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Chapter 15 - Awake
My head was pounding something awful. I hurt everywhere, and yet I felt numb. I didn't know where I was, or even if I was alive, and yet a sense of calm encompassed me. I felt blissfully ignorant, and remarkably safe, though I had no idea if any of that was true or not.
My senses started coming back to me slowly.
First came the sensation of pain. I felt stiff all over, lethargic, with no desire to move even though my mind encouraged me to do so.
Memories came flooding back to me in a rush, the girl stranded, the branch blocking my path, being surrounded, trapped and alone, my sense of hopelessness, the voice...
What was true? I couldn't distinguish reality from my own imagination. Did someone find me?
Yes. The answer came immediately to my mind.
I was safe. I knew it but couldn't explain where the conviction came from.
'Stay close to me, I'll keep you safe' the phrase echoed in my mind. It pushed back my fears, renewed my calm.
I could hear my heart beating, smooth and steady, could feel the breath leave and return to my body in a calming rhythm. I felt vigorously alive and wanted even more to open my eyes.
It was a struggle, but I finally managed it, feeling proud of myself for the effort. I blinked slowly getting used to the motion. Wherever I was, it was dimly lit and my eyes adjusted slowly. A tan roof stretched above me, I was in a tent.
My gaze travelled down to the figure sitting by my side.
He was asleep, his heart beating in sync with my own. He looked peaceful but for the wrinkle between his eyes betraying his worry. His hair was messily spread over his closed eyelids, and his head rested on top of my stomach like a pillow. It was a comfortable weight; seeming as though he'd been sitting up hunched over and had given into sleep unwillingly.
My gaze travelled to my hand, intertwined with his and again reassurance swept through me. I felt a surge of emotion towards this boy, the one who saved me.
'Stay close to me, I'll keep you safe'.
He'd kept his promise though I'd failed in mine. I hadn't stayed close, yet he'd managed to keep me safe. I focused my energy, willing my hand to squeeze his, erase that wrinkle, and prove I was okay, because of him.
I struggled, screwed up my eyes in concentration, and realized how exhausted I really was. But I was determined, and so I pushed, and succeeded. His eyes blinked open slowly, in confusion. He raised his head, his eyes travelled first to our hands, then, inch by inch they moved further up. He hesitated, bit his lip, and murmured under his breath. I tried to listen to what he was saying and managed to catch a few words 'please... hallucinating... awake... hope...please '.
He squeezed his eyes shut and let out a deep breath as if preparing himself for disappointment. I had the strange urge to giggle but kept it in check; I was probably still dizzy. When he opened his eyes again they tentatively drew upwards... to meet with mine.
The reaction was immediate. His face lit up like a thousand candles being lit at once, relief exploded behind his eyes before they became glassy with tears. He blinked back furiously, the smile on his face radiant.
"Celia," He breathed.
It felt as if the wind carried my name from his lips straight into my body. It resonated within me, giving me strength. It was his voice that had called to me, pleaded with me, refused to stop looking for me.
I returned the smile, forgetting for a moment everything but the two of us, but reality caught up soon enough and I was flooded with questions. I asked the one that meant the most to me first.
"How did you find me?" My voice came out raspy, my throat felt raw and burned as my voice pushed its way out, but I refused to let that stop me.
John got up and filled a glass with water from the pitcher. He looked uncertainly at me for a moment before sitting at the edge of the bed. Putting the glass down, he wrapped an arm around my shoulders and gently lifted me partway up. I was a little embarrassed at needing the help but didn't want to object when he was being so nice.
He cradled me to his chest and brought the glass to my lips. I felt almost fragile in his arms, the way he held me so delicately, like I was about to break. No one had ever treated me like that, not even my parents who knew I didn't want the coddling. And yet, with John of all people, I found I didn't mind it. It felt nice.
The water sliding down my throat brought nothing but relief and helped wash away the taste of ash that coated my tongue.
He put the glass back on the counter but didn't make any move to put me back down. Well, that was fine; I was comfortable as I was. I leaned closer to him and he froze in surprise before relaxing. He put his other arm around me and hugged me closer, leaning back against the headboard and pulling me back with him.
I felt a blush creep up my cheeks and was grateful he wasn't at an angle to see. This felt intimate, more so than the dancing had because at least then I'd known, or thought, he was just teasing. But this was different, more real and much scarier. He started stroking my hair absentmindedly and the soothing motion relaxed me and made me feel drowsy. I felt my eyelids getting heavier, but then blinked back the tiredness when I realized he hadn't answered my question earlier.
"How did you find me?" I whispered, glad to hear my voice sounded normal again.
He stiffened around me, his grip too tight before he let out a deep breath and relaxed again, unconsciously pulling me closer.
"I followed your trail, the same way you found me... it was easy enough since you'd left quite a mess on the way... but then... the trail... it just... disappeared. There was a wall of fire raging so high I thought you must have gone around but I couldn't find you"
I felt a tear on my cheek, but it wasn't my own. I looked up to see an anguished look on John's face. His eyes were squeezed shut and the single tear that had fallen traced a wet trail down his cheek, the only evidence it had even happened. What should I do? Surely the least would be to comfort him as he was doing for me.
I stiffly raised my hand to brush against his cheek to wipe the line away. His eyes flew open to reveal a pained look and I knew he was reliving the chase all over again. The look was quickly replaced with something tender as he remembered I was alright and he shakily raised his own hand to cover mine.
"I ran in circles calling your name but there was no answer, and the smoke made it so hard to see... but then it occurred to me that you might be..."
He hesitated, his hand dropped down, taking mine with it to settled on his thigh, and I knew the words caused him pain as he remembered.
"Trapped... I tried finding a way through the circle of fire and through some twisted act of fate happened to be in just the right place with there was a break in the wall. I dove through and saw you crumpled on the floor and I thought I was too late... but I couldn't think of that... I had to believe you were alive... so I picked you up and tried to find a way out but there wasn't any. I didn't know what to do, just that I had to somehow get us out of there, and I was just about to take my chances running through the wall when Brice came. I guess he noticed when you weren't behind him... he told me later how you'd rushed into the inferno to save a little girl and baby, they made it back to their mother by the way" He said with a brief smile. "Anyway, Brice had brought help and they managed to douse a small section of the flames for us to get through"
"And the fire? Did it get put out?"
"Yes, thanks to the rain two nights ago. We kept it contained all day and then the rain finished the job for us."
"Wait, how long have I been out for?"
"This would be the end of the third day." I gaped in shock. I'd been unconscious for that long?
"And you've... been with me this whole time?"
"Well I helped the villagers during the day and stayed here every night" He looked embarrassed for a moment before a defensive look came into his eyes as if I would scold him for sitting here for three nights. I was actually touched by his concern but was afraid to think too much of it. Anyone would be worried.
Yes, but would they stay by your side all night hunched over in a chair for three days straight? A voice whispered in my mind. I didn't want to think too much into it, and instead just smiled up at him.
"Thank you" I whispered.
His lips twitched into a rueful smile. "That's twice now on this adventure you've almost killed yourself. What am I going to do with you?" He whispered back lightening the mood.
I widened my smile. "You know I only put myself in danger because you take such good care of me after." I teased, while at the same time realizing how true it was.
He chuckled softly, though his eyes remained wary. "That's it, when you get out of here I'm tying us together and not letting go."
I grinned, "Promise?"
He shook his head and I watched his face as it took on an amused look as if wondering why he put up with me. And right after that to a look of something I couldn't define. This erased just as fast to one of even more amusement, as if he thought he was crazy, but didn't mind.
Or it could just have been my imagination, the moonlight reflecting funny, casting shadows across his face.
After a few moments of silence, another question drifted to the front of my mind but I was hesitant to ask it. Maybe it would be better off not knowing... but I'd see it soon enough. Better to be prepared for the sight. I braced myself and voiced my concern out loud feeling vain and foolish.
I tried to make light of the question, pretend I didn't care. "So... how bad is it? Will people run in terror when they see me?"
He chuckled softly. "It's not so bad, the small scratches are already healed." He murmured.
I braced myself for the worst anyway.
"You're face is fine, but there's a bigger cut on your neck..."
His finger traced a line down my neck causing the skin to tingle, and I became aware of the ridge of raised skin there.
"...the healer said it wont hurt you but a mark will always be there..."
I breathed out a sigh trying not to worry about my appearance, but it came out shaky since I was trying not to be so aware of his hand trailing down dangerously close to the neckline of my shirt.
"... you have a few burns as well..."
His hand lifted off my skin, but the heat remained.
"... luckily they were only surface burns, so no lasting damage but..."
I lost track of the rest of the sentence as his hand moved to rest on my hip and then slowly trail down to rest on my thigh where his thumb traced a circle repeatedly. I fought to hold back a gasp as sparks shot up through my body. Did he have any idea the effect his light caresses were doing to me?
And he didn't seem to be doing it on purpose either, he sounded half asleep, the touches languid like he wasn't aware of what he was doing.
As if proving my theory his hand abruptly stopped its movement, as he realized what he was doing. He removed it quickly as a blush rapidly filled his cheeks. He wouldn't make eye contact with me but his face looked so mortified I couldn't help the giggle that escaped.
He gave me an exasperated look and raised his eyes to the canvas roof before trying to look innocent. "I'm sorry I... you should have stopped me." He didn't sound like he regretted it though.
I should have stopped him. Why didn't I? I shrugged uncertainly.
A wave of exhaustion hit me and I tried unsuccessfully to stifle a yawn. John's eyes met mine once more.
"Sorry, I've kept you up, you should sleep" He said gently, still trying to hide his embarrassment. I nodded feeling my eyes getting heavier by the second.
"Only if you sleep too," I quietly argued. He looked like he hadn't slept much in the last few days, and no wonder if he'd been up with me since the fire.
I yawned and looked up at him to see a bewildered expression on his face. He wasn't looking me in the eye anymore and his eyes were darting around the room. What now?
He seemed to be having an internal argument and didn't seem to know what to do with himself. Oh, now I knew what was wrong.
"You can stay here, I don't mind."
He looked down at me finally and raised his eyebrow as if asking if I was sure while a blush crept up his cheeks yet again.
In reply I gingerly moved over and rested my head against his stomach. After a few tense moments where I felt embarrassed and nervous he swung his legs up on the bed and shifted to pull the blanket around us, but remained half seated leaning against the headboard.
I was glad he chose to remain that way so we wouldn't have to deal with the awkwardness of the situation in the morning, while still letting me keep close to him. I felt safe here, and it was with that knowledge I drifted off to sleep.