(trigger warning)
Barry's POV~
I was dead on the inside and out alike. My skin pale, my color fading, the fire burning, and my heart breaking. All I did anymore was reminisce on the times when I wasn't what I am now, when I was whole and not broken, when my other half hadn't been cruelly ripped from me with sheer inevitable force, when I was me and not just a lifeless spirit trudging on.
Only he had seen me like this, and only he could cause it. And now he was gone and couldn't see the broken pieces he left in his path.
Every time someone placed a careless hand on my shoulder and added a fake line of comfort to impossibly lift my spirits I pushed them off and enclosed myself further. They didn't understand, he wasn't just my best friend. He was my life partner and the single shred of light in this cruel world around me but how could I put that into words for everyone else to see without going against everything he stood for?
He wanted it secret and the fact that he's not here to stop me from screaming I'm the most flaming homosexual alive and I've been screwing my best friend since high school doesn't change that. But the fact that I have to keep that bottled up inside only makes this so much harder.
"I know I'm always in a rush," I whispered to the lake in front of me, the one where we ran off together to be alone and do whatever the hell we wanted with no one watching us. "You always told me that, it drove you insane. You'd be looking at the flowers in the road and I'd already be at the next city." I paused for a moment and chuckled, imagining the angry face he put on when he'd finally caught up to me, crossing his arms and puffing out his cheeks but melting at a charming apology. My small smile quickly faded though and was replaced by a frown that I hated being on my lips.
"But that's the thing," I continued, tears pricking my eyes and my bottom lip trembling. "I waited on you, Lucas, and everyone else I just passed by. But you were the dumb flowers on the road that made me stop and stare and forget where I was even going and I don't know how you could do that to someone like me but you did. I don't like to cry, I don't cry but- dammit Lucas, see what you do to me?"
I half-laughed and wiped the tears from my eyes but they kept on coming. I ripped the grass from its roots and threw rocks into Verity and slammed my fists into the ground but it wasn't enough.
"I wanna be with you," I choked out, gripping at my hair and then resorting to holding myself. "You've always been the angel when I've gone through the depths of hell, but- but my angel's in heaven now and I don't know what to do because I'm lost without you. I wanna go with you." And by this time I was a blubbering mess yelling inaudible sentences while tears and snot ran down my face in a constant flowing stream.
"I don't want you to see me like this, I just want you to hold me and love me and tell me that's it's going to be okay, but it's not. I'm never gonna bounce back from this, not if you're not here to tell me everything's going to be okay. It's not, Lucas, this world is hell without you!"
I curled up and shook until there were no more tears left in me to cry and only heavy steady breaths remained. I stood up slowly, walking to the edge of the lake with my hands at my side and my eyes half-lidded.
"We've never been apart," I whispered, staring down at my dull reflection in the water. I smiled a genuine smile before placing my hand over my heart and closing my eyes, picturing his smiling face and outstretched hands. "Let's keep it that way."
and I let myself fall.