Once it became three, Syler drove Lauren home and she thanked him dearly for the wonderful time, she left him with her phone number and a hug, in which Syler felt absolutely amazing by for some reason. He had never felt such a connection, and on his way home he was elated, absolutely elated. He didn't even feel the presence of the shadows for the first time in years. He wanted to tell Zane about this so badly, he wanted to call Zane and boast about his encounter, he wanted to just say everything that happened, ask questions about what was happening. He was confused and very much needing answers. He drove home and walked back into the front door. His mom stopped him again.
"Syler, you didn't eat lunch." His mom said, her voice sounded very irritated to Syler, and he sighed.
"I was busy mom, I can have something now though." Syler said, and his mom shook her head in disappointment.
"Fine." She said and let Syler walk by her. He was in the kitchen, thinking of something that wouldn't make him puke, but surprisingly everything felt safe to him. He toasted some bread and spread some peanut butter on the pieces. He took the sandwich upstairs and then examined the list of bands that Lauren had left him to listen to. He sat by his laptop and started to search each band. He would star the ones he enjoyed, and he crossed out the ones that he didn't like. The list felt as if it was two miles long, but Syler was thankful for that, it was a great distraction from his thoughts. He went through it all and texted Lauren the results. He really did seem to like her as a person. He had never felt such a strong connection to someone, especially not a girl, Syler was convinced that he was either asexual or gay his whole life, but now he was questioning that as well. Syler just decided to leave it as an open book and accept whatever. His life was too confusing at this moment already, and he had no intention of making his life even more confusing with this stuff as well. Syler had fallen truly in love with one of the bands that Lauren had introduced him to. They were called Code Orange and they loved to make pretty angry music, and it was something Syler loved, it let him just feel without having to cause any sort of pain on himself or anyone else.
Syler was startled by a knock on the door, he jumped and looked at his door, then he sighed out of frustration.
"What do you need?" He asked, clearly frustrated.
"Apologies, Jess and I are going to see a movie later and I was wondering if you wanted to come along." His mom said, and Syler shook his head.
"I'm busy." Syler said, coldly. He wanted nothing to do with his family at this point in time, he just wanted to truly be alone for a little, the whole interaction earlier exhausted him of any sort of want that he had with human interaction.
"Alright, just offering." His mom said and closed his door, then yelled to Jess that he wasn't coming. Syler continued to listen to Code Orange and he texted a couple things to Lauren, just to make sure she didn't hate him, and she didn't, as she kept reassuring him. Syler also texted Zane to ask if he wanted to hang out again. Zane agreed under the rule that we weren't going to be bored the whole time. Syler agreed with his request, and he promised he'd be over at six or so for a little bit, as he had to get home at nine to make dinner for his family. Zane kept his whole house in order, and Syler really respected him for his ability to keep himself and his family together, seeing as Syler could barely keep himself in order. He always felt the need to ask the need Zane how he kept himself in order, but he forgets every time the thought crosses his mind, which just proves how much he needs to get his life together.
Syler wasted time until Zane made his way over, his mom and sister were still at the movies, or getting dinner or something he guessed, which made him glad that he didn't go, dinner with his mom would be the last thing he wanted as of right now. The minute Syler heard the knock on his door, he rushed towards it and opened it faster than Zane was expecting, which scared him a little bit. Syler apologized and then let Zane inside.
"So, what so urgent dude?" Zane asked and Syler looked down, sort of embarrassed.
"I met a girl." He confessed, and Zane looked surprised.
"I thought you weren't straight, my life is changed." Zane remarked and Syler shrugged.
"I'm not, I just, I really like her." Syler said, and Zane sat on the couch again.
"What did she look like?" Zane asked and Syler tried to remember her appearance with as much detail as he could.
"She had pastel blue hair, and a pixie cut, it was really pretty, and her face had freckles covering it. She had a septum piercing and her ears were stretched. She was pretty, ok." Syler said, and his cheeks turned red.
"You ever liked a girl before?" Zane asked, after observing how awkward Syler was talking about this, and Syler shook his head.
"This is my first time." He confessed and Zane stood up, as he had some more experience with girls than Syler.
"I can guide you then. What did you two do?" Zane asked.
"We met while I was taking a walk, I bumped into her and then she asked for a cigarette, so I gave her one, and that's how we started to talk." Syler explained.
"Ah, that's always a classic, bumping into each other." Zane retorted and Syler continued explaining.
"She then observed my appearance, and then asked about music, we were walking, and then I invited her home. We listened to some more music, and just talked about stuff." Syler explained.
"Do you feel a connection to her?" Zane asked, and Syler nodded.
"That's what's confusing me, I feel a connection to her, and not just a normal connection, it is romantic, I feel romance towards her." Syler said, his voice was a little shaky. Zane laughed.
"This is normal dude, relax, sounds like you got a crush on her. Let it run it's course, don't give up on her." Zane said, and Syler took a deep breath.
"I've just never felt this before, it's such an alien feeling." Syler explained, and Zane chuckled.
"Says the kid who feels maggots in his skin and sees shadows." Zane retorts to Syler.
"I know, I know, I don't know, my brain sort of fears connection I guess. It's just that everyone, well almost everyone I connect with will leave me in some way, and I hate it." Syler said, and he flung himself on his couch, his legs too exhausted to carry him any longer. He hadn't realized how tired he was lately, and he blamed it on his sleep schedule, but he knew deep down it was because he could barely eat from the fear it caused his thoughts. He believed that any sort of meal would feed the maggots that he swore crawled within his skin, well it was either that or the dreams just made him lose his appetite. Zane had observed Syler's habits around food, as well as everyone else, and everyone swore Syler had some sort of eating disorder, and Syler denied it, he wasn't trying to lose weight at all, he wished he could eat, he would just lose his appetite so much that he rarely did find a reason to eat. Zane had picked up on this by now.
"Did you eat dinner yet dude?" Zane asked, out of the blue, and Syler shook his head.
"We're eating when mom and Jess get back home." Syler explained, and Zane sighed.
"Have you eaten yet though?" Zane asked and Syler nodded.
"Cereal and a sandwich." Syler told Zane. Zane shook his head.
"Dude, the reason you're having issues standing is because you're smoking too much and eating too little." Zane said, and Syler shook his head in defense.
"What does smoking have to do with any of this?" He asked, sort of offended to Zane's calling out of his one true comfort.
"It ruins you man, like I swear you smoke a pack or more daily." Zane said, his voice started to get more assertive, which startled Syler. He had never fought with Zane, and this was scaring him really.
"Look, I'm sorry I'm a mess, I'm sorry, please don't argue with me, I don't do well with yelling." Syler said, and Zane nodded in understanding.
"Sorry, I worry too much about people sometimes." Zane apologized.
"It's ok, I need the truth bombs to be honest, because I really am a mess," Syler forgave Zane's outburst. Zane was about to speak, but Syler knew what he would say, so he cut Zane off. "But I will not see a therapist." Syler said. Zane sighed.
"Fine, but if this gets serious, I'm telling your parents." Zane threatened, and Syler sighed.
"They'd kill me man, if anything I'll get online help, only, only if needed." Syler said.
"I think your mom would be cool with it though, she worries enough." Zane said.
"I don't know, I'll see what happens though." Syler said, and the two remained quiet for a while until Syler's stomach growled, which broke the silence.
"Eat." Zane said, and Syler shook his head.
"Not in the mood." Syler said.
"Ok, are you sure you're not anorexic or something." Zane asked and Syler nodded.
"Yeah, it's not like I'm obsessed with food and my body like they are, it's a different mental illness." Syler said.
"True, it's going to be tough convincing your mom though, she's expressed concerns a lot, especially through my parents, who love to tell me everything. Your mom is convinced you're eating disordered." Zane explained, and Syler realized his face was bright red and burning from embarrassment. His heart was beating faster than he wanted, and it threw him off guard. He had never been called out on this, and it wasn't like he was intentionally not eating, he just never wanted to.
"Eh, I'll see where this whole thing will take me, but can we change subjects, this really isn't easy to talk about." Syler said, and Zane nodded.
"Yeah sure, by the way I asked my boss if there was a job opening, and he said yeah, so I suggested you, and if you come in by like next week for an interview, there's a 90 percent chance you'll get the job." Zane said, and Syler smiled, still laying on the couch.
"That's sweet as heck man, I'll come in during a time when you work." Syler said.
"I work from three to eight tomorrow." Zane said.
"Sweet, I'll swing by then." Syler said.
"Sweet, I'll look out for you then." Zane said and looked at his phone, probably at the time, which he did a lot, at least Syler observed that he did.
"Yo, I gotta head out, but I'll look out for you tomorrow." Zane said and then grabbed his keys and walked to the door. Syler watched him go to his car and drive off, he sighed. Now three people were on his case about food and really it sucked to him, because he didn't want it, he just wanted to prove to them that he was fine, but without saying he saw shadows in the dark, and he feared a hooded figure who killed. He did know he was going insane in a sense, at least it felt like that to him.
He waited on the couch until he heard the door open, and his mom walked in and she was followed by his sister. He sat up.
"Were you napping or something?" Jess asked him, and he nodded slowly.
"Yeah, I guess." He said. His mom looked down at him.
"You look sick, are you sure you're not sick?" She asked him, concern was very present in her voice. Syler sighed out of frustration.
"No mom, I'm fine." Syler said.
"You sure, I could get you to a doctor to make sure." She said, and Syler shook his head quite vigorously in protest.
"Anything but that." He quickly stated.
"I'll call the doctor in the morning if you refuse dinner, ok." She said, and Syler sighed.
"Fine." He said and then sulked up to his room. This whole "Syler is anorexic" ordeal was worse than his dreams at this point in time. He just wanted it to be over with really. He decided to start on a painting while waiting for dinner, and he washed his brushes thoroughly and set up his canvas before hearing Jess yell for him.
"Syler, dinner." She said and Syler washed his hands, put his brushes down, and walked downstairs. He looked at the table, it was the usual really. Mom had made pasta. Syler didn't want the pasta, but he also didn't want to end up having to go to a doctor who'd asses him about his eating, so he told himself to suck it up and eat the food. He sat at the table along with everyone else. His heart was jumping a little, heart palpitations he guessed. He took a plate and put some of the pasta on it and he put a small bit of sauce. His mom examined his plate, but Syler gave her a death glare to show he didn't appreciate the staring, so she stopped. He sat down, ate some in front of his parents, trying to prove that he was ok. He looked them in the eyes while eating. His mom sighed.
"I get your point, I won't call the doctor on you." His mom said and Syler smiled slightly, hoping the food he ate wouldn't come out of him like it sometimes did. There was something about the power he had while doing this whole "convince everyone you're fine thing". He sort of felt a satisfaction in fighting it, it made him want to puke up his food or something. He was fighting those thoughts, as he didn't want to add an eating disorder into his reputar of mental illness that he already dealt with on a daily basis.
Syler really fought himself over this, he wanted to keep it all down, look less sick, feel less dead and not fall down another hole that he'd be stuck in. His mind already dealt with enough. He wanted to puke it all up, fight against everyone like the teenager he is. He wanted to just eject his stomach contents and fight back against his mom and everyone else. He knew he'd be letting them all down, but he wanted nothing more than to fight something. If he couldn't fight his own thoughts, he'd fight nature.
"Hey mom, I'm going to go finish my painting." He said, and his mom sighed."Fine, glad you ate, honey." She said, and Syler rolled his eyes at the remark. He walked upstairs and into his room. He knew sort of what people did to hide the noises, but he already knew how to puke, or purge so they called it. He did it a lot as a kid to get out of school. He plugged his speakers into his laptop and blasted Code Orange to hide the noise of the puking if it happened. He locked his restroom door. Syler didn't know why he even decided to do this, but he knew the logic in his brain was gone, and had been for quite some time. He lifted the toilet seat up and bent over the toilet, clenched his stomach muscles, forced himself to heave, and it all came up quickly and quietly soon after he did that. He gagged on the sour taste of the puke. Syler regretted the decision, but he felt a sort of high from it. He knew this was going to bring him further down the already dug hole of self-destruction, but he already knew he was beyond repair, so he decided it was easier to do things that made him feel better even if they were things that could kill him. He cleaned out his mouth and he sprayed the room to rid the smell of puke before it seeped into any other room. Syler felt calm, and with every sense of calm, he'd smoke, so he sat on the roof, and lit up another cigarette.