. Syler sighed. After the encounter in the morning. He truly didn't want anyone to talk to him about his eating habits or his body, or the fact that he had lost, what he was guessing, 20 pounds. Syler groaned. He knew he couldn't get out of it, but he also knew he didn't want to end up puking afterwards. Syler realized he was stuck. He had to eat and keep it down.
Syler was in denial. He denied he had issues with self sabotage and with food. He was only trying to find a way to cope with the true issues that swarmed his brain. He used the self-sabotage to try and downplay the fact that he was beginning to lose his mind. The shadows were becoming more violent. They surrounded him. They started to appear in broad daylight as well as in the dark. He began to feel out of control with his thoughts. It felt as if there were two identities inside his mind. He felt the hooded creature,the thing which he feared the most, it was almost as if it was beginning to manifest itself inside of his brain. He started to feel the delusions of this hooded creature and his own thoughts start to mash together in his head. The thought of killing another human being crossed Syler's mind a lot. He sometimes could look at someone in the street, and sometimes he'd get the itch to pull them aside and find the most painful way to kill them. Syler feared himself in these moments, he felt as if he wasn't himself in these moments. It was like someone else had taken his mind over and he had to muster his whole mental energy to keep his body as his own. He truly felt like he was losing it sometimes. Syler could feel his dreams start to morph into reality. He didn't know how to stop himself sometimes. He started to become addicted to pain, he used it as a means of control to his thoughts. He would only feel human after burning his skin or puking his guts out, or even carving deep lines in his skin that were not deep enough to kill him, but also deep enough to cause lasting damage. Self-sabotage kept Syler sane when he felt his brain unraveling.
Syler walked downstairs. He was dreading the thought of having to keep food down, but he knew that being admitted to a facility where he'd be treated for an eating disorder he swore he didn't have, his thoughts would just get worse until he would end up losing touch with himself and becoming fully consumed by the shadows. Syler calmly walked towards the kitchen. His heart was racing, palpitating even, and his anxiety run high. He looked at what his mom had set on the table. A sandwich. He looked at it and he felt stomach acid begin to churn. Syler sat down, his mother's watchful eyes kept themselves on Syler as he sat down.
"Syler, eat, I'm done fighting with you." His mom said, with intent in her voice that told Syler that he was going to be watched like a hawk. He knew that she thought that he had some severe eating disorder as well. Syler denied it many times. He knew he didn't. He swore to himself that he didn't. He looked at the sandwich with panic. His stomach was already prepared to puke up the sandwich. He took a half into his hand, and he took a bite. His mother smiled as he did, but Syler felt nothing but fear. He looked up.
"I'm really not hungry. Can I eat the rest later?" Syler asked. He knew his mother would say no, but he knew there wasn't any damage in trying. His mother looked at him, her eyes sternly burning a hole into his eyes.
"No, you are going to sit here and eat. If you don't, I will send you to the hospital." She said, her voice was boiling with anger now. Syler sighed.
"I'm not anorexic. How many times will I have to tell you." Syler argued, and he took another dreaded bite of the sandwich. The bread felt too crusty. The tomato was too slimy. The turkey felt like bark to him, but he knew he had to keep it down. He had to eat it and he had to keep it down. Syler did just that. He choked down the sandwich, using all of his stomach muscles to keep it in his stomach. His mother's eyes stopped glaring at him and they went back to just observing. Syler finished the sandwich and he angrily slammed the plate into the sink. He ended up slamming it so hard that he feared it would shatter. He was thankful that it didn't.
"Stay out of my business. I'm fine really." Syler spouted from annoyance. His mom just shook her head as he walked out. He knew his mom would be leaving for work anytime soon anyway, so he was in the clear of eating for the rest of the day.
When he made it back to his room, Lauren had texted him. He excitedly grabbed his phone to look. Syler's face lit up at the text, as Lauren had stated that she was coming in half an hour. Syler put his phone back on his desk and he tried to grab a hold of himself after the events of earlier. He put on a shirt that didn't smell like puke or sweat. He put on a different pair of basketball shorts. Syler had awaited this moment all week. He just wanted Lauren. He began to lust after her body. It became more and more apparent as time went on. Syler had become sexually attracted to Lauren.
The time passed, and the knock was heard on the door. Syler hurried down the stairs and hastily opened up the door for her. She smiled gently.
"You're fast." She observed, and then she walked inside of the house. Syler followed her inside.
"I guess I got a little overexcited." Syler said, awkwardly scratching his scalp. He ended up pulling out a few loose hairs that he discarded of by quickly shaking his hand, making sure he kept the movements subtle enough so no one would notice.
"How was your week without me?" Lauren asked as they entered Syler's room. Syler stood by the window, which was still open from the morning. He shrugged.
"I missed you for sure." He said, masking the truth about his feelings towards Lauren.
"I'm sure there's more. C'mon, I missed you to." Lauren said, hoping she'd find out the truth about Syler's feelings towards her.
"I wanted to hold your hand yeah, for sure." Syler awkwardly said, and then he looked down, trying to hide his cheeks which were turning red from both embarrassment and from lust all the same.
"Gosh you're cute dude, but you're hiding the truth. I know." Lauren said, hoping she'd poke Syler in the right way to receive the truth. Syler wanted to just spout out and confess his feelings for her and the fact that he lusted towards her. She was his everything right now, as she was the only person who'd distract his brain from the fact that it was spiraling down without using destructive habits. He considered her his safe haven really.
"I'm not, I just...missed you, and maybe, I wanted to kiss you again, just once." Syler said, his voice lowering a little. Lauren stood up from his bed, where she was sitting before, and he smiled at her. Syler was a little taller than Lauren. He was 5'8 and she was, what he believed to be 5'5 or 5'6. Syler didn't know what his height observation had to do with anything, but he seemed to keep a close eye on heights sometimes. It was part of his nature to observe.
"Well, I'm not opposed to doing it again." Lauren said. Syler turned to face her, his sunken cheeks were warm and almost fully flushed out with red. He gently put one of his hands on her cheek, and then the other hand of his was placed on the other cheek. Her skin felt soft to his touch. It started to slightly turn him on. Syler gently kissed Lauren, her lips were soft to him, and they smelt of lipstick, but that truly didn't matter to Syler. He just wanted so badly to do that, and more. He had never seen Lauren's face so up close. Her cheeks were covered freckles, which Syler found extremely attractive. Her eyes were a deep shade of green, and they were full of life, something he never saw in himself. Syler felt so dead compared to her, he knew he looked as dead as he felt as well.
"You're so beautiful." Syler whispered to her. Lauren blushed a deep red. She put her hands around Syler's waist, which was already wasting into bones and oblivion. He was wearing a tank top, the sleeves were cut low enough so that he had most of his naked torso exposed. Syler felt her hands wrap around his waist. They were cold to the touch, so he spooked initially, but he eased into the feeling. He loved the sensation of her hands on his skin. Her hands were soft to the touch. It made her all the more attractive to Syler.
"You're thin." Lauren said, surprised at how skeletal Syler's body was. It surprised her when her hand had brushed over his sharp ribs. He brushed her pastel blue hair out of her face and kissed her forehead gently.
"Let's ignore that fact for a while." Syler said and she pulled him in a little closer, wrapping her arms fully around his waist. He embraced her closely as well.
"I was just commenting, but it's not unattractive to me. I just was surprised. You're still everything to me." Lauren said, and the two stood there for a couple of minutes, holding each other as if they were the only thing that they had.
"I love you, you know right." Syler said, his voice filled with breath.
"I believe I have been made aware, and I love you to, even if we only recently met." Lauren said as she pulled her forehead to Syler's.
"I believe in love at first sight. Our love was meant to be." Syler breathed. He became paranoid that his breath still reeked of puke. He watched Lauren's reaction to it, and she seemed indifferent to him, which meant Syler was in the clear.
"I didn't believe in it until I met you. Your face when you gave me the cigarette, how it smiled awkwardly. Gosh, you're a dream, purely, you're too pure for this place." Lauren reminisced. Syler chuckled awkwardly. His arms were still around Lauren, and they still embraced her tightly.
"I'm far from pure." Syler confessed. Lauren twirled him around, and they switched places. Lauren was by the window and Syler's back was to the bed.
"You're a virgin right?" She asked. Syler looked down and his face grew into a deeper shade of red.
"Very much so." he confessed. Lauren then took a hand off of Syler's waist and she put it to his chest, which was also very much just bones. She caressed his chest, her fingers going back and forth on. Syler began to become turned on by this. His heart began to beat a little faster.
"Oh don't be scared. I can feel your heart beginning to beat faster. This is normal. Don't be ashamed of natural feelings." Lauren said as she pulled Syler in close again. She kissed his nose and then took his hand. She placed it on her own chest. Syler looked away, embarrassed.
"Try it. I'm ok with it, really. I want you to do this." She said, and Syler put his hand around Lauren's breast. He didn't really know what to do, but Lauren smiled as he did.
"Are you sure?" Syler asked, and Lauren pulled Syler in closer. She started to run her fingers down his chest again.
"Try again. I promise you this is ok." Lauren reassured him, and Syler put his hand on her back and thumbed with the straps of her bra. She began to blush even harder.
"I...do I?" Syler asked quickly, and Lauren nodded.
"Please, take it off." She said, and Syler started to undo the clasp of her bra, it took him a couple of seconds to remove it, but he did it relatively quickly. Lauren then took the straps of her bra and removed them from her shoulders, and then she let the bra fall to the floor. Syler watched it fall. He admired her breasts, they were perky. He found that they were not too big and not too small. He placed his hand between them and Lauren put her hand on top of his.
"You're so perfect. Every sense of you, even your breasts" Syler spouted, and Lauren took off the shirt she was wearing.
"Is this any better for you?" She asked him and Syler couldn't help but stare. She had a tattoo of a rose on her left breast. Syler placed his hand on the tattoo and caressed it with his fingers.
"It's art." Syler said and Lauren placed her own hand on her chest.
"Truly." She said, and then she pulled on Syler's shirt to hint at him to take it off. Syler read the gesture and he started to take off his shirt. He threw it on the floor beside him. Lauren was initially shocked at his body. She placed a hand back on his chest.
"Your hand is soft to the touch." Syler observed and Lauren began to move it lower down his torso.
"Will it be soft in other places?" She asked, and Syler looked confused. Lauren pulled him to his bed. Syler soon found himself laying on his bed with Lauren straddling him. He didn't truly know what to do, so he just let her lead it. She ended up removing her shorts and Syler finally saw her body in it's full. It was curved in the places it should be curved. She had a body that Syler deemed perfect in every sense and in every way. He pulled her in closer.
"Your body is something so perfect I don't think anything would compare. I love you, I love so much." Syler said and She looked down and crashed her lips onto his. The two rolled over in the bed for a little. Lauren placed her hand underneath the waistband of Syler's boxers.
"Take them off. We'll be even then." Lauren suggested, so Syler removed his own shorts and he let Lauren fiddle with the waistband of his boxers for a couple of minutes. The two soon stripped into nothing. They lay naked on eachother. Lauren's hands made their way down Syler's chest. Syler laid there, as he didn't know what he was to do. He let Lauren lead his way. She even had to be the one with the protection, which Syler did wear before they continued. Syler caressed the lines that defined Lauren's back muscles. The two were moving with each other, and eventually Syler started to get more comfortable with this whole thing. He looked up at Lauren who then straddled his naked body.
"You ready?" She asked, and Syler nodded. The two got closer than they ever did. Syler had never felt such an emotional connection to another human being than he did with Lauren. The time that went by felt raw, he felt this pure emotional connection to her. He felt as if they were truly one in the same.
The deed was done. Lauren fell asleep holding Syler's naked torso in her arms shortly after. He admired her while she slept before he passed out from exhaustion as well. He didn't know how much such an action of raw, pure emotional connect could exhaust and drain his body. Syler smiled at the ceiling of his room, and soon he fell asleep.