Taylor walks with a heavy heart into her apartment, unaware of what's waiting for her inside.
It's early in the morning so she and Karlie were able to slip back into the city without being noticed. However, that didn't seem like the case for what they saw when they pulled in the garage.
Not only was her publicist in her apartment, but Taylor knew her parents probably were lurking somewhere as well. She gulps from the drivers seat, too afraid to even look over at Karlie. She doesn't know how long she sat there just staring out at the garage wall, but it must've been long enough when she feels Karlie gently take her hand.
"I'm sorry, this is my fault." She acknowledges in a low, sad tone.
The thought of Karlie beating herself up over a decision the both make breaks her heart. She holds on to Karlie's hand and runs her thumb across the top, trying to find a perfect answer. Unfortunately, she can't come up with one right now.
"I'm going to have to go inside." She says quietly, finally turning and looking over at Karlie.
She looks so beautiful, but she looks so scared. Taylor mentally remarks as she stares at the girl next to her. In all this time that they've been hanging out together, she is noticing now for the first time just how young Karlie is.
With her hair up in a messy bun and some faded jeans, old white sneakers and a plain hoodie, Karlie looked like your average college kid. She wasn't much younger than Taylor and age hasn't ever been an issue, except that Taylor knows just how Tree was going to spin this.
She will try to say Karlie is too young and immature for Taylor, and that simply wasn't true.
"We should get this over with." Taylor says quietly, before exiting the car and meeting Karlie in the back to get the cats and luggage.
Karlie is beyond quiet which was normal and yet it was completely out of character. Taylor has always known how closed off the younger girl is but right now she couldn't read her at all. She hasn't said much since they arrived and doesn't speak a word as she helps Taylor wiggle out her luggage.
"Why don't you bring the cats up, I'll pull your luggage out of here and bring it up." Karlie huffs after a few seconds of struggling with the luggage.
"Okay." Taylor says simply with a small smile before gathering the cat carriers and walking into her own place. It felt good to be home, but Taylor missed being away with just Karlie. She walks into the living room, releasing the cats and turning to put their carriers into the closet. Once that's settled, she straightens up her blouse and takes a deep breath, heading into the kitchen.
As expected, she walks in only to see a very stressed out Tree Paine standing with her arms folded, looking right at Taylor.
"Look who decided to return to reality." Tree remarks with a slight attitude as Taylor steps in to the kitchen.
"I'm an adult Tree, I can do what I want." She says dryly as she opens the fridge and pulls out a water bottle. "Also, before you even try to, please don't assume I have some diva lifestyle, you know better." She warns wearily, usually a disagreement would end there for them but when she turns around and sees the fire in Tree's eyes, she knows she's on for a long day.
Tree takes a deep noticeable breath that Taylor can only imagine is working up a slew of words behind it. So before she could speak, Taylor sits down at her kitchen island and rests her head in her hands.
"Do you think this is some kind of joke?"
"Truthfully I'm not one for jokes, I do however enjoy constant sarcasm." Taylor says is a monotone voice as she nonchalantly glances down at her finger nails, appearing more interested in those instead of this conversation. Which, was probably half true if she were being honest.
Tree stares at the pop star in amazement. In the time that she's gotten to know Taylor, she's never been this unprofessional when things are serious. It's been a drastic change in her eyes, and to tree, she has no one but Karlie to blame.
"You made a mistake, Taylor. You're an international pop star, do you really think you can just do whatever you want?" Tree asks, her tone slightly growing the more heated she gets.
"I've been the 'international pop star' longer than you've been working for her." Taylor remarks towards herself. "But that does not mean that I'm not human, or an adult so yes, I do think I can do whatever I want." Taylor says strongly in her defense. Her body is tense as she tries to mentally relax herself but she knows it'll only get worse from this point on.
Especially since Tree hasn't even started on Karlie yet.
"No!" Tree says, slamming her hands down on the island counter, causing Taylor to jump. "I wish you could Taylor I really do. You've had a hell of a life at a young age and you're fully engulfed in it right now. So what in the god damn world makes you think that you can just run off with some, with some, irresponsible wash out!" Tree shouts, her angry voice echoing through Taylors open New York City apartment.
Taylor is fully taken back. Hot tears rush to fill her eyes as she actually has to refrain herself from the urge of jumping this counter.
No Taylor, stop. You're not like that and you know it. You know you shouldn't have done it and Karlie knows that too, but you are an adult and Tree does work for you. The pop stars mind is flooding with back and forth banter that Taylor doesn't know whose side she's really on anymore. She only knows that she's raging from Tree calling Karlie an irresponsible wash out.
"Fuck off Tree. I am so done with you right now. You don't know her, you wouldn't even take the time to!" Taylor shouts back.
"I don't need to! I know for a fact that she's no good, Taylor! You've seen her spread out all over the media with negative stories and a bad girl reputation!" Tree responds, talking with her hands and desperately trying to make her boss understand the enormous risk she took.
"Again, you don't know her!"
"I don't need to! She is nothing but trash Taylor and I'm done. I won't defend some self proclaimed performer that has done nothing but drag you and use you since the day she met you in that studio."
Tree's words still ring aloud, bouncing through the walls of the entire apartment. Tears flow down Taylors cheeks like a constant stream as she has to refrain from blowing up at her publicist right now. She can't explain why there's a burning sensation covering her chest every time Tree spits out another vile word pertaining to Karlie. The feeling scares her, simply because she's never felt feelings so strong about another person before. It's a feeling she never even acknowledged to be possible, and it empowers and drains her all at once.
"Take it back." Taylor grunts through gritted teeth as she tries to control herself from breaking down completely.
Tree shakes her head against Taylors wishes, "I wish I could Taylor, but I won't. I mean it, she is nothing." She says in a small yet firm voice.
Saying that Taylor was stunned by this argument was saying the least. Her publicist is tough, however she can't recall a time that Tree was ever this bad towards her and her private life. Her mouth feels dry as her lips slightly part, getting ready to respond. Until she hears a sound that makes her heart fall into her stomach, even a stolen glance at Tree shows she's stunned too.
Awkwardly, Karlie Kloss stands in the far entrance of the kitchen. All the two heard was the small clearing of her throat, seeming to forget that Karlie was even here until then. She stands sort of misplaced as she barley hangs on to Taylors bags of luggage before letting them slip onto the floor.
"Karlie.." Taylor manages to croak out from her tears, but Karlie's simple raise of her hand that signals Taylor to stop makes her heart hurt even more.
She stood there, empty. And for the first time since Taylor has ever known her, she looks vulnerable. It takes every ounce of strength in her body to respect Karlie right now instead of running to her and crushing her in her arms to keep her safe like she wanted to. Deep down inside, Taylor's pain stems from knowing she too hurt Karlie right now.
Not just Tree.
Karlie slowly crosses the room, making her way to Taylor. She refuses to make eye contact with Tree as she reaches her destination. But as Taylor reaches out to touch Karlie, the taller girl pulls away coldly. She instead slides Taylors car keys before turning and beginning to walk away.
"No. Karlie, no." Taylor says desperately, having no concern anymore for showing Tree a glimpse into her private life. She didn't care that she's chasing Karlie down and begging her to stay.
Maybe this was what Tree needed to see.
Taylor latches on to Karlie the best she can, trying to hold her close. Not able to control her tears she cries aloud and only breaks more when she is able to tell that Karlie is crying too. Taylor wraps her arms tightly around Karlie's waist and trying to comfort her, but Karlie is fighting to pull her hands off of her so she can leave.
"Taylor you need to let me go." Karlie croaks out through her tears.
"No please don't go. Stay Karlie. Please stay." Taylor pleads, fighting off Karlie's arms to try and hold her close.
"Let me go." Karlie grunts as she finally pries herself free. Without a second glance she slightly pushes Taylor off and promptly makes her way out the front door and away from the apartment.
"Karlie please, don't go! Please come back to me, come back.."
Collapsed on the floor Taylor cries aloud. She stares at the front door wanting to run out of it and chase her girl down, but she can't will herself to move.
"Come on, Taylor." Tree says softly as she's squatted behind the broken girl, trying to help pull her up.
"You did this! You made Karlie leave! She heard the nasty things you said and now she left me! She left me." Taylor cries out as she tries to hit and push Tree away but it's no use. As the realization slips in that Karlie just heard everything and walked out so easily, Taylor feels like she can't hardly breath. And her fighting stance against Tree suddenly crumbles.
As she's collapsed in a broken mess of tears in her publicists arms, laying on the cold living room floor.
"She left me..."
*****
Taylor lays in her bed watching her friends messages and phone calls all come through and then disappear unanswered. It's dark in her bedroom although it's mid afternoon.
It's been three days since she's seen or heard from Karlie.
She wipes her eyes of the new flow of tears before pulling her feather down over her head and crying into a pillow. She's barley been functioning these last few days. The only things she seems to do is feed the cats and force herself to shower. She wants to cry harder but right now the tears aren't coming anymore, slowing themselves to a near stop. Reaching out for her phone, she calls Karlie for the millionth time.
It goes to voicemail.
She hangs up the phone and in a random burst of anger she sits up quickly, taking the iPhone and throwing it as hard as she can, smashing it against the wall. She sits up in the bed for a moment, both cats took off out of the room after being scared off by Taylor's quick movements.
After a few minutes of huffing and feeling angry, she's sad again and disappointed. She slips out of bed and goes over to where her phone lays on the ground only to see it smashed, as expected.
"Fuck." Taylor sighs before carefully unlocking the phone and calling Tree.
"Taylor?! Are you okay? No one has heard from you, I'm glad you called." Tree says on the other line, genuinely sounding relieved to have Taylor calling.
"I need a new phone, mine broke." Taylor says quietly.
The other line is silent for a moment, Taylor assumes Tree can probably guess that she's the one who broke it.
"Okay I just ordered a new one, I'll pick it up and bring it by." Tree finally responds.
"No, you won't. You can pick it up but you can have Ryan give it to me. I don't want to see anyone." Taylor says sternly.
"Taylor.."
"Give it to Ryan, I don't want to see you." Taylor says again with a lot more aggression laced in her tone this time. She hates being like this but right now she doesn't care. Her heart is broken and she's feeling reckless towards any relationship she has with anyone.
"Okay I will." Tree says softly. "Can you at least call your family? They're worried." She suggests, trying to somehow pull Taylor out of her funk, and knowing that her family can usually help.
"Why don't you call them? You like calling the shots when it comes to my life anyway, so it shouldn't be an issue." Taylor shoots back quickly.
It's quiet on the other line again and Taylor almost thinks Tree hung up but when she goes to check, her publicist finally speaks again.
"Your phone will be there soon. Goodbye Taylor, I hope you feel better." Tree says quickly before actually hanging up the phone this time.
Taylor shrugs and texts Ryan to just leave her new phone on the kitchen counter and then instructing him to leave. He's quick to text back with a quick agreement so Taylor stands in her dark, messy room. She rubs at her tired eyes, considering getting back in bed but she knows she's due for another shower.
She pulls out some fresh clothes from her dresser drawer and heads into the master bathroom. Taylor turns on the small lights by her bathroom mirror and when she gets a look at herself she jumps. The person staring back at her is someone she doesn't recognize.
Her hair is a complete mess, and she looks a thinner than she was from not eating at all these last three days mixed with the amount of stress she's put herself through. There are dark bags under her puffy eyes and her nose is red from all the crying she's done. The way she looks gives her a sudden headache so she takes some meds before almost completely dimming the lights.
Taylor starts her shower but even that brings back the numerous times she and Karlie either made love in the shower or simply showered together. A fresh batch of tears form as she strips down, tossing her clothes in the hamper that's starting to pile up before slipping into the steaming shower.
She relaxes herself. Standing under one of the three shower heads, Taylor closes her eyes and lets the hot water pound over her body. Her mind races with thoughts of Karlie, wishing she was here to wrap her arms around the singer. She misses her more than anything. Everyday without Karlie seemed more and more unbearable to her. Of course she's googled the girl a few times but nothing has come up. Her heart hurting more when she imagines how hurt Karlie must be, and how that hurt came from her and her publicist.
After a long time she wills herself to clean off and get out of the shower before she starts to prune. The cold air outside of the shower hits her hard. She slips out, quickly drying herself off before putting new pajamas on and going back out to her bedroom. Checking her broken phone she sees it's been deactivated which only means her new one is waiting downstairs.
Making her way outside of her bedroom, she heads down to the kitchen and as expected, she finds a new iPhone waiting there for her.
A sigh of relief comes out when she sees not only did Tree transfer all of her contacts, she also was able to save Taylor's photos as well.
Debating if she wants to go back to her bedroom or not she chooses to wait. Her stomach releases a loud growl, she looks down with her brow furrowed before turning to her fridge and scanning it for something she could eat right now. Eventually she settles on a bowl of cereal, because it took the least amount of effort.
For the first time in a few days Taylor hears the outside hustle of the city. Of course, it hasn't stopped in Taylor's last few days of going off the radar, but since she's been so consumed in her own sadness she hasn't opened herself up to hear it.
Scrolling through her phone to adjust the settings the way she liked them, she goes to her camera roll with shaking hands. All of her photos were transferred over to this one and of course that includes the endless photos she and Karlie have taken within these last few months. She stops on a particular one, selecting it and almost immediately her tears well up again.
It's a photo Karlie took of them together in bed one night. Taylor is cozily sleeping away, cuddled into Karlie's chest. While Karlie's long arm is extended out to take the photo, her eyes are scrunched and her tongue of course is sticking out. Her face has no makeup which Taylor thinks is beautiful and her messy hair sticks out perfectly imperfect under the hood she's trying to hid it under.
Karlie looks really happy, and Taylor looks blissfully comfortable.
Pushing the phone away from her Taylor slides away her half eaten bowl of cereal, as she brings her hands to cover her face while heavy sobs escape her mouth. She's crying harder than she thinks she has so far and she can actually feel her heart aching.
Laying her head down on the counter she just cries for a long time, with no intention of stopping. All she wants is for Karlie to come back to her, she'd give anything to have her here with her once again where she belongs.
And so as if she hasn't suffered enough, an all too familiar daunting thought floods her mind, making her think that Karlie will never come home to her.
*****
A worn down Karlie Kloss makes her way to the front door of her apartment. Her doorbell was ringing off the hook and woke her up from the deep sleep she was in.
Turning the doorknob she pulls it open with one hand, her other hand rubbing her tired eyes, but when she sees who is standing on the other side, she immediately swings it shut again.
As she turns to walk away, the doorbell persistently begins ringing again and she would normally keep walking but it's killing her head from the massive hangover she has. She sighs with annoyance, knowing they won't give up she turns back and swings open the door again.
"What do you want, Tree." She says with an annoyed sigh.
Taylor's publicist stands firmly at the doorway, she seems annoyed that Karlie took so long and then proceeded to shut the door in her face but Karlie could very clearly care less.
"Can I come in? I'd like the chance to speak with you." Tree says professionally, still standing outside.
Karlie pretends to seriously ponder over her request before shaking her head. "I don't think so, I'm busy." Karlie says with a slight yawn, "besides, I don't want to see you anyway." She concludes with a fake smile before grabbing the door and swinging it shut again.
She turns around with a coy smile that quickly fades when she doesn't hear her door shut but instead, hears Tree block it from shutting on her.
"Karlie please. This isn't about me or you, it's about Taylor. A very broken, worn down Taylor, who is cooped up in her apartment right now and crying her life away. Now, can I please come in and talk to you?"
The singer gulps, she's thankful to still be turned away from Tree because the immediate tears that form just from hearing Taylor's name isn't something she wants Tree seeing. Or that the thought of Taylor broken and locked away in her apartment literally rips at Karlie's heart and makes her feel sick. She allows herself to hesitate for a moment before collecting her self and turning around again. She opens up the door with no words and gestures for Tree to come inside.
"Thank you." Tree says genuinely before stepping into Karlie's apartment.
"Sure but let's make this quick, I'm busy and I don't want you here." Karlie responds being very forward with her words.
"Understood." Tree nods before following Karlie into her own kitchen and taking a seat at the dining room table.
Karlie takes a rubber band off her arm and throws her hair up into a messy bun before sitting down across from Taylor's publicist.
"I need to start by saying I'm sorry, and that I know those two words mean nothing, however in all sincerity I do mean them." Tree begins, Karlie studies her over and mentally shakes her head at how professional Tree still holds herself, even when this situation has far surpassed professionalism. "Karlie, I shouldn't have said those things about you. In all honesty, you're every publicists worst nightmare when it comes to you being involved with their clients. You're a free spirit who doesn't mind that she's famous, you don't let that bound you and I truly commend you for that." Tree continues, slowly beginning to loosen up and lay on the line how serious this relationship she has with Taylor actually is.
"But?" Karlie sighs, knowing there is something more coming after that slightly backhanded compliment.
"But, it frankly just isn't safe for someone of your status. Or, Taylor's to be honest."
"I really care about Taylor." Karlie says quietly, looking down at her hands and trying to somehow make Tree understand. "I know who everyone says I am or even how I've portrayed myself, but I'm really not a bad person." Karlie admits, crumbling in front of the one person on earth she'd rather not break down in front of. Did it really matter though? Taylor was different, she was the light in Karlie's life that has been pulling her out of the darkness she's let herself hide in for so long. She never lets her guard down or let's another person come in, but for Taylor, she stood there from day one just holding the door open for her. Allowing herself to just be, when it comes to Taylor.
So if all of that also meant that Karlie had to give up the bad girl act and let herself openly feel something, then so be it.
Her head falls into her hands as she breaks down crying at the table. All she wants right now is for Taylor to be here, even if Karlie was the slightest bit upset with her, she doesn't care anymore.
You promised yourself you'd hold your ground on this. If you care for Taylor this much and she doesn't care for you enough to defend your name and who you are, you don't deserve that kind of love. Not when you've opened up to her, and let yourself be someone you never thought you could be.
Tree's expression softens at the sight of Karlie broken down in front of her. She reaches out lightly, slowly taking Karlie's hand and holding it loosely with one hand while using her other to rub Karlie's arm for comfort.
"You seem to really care for her. I saw that the other day and I'm seeing it now. Talk to her, Karlie." Tree tries to encourage, she's quickly shot down.
"She didn't even defend me when you said that stuff about me," Karlie says as she wills herself to sit up and pulls away from the woman across from her. "Taylor said nothing, and if there's one thing I have tried my hardest to be the opposite of when it comes to Taylor, is a bad person. I've never wanted her to think that about me, now it's too late."
Tree's brow furrows in confusion as she stares weirdly at Karlie. "There are a lot of things wrong with what you just said. To start, you didn't give Taylor the time to say anything back to me. Because trust me, in the last few days I've been told off so many times by Taylor Swift you'd think she was a sailor. Secondly, Taylor does not see you as a bad person. In her eyes, I'm fairly positive that you do no wrong." She explains, trying to make Karlie understand the genuine passion Taylor has towards her.
As Karlie stares at Tree and absorbing everything the publicist just said, she's also trying to figure out in her head what to do. Just because Tree says that Taylor doesn't think that, doesn't mean it's true. No one really knows except for her, and it's terrifying Karlie the most.
She's torn. While she wants to stand her ground and shut herself down like she always does, the other part of her wants to run. To run straight to Taylor and simply be with her again. These last three days ignoring her relentless calls, texts and bawling over every choked up voicemail creates a larger urge to give in. And that only scares her, when did she allow herself to love? What is it about Taylor Alison Swift, that makes Karlie feel like she's finally found something she can call home again?
And the most important question that seems to matter the most right now; what should Karlie do?
Tree slowly stands from the table and swings her purse around her shoulder, signaling to Karlie that it was time for her to go. She lifts her hand to stop Karlie from standing.
"The door is right here, I'll show myself out." She says with a small smile before heading toward the front door. Just before she's about to leave however she turns to look back at Karlie. "Thank you for letting me in and letting me apologize to you. Again, I am terribly sorry, I didn't even give you a chance before a judged you. I can only hope that you will forgive me someday and we can move forward in a more positive way in the future."
"Wait, what do you mean so that we can move forward someday in the future?" Karlie calls out in question, catching Tree's subtle mention of them having any sort of neat future involvement.
Tree laughs aloud slightly, shaking her head before opening Karlie's front door and beginning to walk out it.
"Goodbye Karlie, if she calls again, and she will, try answering."
With that, the front door closes and Karlie's left staring at it alone in her empty apartment, and pondering what exactly it is that she should do next.